When to Get Pregnant Again?

I just had my second and last daughter.. there is a 5 yr age difference between my children.. Which is a good thing.. my 5 yr old is potty trained.. She was not jealous when I brought my newest daughter home.. With my daughter being 5 yrs old she goes to kindergarten in the afternoon which gives me some alone time with my newest girl...

Hi B., I am going back and forth too...my son is 19 mos and we want only one more child maybe a girl;) and some days I feel ready and up to it, others i'm like wow, I must be nuts to think I can handle my toddler and a newborn. The things i'm considering are, I'm a stay at home mom and although I'd like to keep it that way intil my youngest has begun school or longer if finances permit, I may have to go back to work sooner. so the bigger the gap between the two, the longer I'd have to wait. I think 2-3 years apart is ideal. your daughter is only 9 mos and for me personally that was too early for me to want another. My best friend just had her 2nd and her 1st is not even 2 yet and she keeps telling me not to have another till my 1st is older cause it's very hard to chase around a toddler whild breastfeeding (if you choose to) and all the other demands a newborn has. Plus all the feedings get in the way of your toddlers schedule and night time is "no sleep time" your todler may be teething and your newborn waking up for feedings...there's really alot to consider especially how it will effect your sanity. Even with one sometimes I sometimes feel I'm loosing it (terrible 2's have started). Anyway Sorry to have rambled on. The main thing to think about is what's right for YOU! If you feel ready go for it! Everyone has their own time table for this and it's not so much what friends or family think, but more of how much you can handle, after all it's not likely that they'll be there at 2am to help you through a rough night, it's mostly gona be the mama handling the majority of things. Hope this helps :)

My younger sister and I have a 7 year age difference, and it has always worked to our advantage. We don't fight, don't steal each others things/clothes, and have always had a good relationship because there was never any sibling rivalry. We always had our own toys appropriate for our ages, and so there was never any fighting about toy stealing - I helped my mother with the baby, and played with her when she was older, but there was never any reason for us to fight.
There is NO REASON that you should not wait as long as you want. The closer together in age your children are, the more fighting and sibling rivalry you will have. They will fight for the same toys, same blankets, same everything. I have a 1 1/2 year old, and dont plan on trying to get pregnant for another 5-7 years - I want to experience my daughters childhood and give her all my attention and love, and when she is independant and not relying upon me to fill her every need, I will have another baby.

The experts say that 3+ years of space is best. Younger than that, and your formerly only-child will experience a lot of stress and act out because of it. It's not permanently damaging, obviously, but it can be exhausting and difficult for you to maintain perspective. You have not gone through the 2's with your daughter yet, but it is exceedingly difficult to deal with an infant and a 2 year-old. There are lots of scientific articles on the web on this topic if you would like to read up on the psychology.
Physically, your body needs a full 18 months to recover from a pregnancy, so I would suggest waiting at least that long. Your body will thank you!!

Hey B.,
I really don't think it matters how far apart in age kids are. My two oldest are only 18 months apart in age. I didn't plan it that way, but they don't know what life was like without each other. They absolutely love each other, but of course they have typically sibling issues. Eventhough they are the opposite sex, they still share a room b/c they want to. I think it depends on your parenting style. Teaching your children to love each other, and never playing favorites. Each child is unique, and you parent them the way that works best. Basically, don't stress! Everything will be fine.
I'm curious though, what kinds of things "hobbies" do you do that you get paid for? Sounds interesting.
R.

There is no right answer to this one, it's all a really personal decision. For me, being the oldest by five years in my family always disappointed me. I wanted a playmate when I was five, not a newborn. Plus, by the psychological definition, if you wait until your daughter is five to have another, she will be an only child.

There is something beautiful about children learning to share their mother from the start, and most, but not all, mamas I've talked to that have children very close in age will say that even though the first year after their second was born is a blur, it was worth it because of the relationship their children have.

Whatever decision you make, I'm sure you'll have a happy healthy family! And, that you'll make the right decision for you.

If you ask me, the further apart the better. But too far apart could be hard on you. My daughter and son are 2 years and 3 months apart. It is very hard. She isn't old enough to know why she needs to leave him alone and be quiet around him. She is not careful enough either. She elbowed him in his head yesterday. His first injury, since he is only 5 weeks old. My sisters kids are 4 years apart and it seems good, beside the fact that her daughter is extremely jealous and never wants her brother around her or in her room. I would say between 2 and 3 years apart is perfect, but it is completely up to you. If you want to have kids close in age, I would say go for it. I have a friend who's daughters are 11 months apart. Talk about hard. Good luck.

Hi B.,
My children are 4 yrs 2 days apart. hehe I think its wonderful. When my daughter was born my son was already in pre-school and I had all the time in the world to dedicate to the new baby. Plus my son was old enough to understand what it meant to have a new baby sister. He was old enough to help out with her and play with her. There is hardly any bickering or fighting between them, they play together and they each have their own friends. So its worked out. They're almost 12 and almost 8 now and they're really close friends. Now I was a yr and 10 months apart from my sister(younger) and I felt cheated I wasn't the baby anymore this brat came into the world and literally stole my thunder. Everything was the baby this the baby that. I was kicked to the curb. Not saying that will happen to you. But we have to be realistic is does sort of happen that way. I figure if I would have been older and not needed mom so much still it wouldn't have bothered me so much. So I acted out, I was a brat. Mom knows why I did it too. But like she said, she didn't take precautions. So she couldn't help it. I promised that wouldn't be the case with my kids. My son had my undivided attention when he was a baby and when he was finally in school by age 3 I decided ok, I can have another baby. By that time he had made friends and was more independent. My friends who had kids close in age, seem miserable, they're always complaining about twice the pamper changing and the late nights with two babies crying and how they can't do anything because no one (family and friends) wants to babysit 2 really young babies,both babies wanting attention at the same time. Those things made me choose to have my kids far apart. I'm also done 2 is ENOUGH!!! I've got my boy and my girl, what more could I ask for. hehe
But in the end its up to what you think you can handle. If you think you can handle all that added stress go for it. More power to you. hehe

Good Luck

My first two were born 13 months apart which was not planned but it was easy and my other three were born three years apart. They were all born in the spring except one which I really liked because you don't have to go through the hot summer months carring around all that weight. I had one born in the lastpart of July and it was miserable!

Mine are 14 mos apart and I would do it again in a HEARTBEAT. Now that my youngest is almost two they have many of the same interests and are the best of friends. I absolutley LOVE having them so close together. Best of luck! :)

I have four kids, ages 11, 7, 6, and 20 months. 3 are stepchildren that I am raising but I've been around since 2 of them were babies. The 11 and the 7 year old fight constantly. The 7 and the 6 year old fight constantly. The 11 and 6 year old almost never fight. The constant bickering is so annoying that I've decided if we ever have another baby it won't be until my youngest is at least 5 or 6 years old.

I had my first two children 5 years apart - had my 2nd and 3rd 5 years apart - had my 3rd and 4th 2 years apart... The relationship between the 3rd and 4th is absolutely amazing - they play together enjoy some of the same things and are almost like twins - I love watching them play - downside - is that I had just finished breastfeeding about a month before I got pregnant - and my body ached so bad - I got really sick - too much stress on my body too soon - not enough healing time - so I would give yourself a good 6 months after breastfeeding before getting pregnant again - I am now pregnant with #5 - my 4th child is 5 and honestly I feel so much better even at 36 than I did 5 years ago - convinced it was the lack of healing time and not my age which is what I originally though.

Mine are 3.5 years apart and I agree with Elaina on the benefits. But when my friend's son was 9 mos she starting saying she wanted more. I told her to wait until he was about 14 mos. to see what kind of toddler he was before she decided to be pregnant during that time. Turns out despite being a super-mellow baby, he is a VERY active one year old and they love being constantly on the move, something with her morning sickness she couldn't have done so she has decided to wait.

That is a difficult question, as you can tell by the varied responses you're getting. I think the perfect time to get pregnant is when you are ready. I know that doesn't help much, but let me try to explain. Every child is different and every parent is different, so what's perfect for others will not necessarily be perfect for you. Just keep that in mind. Now, my experiences, around 2 to 3 years apart would probably be good, especially since you are a stay at home mom. I had my first two 18 months apart. They are currently 10 and 9. My younger sister and I are also only 15 months apart. We shared a room as my two oldest daughters do now. It was difficult sometimes, but the toughest part was the fact that my younger sister always craved attention to the point of trying to "one-up" me in front of my friends. Occasionally, it even got violent. I am seeing some of that trend in my daughters. On the other hand, my third and fourth child were both spaced four years after their older sibling. So my son, my third child, turning 5 in July, had me more to himself, as my fourth and final child, 11-months-old, does presently when the other children are in school. These last two also had the benefit of me being a stay-at-home mom, while the oldest two were in daycare from 6 months and 6 weeks respectively. Honestly, I think that had the bigger impact on them than the years in between. Also, 7 years might seem like long enough for them to have your devoted attention, but that doesn't always work out the best either. My mom is the middle daughter with sisters 7 years on either side. They really weren't friends until the youngest was nearly 30. As I said, every child is different and every parent is different, so the perfect time for you is when you and your husband think it is.

I had decided that I wanted a bit of space for my kids. So they could each have me all to theirselves for a while anyhow.
I was going to wait until the first one was in preschool.
After my son was born I said that I was going to wait until the first one was out of diapers. I didn't realize he wouldn't be out of diapers until he was 5! I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 6 yrs old.
But I love the way it has worked out. My son is in school and my daughter has my undivided attention all day. Also my kids are best of friends.

My sister and I were 2 1/2 yrs apart and hated each other for a VERY LONG time, and still don't get along. We were too close in age and so different. I think 3 yrs and more is a good seperation.

My oldest and my middle are 4 years almost exactly apart and that was good. Then when my middle child turned 11 months old I got pregnant again, and to be honest it is a bit difficult at times and other times it's not so bad. It all depends on how much support you have from your husband. If he's a right there dad then you could have them very close, if not then I would wait.