Why Did I Have to Look?

Stop looking. There will be other houses in other towns that you love as much if not more once you see them in person. Wait to look until you've started the process of at least getting pre-approved for a loan.

Both of you look at everything available and evaluate what is important to you.
We looked at over a dozen houses when we moved and there were things we liked about most of them but we picked a sprawling ranch house in a good school district on 3 acres.
You need to go over the pluses and minuses and sleep on it before making a big decision like this.
Is one property more prone to flooding than another?
How much will it cost to heat/cool it?
How much of a haul will it be for the kids to get to school?
There are a lot of things to consider besides a barn or lack thereof.

i agree if it was possible I;d look closer to where he works unless he eventually wants to work near where you're planning on buying. Thats a long commute and work day

Personally I would not by a home with a "friend". Can you afford it on your own?

Unless you are related or married, this can ruin a friendship.

Make sure you get legal advice about this.

I would NOT get a house an hour and a half away from his work. That is just crazy!! I think you should look closer to his work.

A bit of advice, get pre-approved...THEN look. Do NOT get attached to a house you see online. We looked at so many houses on line, not one of them looked as good in person. Also remember, the house might be purchased by the time you are able to purchase. Actually, I suggest not getting attached to houses at all. It's a rollercoaster, and your offers aren't always accepted. Our house is 42 years old. It was well kept. We looked at houses that were decades younger, but much less kept. My sister bought a house that way 2 years old and has put thousands into repairs. We've only had very minor repairs, nothing at all costly. You need to look at the shape of the house, much more then the age. Also, you need to keep in mind additional costs. You are responsible for repairs, bills go up. Responsibility goes up. You have to factor how much money you will have AFTER the house is purchased, to repair something should it come up. There is so much more cost, then just the mortgage payment. All that acreage costs A LOT to keep up with. You have to buy lawn equipment that can handle it. Barns cost just like houses in upkeep. You SHOULD not be looking at any house, before you know you even qualify for a loan, and not only how much you qualify for, but how much you can afford without being stretched. It's a REALLY BAD idea to look before.

I have some questions...

How can you love a house you've never seen up close? It could be a hot mess once you get down to the nitty gritty. Those pictures could be old. You never know.

And, why are you looking at houses when you're not pre-approved yet?

And, what about what your BF wants? I saw a whole lot of "I" in your post, but not any "we". Also, how long have you been together?

Personally, I would never consider a house that would make my spouse drive further & longer to work, ever. Do you work or have a commute? An hour sucks, let alone an hour & a half. It really wears on a person. I'm surprised you'd even give that house another thought, honestly. If anything, having more time with my mate & getting us in a house that was more convenient for him would be at the top of the list.

My advice is not to get emotionally invested in a "thing". A thing that is a life long commitment, and a thing that there are so many of. Why limit yourself until you've considered all options? Options that benefit the whole family & that the family agrees on?

You're being highly emotional about houses you have not even set foot in yet. Think about it -- you are "in love" with houses instantly, based only on their descriptions, not on what you have seen for yourself. Visit them, and don't do short visits, either; spend plenty of time looking at each one. And look at many others too, putting aside all this emotion. This is a business transaction, and though we all want to love our houses, you need to approach this with less emotion and more practicality. Be sure you are working with a well-established, experienced realtor who can ask the right questions -- both of you and of the sellers -- and who will guide you away from being so in love with a house that you don't see its flaws.

Remember, what you see or read on the Internet or in house listings is the rosiest, best possible spin on a house. They could be perfect -- or in need of asbestos abatement that would add thousands to the price. The barn could be a wreck inside, in need of renovations that will add to the costs. Those "out in the country" roads to the dream house could be a nightmare for your boyfriend every winter as he tries to get to work amid the Minnesota snows; have you found out if they're plowed reliably and by whom? And so on.

I'm not saying assume the worst, but at the same time, go into this with your eyes open to the reality that house listings are designed to make the house look just like your dream home, and to prevent you from thinking about things like snow-blocked driveways and serious renovation needs.

And yes, I agree with others here that you should wait and see what loan amount you're approved for before you look further, so you know your limits and don't try to stretch them to get that perfect house. I have seen so many foreclosures around here where folks got big loans to have the houses they loved, only to lose those houses to the bank. And think hard now about the legal situation that will arise between you and your boyfriend should one of you later want to back out of this mortgage, leaving the other one with the full responsibility for the house.

Where do you work? If you are not working, then I would think you should look for a house in or very close to where he is working. If you are working, I would split the difference. No way would I make my SO drive 1-1/2 hours each way so I could be near my parents. I also would not start looking until I was pre-approved. It would be way more inconvenient to drive 3 hours a day, than to drive 10 miles to see the horse.

Personally I would stop looking until you know how much you can borrow. You will either be really happy or disappointed with the amount. Our current home was built in 2005 and let me tell you that even newer homes have problems. Example: they built our house so fast that they screwed up quite a bit, two or the showers water lines are backward, our hose by the pool is connected to the hot water. These are just a couple of things that our inspector found.

As long as the house was well cared for (not just updated to keep with the current deco fashion) and the current owner has taken care of things in and around the home. Like the heating/cooling, electrical, plumbing etc. then an older home is just fine. When you do agree on a home PLEASE make sure you have an inspection no matter what the age of the home and if it is an "as is" sale.

I think it's good that you looked. A home is a MAJOR purchase and you better love it so much that you can look and look and look and still not find anythign better if you're going to buy it. On that same note, as others have noted, buying with a bf, no matter how serious you are, can be a sticky sticky situation. One of my good friends at work is in a realtionship with a man who purchased a house AND a condo with a former gf (they had been together 8 years and thought they were going to get married) and he's still dealing with the legal hassles of this co-ownership with his ex.

I would look south. It's a buyer's market and it sounds like you have nice options.

Where I live, $125K would get you a 1 bed/1 bath condo in a really run down complex. The other houses you describe would be over $700K. 1978 would be considered fairly new (my last house was built in 1900, this one in 1952).

I don't mean to minimize your angst, but you are in a great place with great options - look at everything, and see them in person! The right home will appeal to both of you and be a good fit for location as well. When you find your home, you just know - you walk in and it feels like home.

I'm sorry, you might not find this helpful. I just had to point out something you said- that driving 10 miles a day to care for a horse would be "inconvenient". Yet your boyfriend is driving about 3 hours a day. Wow. Just... wow...

Anyhow, since you asked what I would do- I'd be looking for a house closer to his work, regardless of the fact that he is willing to do the commute. If you're going to be going to your parents' house on a daily basis, and he's going to be going to work on a daily basis, then the best thing for everyone would be to find a house half-way between his work and your parents. If he is commuting to work more than you're going to be commuting to your parents, then the house should be closer to his work. It only makes sense.

I hope everything works out for you, it sounds like you have a lot of issues to work through...

I'd look for a home closer to where my husband worked. For him to commute and hour to 1.5 hours per day is awful besides being expensive (gas, wear and tear on a vehicle, brakes, tires, filters, etc).

Be nice to your husband and find a place close to where he works. I had a 10 minute commute. My wife has a 15 minute commute. We used to commute over an hour. What a difference being close makes.

Good luck to you and yours.

I wouldn't look for anything until my boyfriend was my fiance and/or got the pre-approval done first.

A house is a huge commitment and if your relationship happens to not work out you will have to figure out what to do with this house and being a girlfriend is certainly different than a wife in terms of legal rights.

I'm old fashioned. I've personally seen too many friends and acquaintences get burnt putting the proverbial cart before the horse. Buying a house that would be more centrally located closer to his current job would be better. A long commute can cause more that wear and tear on a car but on a relationship as well.

Look at many homes. You will discover your love can go from this one to that one pretty quickly. I looked at over 150 homes before buying my first home. I needed something very specific and there wasn't much inventory that would meet my needs so it took a long time.

Wow! You are SO lucky you live somewhere so inexpensive! Here a 3 bedroom house in suburbia built in the 40s with no land is over $300,000. Lucky lucky lucky!!!! I wish I could have land and a barn! I don't have advice for you though for which house to buy...good luck with your decision.

I don't mean to burst your bubble, but get your pre-approval done first and then go look. Once you actually know you will be funded it will really help you make the best decision.

Have you actually looked at the second house in person? or just online?

Buying a house can be a serious roller coaster. Just make sure you are realistic in what you need and want and look at the future. Where do you want to live in 10 years? Where do you want your kids to live? What school district? Will you want horses on YOUR property in the near future?

It used to be suggested to buy a house for "now" and then sell in 5 years and make some money. That's not the case right now. Buy for the long term.

Good luck, have fun, and keep your mind open to ALL the possibilities. :)

i could cry that you can get all that for such a low price!
12 years ago i paid more for that for less than 4 acres with a goat shack that we converted to a barn!
resign yourself to the fact that there will be a little angst over the rejected one whichever way you go.
i had vicious buyer's remorse after we signed on this place and spent a month wringing my hands over all the negatives. on moving day i came early and walked the property line, smudging and saying prayers, and since that time this has been 100% home.
good luck with yours, and with finding your Perfect Pony!
:) khairete
S.

You have to look! so that you can way all options. There is so much out there.

I'd be pushing for the 1978 with the barn & riding arenas.... :)

But I think you should keep looking, and try to find something that is closer to his work and your family, if that is a concern for you. I would hate to have to commute that much every day, so I would probably do what I could to make that commute shorter.

And if my parents had land where I could keep a horse & lived 10 miles from me, I'd have a horse there RIGHT NOW. :) Just sayin' (that I'm a little horse crazy)!

Good luck with your search. You won't probably find everything that you want in one piece of property, but make a list of all the things you want and prioritze them, and that will help you when you compare the houses on the market to your priority list.

Try to find one that you BOTH fall in love with. I would also want to make the commute to and from work as short as possible.

I also agree with the mama that suggested you get pre-approved.

I did wonder why so many bath rooms in both places....is this normal for homes in your area of the country?

Blessings....

The age of a home is relative. My home is over 100 years old and does work but most of it is cosmetic, like paint and refinishing the woodwork. My house is as solid as a rock. So to say a house built in 1978 is not really an old house.
Before you 'fall in love' with any house have it inspected or at least go through it with someone who knows construction. That person will see things that you and I would probably not even notice. Like plumbing issues, wiring that is outdated ect.

As far as being married before you purchase. Talk to an attorney and see what paperwork has to be filed to form an domestic partnership. It protects both of you in case you break-up or one of you dies without a will.

You could also do a simple wedding with the officiant of your choice in your parents backyard and have a cook out for the food. I perform weddings and I know I charge less than a judge. You can go online and search for an officiant and any other services you would like to have. You can do a wedding for only a few thousand and have a nice day to remember and share your joy with your friends and family.

I personally prefer newer houses. Less upkeep and no worrying about lead paint chips and stuff like that. But you have to go with your heart.

Spend the extra 10k I'd save on house #2 prettying up house #1. Learning to do your own work (installing floors, drywall, etc.) brings your construction costs down to 1/10th-1/3rd of hiring it out. ((Go get addicted to 'This Old House'))

Building a barn, however, requires permitting (how many permits and what type depend on your city and county), which is neither cheap nor swift, and also requires plans by an architect (not cheap), inspectors (cheaper than the others), possibly laying electricity or plumbing (reeeeally not cheap), grading and fencing (not cheap), etc.

Barn raising is actually reeeeeally simple, and fairly inexpensive. I've done it with friends in 2 days (in another country). It's the PROCESS of getting to the barn raising legally that costs an arm and a leg. The actual supplies for a 300'x100' barn would only cost a few thousand depending on your area. (Of course, you could country-club it to 100k, but I'm thinking a comprable barn to what you described). But the LEAST I'd estimate for a legal barn the same size is 25k-50k, and easily double that.

It would be worth it, however, to check into your local laws and see if you can legally 'barn-raise' without paying 10x the cost of the materials.

1 1/2 hour commute each way is crazy. Older houses (more than 50 years old) will always have issues. Considering that around here you can't get a decent home for under 300,000 I think you are in a good position.

It's good to look around. You don't have to buy the first house you see. Both of you have to make this decision. Also if you look some more you may find what you like even closer to your boyfriends work.

In this economy, you won't even be able to consider a house without being pre-qualified for a loan. You have no business looking for a house without being pre-qualified for a home. Financially speaking, without pre-qualification, you won't have a real picture of how much money or purchasing power you have.

Just based on what you've shared, I suspect you wouldn't qualify for this property. You'll need 20 percent down and most formulas won't prequalify you if your debt outweighs income.

Your best bet is to find a finance counselor who can help you both put together a real budget and savings plan so you can have a proper down payment and pre-approved loan so you can realistically plan a future. Right now it's all pipe dreams.

Even if you were to get the home, if it's old and needs lots of work, it isn't a $128,000 home...it's more likely a $200,000 home. Electrical, new roof, siding, weatherizing, landscaping and so on will add up fast...causing your monthly expenses to skyrocket if you don't have funds readily available for home improvements along with a down payment for purchase. Add commute costs, daycare costs if you have to work, and day to day survival, this home could quickly become a money pit.

But honestly, most banks would never let the purchase get that far...nor would a scrupulous realtor. They'd tell you from the get go to find something else or wait longer and save your money until you can do things right.

There will be no house with no pre-approval in this housing market. Those days are over...even if you're buying a foreclosed home. No banks are willing to deal with high risk anymore.