Which Preschool Should We Go With?

Hi CM

I have pretty strong opinions about preschools, because my first daughter had such anxiety and such a hard time separating from me. Bring your son to the new preschool and watch his reactions very carefully. I visited 6 preschools with my daughter and at most of them, she clung to me and was very nervous. At one of the preschools, she immediately saw the playground and ran out to play. She told one of the little boys "that toy is special to me and I was playing with it, can I have that back?" and talked to one of the teachers (which for her, was unheard of).

Even though the school was in, shall we say, not the "best area of town" and there were lots of kids there on "scholarships" because they could not afford it, and the school was very old and shabby, I sent my daughter there. This was not the "more popular" school, nor the most prestigious, but my daughter BLOSSOMED there. She grew so much in one year I could not believe it. She made friends of all colors and shapes, and she learned a lot about conflict resolution, interpersonal skills and taking turns.

Kids in the "IT" school learned about sitting quietly with legs crossed right over left, adding, subtracting, counting to 50, coloring within the lines and lots of stuff that a four year old does not need to be burdened with, in my opinion.

I know now that I made the right choice for my daughter, because I gave her what she needed at that time. Try to understand what it is that makes the school so "popular" - is it the "college prep" curriculum? The colorful, new playground equipment? The socioeconomic group of kids? Go in eyes wide open about what makes the school popular, because it may not be important to you (or, more importantly, your son). Choose wisely, and your son will thrive.

Totally agree with the posters who said the 'best school' isn't necessarily the most appropriate for your kiddo. I sent my son for daycare to this school that got high marks and was supposed to be amazing, but when he got to toddler care and was being prepped for preschool I noticed a HUGE difference in how they handled kids. Long story short, I took him out, he stayed home with my Mom and I did my homework on our schools in the area and found a school (not my first pick) that suits my son and his needs. The teachers are amazing and I LOVE that they don't handle punishment like its a criminal offense.

Follow your heart, and listen to it. With my son I wanted to put him in this great school with a waiting list SO long that it took us two years to get a call for an interview...but, when I went there I knew instantly that this school was not going to nuture my creative little ball of energy.

It will work out, but let him be him and work through this 'biting' issues and learn about himself in a comfortable and caring environment.

Hello CM!

I love love love the response before mine -- Mary Beth said it all perfectly. Let your child's reaction to the school be your best judge. They really know what they need developmentally, and everyone now knows that social and emotional intelligence (developmental growth) is the number one most important indicator of academic success in schools... so give him the supportive context in which he can thrive~!

As for biting, we have many techniques to help children throught this and we would never expel them for that behavior.

Every misbehavior is a symptom of a need that is unmet, or "missed."

In the words of Ruth Beaglehole, CNVEP, "Every behavior is a tragic attempt to meet an unmet need... tragic because the behavior in question will NOT result in the need being met."

It is our challenge, every time our child "miss" behaves, to determine what that unmet need is, and then help them to find a behavior that meets that need, rather than misses it!

Lots of Love,
Linda
www.RivieraPlaySchool.com
Redondo Beach, CA

Please go with the one your son is already attending. He knows it and they're, as you wrote, cool. He's going to have a lot to contend with when the baby arrives and so are you. I've been there and had a similar experience where the new NS sends him home for "time out". It was a devastating experience, for which I'm still kicking myself for allowing to happen many years later. I don't care how great that NS is in Manhatten Beach, remember they can afford to be picky and maintain the policy they have. Please do yourself and most importantly, your son the biggest favor and stay put!

Good luck!
K.

I would leave him where he is now.
He is ONLY *almost* 3 years old... his current school seems more adept at treating a child as a child... and not a "little adult."
just my take on it.
Having a parent/teacher conference, is to me, too rigid and structured. Some kids don't do well in environments like that. Some do. But... you need to gauge YOUR child per the environment.. .and muffle out the "reputation" of what is popular... versus what is "best" for YOUR child.

Really, keep up with YOUR child and what HE needs... not keeping up "socially" with where all the most well heeled/popular kids go.

He is biting... this indicates: either stress, frustration, inattention, socializing, and that he still is learning socializing... which is typical of his age. He simply needs to learn communication, identifying his feelings, and KNOWING that he can express himself... but by learning different "coping skills." His biting is emotion based... it will NOT stop, until his emotions are addressed and he is "validated" in how he feels... and "understood" for better or for worse and he knows he has a soft place to fall, no matter what. You pregnant = him stressed = he does not know how to cope and handle it all. Kids this age are NOT adept or literate in emotions yet... it is TOO abstract for them to delineate, by themselves. He needs reassurance in his life.. along with guidance, but not heavy handed "punishing." And he may just be biting to "exert" some sense of control over his world... because inwardly, he does not feel "in control" since so MUCH is happening to him and in his life right now.
* Bear in mind-- that when a child "regresses"... it means they are STRESSED... or under duress, or not happy or not getting what they need.
It is their way to call out for "help" since they cannot articulate it yet, as an adult would.

3 years old is a HARD age... much harder than 2 years old. They change a LOT at this age juncture... AND they will not know how to handle everything.
A great book is: "Your 3 Year Old" and you can get it from www.amazon.com

Well, just my "feeling" on this, per what you said in your post. Your son's current school... seems MUCH more adept at "understanding" children... young children, and they seem more caring. If anything, gradually, when he is ready, I would just enroll him in maybe 3 -5 times per week, for half days. That is what we did with my daughter when she was 3 going on 4 years old, at her preschool. Started her off slow... then even she asked if she could go everyday.

BUT, keep in mind, you are pregnant... and THIS is a BIG DEAL for a child. You must consider the WHOLE child, and his emotional maturity and behavior... because it will GUARANTEE be affected by your pregnancy and the baby when it comes home. HE is "having a baby too"... not just Mommy and Daddy.
To me, your son is going through a lot, and has a lot on his plate to deal with now... you want a school that is compassionate and aware of life's changes upon a child.

All the best,
Susan

Just because it's the "best" school in the district doesn't mean it's the best school for your son. I personally think that if he's doing well where he is at, if it's close to where you live and/or work, and you feel comfortable with him there, I wouldn't change schools just to get into a "more popular" preschool. Wouldn't it be better to have your child in school with his other friends, the children of those moms you're friends with whose children didn't get in? Plus, with you having another one on the way, I think that switching him into a more rigid preschool could be counterproductive. We know that routine is important in childrens' lives and too much upheavel wouldn't be a good thing. My opinion.

I would do whatever I could to minimize the changes that he will have to undergo. Is there a way that you could stay home with him longer than September? The first few years of a child's life are the most important to have a consistent caregiver. Both of your children will need you and with you going to work, you will have minimal time and energy for both. In no way am I trying to judge you, just offering another option in case you have not considered it.
As to your question, if he does go to preschool, I would keep him where he is because he enjoys it and seems comfortable there. Also, the staff is willing to communicate with you and work with you and that is a big plus, as not many schools these days are full of helpful workers. I would increase his number of days there in the event that you go back to work in September.
As far as the biting, he may do that more often or act out in some other way with the baby coming. Often when there are changes in routine, etc., a child will regress to earlier stages, so you may have difficulty with him as far a potty training, bedtime, etc. I would do what I could to make him feel special. Spend 1:1 time with him and talk with him about his role as a big brother. Have relatives spend time with him and maybe bring him something special to signify that he is a big brother. (He will see people bringing you lots of gifts for the new baby, but if they pay attention to him it may minimize his feelings of jealousy.)

Congratulations on the new baby and best of luck.

J.

Hi, there

I read your request twice, and i understand where you are coming from. I am familiar with both preschools that you mentioned, and here are my thoughts. Leap and Bound, from what I heard from friends who send their kids there, is a pretty good school. If your son is already happy there, it probably wouldnt "hurt" to just leave him there. As a mom of 2 young kids, though, I understand why you may considier MB preschool. So why don't you try signing him up for the summer camp there? The summer camp is usually not as crowded and you should be able to get in now. In fact, summer camps are a great way to try any schools that you are interested - no wait list and less pressure. Talk to MB preschool and say that you would like your son to get used to the new school earlier (with you going back to work in Sep and stuff), and I think that they will fit him in. Since he is only going to his L&B 2 afternoons a week, you can continue there and just add a couple more days at MBPS. Now after a few weeks, you and your son will get to know both schools pretty well, and you can then make a decision for the fall.

As for the decipline policy, the "2 stikes" rule is actually pretty common. Even though it sounds bad, in reality, the school (MB preschool in this case) would work with your son at school and work with you to solve the problem. I know a lot of moms there and never heard a comment about the school being "unreasonably" strict about discipline. With that said, I do have one mom friend who complained to me about the treatment her son received at L&B after an incident, which led her to withdraw him. That could just be one individual case, however.

My older one is in preK (a different school in MB) and I looked into both places myself before we ended up at his current school, which we are very happy with. I dont think that there is a perfect school out there, no matter how popular they are; it's really more of a "fit' issue for both parents and the kids. I highly recommend trying out MBPS by going to summer camp there -- a new baby this month (May), your son keeps going to L&B from June-Aug and adding MBPS for the summer camp, then in Sep when you have to go back to work, you can pick the school that your son is the most happy with. I can see you are in a crunch time here, but try not to have too many new things in your son's life at once -- for example, if you leave for work in Sep, and your son is going to a new school he has never been before and there is still that new baby who gets all the attention at home, it's quite a big blow for a 3 year old wouldn't you say? You can soften the blow by letting him try the summer camp at the new school (also to give you a bit more free time with the new baby in the summer).

Best luck to you! I've been there... Trust your instinct and it will all work out!

Hello CM,
As a former preschool teacher, our school never dropped a child for biting even after the 2 strikes were talked about. Schools need a policy limit as to how long they will tolerate chronic unsocialable behavior, yet most are willing to work with families who take a genuine effort to correct the problem at home.
Biting is effective, the perpetrated goes away quickly, it hurts, and the perpetrator is victorious even if there is a penalty afterwards. The penalty has to hurt more than the gratification of the behavior. I'm not saying physical punishment, but at his age, you can put him in the bathroom for a 2 min. time out. Children hate being isolated in the bathroom and are not able to hurt themselves there. They may throw a fit, that's fine, it is ok to be upset, it is not ok to bite.
Good luck,
Wendy

Ihave to agree with the leave him where he is, he is happy there, you are happy there, and it seems that the popular school might be a bit too strict for such young students. They also have the advantage of a waiting list, so kicking out one student will not be a hardship on them, they can just fill that opening ASAP. With the arrival of a sibling your son has enough changes going on without moving him to a new school too. Children learn better in a loving place, a place where the teachers are have patience, with ALL sorts of normal kid issues (like biting) where the teachers can help the student redirect and use words to express himself. How do you think your son (at the age of 3) will feel if he can not use his words and then BAM he is no longer allowed at the new school where he was just starting to feel comfy? Along with new sibling, new school, and then he bites.....another new school.....seems like a bit much! God bless and may He quide you in your decisions.

Go with the preschool that makes you,your family, and most importantly your son happy. Why deal with the drama of taking him out of a school that he is happy with, to put him in one that you're not sure about? Just because a school is ranked the best, doesn't necessarily mean that its the right fit for your son. This is really what it comes down to. Don't chose a school just because of rank or district. Chose a school because you feel get that nice warm fuzzy feeling that lets you know your son is receiving everything (or as much as possilbe) he needs.

I was faced with a similar dilemma with my two children. I was being pressured to enroll my little ones in a very highly ranked pre-school. But it didn't 'feel' right to me for a variety of reasons. Instead I chose a very little known church run preschool closer to home in definitely a worse district. I've never regretted my decision. The fit was good. Even though I wasn't a church member, not even the same religion, I always felt so at home there. It wasn't just about education, and yes they received an excellent education. It was about teachers and parents working together to raise happy, healthy, educated pre-schoolers. I chose to not even apply to one of the hardest schools to get into purely because my children were already receiving everything they need at their current school. As they say why fix what isn't broken.

I second Julia, The "best school" isnt necessarily the best for your son. Hes only 3. Can he go to the "best school" the next year when he is 4?

I have 2 preschool aged children, and really feel that the point of preschool is socializing and imaginative play, with a little learning thrown in. The idea that there are "elite" preschools has always struck me as a bit strange. It sounds to me that the school your son is at is a loving and compassionate environment where he could thrive and learn appropriate social skills. With the big change of a sibling coming, I would try to minimize the other changes in his life. He may very well do some more acting out when his sibling arrives, and you will want it to be handled kindly. The only reason I would switch is if he is not thriving where he is, or if getting into the other preschool increases his chances for getting into their elementary school because of priority for kids attending the preschool or something.

I would say, just leave him where he is. He will have a lot of change coming up with a new baby and you going back to work in Sept. Best to keep that to a minimum. And his present school seems to be more able to help you and him out with the biting issue than the other school.

And, more importantly, it is just pre-school. I know it seems like a big choice right now, but if he knows his letters and numbers, colors and shapes and can write the alpabet--he will do fine in kindergarten. I was once under the assumption that my kids had to have the best pre-school in town to succeed at school--but have been pleasantly surprised to find that is not the case. My first 2 did go to "best" place in town and do great in school--my 3rd went to another pre-school (the first one raised their prices A LOT and became too academic for my taste for a 4-5 year old) and he is actually doing very well in school--in some cases better than his siblings did at his age!! My 4th & 5th will have to go to yet another pre-school (our 2nd one is closing due to the economy-sigh), but I know they will be fine!!! Just as your son will, in the school he attends. Take this time to enjoy with him before your life gets even more crazy with a newborn!! Congratulations and have fun!!

Hi C M, Your son is a baby ! and I mean this in a loving way, he's still very young and he doesn't have that many ways to communicate with the world. Even though he may be having a great time in preschool, it's still alot of interaction, activity and demand on him. This is a time of nurturing and so much development for these little guys. He may need alittle more time to be able to handle the "school" time at a longer day. I think it is unfair to think the MB preschool/babysitting/daycare is "better" than any other
Leap and Bound is awesome or he wouldn't be there still, right? He's familiar with the staff there, and you need to take that into consideration too.
No judgement here, but maybe with all the changes with a new sibling and you going back to work, your son should have that familiar place. What's the view from his world? Mom is going to be preoccupied with a new person that has come into the house and now I have to go somewhere that is new and I don't like everything new...
give it some thought, he can't even say these things to you now and may act out on them without even knowing what's happening. The biting thing will pass, but the bigger picture is good to look at.
Try not to look at the school choice by what other Mom's
say is the best, but where your child is in their life.
Talk to the staff at the new school and let them know your thoughts and concerns too. They will respect your conversations about the welfare of your son.
He's a baby!!! and your are his mom. You will do the right thing for him! good luck and happy delivery Deb

CM
It is so frustrating, I know! I don't want to scare you, but my son bit for a long time. We were at the point where we were about to take him to couseling when it stopped. I was pregnant at the time, and I think that had a lot to do with it. When the baby was born, he sort of started up again, but this time it was more deliberate. Before we thought it was because he lacked language (he's mostly Spanish speaking in an English only school) and that he was acting out of frustration. Anyway, I just want you to know that it can go on for a long time. My son's school was so cooperative, and so were the parents. Everyone was supportive. That is what you need, especially because you are about to have a baby. What will you do for childcare if they kick him out? Personally, I think that is sort of a lame policy to expell kids for biting twice. They are basically saying you and your kid have to be perfect to go to their school or else you're out! Is that the kind of environment you want your kid in?

at the time when my chidlren were pre-school age the 2 "popular" in MB were Montessori on Peck and on MB blvd. one of them did not allow any kind of questionalbe behavior and my friend's child was actully kicked out. i did not think they would hold to that with how much they were charging a month i thought they'd be happy to have anybody to give them that much, yet they did...
Hope your problems resovles one way or another. at the end they did find good fit for the fighting baby at the other school and he went through many years there.
Good Luck
V.

Hello CM.

I think the worst thing to do with you son being "terrific 2", having a new baby to adjust to, and your return to work is to add a change in school environment to the mix. If it were elementary school and it was a "great school in MB" then it would be different. Preschool is about ABC's 123's, writing your name,working on social skills and getting a routine down. I'm really don't thiink that the advantages of the new school could really be so impactful at this stage to risk subjecting your son to the change at this time. If your current school is flexible enough to work with you on this biting issue, that is a major thing in their favor. The other school seems to simply have a "policy" on it. Stick with the same school and try to keep change at a minimum right now. I was in the same situation with my two sons. ONe was two and one was on the way and about to leave a caregiver that stayed home with only him to go off to school. It took two months before he stopped throwing an absolute fit every morning when I dropped him off. It was so bad I ended up writing a book called MY NEW SCHOOL to try to help him adjust.

Leave your son where he is and pay as much extra attention to him right now, they seem to have a way of knowing that their territory is about to be compromised. That could have something to do with the re-surfacing of the biting problem.

Best of luck

www.watchmegrowkids.com is the site for my book

He'll be older in september, and hopefully "grow" out of it. If you are completely happy w/ where your son is now, why would you change? The "best" school isn't the best for everyone.

Good Morning!

As a mom that worked child care for a decade+, go with the center that fits YOUR style of parenting/lifestyle. If sending a child home after 2 (TOTALLY "appropriate" for the age) offenses seams reasonable to you then go for the "better" center. If that seams to be a bit over the top to you (as it does to me) then perhaps the other center is better for you and your son. Personally, I understand that no mom wants to pick up her child to be told that they were bit, HOWEVER, it just happens! It is a phase kids go through. Especially during the ages where they are gaining a strong command of a "new" language. He is not yet able to put his feelings into words, but the oral sensation of biting conveys his thoughts exactly (the oral fixation for some kids is a long hard battle, but completely normal).
Go with your gut and you can't really go wrong...

Good Luck!
H.

I live in your area and have heard great things about both of those pre-schools. Would it be possible to defer your son's admission into MBP until Jan? I honestly think it may be difficult for him if you transition him to a new school at the exact same time you go back to work. And since he already has an issue with biting it is possible (although not definite of course) that he may act out in this manner due to the change.

Will he be going to summer school or staying home with you? If he is home with you all summer, it will be hard going back to school, but I suspect it will be even harder to start at a new school.

My son goes to the Montessori School of MB and they allowed me to put off our acceptance when I had my daughter because of the same situation. They had a spot for him opening the exact same day I was to return to work after being home with him for 2 months on my maternity leave!

Hopefully the school will be willing to work with you.