Which Came First License/Car?

Hahahahahaaa! "Buy me a car first so I can get my license…" Hahahahahaha! Bwahahahaaa! Ridiculous!

Don't put the cart before the horse.

License comes first.

Let her get 18 and do it her way if she doesn't want to do what is expected.

I think most kids who receive a car simply because they have learned to drive are very spoiled. My parents taught me a valuable lesson by having me have to share the family car and ask to use it. My first car I bought myself.

This one hasn't even gotten a car yet and is acting spoiled and entitled. There's no way I'd indulge that with a car, especially when she hasn't gotten her license or earned it in any way.

You are not required to buy her a car at all. If you choose to buy her a car, you do it on your terms, not hers. She sounds like she is a wee bit entitled. I would buy her a bus pass.

Looks like your daughter will not be driving any time soon :)

My son (almost 18) has had his permit for almost 2 years. I just got him behind the wheel of my SUV - he will get his license by May - before his permit expires. He will not have his own car. He will use my SUV until he works and saves some $$$ to help buy his own very used vehicle.

You daughter knows the options - license first, 6 months good driving, then her own car. She is trying to manipulate and guilt you into changing those rules. Don't do it. Let her not drive. Oh, and don't be her permanent taxi either. Sometimes, with teens, a little inconvenience, i.e. not having Mom drive them everywhere, goes a long way towards prompting them to mature and take responsibility.

Sit her down, explain the rules one more time, tell her to let you know when she is ready to get her permit and learn to drive one of the existing vehicles. Then don't re-visit the subject.

Good Luck

license first -ah youth...cars are a necessary luxury and if she is dealing this way perhaps a new bicycle will be more useful

Guess she really does not want to drive!

Oh Heck no. Her attitude needs to change. She is in control of her choices.

You have told her what she needs to do and she has chosen not to do what you said, so nothing for her.

Remember, this is HER choice. If I were you would consider selling one of those cars. Just to prove to her that you are serious.

I would never back down on this, she sounds like she needs a reality check.

You are stronger than her.
I am sending you strength.

In my house growing up, we got our license first, and then we got access to the family vehicles. It was a priviledge for us to get to drive, not a right. My parents made sure we got our license at 16, so that they had "parental controls" over our driving for the next two years, to make sure that we became responsible drivers.

I had a rich opportunity of experience in terms of the vehicles I drove. My dad is a big guy (6'5") and had vehicles for work, and my mom liked sporty little numbers. So in my first 2-3 years of having a license, I drove any of the following:

Honda civic hatchback - stick
Ford ranger
'78 Buick LeSabre
80's something Buick stationwagon (boat on wheels!)
Ford 1-ton dually truck (double rear wheels)
Ford full-size bronco with a sticky clutch
Full size Dodge van
Windowless cargo van

I know there was more... but you see the variety. Add to that, my father didn't like to have to "reset" his seat & mirrors, so I got accustomed to just hopping in & driving however the vehicle was set.

At age 19, I got to drive the biggest Uhaul truck available (any bigger, I'dve needed a CDL) full of household goods for a move down to Florida, & my dad taught me how to visualize where my vehicle was on the road, regardless of how big it was. (the optical illusion ever vehicle has on the passenger side changes depending on how wide/tall the vehicle is)

To this day, I can hop into anything without qualm & drive, totally comfortable. I can parallel park like no body's business! I have even taught 5 other people (friends/family) how to drive (T.'s school of driving - perfect graduation rate!)

OK, sorry, I'm rambling a bit... the point here is - your daughter wants a car why? Because she doesn't want to drive on a difficult vehicle? She wants her own to feel special? She wants a vehicle that looks "cool"? Tuffskie Wuffskie...

She needs to just be grateful that she has parents who are encouraging her to get her license, & willing to let her learn on the family vehicles, and apparently are even willing to finance a vehicle once she completes that! (well, my first car only cost $50, I'm assuming you will be buying a functional beater)

So, the long & short of it is, for the reasons of:
1. She will be a better driver for the experience behind the wheel of a variety of vehicles
2. She will appreciate greater the gift of her own car by working hard to get her license
3. You are the parents & just WHO is she to demand to get her own car first?

I vote: License First.

Safe travels! T. =-)

License. Especially when she's being such a brat about it.

I guess she doesn't want to drive badly enough. She's the one who will suffer for her refusal, since she will still have to be driven around by mommy and daddy (or riding a bike), while all of her friends are driving.

Stick to your guns.

p.s. -- She's darn lucky that she has parents who would buy her her own used car when she gets her license. I didn't do that for my kids.

Because she is disrespectful and refusing to accept your decision I would tell her to let you know when she wants to learn on your car there will be no further talk. You are her parent. It does not matter what other parents do.

Because of the way she is demanding that you do it her way sbe is not mature enough to have a car. Do not cave to her demands. Put owning a car completely out of the picture. No more talk about it. Do this one step at a time. She learns to drive with your car. No talk about a car at all until she treats you respectfully.

I hope you give her a consequence when she's disrespectful. Above all never argue with her. All conversation stops when she tries to argue with you.

My kids were allowed to take drivers ed if they got good grades. It was a privilege not a right. They got cars when they bought them themselves. They pay for their own gas. They pay insurance during the summer. We paid while they were actually attending fall and winter classes. They were still grounded from the cars they bought for bad grades or misbehavior.

Getting your license and use of the family car is a privilege, not a chore... getting your own car on top of that is icing on the cake.
If she doesn't want to get her license I wouldn't even bring it up. You have made your position clear. Period.
Once all of her friends have their license and drive themselves around she will be begging you to practice - and if that doesn't happen, too bad - she'll have to pay for it herself later.

I learned to drive once I was an adult. My parents let me take drivers ed but wouldn't take me to get my license.

My dad taught me to drive when I was 16, I think...I might have been 15, anyway. He had a standard rambler. He taught me to drive it blindfolded.

Seriously, he put a blindfold on my eyes out in the middle of a field. He taught me to "feel" the clutch. To feel the gear shift change as it went into gear. I drive a standard better than anyone I know and have taught several others how to drive one when everyone else had given up.

I plan to have money budgeted for car costs. Up to a point. I won't have an unlimited amount for them. Probably a couple of tanks of gasoline per month but we'll see when the time comes. I also plan to have all the kiddos on my own insurance. I will not require them to insure a vehicle that is in fact my vehicle. Insurance for a teen/young adult is outrageous anyway. I can't imagine having them work the hours it would take to afford it. I'd rather they focus on school and make good enough grades they can get college scholarships and be able to afford to go to college.

I also plan on them not working if they don't want to. You may not realize how hard high school is but when I was in our stake young women's program the most often reported issue the area leaders had is that kids are too busy doing homework to go to church during the week. So they aren't even getting to do things that are good for them for the rest of their lives. Some of them were trying to work and save money for their mission and for college but with homework they were down to about 4-5 hours of sleep per night they would have slept the weekend away but had to get up and go to work.

How can I demand a kid get a job, plus do homework and keep their grades up, plus do anything that might make them a better person for the rest of their lives.

I don't think it's fair to them. Teaching them responsibility with money is important. Of course it is. BUT why make it so hard their grades and everything else suffers.

I would not buy her a car. I'd send her off to college without a drivers license and expect her to budget her money to include bus fare or taxi fare. Making sure she has a good bike would also be our goal.

Since she doesn't want a license drop it. Let it go. Then when she realizes she's about to go off to college on foot she's going to regret her decision.

I think you said it all.

The other children got a license first and that is what you will get, before I consider buying a car. And that is what you will do. My offer will last for 23 (or whatever) more months.

I wouldn't discuss it any further.

My oldest has her license and is now paying for her car since she wrecked the first one. We got her first one after she got her license. My youngest has to pass to get her car. Unfortunately your daughter is acting like a brat and you should wait until she decides to grow up. If she is 18 at that point then she has saved you some money. Good luck and God Bless.

I too have a teenager who won't practice in our car. So I'm going to give you a different outlook than others. My daughter is a worrier in general, and she confessed to me that she is nervous about driving my car because she doesn't want to damage it if she makes a mistake. She also doesn't want to disappoint me because I drive a bus for a living so she sees that as added pressure to please. I tried to assure her that all was good, but you just can't change how a person feels. Is it possible that your daughter wants a car first so she's got a comfort zone while she's learning?

In general I would say licence first, than EARN the car, but your post makes it clear, and your daughter knows it, that a car IS in her future, so it does make sense that she would want to learn on what she will be driving.

But...to be totally honest with you, I think you have a bigger issue. This seems more like a power-play/behavior problem, and in order to change that, you somehow need to make it clear to your daughter that she is neither entitled to a car or a drivers licence, or anything else that she doesn't earn, and that if she wants things, regardless of what those things are, she needs to improve her attitude and start respecting your and her father. And if that means she doesn't drive or have a car until she's old enough to make it happen on her own, so be it.

Stick yo your guns. License then car. Your nicer than me, I've already told my teenager that she will not get a license until she is 18 (She will not be my liability on the road) and that I will assist in buying a car but will not buy it for her.

We already had a third car, so our kids drove that, but we didn't "give" it to them. We paid the insurance and $40 week for gas. I was more than willing to pay because the high school is a thirty minute round trip and I was sick of doing that twice a day. At one point two of them were sharing the car, commuting together, and my husband and I made them figure out how they were going to take turns/share on the weekend. ***ETA: any extra gas, going to the beach, into the city, etc. they had to pay for themselves***
I would never buy another car if there were already three running cars in the household. Though maybe your daughter is nervous about driving and using this (I won't drive until I have my own car thing) as an excuse? It's actually not that uncommon, I've had a niece and a nephew who were both like that.
Either way, she drives what you offer, or nothing at all, that would be my attitude.

Don't fall for it!

If she was eager to drive and be independent, she would practice on whatever vehicle was available to her. She's telling you that she thinks she is too good to drive one of the current cars.

For us, we had to get our permit, learn on the current cars, get our license, and then our MOM got a new car and we got Mom's hand-me-down car. Don't get me wrong, I totally expected a new car in the driveway for my 16th birthday. Didn't happen.

License first.
She doesn't get to call the shots.
If she won't do things according to your rules then she can grow up and move out and do exactly as she pleases on her own.
The other kids cooperated - she's not.
You don't 'owe' her a car or a smart phone or anything else.
You can't reward a bad attitude.

As a teen, I practiced driving in my parent's car, as did all of my siblings.

My siblings didn't get their own vehicles until after high school. My friends that did have a vehicle to call their own generally lived outside of town and had jobs, making a vehicle a practical matter. There were a couple of kids who were given a car as a gift, no strings, but even then it wasn't until after the licence was obtained.

I never liked driving so I never got a car at all. The people I know who were eager to be drivers would practice with any vehicle they could get their hands on. I wonder if your daughter just doesn't want to drive but is reluctant to simply say so.

Sounds like a power game to me. Keep your sense of humor, but say no.

I learned on my Mom's old car.

I got my license.

I bought a car when I was 16 = with all my babysitting money. My parents chipped in. It was a used car from a friend. It lasted until it had 87,000 miles on it.

I always paid for my own gas. I still DO !!!

License first ! Your daughter is upset over something ! You make the rules ! By golly, does she want a new car first? Kids do not have much "healthy" fear in them these days (?)...You are not alone !

When I was that age it started out that I needed to learn on my parent's cars. Problem was both of them were sticks and I have a problem with my knees, my left being the worst. When that knee gave out while driving and I had to grind the gears to get it to a safe spot to park so my dad could take over it was decided I needed an automatic. My parents bought me a used one. A few years later I bought my own brand new one with my parents help when the used one died and was no longer repairable.
Doesn't sound like you have anything like that going on which means to me she learns on your existing vehicles or she doesn't get to learn at all.
My kids aren't driving age yet but they know they will be using our existing cars, not one of their own. They are both automatics and easy to drive. We have a Toyota minivan and a Honda Civic. They'll probably end up in the Civic.

License first and then car.

Also her behavior needs to improve.

Dave Ramsey did a car match. The kid put in 50% and he matched that. If she is 16 it may be too late to do that.

Like others have said before, tell her what is on offer and the offer is only open till she turns 18.

Good luck !

License comes first. After being responsible with family car and respecting curfews and having a good attitude for 6-12 months, then I would consider buying a good used car and having her pay for 1/2 insurance and gas and 1/2 maintenance.

My parents had two vehicles when I was learning to drive - a gigantic van and a car with a stick shift. I was terrified of that van (and almost ran us off the road in it once) but determined to drive, so learned on the manual transmission. You should definitely keep to your license first rule. If she really wants to drive, she will. As a former disrespectful 16 year old girl, I feel like I'm qualified to answer this. :)

License first of course. I don't understand how kids are expecting to get all rights to either the family car or their own. My husband's niece got her license and just expected to get a car. They only had one family car so it would have been her taking the bus or walking to school but she did expect a car.
IN my home growing up, we were all expected to figure out how to et our license ourselves. We were not allowed to drive my father's car (mom did not drive--ever). I got my license at 22, after I was married. I got a marriage license before a driver's license. My oldest sister got her license at 24.

I got my first car when I was 17 years old and I bought it. I had a job and paid for it myself. I did have my car first though before I got my license. It was easier to learn to drive on my own car and get used to it and practice with it. That way when I took my license test, I was already comfortable driving my own car.