Who Has Had a Preemie?

Maybe give her a call if you're planning to do some grocery shopping and see if there's anything you can pick up for her. I think that's something she'll appreciate now, and even more after the baby comes home.

Well does she have an older child?

Besides prayer, what helped the most when I had my 26 week, 1 lb 11oz son, was when someone took my 20 month old on a fun outing. We lived just 2 blocks away from the hospital where he was for three months, so we were able to more or less live there. But it was always nice when the toddler had something to do other than hanging out at the hospital with me. Also preemie diapers, onsies and outfits were helpful!

(btw, said preemie is now a 17 year old happy healthy high school senior in the throws of the college app process.)

:)

Since she won't be able to drive for a week or so, maybe offer to drive her to and from the hospital so she can cuddle with her newbie. She's going to need a lot of emotional support, so just let her know that you're there if she needs to unload her feelings. Make sure she's eating and taking care of herself, remind her that babies are resilient, and get her excited about when her son finally comes home! Encourage her to breastfeed or pump to help bond, and help her get the nursery together... she'll have to buy a few preemie outfits and diapers, so you can help her out with that as well. Just remind her that their time apart is temporary, and maybe make her a little calendar so she can count down the days until baby day!! Stay positive; she'll feed off that :) Take pictures of the baby so she can look at them at home; maybe frame one for the nursery. It's emotionally hard, but has been tons by tons of mommies before! Ask a nurse in the NICU if she can have one of his shirts or blankets, something that smells like him, for her to keep on her :) Congrats to her and good luck! You're a good friend!!

My first son was unexpectedly born at 32 weeks and he spent 14 days in the hospital, but he was 5lbs. Vaginal birth also. He's perfectly healthy now, super smart, athletic, etc. That said, I was really really lonely. My husband worked all the time (to keep the insurance up as some said, and to keep his paternity leave for when baby came home). We were new in town, and my dad came for 2 days, my mom came for 4, my bff came for 2 days. But yeah---that still left a whole week alone except at night when were sleeping (husband would go straight from work to the hospital to hold baby's hand, sing, do a feeding at night.....I was there about 16 hours a day everyday). So....food, laundry, cleaning are very very helpful and great ideas. But just being there, being around, or at least phoning would really be great! If she has children already, I do agree that someone's suggestion to babysit the children would be awesome so she can go to nicu or sleep. Babies in the nicu are actually not allowed to have anything in their little "crib" from outside the hospital, but they'll probably give mom a lovey for the baby, for her to sleep with and give to the baby while she's not there. She will need some preemie diapers and footed pjs, and I don't know anyone that has those in preemie size ahead of time. I'd suggest if you have a little time to spend some time helping her start a baby book to give her a little distraction, or look at what she's already done. A pedicure would be wonderful, but not sure if you could get her away from the hospital long enough. New moms, especially ones with a baby in the hospital, have difficulty remembering to take care of themselves. Perhaps a little gift basket with some things to pamper herself, some healthy treats, her favorite magazine or a new book. I really like an earlier suggestion to not be scared to talk about the baby and be upbeat about him. Take a couple pictures of her with the baby too! I have only 2 of me holding him in the hospital.

My sister's son was just shy of 33 weeks himself and about the same weight. He did fine. He was in the NICU for about 3 weeks and has been home for a while now. He was a big boy by NICU standards.

What the parents needed most was understanding and things like someone to pop in on the pets. Ask your friend what she needs or offer specifics. Or, if you have time, do things like just show up and rake their lawn (or shovel snow!).

When my nephew came home, he had a monitor so any outfits needed to be something they could snake the wires through. I got some preemie clothes from a friend, but by the time my nephew got them, his head was too big! If you get him outfits (which he won't wear at first), consider things with snaps so they can leave some head room. If they don't have a preemie insert for their carseat, consider finding them one (per the NICU's specs...he'll have to sit in it for an hour to go home).

my sister just had one at 34 weeks. i think what helped her the most was having others to watch her kids while she went to see the baby. another idea is to go with her. i went with my mom a few times to visit the baby but it's really boring so i'm thinking going with her to visit the baby would be nice.

Meals is the first thing - thank you for thinking of that! If she has other children, she would probably love help watching them so she can go visit her little boy. Anything you can think of to make her life easier, really. Other than that, just be there for her. Ask about her son and how he's doing. A lot of people are hesitant to ask, thinking that it must be bad news if he's in the hospital. But at 32 weeks he's probably fine, just needs to grow and learn to eat.

Oh - and after a week or so, she might also enjoy a pedicure (or whatever you guys do for fun) with you - something to take her mind off of the uncertainty and new routine. Thought of one more - she'll hopefully be pumping for her little boy and taking the milk to the hospital. Pumping is boring work... so magazines to read or books to keep her mind occupied while she's pumping?

Meals are good. Maybe cleaning the house, doing laundry, or asking if she needs help finishing setting up the nursery? Hope you get some good ideas!

My daughter had her baby 5 weeks early but she only stayed in the NICU for 6 days longer than mama. So it wasnt long but still difficult to go home without her baby. I suggest if possible, you offer her rides to and from the hospital as often as she needs. Dont be surprised at how often she wants to go. Be willing to stop and pick up meds and anything else she may need. When you take her to see her baby, just go sit in the waiting room and dont expect to sit in the room with her while she holds and feeds the baby. Take along a book, or something else to occupy your time but be there for when she realizes how tired she is and needs to go home. And then 15 minutes later when she wants to go back..lol. really, she will. Or if she has any other children, take care of them.

I had a preemie. Clothing. Chances are she doesn't have any preemie clothes. I needed rides to and fro because I had a c-section so I wasn't permitted to drive. If she is going to be driving herself, consider getting her a gift card for gas. If she has pets or plants, offer to care for those while she is spending time at the hospital. Also, if she is planning on breast feeding, you could get her storage bags/bottles. Some preemies cannot take a bottle so the nursing staff will store mom's milk on premises.

I've had two preemies and you've got some great suggestions so far. I would ask her about the baby shower. Let her know you have no problems canceling it if she would like. That way she doesn't feel any pressure to chose it over her baby. With my first I was at the hospital for 12-16 hours a day I would not have done a baby shower until later. She also might be hesitant to do a welcome home party later on as a lot of doctors suggest to not expose preemies to a lot of people the first few months especially since it's winter right now and if the baby has had any respiratory issues. You might suggest a shower without the baby and let her chose. Most of all just give her your support, lend an ear when she needs it and help out with whatever she needs no matter how mundane.

My first baby was born about this same time and was 4lbs. 10 oz. He was also frank breech and I delivered vaginally. In those days no sonograms were done and they didn't realize he was breech until too late. With a baby in the hospital for 3 weeks I felt very much like I'd had a lot of pain and nothing to show for it. At that time they did not allow you to even hold your baby at all if born early. What I appreciated was food that was brought in but mostly just rest. I think after the baby came home 3 weeks later I needed some help but mainly just rest when he slept and yet it's scary having such a tiny baby alone when it's your first one. Maybe someone scheduling a time to go over and just 'be there' to rock and talk with her, etc. would help out. It really depends on what she would like so I would just ask her how you can help. It's a hard time without the baby home but she can probably go to the hospital and see him and hold him, etc. and will be more ready that I was since things have definitely changed now. I would ask and hope she'll tell you how to help and she may have ideas after the baby comes home too. I did find it VERY hard in that day to find preemie clothes so that would be a help to give some as gifts, preemie diapers are available now too. I had not much of either. Of course they don't use them for long so I wouldn't get too many outfits that are preemie. I would think if it was myself that I would prefer a welcome home after the baby came home. She may not prefer that though.

My middle daughter was born at 32 weeks and was 4 lbs. My in laws helped care for my oldest and worked with the hubby to get the nursery finished. They also took care of meals and the house so I could spend all my time at the hospital. I wound up buying preemie clothes at the hospital gift shop, and had to hunt for preemie diapers (this was 10 years ago). She was 5 weeks old before we finally had her baby shower.

My SIL delivered at 30 weeks (2 pounds 1 ounce), very unexpectedly. Little one did remarkably and never needed any intervention but an IV and went home about 5 weeks old. But that time, at first, was a day to day existance. Her days were spent at the hospital. Dad went as much as he could, but had to work as much as he could to maintain insurance and income, and to ensure his time off when Little Miss Miracle came home!

They now needed some things not planned for and mom had little time to shop. One thing was preemie clothes. They can be spendy and hard to find, even brand new! I got right on that and located a bunch thru Craigslist and found great deals on "lots" or bunch buys of them. They were in great shape and just what she needed for in the hospital and the first many weeks at home with all the spitting up and messy blow outs baby have and the laundry levels.

I felt good that it was a big thing she needed that I could contribute with my own busy busy working schedule.

I didn't have a preemie, although she was under 5 lbs & stayed 6 months. For some reason, we did not get a lot of visitors. I was glad our pastor came every week but not a lot of others visited. (Maybe they thought it was not allowed at a Children's Hospital?)

Anyway, going to visit/calling on the phone is priceless.

When my boys were born early - I left the hospital without them as well - it's heartbreaking.

Greg was my first...as my daughter was on-time and at the time 12 years old and living with her dad...so I didn't have much to worry about - just getting to the hospital for feedings - I know that sounds blaze' - I wanted someone to sit with me but since Greg was in the NICU, space was limited.

Nicky, on the other hand, he was touch and go. He had flat-lined and stopped breathing in front of me. Bob couldn't come to the hospital because he was home taking care of Greg, who was 2 and 2 year olds are not allowed in our NICU. I needed someone to take care of Greg (we put him in pre-school/Kindercare).

I think the takethemeal is great! If she has other kids, make sure they are getting out and having fun. Does she need a ride to the hospital? Be sure to let her know you are there for her. Not just for meals. It's a trying time. Especially if there are complications.

God speed to the baby and family!

Cancel the party and plan one for after baby comes home safe and sound. In the meantime talk to her about what, if anything, she needs. Just be honest and say I am wondering if you need help. Perhaps the nursery has not been set up and you can send some people over to help her and hubs get it done in record time so they can get back to the hospital. Or maybe they need a bassinet or co-sleeper since baby will be so small. If you have keys to her house and you are really close, consider going over and cleaning her house for her or at least checking the mail, watering the plants kind of stuff. She will be solely focused on spending every waking moment at the NICU so try to do all of the extra "life chores" for her but mainly just let her know you are there for her! Also, gather magazines, books, an ipod, laptop, etc. and make sure she has things to keep her mind occupied while in the NICU.