When Is the Right Time to Start a Family?

it is never convenient, ever! but the love you feel carries you through, at least most of the time (sleep deprivation really takes it's toll in the beginning, and then there are always challenges) but the LOVE, wow. you may as well start trying, as it can take some time for some people to get pregnant, for a million reasons. yea, a family!

Hi there. I am 27 years old and my husband and I have 3 children. I got pregnant at 18, hubby and I married just after I turned 19, and we had our first girl 6 months later after we got married. I got pregnant again right away and we had our 2nd daughter 11 1/2 months after our first. We waited awhile and had our son 21 months ago.

We immigrated here almost one year ago. Where we are from we didn't pay healthcare so the healthcare costs have killed us. Once you have kids your healthcare costs will go up. If you have good insurance I am sure that would make some difference. But you have to think of all the prenatal visits, the hospital birth, if the baby gets sick after, immunizations. Everything adds up quite quickly.

Having kids does very much impact the budget. I'll tell ya thiis much without kids we would have a lot more money, but with kids our budget is stretched tight. Do I regret it though??? NO!! My kids are my life even though they drive me insane some days :P

Also after kids come along there is no more just up and doing what you want to. You can't just go and see a movie when you want. You cant just plan trips. The freedom is gone after kids come along. My husband and I wanted to go and see a movie on sunday but we couldn't...but thats ok!

Emotionally there is some days where you feel like ripping your hair out...but then you stand there and you watch your kids sleeping and your heart just melts. When our son was smaller and even my girls, they would fall asleep in my arms and I would just stare at them for hours :)

Being a mom has its rough moments but there are times where they just come up to you and give you a big kiss or hug and say mommy I love you. Those moments make it all worth it.

The thing about kids is before you have them it can be a scary thing. You want kids but you dont know how it will be after. Well let me tell you this. After you have a baby you will wonder how you did life without kids. I cannot imagine life without my kids now.

Hubby and I are going on married for 9 years in August. Our daughters just turned 7 and 8 years old and our son is turning 2 years old in June. I sit here wondering where on earth time has gone by. We've definately had our rough moments, but we've had great times too.

We're actually planning a trip to San Antonio for this summer to do fun things with the kids.

When you guys decide you are ready to start your family do one thing for me. Enjoy your pregnancy, and enjoy your baby because they just grow up to fast. Relish in those moments where you can feel your baby move inside of you. Relish the moments when your baby is little and you can snuggle him/her. And take LOTS of pictures. Because before you know it your son or daughter will be half grown.

Hi R.,

You sound so precious to me. You are at a good age to continue learning about being on your own and building your relationship with your husband. You are smart for losing the weight before actually getting PG.

Question? Do you have any pets? dog, cat etc. My hubby and I got a dog a couple of years after getting married and then 18 months later my first child was born. I was 34 when we got married and 37 when we had our first child. Then I had twins at 40...YIKES...that's pushing it. Our dog is 10 years old now and imagine what it would be like to have a puppy in the house. Well, let me say, I don't have time for a puppy...no way. I'm so glad we got our dog first, because we could give it alot of attention before kids came. After each child was born, our dog got pushed further and further down the totem pole.

You are so young and have so much time to wait for your little one. If I could have it my way...I would have children around the age of 30. This way I could be young and "live a little" before having children. Yes, children DO change your life. So, spend time with your husband, save up some money, go where you want to go when you want to go, sleep-in on Saturday mornings, enjoy a clean house...

But don't wait until your 40 to have kids....

I hope the best for you and your hubby.

Deborah

R., there is really no "right" time. That said, I had 4 years of "couple" time and I enjoyed that. Financially it wasn't too bad, as I was at home already anyway. However, if you're used to living on two incomes you should get used to living on one (you may plan to keep your job, but daycare and diapers can eat up your earnings). Bank your money and make sure you have an emergency fund of at least $1000 before you begin investing the rest. From the signs of the economy, I would invest in precious metals for at least the next several years. Emotionally, you will probably get so involved in the baby that your husband comes last. That's normal for a while, but make sure you get back on track within a reasonable time.

Hi R. B, I have been married for 7yrs now and have T. children 5&2. My advice to you is give it time. Enjoy each others company. If you can travel often, explore new places that you have never been to. You are still young. Once you have children your life will change forever. Your life will be about your children first.

I love my kids but I wish sometimes that I should have waited at least T. years.

The best of luck,
Elisa M

Well, first i have to be honest you are never totally ready to have a child, my husband and I were married for 2 yrs before a had Tristan, I like you lost weight before I had my baby, It sounds ike you have thought of a lot. My best advise is to bite the bullet, do it and never look back. I was also 23 when I had Tristan, and I'll tell you what it is eaiser to loose the baby weight when your younger, as well as stay up all night with a new born. As far as I was concerned and still am, having a baby is quite an adventure, It's was and always will be the best decision i have ever made.

R. B.

You will never be financially ready for a baby unless you are a millionaire. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and we have decided to stop preventing and whatever happens will happen. We are stable right now for the two of us, but when a baby comes it seems like you never have enough money. If you and your husband are wanting a baby and you both feel that you can handle the emotions that come with a baby. There will be alot less "us time" but just think the time that you and your husband have had all alone you can share the love and joy you have for eachother with your baby. You will still have us time, just +1. You can also have that just us time in the evening when you put the baby to bed or if you are able to have a date night at least once a month to you keep that closeness you have now. It is a really big decision, but as long as you both remember that you are in it together and always make some time for eachother you will be fine. This is just how my husband and I feel about starting a family and what we plan to do when we do finally get blessed with a baby.

The truth is, there is never "the right time" to start a family. You will always be able to find a reason to wait. What you really need to ask yourself is how badly you want a child. My husband and I dated for 4 yrs before we were married. I knew I wanted a child and he was willing to wait. Nevertheless we ended up pregnant about 4 mo. after the wedding. We never really had that "us" time that my other married friends have, but having a little person who loves you unconditionally and tries to be like you every second is WAY better!!! My husband and I have had (on a very rare occasion) a night or two without our son and even though it's nice to be able to go to a movie or just spend time alone, it is never the same. By the next day, we can't wait to see him, because he fills our house with joy. So you see, the question is simply...how much do you want a family?

Hi R.,

My husband and I have been together forever....we started dating in high school...we've been together for 16 years and been married for 11 years....we talked about having kids when we got married and decided to wait until we were 29 or 30 years old and honestly I sometimes wish we had gotten started sooner because now we want to have another and we can't put it off too much longer if you know what I mean. So if you are ready and thats all you think about then maybe its time. But, make sure you both are ready because they do change your life. My little boy is my pride and joy. So I wish you and your husband all the best !! :--) Take care and God Bless.

M.

I was married at 23 and had one child about 2 1/2 yrs later. I think that it depends a lot on how many you think you want to have! In your case I would probably wait a couple more years , enjoy each other a little longer, you still have plenty of time to raise your kids and have them out of the house before you retire! I would make sure that you had insurance first too! As far as working, if you can stay home or work part time I think it is much easier on everyone involved than trying to work full time and be a super woman( husband, kids, house, job, life!) Also keep in mind that some times it takes a while to get pregnant if you have been on the pill for a long time and depending on your body. Come to find out I (as did my mom) have a uterus that tips backwards, making it harder to get pregnant, but don't get frustrated once you begin to try, remember, It's all in the hands of the Almighty! He will bless you with a child in His good time!

If you try to micromanage it, then you will never have children. If you and your husband want children, if you have medical insurance and you both feel you want to add a child to your home, then by all means do it NOW. Yes, it is very scary, the hardest thing you will ever do, but the rewards are so much more than you can imagine. We had our son after we were married for 2 years. Two and a half years later, we had our daughter. I have always worked full time, but with the understanding that I have children and I am the parent that takes off for doctors appointments, school functions and stayed with them when they were sick. My husband did this when he could, but the nature of his work didn't always allow it. Our children attended daycare and by the grace of God we never had problems. They are well adjusted and have no lasting trauma from daycare. Our son is now a freshman in college and daughter is a senior in high school. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!!!! Yes, my relationship with my husband changed, but it evolved into something more. We have had some rough times, but we are still together and still friends as well as lovers. Don't wait for a perfect time, because there is not one. Go for it!

Just talking dollars and cents (or should we say, "sense"?)... And I'm sure someone will slam me for what they perceive as materialism. Its not intended to come across that way. But I don't know why young couples don't consider the financial aspect... No one ever told me this when I was 20, so here goes:

From an household economy standpoint, you should wait until you're 30. Your 20's are the only time you can ideally accumulate your nest egg with minimum expenditures. What you save now will determine your financial power when your 30, 40 and 50. You and your husband can make due with sacrifices here and there... not quite so easy to 'do without' when you have a child. Do you both have your college degrees? Have you paid off your school loans? Do you own your house? What is the school district rating in your current neighborhood? Typically, the more expensive the house, the better the school district. To qualify for a good mortgage rate, you should expect to put down 20% in cash... So, if you wanted to buy a $200,000 house, you need $40,000 in cash; $300,000 house = $60,000. How old are your cars? Are they reliable--because as a parent, you start to worrying about the possibility of your car breaking down in the summer with the baby in the back. If you had to buy a new car in the next 18 months, would you be able to or would that cause financial strain?

Once you start your family, it will be 10 times more difficult to accumulate a savings. Simply put, you won't be able to save when you have a kid... There's the cost of formula, baby food, diapers, car seats, strollers, clothes/shoes (which they outgrow every 3 months), doctor visits, prescriptions, breast pump, bottles, crib, bedding, toys, highchair, etc... Car seats cost $150-$200; you'll probably buy 3 in the first 6 years (infant, convertible, and booster; maybe more if you buy 1 for each car). Estimate diapers costing at $25 each week ($1300 annually); due to infant food allergies, we spent $250 per month in formula ($2500 for first year). Full time childcare in Austin ranges $10,000-12,000 each year-Unless you plan to stop working, in which case your household income is cut in half.

Then there's the whole intangible cost of how being a parent affects your ability to climb the corporate ladder, get raises, get bounus, get promotions... You can't work late; When the child is 0-5 years, you typically can't be the 'go getter' stellar employee because you never know when you'll have to miss work or postpone a deadline in order to take care of a sick baby.

Hey, THOUSANDS of people start their families when they're young... Admittedly, there are many emotional rewards... however the downside is that it can pose financial strain on the marriage. The longer you can postpone having children... (5 to 7 years? 10 years?) you'll decrease the probability of living paycheck to paycheck.

I like you waited to start our family. My husband was ready right away. But my body, so I waited till I felt we were both very ready. We were married at 19 & 21, me being the younger. I had my first child after we bought our first home, when I was 25 and my second came soon after (oops). The thing I would say that changed the most was after the second. I became a little overwhelmed by having two so close together (a year and 8 days apart), that I forgot about my husband. Include him in everythinng and most importantly, don't forget to take alone, couple time, after the baby is born. He will feel left out, because having the baby is going to give you lots of attention and sometimes leave him out. Even if you didn't mean to leave him out. I think the most important lesson I learned was God first, couple second and family third. Everything else will fall into place. GOD provides, financially thing just always seemed to work out for us. I am now sending my first child to college!! How time flies. Good luck to you and have fun, making your baby. V. n.

I honestly don't know if there ever is a right time to start a family.... I know when I was married to my first husband we tried for years... but I thank the lord above that he did not give me a child with that man! I believe whenever you truly feel you are ready, then would be the right time to start! Don't try to plan too much ahead becasue you never know what is really in store for you! I do believe in the man above and the saying " everything happens for a reason." I am 28 and just had my first child and I am so glad that I waited and that I am older, because the older you get the more you go through, the more knowledge you gain about everthing, the more comfortable you feel with your lifestyle, etc. And about the pregnancy weight thing... everyone is different.... you could lose 20 lbs now but still gain like 70 when you are pregnant. But the feeling that will overcome you when you are carrying a child inside of you is amazing and you won't worry about your weight... you will worry about making sure your child is getting enough nutrition and yes that means you have to eat!!! I was eating every 2 hours, but I was also put on bedrest for 3 months and that did not help at all.....I don't mean to get into my life story, but when ever you feel is the right time deep down inside, then you and your husband should consider trying... and financially... it will take a toll on your finances

We acctually had Oceana (our first and only) at 23, about 1.5yrs after we got married, though we were together and living together for 4yrs before that. We also have always worked together, until our recent move. Now I am a stay at home mom.
We decided to start our family because he had inlisted in the Marines just months after the Sept 11 attacks. Though he was discharged due to a serious injury, we had already fell in love with our little one that had yet to be.
At that point we had to re-evaluate our dicition. We desided that there would never be a perfect time and we could spend all of our lives waiting for that perfect time, or we could dive in. So we did. It took us 6mo to conceive. I was beginning to get concerned, then she came. Just in time to ruin our vacation plans that we had just made. (She would have been born on our cruise.) LOL. To this day she does things on her own time.
There have been times when I've wished that we had more us time, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. I have a cousin that waited until her late 30's to start and she wishes that she had done it sooner, so I don't think there is a perfect time. I know that doesn't really help much, but you'll know. Good luck.

1. How does your husband feel? If he feels the same, go for it.
2. Relax! You'll get pregnant when the time is right (God has a hand in this). Don't stress or you won't be able to conceive.
3. age 25 is a good stable age.

Two years is enough time to be be yourselves. You're probably ready enough.
Financially---you'll want insurance. The cost without for prenatal checkups plus delivery is around $5000 on average. As for baby care--it can be as expensive as you make it. Hand-me-downs, thrift stores, and doing without certain things can save a bundle of money.
Emotionally and Relationships--you'll never be the same. There's a lot of ups and downs, but that's what makes life interesting. You'll be amazed at your increased ability to love however it does come because of the work you put into it
Get a book or two on getting ready for babies and read as much as you can. Plus talking to moms will help you feel more ready for this committment

There is never a rigt time to start a family. I was 21 one when i had my first and now my youngest is three and im 31 and i still feel great. And yes i'd say now i would of waited till i was about 25 and it is true the first 5 yrs of marriage is tough . But it's ur choose ur not to young and not too old. But don't wait two long

There is never a good time to start a family but I believe that there are better times than not. You cannot always control the blessings given to you either way. When you have a child, you will live for that little being. Some women go back to work and love it and some go back because they have to but absolutely hate it. Childcare is not cheap. I was fortunate to have 6 months unpaid leave from my job but with the amount we were paying for childcare, it wasn't worth me working. We decided that raising our son with our morals and values was much more important to us.

If you figure the cost of fuel to and from work, lunches that may be purchased, any type of dry cleaning,...anything that is totally work related, and what it would cost for you to stay home, can you manage without your paycheck?

If you are willing to make the commitment and breastfeed your baby, you will save a lot on formula. If you start cutting coupons for baby items (diapers especially) and maybe once a paycheck, purchased a package, you will have quite a bit saved up. If you didn't want to go that way, what about a Target or Wal-Mart gift card that you put $10 on each paycheck to go towards diapers when you need them.

First baby's are easier because, at least in the beginning, you can sleep when the baby sleeps. That doesn't happen much at all when you have future children. If you have lots of supportive family and friends, there is a good chance that you will have a nice shower for the baby, but don't expect it, if you know what I mean.

I was married at 21 but my husband was in the Navy and always out to sea. We lived in Hawaii for the first few years of our marriage and I knew I didn't want kids then. About 3 years into our marriage I got bit by the baby bug and our first was born a month and a day before our 5th anniversary. We now have 3 and barely get much time together. The kids are all in bed now but he's already asleep and I am typing away on the computer.

Are you a couple that likes to go out a lot? Hang out with friends much? Do any of your friends have children yet? Take these things into consideration as well. You won't be getting out as much as you'd like, especially if you are nursing and your baby is one that will NOT take a bottle. If most of your friends do not have children yet, you will find that you have a gap in interests. Most non-parents don't want to hear about spit-up and poopy diapers. Yes, this will be a major topic of conversation from the moment the baby is born for you and your husband! A lot of people that do not have kids find that they have a hard time relating to new parents and they will pull away. I'm not saying this is an "always" type of situation, but it is likely. You just have to look at your lifestyle and goals to see if and how they will match up.

Good luck with your decision!

frist of all are you too in school, if, so than wait till it all comes down and ready for your little family. if, not than now is the time by the time that baby comes , you'll be 24 and hubby 25. if, you have a little one now it's the best age to have them because , as they grow add up your age as in his or her collage age and you'll have your time again. as one another spending lovable time with both hubby and child. I was 21 when I had my frist child . but, when it came that one became three blessed childern lol...not in all at one time. now me and my hubby enjoy the time we have as age 40 sometimes to go for a curise or just a night camp. Now is the time because later in realality and ecomonical it's going to get harder to support a famliy base on our salary and the cost of living. but, most of all are you and your husband ready to have a blessing in the famliy. maybe this is what you need now. so dicuss it with your hubby and make a choice. Remember, it can only happen if, both of you are in the same page. to be able to succeed anything that comes about in your life. right down your good and bad on a blank piece of paper. and go by that. don't worry about your wieght now that comes later. that can all ways be fix. but, honestly only God knows when it's the best time for you too. Good Luck hope everything works out for the best. ,,Proud Mother of Three

no time is ever perfect! but babies are a blessing and they will light up your life. i had 1 at 20 and 2 back to back at 25, 26. i don't think it matters. its when your ready not anything else. children are gifts from God!!! Good luck!!

D. Mattern-Muck
The MOM Team
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

Dear R.,
You didn't mention how much education you have...at 24 you are probably old enough to have earned a Masters degree if you went the traditional route. How about your husband?
You say you want to stay at home with your baby once you have one...the more education you have the better you will be able to accomplish this...

Children change everything. YOu are so very young...my suggestion is to wait...wait until the little voice inside you which is wisdom tells you that the time has arrived.
I waited until I was emotionally mature enough to handle a child, which in my case was 35..I had my son 6 days after my 36th B'day...my daughter came one year and 18 days later. My husband has a great paying job and fortunately I have been able to stay home with both my children, but it hasn't been easy. We do without a lot, but we are also smart. We buy used cars so we don't have car payments; we pay for everything in cash, so we don't have credit card payments; and my husband takes his own lunch to work so he doesn't have to waste money on take-out. Those are the realities of having a family unless you have money to afford a nanny, housekeeper, cook etc.

My children will be going to school really soon, and I plan on continuing my education my getting my Masters Degree....but I can tell you if I had had my children at a younger age I wouldn't have finished my BA degree, or had an interesting career (I used to be in television).
Because of this, I can truly see my role now as a full-time mom as the hardest, most rewarding job I could ever have...just last night I told my husband that I could never be able to thank him enough for the opportunity to have been there for all their firsts, and I am truly grateful.

Here is wishing you all the luck in the world...enjoy your
hubby and your youth and remember you have the world in the palm of your hands!!!! If you need to talk, just email me!

God Bless,
J. R.

I was young when I had my two boys. I was 19 with the first and 21 with the second. It was hard, but I wouldn't change it for the world. There were times that I felt 'stuck' or that there were things we just couldn't do because our kids were too young. But now, all my friends are just having their kids and they are the ones that are 'stuck' with the young kids and we are the ones going and doing things with ours. I like that we're young enough to be able to do more active things. And when they move off, my hubby and I will be young enough to go and do things and enjoy our time together. My brother planned his family out and he waited til he was in his mid 30's. But, my parents are almost too old to really do things with his kids. But, my kids have had a great relationship and done millions of things with them. I can't say that I planned to have them young, but I am glad that I did. You're still very young. You still have lots of time to decide. I do think that some people 'over plan' things. Many things about being a parent, you have to learn 'on the job'. You enter a new phase of your life when you become a parent. And your relationship with you spouse enters a new phase as well. I love being a mom. But, there is no one to call in sick to and the laundry and dish fairy stop coming to homes that have kids, lol. Life changes, but for me, it was for the best, even though it was hard. I'm glad I didn't wait.

I had my first baby at 19,....babies in between......my ninth baby at age 34. There is a difference being a 19 year old mom and a 34 year old mom. Some is experience, but another aspect is maturity. Your "thinking it through" tells me you are mature enough. If you wait until you have enough money, you'll wait forever. Sometimes our biggest blessings are those that come at the worse possible times in our lives. I believe it is what helps us through those difficult moments. Financially, babies really aren't that expensive...it's the parents who think baby needs all those neat contraptions and gadgets. You will get the most important basics at your baby shower, and if you choose to breastfeed, you will avoid the hundreds of dollars in formula. Diapers would be the next most expensive item. Ask for lots of them in different sizes at your shower. I had enough diapers from my shower to last the first 6 months! I don't know how you feel about this, but cloth diapers are a great money saver, too! I use cloth when I'm at home and disposable when we go out.
Emotionally, you will be a roller-coaster! But it will be the best ride of your life! Decisions, decisions, decisions....breastfeed or bottle? cloth or disposable? vaccinate or not? call the doctor or not? Is that normal? Does that look right? Can he breathe? When do I shower?
Relationally, like with your husband? As long as you remember before baby, there was a couple....babies tend to make dads feel a little left out and pushed to the side. Even while pregnant, the world tends to revolve around the mom-to-be. It takes more work emotionally and physically from mom to make sure dad feels loved and a part of this newly-formed bond. It can be a wonderful thing to have the two of you take on parenthood together. It sounds to me like you are ready, go for it!

hello. i am 24 and have a 22 month old boy and have been married for 1 1/2 years. we had just bought a condo and had planned on traveling alot an stuff. and the week after we moved in we found out we were pregnant. it was a little shocking and exciting at the same time. adn then after he came it was amazing. my hubby and i got married like 2 months after he was born. i dont think that their really is a right time. i think that it is just something that you do when you want to have a family. its great but dont have a child just because people tell you that you should because of certain things like your still young or or wait till after your married a while. i think its a good time to start a family when you are both ready. no time is ever a good time till you both have decided that you want a baby. and yes its hard and tight on money but at the same time its soo worth it. we were the type of people that went out all the time and could do whatever we want whenever we wanted too. but when you have a baby its not like that. they become first. the baby wakes up every two hours for the first year of its life. many emotional moments but your hormones are bouncing all over the place. its very crazy and i was22 years old when i got pregnant. i freaked out. didnt know if we could afford it if i was going to be a good mom etc. but in the end it wasnt that bad. its all worth it. and we werent ready to have a child then. we wanted to wait a couple years but it didnt work out that way. and i wouldnt change it. i love my life. i get to wake up to a little boy who my hubby and i created and get to love him more and more everyday. i think that their are those that know when they want a child and their is no other way adn then their are those who are iffy about it. i mean its a big step and a lot of work. its just what works for some. but i know i was at the place of will i ever be ready. now i know that i was ready because i have my son adn its soo great. their were many emotional and hard times and thats ok. we are human and we are going to have some bad days. but i hope that everuthing works out for you. which im sure it will. good luck to you guys.

I always wan't kids early in life and was disapointed when it didn't go my way. However, I had my first son when I was 28 and my husband was 31 and I am so thankful that we waited. We are more stable financially and we have done all things we wanted to do before we expanded our family. We don't mind now that a fun night is a night in playing with our kiddo. I think it's worth it to wait and get all the partying out of your system so you will never feel like you missed out on something. Hope that helps! Good luck; either way kids are a blessing and God is in ultimate control of when it will be the right time for you two to have a family.

Wait a few years. My husband and I were married five years before we had children, and it was wonderful time spent together going out, throwing parties for our friends, getting extra degrees and better jobs. Once the kids came, our social group grew smaller, because our childless friends couldn't relate (and we were busy, busy, busy). Your twenties are a wonderful time to explore the world and life together without the extra (beautiful) baggage of children. Don't rush it.

I think you have to decide what is best for you! My husband and I waited 10 years and I tell people all the time that I would have done this 10 years ago if I had known it would be this much fun! Bottom line, though, make a decision on what is right for the two of YOU - don't worry about what your friends or family say!

Do it now. My brother got married eight years ago and has been waiting for the "right time." At first he wanted a good job, then wanted to wait to move to a house...now he has all of the above and no kids...it can "never" be the "right" time. Once you have them, you realize that not having them is worse. I also attest to the have em young theory. I got married at 30 and had kids at 32,34,36 and now I am exhausted all of the time...have em early so you have energy to give to them and still have some left over for your hubby. Also, you have experienced the "workforce" and will still do so part time, so it is not like you haven't experienced a career for yourself. I think you guys are fine to go ahead...also, it may take some time to get pregnant...some poor folks have to wait years once they start trying. Either way, good luck and enjoy those blessings that are here and that will come later.

Hey R.,
My husband and I waited five years before having our son. We waited because we wanted to spend time with each other and make memories with the two of us before starting a family. We could have probably waited longer but we decided we wanted to have a little one. We now have a one year old son and love him to death. So much so I started my own work from home buisness so I don't have to leave him. We are planning on trying again in the summer. You have to decide for yourself when you are ready to start a family. Everyone is different and there is no set time to start a family. My advice would be wait till you and your husband have had enough time together to have a lot of memories of the two of you. Have children is a wonderful blessing.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com

We dated for almost 3 years and started trying to have children...............on our wedding night. We both really wanted kids. It took a while and about 6 months later, I was late. Scary, yes! Although we knew that we wanted kids, we then started thinking that we should have waited, bought a house. WHATEVER!! It all worked out great and withall the twins in my family at my 8 week apt we did a sono and BOOM, there was two! We were 25 and 26. It all worked out so well. The dr told us that the chance was so high that we would have twins again that we thought that would be it. I do not think that the money was too tight but you will want to check with your insurance and know just what you will be paying. That was our only thing. We did not have the best ins. It all worked out and when the girls turned 2, I soo missed having a baby so decided to try again and know have another blessing, an 8 month old girl. I do say that now the money is a little tighter. Of course we bought a house when the twins were 10 months old. We would not change thing!
I think that if you want kids jump in the water is fine!

There is never a right or wrong time!
For me, the time was later.
I married later, I was nearly 30.
I worked as a flight attendant and traveled and lived in many places and was enjoying my life. When I met and married my husband, we enjoyed our time together and traveled as much as we could.
I got pregnant after we had been married for 4 years. I am now 39 with a 5 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old and really have enjoyed the way my life shaped up.
When I was your age, I would have thought that was ancient to have small kids, but now, I wouldn't have done it any other way.
Kids are wonderful, but don't rush yourself. Once you have children, you have them every day, all day and there isn't much, if any time for yourself anymore!
Whenever you choose to start a family, I would say just to make sure that you do it when you are happy in your life and relationship!
Babies are little and cute, but it is sooo suprising how much work they are and how tired you will be. There is nothing to compare to it. You love them dearly and at the same time, miss YOUR life...life before motherhood.
I found I missed my husband after having children. We, overnight, became parents and learning to find the balance between being parents and being in a relationship is a constant struggle.
Financially, the biggest expense you can expect would be childcare (if you don't buy every silly gaget they now have out for babies!).
As I mentioned before, parenting is a constant thing, once you become a parent, that's it, you are a parent! Don't be in a rush. It is wonderful and tiring, and emotional and frustrating and makes you want to scream and cry sometimes whether you do it when you are young or when you are older.

Good luck!!!

My husband and I are 28 been together 12 years, married 8, we have a 8 month old son, we love him sooooooooo much and have fun with him every day, every minute.
I went back and forth for years about starting our family and I'm glad we waited. You guys are young and have a big window of opportunity for starting your family, tavel, party, get to really know one another, create memories, and enjoy youth! P.S. Gaining weight isn't the only way your body changes.

I waited 6 1/2 years until we were both finished with college. You'll never truly be financially ready, but some times are better than others. I would say Time is more important than money. If you both are very secure in your time together and neither have a true dream of something right now and you both are ready to give your time to your children, then you're ready. Children take more time than money. There are a lot of poor families who are happy because they are together and a lot of rich families who never see each other (and vice versa). If you or your husband are very selfish with your time right now, then you might want to wait a bit because maybe your not truly ready. All I can say, is when my husband and I are the most frustrated is when we are selfish with our time, because the kids rightfully will demand it of you. Don't get me wrong, I believe we need time to ourselves, date nights, etc. But, that has been the biggest change in our lives. You just can't stay at work like you need to, or play around on the computer like you want to, etc.
It is fun, frustrating, screaming annoying, and great joy to have kids. But, don't rush it and have fun together along the way, even if you're trying...don't freak out like so many do. If it happens it happens...stay relaxed.
1 doesn't change things around so much...2 and 3 do!!!
"Mostly" Stay at Home mom of 3

There is never a "perfect" time to start a family. My husband and I got pregnant on our honeymoon and 6 months after our son was born we were pregnant with #2 and now will have #3 around #2's 2nd birthday. I wouldn't change a thing! I love every bit of my crazy life. Of course it's a huge change emotionally for you and your husband and it will change your relationship. You won't have the "me time or alone time" that you are accustomed to so just prepare yourself for that. You will have to change your financial outlook more then once...prenatal costs, hospital costs, dipers, clothing, etc... the list goes on. My best advice would be to listen to your gut and pray about it with your husband. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

You are very young so you should wait until you are surely ready, you have lots of time!! There is no need to rush....Have you alked to your husband about it? What does he think? I would say to wait another year or two and see where you guys are financially, emotionally etc. Having kids becomes your entire life, you want to make sure that you do not feel like you needed more alone time with your husband. You will never be able to get back the time alone with your husband, so enjoy it while you can! PLus, your social life, friends etc, will be non-existant. Because you are so young, it may be hard to relate to your friends who do not have kids.....This is what is happening to me and my husband. Although we are in our late 20's not early 20's. I can just imagine what it must be like for those in their early 20's to have kids and all other their other friends are still going out and living it up like young people are supposed to do......
Another thing to think about, you will have regrets about what you should have could have done, when you are older....All of the 50 yr. olds, all parents, I know have told me they wish they would have waited and done more while they were young before having kids....

I say wait a couple years.......good luck!

Well, there is never a right time to start a family you are never ready! I am a married to a wonderful man and we have 2 kids ages 6 and 3 and have been married for 8 years. So you can tell we only waited about 2 years till we started having kids. People will tell you to wait like you said and let it just be you and your husband and others will tell you to go ahead and have them while you are young. But, really it is up to you and your husband. Don't rush things you will know when you are ready. Kids are a big adjustment. They do cost alot too! But they are worth every penny of it.

R.,

I've seen others make the comment, "you're still young!" and I tend to agree.
My husband and I were married at 22 and 23, and on our 10-year anniversary, I was pregnant with our first. Our daughters are 4 and 1 1/2, and though many years ago I had envisioned having them earlier, I wouldn't say that having them later has brought me any less joy. I also agree with your stance on wanting to stay home with your child(ren). If you can afford it financially, it is SUCH a blessing.

I would recommend that you hold off for a couple of years, and devote your salary solely to savings. This way a) you two can have a little extra "just us" time, pay off any debt (I HIGHLY recommend it), travel, and/or purchase a home that will accommodate children, b) you can get a good taste of what it's like to live on only one income, and c) all that savings will come in handy, later living on one income, but still having to buy diapers. ;-)

Best wishes!
M.

We had planned on a year or two before starting a family, but about 5 months after the honeymoon, I missed my period and our whole life changed.

In hindsight, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. As women, we find having children fulfilling in so many ways, and I think we can get too selfish if we focus on the "just us" stage for too long. You're being smart to try to lose weight for the pregnancy--I am thankful I was my ideal when I got pregnant (for the next one I probably won't be quite as ideal, but I'm still working on it!).

Financially, it can be as big a change as you want it to be, I think. We couldn't afford to buy a crib an changing table, etc, but my mom bought those things, so it worked out. Probably you can afford them--but if finances are a big issue, don't buy the fanciest; you can find good quality used furniture if you look; just make sure it's good quality. Mine looked practically brand new--just a few cosmetic issues that didn't affect safety. We were given a lot of baby clothes and so we didn't have to spend a lot on the baby. I also sew, so I was able to make some things to save money.

If you spend a lot on clothes, I would suggest simplifying your wardrobe; try to wear more classics and less trendy stuff, so you can wear it for longer. Then dedicate the savings in your clothing budget to your baby, who will grow out of things LONG before they get worn out.

Why do you have to keep your job? If you look at the expenses your job incurs (gas, eat-out meals, nicer clothes, perhaps the extra car and insurance, paying taxes on that income) verses your total income, you might discover that you actually increase the overall income by very little. If you start fixing your husband lunches, you can probably feed him for under $2 a day if you send meals made from scratch (if you like Mexican food, send beans, rice, and tortillas, for example, and the meal will cost less than $1.50). Cook your own dry beans in bulk and freeze leftovers to save a ton of money! Don't buy the expensive microwave meals: buy the raw ingredients and make your own. It will taste better and be healthier, too. When the days are hot and the nights cool, open the windows at night and close them in the morning, and don't start the A/C until it gets too warm in the house (which at certain times of the year may not even happen). Plan a menu and buy only what you need for your menu. Stay away from junk food that costs a lot but doesn't really fill you up. You may feel full, but your body will crave nutrients and you'll be hungry sooner.

You might wonder what to do with yourself if you stay home. Try picking up a craft that you enjoy (or write a book or learn to fix small engines or whatever piques your interest) and after you've got all the housework done, spend some time with your hobby. I sew, and I actually make some decent spending money with my hobby now and again doing mending.

Since you're going to have a baby, you can save a TON on diapers if you invest in cloth diapers. You can get the fancy ones that look like Pampers (about a $300 investment, but that's less than you'll spend in a year on the cheapest disposables available, and they'll probably last you all the way through to potty training). Or you can get the prefold kind. Gerber sells them. I use them mostly, but I have made my own fancier kind too. Dry them on the line and they will whiten better and it saves money when you don't have to dry them in the dryer.

I wish I had been married at 23 to start having kids. I was 25 when my first was born. I'm now and itching to try for #2. :) So my advice is don't wait. As soon as hubby is ready, go for it! :)

the right time is when you and your husband feel right about it. if i were u, tho, i'd give it another couple of years, have some fun, save some money -- babies are expensive! of course, i was 37 before i had my first, so 23 sounds incredibly young!

honey there is no "right time" i am 28 and have 6 1/2 yr old and a 4 month old. it is very stressful i will not lie. you and your husband will have to have a very strong relationship because right now it is just you and him. he is used to getting all your attention. when ur princess or little man comes along ur hubby or boyfriend is no longer number #1. it is really really hard to balance the kids, working, money (ugh),relationships even with girl friends that you have but in the end when you lay down at night and have someone to tuck in to bed and totally loves you it is well worth it. it's very hard also having someone depending on YOU all the time. good luck, best wishes, A. xoxoxo

R.,

This is a very important decision you and your husband are making. Have you prayed together to find out what is right for your little famly? Being a mom has been one of the greatest and challenging joys of my life. I LOVE being a wife, mom, and grandma.

We had our beautiful daughter at very early ages. I was 19 my husband was 20. We were so blessed to have her early in our lives. She is our only child. For our situation it was best she was born when we were young. We had the energy that she needed. We weren't too tired to take care of her midnight feedings, caring for her when she was sick, to comfort her after a bad dream, the staying up late when she was coming home from a date. We had energy to play at the park, ride bikes, play ball, help her with late night school projects, volunteer for her school, etc. My husband was still attending school trying to get his degree. Finanically it was difficult, but we grew together.

Our daughter and her husband just had their first child in December. She is 25, he is 30, they have been married for 4.5 years. Watching my daughter, care for her sweet baby helped me realize that I am thankful we had her so early. I don't have the energy to get up during the night. I have observed friends that waited to have children in their late 20's- 30's they are exhausted!

One piece of advice, it is very important that you don't forget about your husband. Plan a weekly date night. We have been married for 26 years and have always tried to make date night a priority. Take turns planning the dates. It can be as simple as putting the baby to bed, then just sitting and talking uninterrupted, or going out for an ice cream cone. You will be able to keep your relationship with your husband so that when your children grow up and leave the nest, you won't be strangers. This is a great 'just us' stage.

When you do have your children make sure to record all the cute things they say and do. You swear you'll always remember but somehow memories fade in the day to day living of life. Children grow so fast, enjoy every stage and don't wish time to hurry.

Wishing you all the best,

Relax! You are so young- you have plenty of time to have a family. I was 44 when we adopted our daughter and it is wonderful at any age! Enjoy your husband, your relationship. Do you think you need a child because everyone else is getting pregnant, or to add something to your marriage? if so then all of those are the wrong reasons. Save your money, travel, buy a home if you don't already own one. By the time your are 26- 28 you may feel ready to start your family. Unless you want to have a really large family you can wait until you are into your early thirties to start. Just pray about it and relax and enjoy your youth and the place you are right now.

Congratulations on wanting to start a family. We just started ours and I'm 25 and my husband is about to be 33. It is never a perfect time, and it will always be ready. Congrats on loosing the weight too :)
If you and your husband are both ready for it, go for it. You know in your heart what is right, and nobody else's opinion or advice can change what you feel. Good Luck, you and your husband will make the right decision.

Just remember that you do need that "just us" stage. You need to have those memorable times and love being married before you have children. I think about those times when it gets hard, tiring and fustrating with all that I'm overwhelmed with being a mom. You'll have beautiful memories when your baby comes but you will also have bad times. Its hard and you have to put alot of work at making a family work. So if your ready for that step I wish you the best and if you arent quite sure then relax and enjoy each others company because you wont get it back.....not for eighteen years that is.

If you both want a child, then go for it. You will never have enough money or stability for it to be logical to have a child...but once you have a child your priorities will change and you will find a way to make it work. Your life will change drastically and you will adjust because it is worth it. And remember that people don't always get pregnant instantly, especially if you are stessing about all the details, so try when you are ready and a baby will come when the time is right. Also, make an appt for a yearly exam and make sure you like the ob/gyn doc and feel comfortable with him/her before you are preganant...the worst thing is to have to try to find one when you are already expecting! Good luck!
P.S. I was married 2 years, 24 years old and 8 weeks pregnant when we got custody of my then 4 year old step-son. Now, three years later, I have a 7 year old, 2 1/2 year old son and 6 month old daughter. It has not always been easy, and I'm very busy, but love it and can't remember what I did when I didn't have kids! Both my pregnancies were planned after much soul searching, just like you.

I don't think there is ever really a "right" time. You'll never be financially, emotionally, or relationally at the right place because you just can never anticipate how life changing having a baby is. I am now 27 with a 2 year old and am married to a wonderful man who is an even better father but it has been HARD!!!

No one could have prepared me for what life with a child is like. I would never change a thing and she is the absolute light of our lives. We adore her but there are days I miss not having the responsiblity and days I miss being able to put my needs before anyone elses. But, for all those days, there are also times where I will gladly sit in the floor of her room all day and read books, play dressup and make funny faces because she has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

My husband and I were married for 2 years before having our daughter and I'm glad we had her when we did. It would have been nice to travel some more and maybe be able to go and do more things together but it's also been nice to know that we're still young and when she's a teenager, we will still be relatively young. It's definately nice to have the energy, being a young woman, to keep up with her.

Expenses right at first are a million different things that you won't even recognize that newborns need for one reason or another. Most people will give you that stuff so that's nice but then you have to buy tons and tons of diapers, possibly formula, medicine, pediatrician appointments, and the list goes on... As they grow, they are always outgrowing something! Next time you're at the grocery store, just price a package of diapers and some formula and then figure that you'll have to pay that once a week. Hope that helps!

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is.... You can't really be prepared. You just have to experience it. It's the most wonderful, incredible, life changing, exhausting, exciting, sanity-robbing, and the most rewarding experience you will ever have in your life. Good luck!

Hi R.,
I am a 26 year old mother of a 7 month old boy, Jace. My advise for you is that there will never be the "right time" to start a family. For my husband and I, it's just something that works out as you go. Sure it's not always easy, but it is worth it! Here's a little bit of our story...
We married in 2005. My husband, Jacob, was still in school, and I worked full time to support us during this time. When he only had about 8 months left to graduate we decided to move back to Conroe, where I am from, since he could finish with online classes. A few weeks after deciding this we found out we were expecting! The next 9 months were HECTIC, to say the least. I continued to work, as he frantically worked to make sure he would graduate on time! I had Jace on a Friday, well that Monday and Tuesday were his finals! So as I was "nesting" he was studing! He also got a job (he's a high school teacher and coach) that week. What a relief that was for me becasue I wanted to stay home with our little one and and not have to return to work full time. The day after I had the baby my husband had a test for his certification so my mom stayed in the hospital with me that night so that he could study! Our life was crazy for the first 3 months, getting used to having a baby, and my husband's new job, but we made it work.
I have now returned to work 2 days a week but love the time I do have at home with my son.
So maybe things won't fall perfectly into place, but if you and your husband have good relationship, you will make any situatuion work!

There really isn't any "time" to start a family. If you are going to worry about money or a bigger place or cars, the best thing to do is plan ahead. However, if you get a bigger house (for the room) then your house payment goes up and then you can't afford a baby. If you buy a new car with room for car seats, now you have yet another new payment. See my point?
The best thing you can REALLY do is create a child out of love and give them a loving house to live in. Do either of you really need the "office" in your house, save money and turn it into a nursery. Car seats fit in sedans as well as minivans. You can't open a child's savings account without a SS card so saving for college before they get here is moot.
I can tell you that if you concieve a child in Dec-April you are looking at more time at home because the kids can't start school until their 5th birthday if it happens before the end of August. So, neither of my kids can start until they are almost 6!
Everything else is just shot in the dark and hope for the best. I do wish you lots of luck and blessings with starting your new family. Just don't stress about it, and let it happen. No matter what, everything just seems to work out no matter how big the house or cars.

Hi R., i was 23 when i had my 1st child, we had been married just 5 months when we found out i was pregnant, and she arrived 13 months to the date we married. We decided not to try, just see what happened. We both wanted our children whilst we were young, and like you say, we knew we'd never be ready or be able to really afford it, but it brought us closer together. Only you know when your ready, don't let people tell you you need to wait, i'am glad we have had our 2 children young, mine are now 9 and 7 and you need all the energy you can get trying to keep up with them. Your relationship will grow with the bond you have in common.... your children.