We found out this weekend I am pregnant with our fourth child! YAY! We're really excited and want to tell our kids but don't know if we should tell them until we get further along. I had a miscarriage before getting pregnant with our third child and our oldest two kids were there when we found out, it was at our first ultrasound. It was hard on them, I think maybe more from seeing me upset.
Right now I have my niece and nephew over playing with my kids and my nephew asked if we were going to have another baby right in front of my 4 year old. Luckily, my son was saying something to my niece so he didn't hear him ask me. (I guess my brother & SIL told their kids we're expecting).
We know the kids will be really excited. Well, until they find out one of them has to start sharing their room now ;) I’m thinking since others know we should tell them so they find out from us. So, what would you do in this situation?
Thanks Ladies. We ended up telling the kids last night. Our kids are almost 7 yrs. old, 4 yrs. old and almost 1 yr. old. The oldest two are very excited. Of course our youngest is too young to understand. A couple reasons we decided it was best to tell them is if I did have a miscarriage, they would still know something is wrong with me and I wouldn't want to lie to them about why Mommy and Daddy are sad. They have already been through a miscarriage with us before so they know it can happen. And with the holidays coming up, we're going to be around our family a lot and I don't want one of our siblings slipping and saying something in front of them. Also, they have been talking a lot lately about how they want one more baby. I was in the store with our 4 yrs. old and he said, “Mommy, Let’s buy this outfit for our baby sister.” I said, we don't have a baby a sister. He said, “But I want us to have one!” :) (They know that we don’t get to choose if we get a baby sister or brother but they want a sister to even it out in this house). I'm glad we ended up telling them. Thanks again!
By the way Deb- My husband and I are both very close with our siblings and there is no way we could go without telling our them. One of my sisters asked me if I was pregnant before I even knew b/c she could just tell by the way I was acting. I don't think it was wrong to let them know (we only told our siblings and Moms, no one else) before telling our kids.
I think you tell them when they are old enough to see something different about mommy and starts to ask questions. Then you prepare them for what to expect. If you had a miscarriage before and it upset them, I would wait until you are past the critical period.
Well, I would actually suggest waiting until you are safely out of your first trimester, but considering the fact that your young extended family knows you should probably tell them now. If they hear it from their cousins they may be upset not to hear it before extended family and not from you!
The other option is to have your brother & SIL talk with their children about keeping it quiet for a while (depending on their ages) until you have a chance to tell your children in a special way.
I think it depends on the ages of your kids. It sounds like at least some of them are a bit older (?) so maybe tell them sooner so they don't hear it from other family first. We are waiting until we have the 20 week ultrasound and find out the sex to tell our 3.5 and 2 year olds...right around January 1 -- Happy New Years eh? :)
I would say that since others know, you should probably tell them. Even if they are young, they may be upset that they didn't hear it from you first. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child - 4 weeks in - I told my 8 yr old right away. I wanted her to be the first to know. I'm sure you will do the right thing :)
I have always thought that very young children shouldn't be told until maybe the 8th month; that they wouldn't understand and (relatively) long time periods are beyond their understanding. However, my DIL changed my mind. When she was expecting her second child, I asked her when she planned to tell her first child, who was around 2.4 and she said we have already told him. I was surprised. She told me that she was getting him involved in the process from the beginning. He would understand why her belly was growing. She explained how he had to be careful about her belly from now on . . . not run into her with strong impacts, not jump on her when sitting on the couch, etc. She and her husband (my DS) showed him
pictures of babies growing in books, etc.
When she went off to the hospital to have the baby,
big brother was all ready with understanding what was happening next.
So . . . I think it's a good idea to tell the kids from very early on.
Explain to each according to the age and ability to understand.
But I think it's especially important that they hear this from you BEFORE they start hearing whispers from other people . . .
so that don't wonder what the big secret is,
so that they don't think they've been left out of an important event.
I too think waiting would have been a good option until I read that your niece and nephew already know. Time to tell. We told our kids first and asked them to keep it between us for a bit. Well, at the end of the following school day the entire staff at my kids schools knew, lol! Kids can't help themselves! Enjoy and blessings!
Normally, I would wait till until the third month, but in this case, better tell them than risking that someone else does.
I can't believe that I actually disagree with all of the comments this time.
You didn't say the ages of your children, but I'm a firm believer in telling the truth and treating your kids with respect. If the youngest is really too little to understand you being pregnant, then he'll also be too little to understand if you lose the baby. But the older two obviously went through it with you once so they can understand. Tell them. Let them share in the joy of the news and celebrate with you. If you lose the baby (God forbid), they can grieve with you, too. How would you feel if your sister was pregnant and never told you and then lost her baby? You would be hurt that she didn't share it with you and you weren't able to comfort her. Your kids would feel the same way. Losing a pregnancy may be harder on the parents in most ways, but you have to remember that that is your children's sibling, too, and they should know - no matter what happens. Because that's life.
(Plus, yeah - since their cousins know, they really need to know!)
Anyway, just my two cents!
You don't have much choice now - you need to tell them NOW because other people already know. You do NOT want them finding out from someone else - it'll hurt them. Because your children are not babies or toddlers anymore, you should've told them FIRST - before you told anyone else!!
Ideally, you wouldn't tell them until after the 1st ultrasound (which these days is around 10-12 weeks) to make sure there's little chance of a miscarriage but it's too late for that. So, what I'd do is tell the kids. Let them get excited but also downplay it a little bit. And for God's sake don't take them with you to the 1st ultrasound - just in case! :-( If the unthinkable happens... well... it happens. Then you just explain that sometimes the babies don't form perfectly and wouldn't be able to survive if they were born so now it's a chance at a 'do-over'. It's part of life and sooner or later they'll need to learn how to deal with it anyways.
Congrats on kid #4!
Updated
You don't have much choice now - you need to tell them NOW because other people already know. You do NOT want them finding out from someone else - it'll hurt them. Because your children are not babies or toddlers anymore, you should've told them FIRST - before you told anyone else!!
Ideally, you wouldn't tell them until after the 1st ultrasound (which these days is around 10-12 weeks) to make sure there's little chance of a miscarriage but it's too late for that. So, what I'd do is tell the kids. Let them get excited but also downplay it a little bit. And for God's sake don't take them with you to the 1st ultrasound - just in case! :-( If the unthinkable happens... well... it happens. Then you just explain that sometimes the babies don't form perfectly and wouldn't be able to survive if they were born so now it's a chance at a 'do-over'. It's part of life and sooner or later they'll need to learn how to deal with it anyways.
Congrats on kid #4!
Updated
You don't have much choice now - you need to tell them NOW because other people already know. You do NOT want them finding out from someone else - it'll hurt them. Because your children are not babies or toddlers anymore, you should've told them FIRST - before you told anyone else!!
Ideally, you wouldn't tell them until after the 1st ultrasound (which these days is around 10-12 weeks) to make sure there's little chance of a miscarriage but it's too late for that. So, what I'd do is tell the kids. Let them get excited but also downplay it a little bit. And for God's sake don't take them with you to the 1st ultrasound - just in case! :-( If the unthinkable happens... well... it happens. Then you just explain that sometimes the babies don't form perfectly and wouldn't be able to survive if they were born so now it's a chance at a 'do-over'. It's part of life and sooner or later they'll need to learn how to deal with it anyways.
Congrats on kid #4!
