When Is the Right Age to Talk to Your Child About Strangers?

Updated on January 15, 2010
H.W. asks from Canyon Country, CA
6 answers

Last night my 4 year old son was walking from the front door of our house to the garage and heard a noise, that he said sounded like a snake and it scared him pretty bad (mind you, we don't have snakes in our area, I've been there 15 years and have never seen one). I told him when he gets scared of something he can always growl at it (he's a very good growler- it's his favorite way to scare away the hiccups lol) or scream at the top of his lungs and mommy will coming running to save the day! He laughed a little but when it was time to go back inside he was too scared to walk by himself, so I carried him and he kept his head on my shoulder with his ears plugged the whole 1 minute it took to get back inside. So when I was telling him to growl at something that scares him, that made me think about what he should do if a stranger approaches him and then I started wondering if he is too young to understand the threat of some strangers and what to do if he feels threatened. So my question is, when did you all start talking to your children about strangers and how to act or respond if one is threatening them?
Thank you in advance for your thoughts and insight on this. I want to make sure that he is safe and I want him to feel safe too! =)
Have a great day ladies, and take care,
H.

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V.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Good question H. and an important one! My husband is a cop and when my son was about age 3 1/2 he brought home coloring books about "Stranger Danger". My son is now 4 and is well aware about strangers, what to do and to call 911 in an emergency. We play act the stories in the books and we all participated as a family. You'll be surprised at what your son will understand if you teach him.
We talk about stranger danger often especially if we are going to the park or the store.
Here is a Benjamin Frankling quote I live by with my kids:
"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."

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B.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

H.,
That is a great question. One every parent should ask. Yes, we need to teach our children about “stranger danger” but really we just need to keep them feeling safe. Statistics will tell you that it is more likely that if a child is threatened it will be by someone that they know, not a stranger.

It is not safe to tell your child “don’t talk to strangers” when you do it every day, at the grocery store till, at the gas station, the toll booths, we talk to strangers every day. Sending your child mixed messages is even harder on them. When you are out and about use the opportunity to say: “hey, if we got separated what would you do?”. When you are at the park say, “what would you do if someone asked you to help him look for his dog?” Or at school say: “what would you do if someone was being mean to you?” Use real life situations. Don’t make up situations that “may happen” that may scare him. Use the teachable moments as they come.

What I do and did with my kids is simple. I told them how to be safe. You know, stay with Mommy, hold my hand in a crowd, the basics. I taught them to TRUST their instincts. If they “felt weird” tell me right away. If they were scared, tell me and we would talk about why.

As they got a little older it was, stay in a group, don’t walk alone, always let me know where you are.

Now one is 14 and the other is 10. My best advice to them is stay safe, make good choices today. I trust that they will be safe.

B.
Family Success Coach

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Now is good. he's at the age where he can be separated from you in a setting and not panic, but does need to be aware of his surroundings.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

About 3 or 4 is when you start.
Yellow Dyno is a program that my son's preschool used to tell them about tricky people. It's a good program.
http://www.yellodyno.com
Mostly, your vigilance is your best protection.
A little kid can be picked up and carried off and most people will think a parent is dealing with an unruly child and not realize a kidnapping is in progress. I've heard of a case where a 3 yr old girl went missing in a store. Mom sounded the alarm and the store shut down on an Amber alert. The child was found in a bathroom stall 10 min later in a different set of clothes and her hair was half shaved off. Whoever was going to take her was going to put a wig on her and walk right out like the girl was their own child, but got scared and left when the store locked down. They were not caught, but the child was safe. Given the right circumstances, a 13 yr old or older can be abducted. My son is 11 and I still won't let him use a public restroom unless his Dad can go with him or I can see the door or I can stand outside the mens room and wait for him. So never mind how scared your child might be of strangers. How scared are you?

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

You can do a Google Search on the topic using "what age to teach kids about strangers" etc.

We began introducing and teaching our kids about it from about 2-3 years old. And we always taught them to listen to their instincts/gut feelings. Also telling them that its okay if they don't want to talk/answer strangers who talk to them... like at a store etc., or just to be "polite" to strangers. They don't "have to" if they don't feel comfortable about it.
And, we have also taught our kids self-defense... per their age. My Dad did the same thing with me.

My daughter for example, from a young age, had good instincts about people. And for some reason, at this one store, she just does not like the storekeeper... she said he makes her uncomfortable. So its okay. I personally don't like him either... its just his vibes and he is so nosy and a little too overtly "friendly" to kids. Its just his personality I guess. But I tell my daughter its okay. I feel uncomfortable around him too... and don't tell him anything "personal." Like I also teach my kids.

Anyway, do a Google search on the subject and it will give you a lot of information and "how" to introduce the topic to young children.

It takes only 7 seconds..... for a child to be taken/abducted.

All the best,
Susan

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Probably yesterday, but now is a good time. I teach my daughter anything that crosses my mind. If something prompts me to thinks of it, I bring it up.

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