When to Have Another Baby

Once you have kids you never have any money anyways. We were broke when we had one child and we were still broke when we had 4 but somehow everyone's needs were met. There are so many unnecessary drains on finances that once you start living a lot more on the frugal side there's a lot more money to go around.

I remember talking to my OB about "when to have a baby." I was trying right around 9/11/01 and I said to her, "well, I'm nervous to be pregnant in case there is another terrorist attack." She said to me "if you wait for the 'perfect' time, you'll never have a baby." So those words kind of ring true to your post. There will never be a "perfect" time to have another baby. Unless you win the lottery, your finances probably won't get significantly better even if you wait another year or two. Things will always come up. So if you feel in your heart that you want another one, go for it. This is such a personal decision that I can't imagine someone will have the magic answer for you... you need to make the decision as to what is right for your family. Good luck!

Hi Christine,
I wonder if you should clarify with your doctor about the "genetic" tests that you had during your previous pregnancy.....although it's certainly true that the risk to have a baby with a chromosome abnormality increases with maternal age and that there are non-invasive(non-genetic)screening tests that can be performed during a pregnancy (such as maternal bloodwork and ultrasound)to see if a woman's risk to have a baby with certain chromosome abnormalities appears to be increased above her age-related risk, the result of the screening test only applies to THAT pregnancy (not future pregnancies). Maybe this will put your mind at ease a bit. Best wishes!
J. (a genetic counselor)

I agree with a lot of what's been said so far. 25 is young no matter what the tests say! I had a healthy baby at age 37, and I'm due in 6 weeks to have my second at the age of 39 (this baby is also expected to be healthy according to all the tests). I've had no problem with conceiving or being pregnant. Of course, everyone is different, but I would say that you safely have at least 5 years to play with.

A lot can change financially in a few years. You may feel more stable in a couple of years. However, it's true that money is always tight, and you can't let that control a decision like this. People make it work somehow. As long as you and your husband communicate and are on the same page, you can make it work.

I'm also glad to see that a couple of people have said "get rid of the dogs" (meaning, find them a good home). Honestly, that was my first reaction too. I know that's easier said than done. But it may be time to seriously consider your priorities.

Good luck! :)

a couple things, first, being 25 no matter what the tests showed is young. you have alot of time left. plenty of women who actually are over 35 have babies. if you didnt have actual problems concieving the baby itself, i wouldnt worry. there is always a risk when having a baby.

next, being in a 2 bedroom apt is fine, but only if your bills are being paid. if you are in this living situation and are still struggling, i would def wait. as others have said the financial burden is a lot for a couple to worry about, and another baby will add. if its a girl, you would be spending alot of money all at once. can you afford that?

and most important, get rid of the dogs! im serious, if you want more children, and if you are struggling, the dogs are an added burden(i am an avid animal lover who has had pets my whole life, however after having a child, they became my priority). to pay extra money you cant afford just for them is putting you in a financial position where you cant afford another baby. maybe without the dogs, you will have more money to put towards your bills, resulting in less stress over money, resulting in new baby.

good luck to you!!!

There are so many factors into deciding when/if to have another baby - finances is one, though it certainly should be the main factor unless money is so tight that you risk losing the basics - your home, food, utilities. Age is another, though 31, and even 35 is not too old to have a child - technically, 35 puts you in a higher risk category, but I personally think that's based on old medical standards, and doesn't take into consideration the modern day health reality. I had my child last year at 38 with no problem, and have MANY friends who had their first after age 35 with no issues. I also have several friends UNDER age 35 who had problem pregnancies and a miscarriage.

What you should definitely consider is lifestyle issues - how long do you want to be a SAHM mom, and how old do you want your youngest to be at that time? How tight of a budget are you willing to live with? How close emotionally do you want your children to be when they are young (do not expect your children to be too close if they are more than 4 years apart - there will be too much of an age gap for them to enjoy the same things when they are young).

For me, I think 3 years is a perfect age gap between siblings. You will only have one baby to buy diapers for at a time, you will be able to use your 1st baby's crib for the next baby since your 1st will be in a regular (or toddler) bed by then (same for your highchair, stroller, and other baby gear), your oldest will be able to help a bit with the baby, you'll be able to leave your oldest with a friend/babysitter if necessary without much issue, etc., and yet they'll still be relatively close in age that they can share friends, toys, etc.

Good luck with your decision!

As long as you have insurance to cover the medical bills, and having another baby won't put you on state assistance, then have another one now! You'll be happy that your children are close in age. If you wait for your money situation to be "just right" you'll probably never ideally get there. You probably still have all your baby items, so that is going to cut down on expense right there. If you have a girl next time it is ok to have another baby shower to help out with clothes and diapers too. Most likely it will all work out. If you have to give up some things, like high speed internet or cell phones for a while, it will be worth it. You'll still have love!

I'm with Monica on this one. I love dogs too but they don't compare to having children. Find the dogs a good home try to enconmize and have another beautiful baby.

Good luck and God bless!

G.

Financial troubles is always a big consideration in doing anything. Vacation, newer car, new couch and yes even a new baby. You have to do what is right for your family but know this, finances have brought down more than 1 marriage and another child is a blessing but also a huge responsibility. You never know if you wait a while things may pick up in your financial outlook. I don'y know if anyone is ever truelly financially ready for another child but you should feel like your holding your own before you do. Good luck and keep looking for ways to do smart financial planning. A.

C.,

Make your own future! :) If you wait until you have enough money, you are right. It might not happen because even when you have more money, you tend to spend more. What about doing other things? Start a business of your own? I began a business so that I could continue to stay home with my children and not only have I actually made money from it but we have successful teams all over the US that I could pair you up with local support once you signed up! The team down by you was the second fastest growing in the company's history so the team leader there definitely knows what she is doing.

If you want to bounce any ideas off of me or want more information, just let me know. While I applaud you for being responsible, there's a fine line. You aren't trying to have a dozen children. :)

BTW, my older two are 34 months apart and that difference has been perfect. My younger two are 4 years apart.

I wish you the best.

L.

Think about what you want your family to look like and plan as best you can for the $ side. I know what it is like to worry since we are in a 2 bedroom apt and I am expecting my second in December (not the same sex). However, I am expecting the this baby the same week I turn 38 so it didn't make sense for us to wait much longer. Our kids will be just under 3 years apart which was how we planned it. My husband is 18 months younger than his brother but they were more competative than close. My sister is almost 5 years younger and I think we could have been closer if the age difference was a little less (she was born the same week I started kindergarden so not ideal timing). But it took my mom a while ( maybe 18 months) to concieve my sister even though she was in her late 20's. I was expecting it to take a little while for me to concieve the second time at 37...but I was pregnant almost immediately (six weeks after we started trying!). So you just never know how it will turn out.

As for money, it is tight for us too and will likely be tighter with another baby. But my parents and my husband's parents raised us on less in the 1970's. We will be able to aford the necessities and will figure out the rest. I am not great at economizing but I have found some corners to cut. We have almost all the baby gear we need and have been trading around hand me downs with friends and relatives since we got pregnant. Freecycle.org is a good way to exchange baby and kid items. Also you can sometimes do well on ebay or at consignment shops.
I would say plan the family you want and most likely you will find a way to make the finances work out.

A baby and two dogs in a 2 bedroom apartment...WOW! I have a baby and 2 dogs in a house, and I'm still overwhelmed! :)

That being said, there is no "right" time to have a baby. Money will always be tight, and you will always be worried. How do you feel, deep inside, about having another baby now? If you really want to add to your family, and it's starting to feel right to you, then listen to yourself. And your husband, of course!

There can definitely be some benefit to waiting until your son is at least in preschool before trying again. But there are a lot of benefits to having kids close together too! As a stay at home mom myself, we are going to try to keep them a little closer in age. I'll be back at work faster that way, as well...not that it's a real factor in our decision.

Your child and future child will only feel the financial burden if you allow them to. You have to be willing to sacrifice certain things if you want another child. In 2-3 years hopefully things will turn around. Since there is no guarantee, you have to make the decision on your own with your husband what will be the right thing for your family. Children need love, a home, food and basics. Hopefully you can save your son's clothes and of you have a boy they can share a room for as long as they live with you. If you have a small space you can get bunk beds. You can work it out if you really want to. Just make sure you think about how a second child can throw a monkey wrench into your life. I am afraid to have a second child for the same reason, so you are not alone. Just really take time to consider everything before you make such a huge change in your family life, one that you can not take away once here.

When money is an issue it is an issue of lifestyle. You can choose at any time to spend less, have less, want less, etc. Then it is not the same worry. The amount of money you have doesn't relate to the "good" or "bad" mom you think you will be. There are tons or resources available if you hit really hard times. Please don't let money control you in this way. It just isn't worth it.

Not to be rude, but if you are paying so much just becuase of your dogs, you need to decide which is more important. Your DOGS or your wish for another CHILD. It is a financial struggle for all of us, but don't forget, you may be a stay at home mom now, but in 5 years when they start school you will be able to get a part time job and contribute to the household income. There are always ways to make more money.

Hi C.,
I don't think anyone is a bad mom for wanting another baby, and I agree that if everyone waited til the perfect time to have a baby, we'd be extinct by now!
I don't think it's the most awful thing in the world to raise kids in an apartment (I grew up in the city) and while it might be ideal for each kid to have their own room, many siblings do share.
While you have to consider finances when planning to add to the family, my suggestion is to look to the long term. With a 13 and 9 year old, I can say that the cost of feeding and clothing a baby is very small compared to what kids cost down the line. Are you a stay at home mom? If so, it may be financially beneficial to have kids closer together, so that you have less time at home before they are off to school and can go back to work to improve your family's finances. Having kids 2 years apart means 7 years til kindergarten for the younger kid - having them 5 years apart means 3 extra years of no income if you plan to stay home til they start school.
Once kids start school is when the expenses really start piling on. While some of these things are of course optional, you do need to think about what opportunities you want for your kids. This month, I had to buy accessories for costumes $25, two field trips $14 and $42, school pictures $34 and $40, reeds for clarinet $15, 4H re-registration fees $30 and I opted to sign my 9 year old up for an afterschool gym program at $80, my son needed his new hat/tie/clip/handbook for the new Cub Scout year since he moved up to Weblo and my son was invited to 2 birthday parties - two gifts at $15-$20 each. It's amazing that I have money left from my paycheck to buy us food every week since I don't have a high salary
Good luck in making your decision. The spacing of kids is a very personal decision and there's no right answer that fits all. My kids are 4 years apart, that's what I wanted. I couldn't have paid 3 years of two kids in fulltime daycare while I worked, and I won't have two in college at the same time, financially this made sense for our family.