When to Start "Family" Sleep-overs?

mine has been staying over at my mom's, usually once or twice a month, since about 6 weeks old (whenever he started sleeping through the night, although i do think she had to get up with him some times, here and there). i think it's a matter of your personal situation, but if you get them started on it young it is normal for them and won't be a problem. could you leave the 18 month old too, or is that too much for pop pop to handle? it would be easier if they were together, i bet. i do suggest, since your oldest is just now doing this for the first time, to perhaps stay at your MIL's, like you suggest. just in case. good luck! once you get started (IF she has a problem) and she can get over that hump, she will LOVE it and it will be some of her best childhood memories. good luck!

after reading the other responses - i am almost offended at the vehemence in some regarding NEVER letting kids spend the night with family. yikes. i guess if you saw your grandparents all the time and are super close to them, there's maybe no "need" to spend the night...but my son's grandma lives 30 minutes away, (okay- lately we do see her almost weekly!) and they have SUCH a tight bond, i would never deny either of them that. what on earth is wrong with being close to family like that?? i wonder if these people don't have family members they can trust? or do they think they as hardworking parents don't deserve a night off occasionally? or what? i am just baffled. i hope the judgements don't convince you never to do it. there is NOTHING wrong with a child being close to his or her grandparents. family is everything! heck, half the time i go out to my mom's with my son just for the pure enjoyment of it! but it is nice for her to have him all to herself sometimes too. they adore each other. i just can't get over that some parents don't think that's okay.

When my boys were old enough to say they wanted to stay at Grandma's thats when we let them... it was right about the age between 3 and 4. I'm sure Grandpa is aware of the repercussions and would have a plan to redirect her if she started freaking out for a minute or two realizing she's there without you. Staying locally for the trial run would probably be a great idea to see how it all goes :)

My son has been spending the night alone at his grandparents house since shortly after his first birthday. We would have done it sooner but I was nursing. He loves it there (he is now almost 4).

I definitely think she's old enough to do it and it will be a nice mini-break for you. Staying nearby at your MILs is a good compromise for the first time.

I am surprised she hasn't already spent the night away - she's 3 1/2! 1.5 hours isn't that far away. I think it is your apprehension, not hers, you need to be aware of. My kids were sleeping away by 6 months old. My relationship w/ my g-parents was amazing and I definitely want that for my kids. We have always encouraged our kids to spend time w/ their g-parents - without us! This has helped in so many ways. We never had any separation issues, they bonded w/ their g-parents and have a great relationship w/ them and it gave us the time we needed as a married couple to spend time alone. Remember, it takes a village to raise our kids - not just us parents.

Well the grandparents are a lot closer for us my youngest started doing sleepovers at around 2 and grandma and grandpas and had his first sleepover at aunties house at 3.5 yr.

I say let her try it :)

Edited: I also find it odd that some don't think a child sleep over grandma and grandpas house. Do you people not trust your own parents? My goodness! I loved sleeping at my grandparents house when I was little.

how old depends on the child and the grandparent. My son started at age 3 (maybe younger) but that was his personality. She may cry for a few minutes and need to be comforted by Pop Pop. BUT I dont think you should rush over to rescue her if she does, that sends the message that she isnt safe with Pop Pop and never will be. You'll be setting it up so she never spends the night there. If you don't think your Dad can handle it if she cries for you, don't send her till she's older. Observe her and think about it. If she gets a bump or bruise can Pop pop kiss it better? Does she let Dad put her to sleep at night or just you? How often does she wake up crying in the middle of the night, and if she does - can Dad comfort her or just you? does she have a lovey or blanket that she could take?

Our grandkids started staying at our house almost from birth. I think your plan has a lot of merit. That way you can be thee if needed but still have free time if not.

I always stayed over at my grandparents home when I was growing up. I loved them so much. I was totally also cool with going with them out of town to visit relatives.. all sorts of things.

All of our family lives in town and so our daughter stayed over at the different grand parents homes for weekends and overnights. She was also fine..

Now my husband on the other hand, was always a nervous wreck.. He too stayed for periods of times with his grandparents (even weeks in the summer out of state!), but because it was different with our daughter it freaked him out. Hee, hee.

She will be fine. Remember, she feeds off of your energy. If you are excited and happy about these sleep overs, she is going to do great.

Sorry we don't do this at all. I never stayed with my grandparents without my parents there as well. I actually don't understand why people do this but it's probably because I've never heard of doing this until I saw it here on websites like this. My children won't be staying overnight with their grandparents either unless it is in an emergency situation and there is no other alternative. I think your idea of staying at your MILs is a good idea in case she does freak out. But I think you should be asking yourself if Pop-pop is capable of handling a 3.5yo? Especially if she wakes during the night. And why does Pop-pop want her to spend the night? I'm not thinking anything awful but what's the point? She'll be sleeping.

Once they are weaned (around 1 year) they stay at grandma's house. During the summer, my MIL has camp grandma, where she takes one kid at a time for a week and they all love it. (ages 5, 3, 1.5).

With my son, I allowed him to sleep over with my aunt and cousin (who babysat him) when he was very young to avoid having to take him out super early when I had to be at work early in the am. With my daughter, she is now over 4 years and we have never let her spend the night with anyone but us. If one of us was out of town, the other w as home with her. This is much to my MILs dismay. I am not ready for her to spend the nice elsewhere nor do I believe she is. My nephew is 1 month younger and has spent the night w/ my dad but not with anyone else.

To answer your question is 1. it varies by child and situation 2. that is not really a compromise it is actually allowing the sleepover.

Sounds like you are having a hard time. She'll be fine. Be happy and calm and so will she. It's so much easier when they start having adventures when they are young.

Well, I didn't start sleeping over at my grandparents (the ones who lived an more than an hour away) until I was 10. My other set lived on the same road with us, but until I was probably 7 or so I didn't sleep over there. When it was needed, my grandmother would come sleep over at our house....

I think your idea to stay nearby is good. My son stayed with my parents overnight from about a year old. He is the oldest grandchild and gets along well very well with my mom. Also my mom and I get along very well and agree on almost all parenting issues. My daughter is 2 and has not stayed with my parents as much. She has stayed over with us and both kids have stayed and had my mom put them to bed while my husband and I went out for the evening. I would let both of them stay over except it is hard to put both kids together at once. If it is just my son he gets grandma's full attention and tends to behave a bit better.

I think doing a trial run by doing the sleepover while you are at your MIL's is a perfect solution! Also, if she stays at poppops and wants to come home, I think you need to have the agreement that pop pop will return her home so that you are not driving for hours with these babies in the night.
I think my daughter was 3 when she'd stay the weekend at my inlaws, or occasionally at my sister's (well she actually stayed overnight at MIL's twice during her first year and at my sister's once for 4 days when she was a year old. She did fine each time)

My 11 year old daughter has had lots of sleep-overs with both sets of grandparents from the time she was maybe 2. One set lives within 1/2 hour and the other is about an hour away. We have never had a problem with her freaking out or wanting to come home. I have to say that most of the times it was just for fun and I want my daughter to have great memories with her grandparents. My FIL recently passed away and we've talked about how nice it was for her to have spent so much time with him. My husband's 11 year old nephew had NEVER spent a night with his grandparents even though they live 10 minutes away. After my FIL passed away, it made my MIL sad to think that he had never had that experience. If you trust your father and he's in good health, I would say OK especially if you'll be close by.

We're just about to start the sleeping over - at her brother and sister-in-law, not her grandparents. She's 2 1/2 and has never been good about being away from me at night, so it will be a test. We've talked it up, had an almost trial run, and think it will be fine. We'll be at a hotel 5 minutes away, in case things go really off-kilter. We plan to be about 1 1/2 hrs away in October, so our fingers are crossed that she (and the caregivers) weather it well.

Depends on the kids and the grandparents, I think, and their personallities/capabilities. My parent's are a bit old to handle a preschooler, and their house isn't as well set up, so it will be a while before she stays there.

I've never had difficulty with the idea of leaving my DD overnight, but I can't say the same for her! When she was littler we stopped leaving her with anybody but her nanny, because it just wasn't fair to them, as she would scream uncontrollably from when it was time to sleep until: 1) she passed out from sheer exhaustion (usually about an hour) 2) we got home.