When Is the Right Time to Introduce a New SO to Children of Divorce?

I think it's ok to introduce the person as a friend after about 6 months and if the relationship looks serious and committed then they should get the ball rolling. I think a year has been long enough

Well, your bro's circumstances are different. Your niece already knows this woman. As a friend to her mother. Not good.

I'll get flack for this, but O. of the smartest women I know basically did not date until her son was 17.

And again, as I always point out, divorced parents have way more "free play time" than married parents because of visitation, overnights, etc.

There is certainly no harm in keeping O.'s dating life separate from your life as a parent. NO harm. 100% for sure.

There IS harm (possible confusion, feelings of betrayal, loyalty) that can be done by openly "dating" in front of your child, when divorced.

Your niece is 5. You've said that your brother "recently" moved out. His divorce may be near, but is not final yet. This little girl hasn't even had time to adjust to two separate homes. I really hope this isn't your brother's first weekend of visitation.

They have been living separately for a year. Sounds like it's about time to meet the new girl. From your other post, the niece already knows her well since they were family friends, so I don't think it's too soon. Maybe if they are always making out and being all weird in front of her, or if sh was always hanging around, than that isn't appropriate in my opinion.

I would NOT introduce my child to anyone that I had a casual relationship with. I'd have to know where things are headed first. I would need time to figure out how I feel about the relationship before I got them involved. People don't give them enough credit, but kids are smart. They know when something is going on. They can sense it. There's no need to put a child through another break up, IMO.

About your brother's situation, they need to sit down and speak with his soon to be ex wife first. It's not right for him to parade his relationship with her best friend around his daughter when he hasn't even told her yet.

What Jen F. said. Most couples move way to quickly and it's not good for the kids. When a relationship is new, or even after a while but the couple doesn't know whether or not the relationship will ever become permanent, it's OK to introduce someone as just another friend who is around with the same frequency as other friends so that the child doesn't guess that there is anything special about that relationship. When a couple is planning on forever, that's the time to let the children know that there is something special about this relationship and get them used to the idea that this person will be becoming a part of their family.

I have both male and female friends who introduce everyone they date to their kids, have their significant others sleep over and go on vacations together, etc. and I just want to slap them for not seeing the damage they're doing to their kids.

You mention that your brother and his wife are "recently" separated. No matter how separate their lives were when they were under one roof, to the child, they were together until that separation. Day 1 of My Messed Up Parents began very recently for this child, who is still in the early stages of realizing that mommy and daddy don't live together anymore and never will again. Your brother and his girlfriend are total idiots for even being involved with each other at this point, there is no need to drag his daughter into this drama.

I have talked to many about this. I spoke with my ex;s therapist who actually is a very well known child psychologist. The way he explained it was; if its J. as a friend and they only see them once every 2-4 weeks at first and they see no affection it won't hurt them, he said as long as you see it as a relationship and not a fling this sittautation will be fine. He said the level can increase when the relationship is serious and you are thinking it is going to last, then you can gradually see them more than once every 2-3 weeks, and when it is very serious you can show affection since its healthy for children to see this. He also said theres no guarantees in life, children lose family, friends move away, so as long as this isn't a regualr occurance and you deal with it corrrectly and help the child overcome the loss should the relationship end, the child will be ok. Also he said the speed and seriousness of the relationship determine everything, as long as caution is used, some people know its the ONE a few months in so there interaction with the child would increase faster than the average person

When it will not cause confusion in their lives. The problem is there is soooo many variables that go into that it is impossible to give an easy answer.

The thing with your brother is all may be fine if the relationship lasts. If the new relationship falls apart what made it easy in the beginning is going to make it that much harder on the child.

He should date the girl and know her deeply before officializing her to his daughter. He can present her as a friend (showing no affection in the child's presence) and have her come visit or, better, do something together that is fun for the child, so she can be linked with positive emotions. He should never, ever, let his child feel second to the new "friend", especially when the time is right (he knows her well and daughter is comfortable in her presence) and she'll turn into "girlfriend". Doing things gradually, making sure this stranger has been accepted by the child is a priority for all to be happy.

I think a child should not be introduced to a string of one night stands and short term relationships.
I had a friend in school who's parents had an open marriage for awhile and he said the hardest thing for him to figure out was who was going to show up at the breakfast table in the morning - he couldn't keep all the names straight.
When a significant other is actually significant / possibly a long term relationship - THEN this person is going to become a constant in the childs life and they should get to know each other.

There really isnt a exact date for this as I would say once the relationship is serious. Even if the marriage was over a year ago they were still living together,sleeping in the same bed, correct? Is he sure she isnt just a rebound and that he isnt as well, you mentioned she is recently seperated also. I would estimate they need to be together for a year, not just involved with each other for a year but give the child at least a year to adapt to the family changing.

Not sure but to me this is way to early to be having another girl by his side & not officially divorced from his soon to be ex.His focus should be on the girl he has already making sure she is happy his daughter it's not just his needs & emotional needs or wants my first priority is my kids

I think if it is not about the parents, but about an uncle, I would not worry too much.

Dear Sam I am, it is clear that you are a very caring Aunt to this child. Kudos to you! However, I have to be honest here - Based on what you have written, it seems that you are overstepping your boundaries!!!! The 'right time it's OK to have a child involved in a new relationship' is when HER PARENTS decide it is so. Regardless of your intent (which is obviously coming from a loving place) your opinion on the matter is, unfortunately, not relevant :( Sorry to be so blunt, I mean no disrespect to you. Only trying to think of the child's best interest, and that of her family. (meaning - her mom, dad, and future stepparents, if that comes to pass) Best of luck to you and your brother's family, take care - -

I would stay out of it, unless your brother is looking for your input.