Why Do I Feel like This to My Hubby?

I have been with husband for 8 years and I have felt that way. A lot more recently. Everytime I feel this way I just remind myself that it's because I need a change in my daily routine. I'm home all day taking care of an 11 month old, 2, and 1 year old. Tony Robbins talks about it in one of his CDs. He says that sometimes that is a reason that people cheat because ther're so tired of their usual routine and look for something different. So, you guys should try doing something new or something you haven't done in a long time. Just my 2 cents.

Good morning J.. First of all, you're not crazy. This is normal for a relationship. You're in that "routine rut"...What you need to do, is break away from the ordinary everyday schedule. Get creative! Some couples don't know how to do that, so they argue, and then have fun making up. This is not the way to go about spicing up the relationship...Maybe a week-end getaway is just what you need.

Morning J.;

That feeling isn't just a "woman" thing, men also feel that!

In the north it is called "Cabin Fever"! Some places in the east it is called "Trapped"!
You've heard the expression "Grass is Greener on the other side of the Fence"! Well basically you have days that you
feel that way!
On us guys they say we have the 40 year old itch! We go out and buy a motorcycle, a spify sports convertible, we start
going to the jim to get in shape!
O.K. now you know what you have, so what do you do to change it?
You did not mention any "Friends"? You didn't say anything about doing things for yourself?
This ole man's recomendation is a simple one: Find a girl friend and the two of you spend a day a week out, go shopping, go to the movie, get your hair done, go to a spa
and get a massage! If your not a people person, then go do these things by yourself! Maybe once a week is too often,
try once a month, or when you are having that "trapped" feeling, then go!
You have a great family, great kids and a good husband, you
have a fantastic life,>>>>ENJOY IT!!
B. C.

If I read this correctly, you met your husband when you were 15 and were married at 17? It seems only natural that you would be having "growing pains" and wondering what else there is out there. You are 29 which means that you have been with him almost half of your life and it is natural to have thoughts of "IS THIS ALL" when approaching milestones in life (like your 30th Birthday).

Perhaps a marriage retreat like Marriage Encounter would help each of you remember why and how you fell in love and assist you in planning for the future. You don't want to let these "fleeting" thoughts ruin your marriage, so perhaps it is time for a chat with your husband to clear the air.

Hope you get some good responses.
blessings,
stacy

Rent the movie "Fireproof" staring Kirk Cameron. My husband and I just watch it last night. It's about fireproofing your marraige. It was GREAT! Hold on to the Love, you can't go by feeling as they are mood swings that change like the weather, which can be deceiving at times. Best wishes to you and many blessings.

I think most women feel that way sometimes. One big mistake we make is assuming that our husbands know what we need to make us happy. They really don't, in fact, most of the time they are clueless. If you want something or have expectations that you feel aren't being met - you have to say so. Ask for what you want and love him the way you want to be loved in return. Consider getting your hormones and thyroid checked, too. Sometimes when our bodies are "off," everything seems out of balance in our lives. Try to remember what drew you to your husband in the first place. It's all still there, hidden under the pressure of real life. Just take the time to sift through it and maybe you will rediscover him.

J.

I recommend "Weekend to Remember", which is Christian conference that is created by FamilyLife. The next conferences coming this way are:

Houston (The Woodlands)
Hotel Info:
The Woodlands Waterway Marriott Hotel
1601 Lake Robbins Dr
Spring TX 77380-1162
Phone: ###-###-####
Event Info:
The Woodlands Waterway Marriott Hotel
1601 Lake Robbins Dr
Spring, TX 77380-1162
Event Dates: 05/01/2009 - 05/03/2009

Houston (Sugar Land)
Hotel Info:
Sugar Land Marriott Town Square
16090 City Walk
Sugar Land TX 77479-6539
Phone: ###-###-####
Event Info:
Sugar Land Marriott Town Square
16090 City Walk
Sugar Land, TX 77479-6539
Event Dates: 05/15/2009 - 05/17/2009

http://www.familylife.com/

You can visit the familylife link to get pricing and full info about the event. These conferences are WONDERFUL for ANY marriage. Marriages that are great can be even better, marriages that are struggling can be healed and even marriages that are done can be new again.

I'll keep your situation in my prayers.

My advice is "Fake it 'til you make it."

Act lovingly towards him, in the same way you would want him to treat you.

Try it for a few months, and see if your feelings have changed.

It's awesome that you recognize your feelings are illogical. That's wisdom. Just remember that and whatever you do, don't act on this emotion in a way that would destroy your marriage. The advice given to you has been good. I just wanted to say kudos on your wisdom and courage to recognize this and actually ask for help. You could also start rekindling your relationship, even if you don't feel like it. Feelings will follow your actions. Start wearing sexy underwear. Plan a surprise night out for him. Buy a bunch of cards you like and mail them to him at his work, or leave them for him somewhere he'll find them alone. Start finding ways to make him happy and you'll get the focus off of yourself. He'll respond appropriately and you'll be getting the attention you want as well. Most of the time when I become dissatisfied with my life is because I'm focusing too much on myself and start believing things that aren't true. You can get more ideas from the Love Dare Challenge book - found anywhere: Sams, bookstores, online, etc. It's the same concept found in the movie Fireproof. If your marriage isn't exactly what you want it to be, then start changing it yourself and do not wait for him to step up. He will come along and maybe even take over. :-)

sounds to me like you might just need to re-connect with your hubby. maybe plan a date night once a month or every 2 weeks if you can? or try after the kids go to bed to just do something with him, whether it be watch tv or a movie together or play cards or whatever you like to do. try bringing up subjects that are "grown-up" things, not about the kids...news headlines or work maybe?
or maybe you also need to find some "you" time...start a new hobby or have a girls' night every couple weeks, start reading regularly...anything that is just for you and doesn't involve kids =)
I'm not sure if this is even the right direction of advice, but hope it helps =)

Hey J.,
You have great advice here. I just wanted to add that we are doing a relationship series at my church around Fireproof. Message me if you'd like me to give you the scriptures we are studying. I agree especially on the comments that you and your hubby need some ALONE time. I recently posted on getting advice for a Valentine's gift for my hubby. Read that. We had a wonderful time.
Good luck!

My husband & I have been married for thirty years this July, we to have been through this. I agree that you need to find time for yourselves, some alone quality time with each other. I also agree with watching the movie Fireproof, we also watched it last night. It is truely a wonderful movie. Good luck & God Bless

I want to apologize if I am repeating other's advice, I skimmed most of the replies, but I might have missed one like mine. I think you were really young when you got married and that how you feel sounds pretty normal. There are absolutely tons of reasons that could be contributing to the way you feel right now. Maybe you missed out on things that you would have otherwise done, maybe you became a mom and had to become a self sacrificing woman and missed some of the time that could have been used finding out who you are. Maybe you are just plain bored and need some more adventure in life. You know, just so many factors that could play in, plus some mentioned hormones and that could totally be affecting you as well. So, I think you said a really pivotal thing in your post, you said that as far as you can tell he really hasn't changed. Good dad, good husband etc. So in that case, your issue lies with you and how you feel. That makes your problem so much less complicated to handle. You can work on you and what it means for you to be an awesome wife. I think the number one thing you can do is to focus on what needs to change in your life to make you the most fantastic wife ever. Maybe read up on how to show love to your guy, or find something you like to do and put some energy into that, or just look into God's word on what it is to be an amazing woman and wife and live your life to be what His word says. If you need some awesome scriptures just shoot me a personal message and I would love to give you some. I read a great book called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge, wow, it deals so much with what goes on in our hearts in all stages of our lives. Hang in there, your life is not over, there is still a wonderful and exciting future ahead of you, go find it girl!!:)

all I can say is hormones... it is completely normal. Feelings are very fickle since our hormones range so greatly. You have to stand on the truth of the facts you know. You love him and no matter your 'feelings' at the moment that will not change. It is one of the hardest things about being a woman for sure.

Maybe you are going through a hormone change.

your not alone!!!sounds like the typical wife, mom combo syndrome to me. we get a little overwhelmed sometimes and unfortunately have these feelings where we just want to be alone, however, being a single mom would make it twice as hard. you need a break, take some time for you, even if it is taking a bath without any interruptions.(this is where I find my sanity).. We don't get enough time for ourselves and this causes us to have these feelings. your husband sounds like a great man, share what your feeling with him, maybe he can help you get some J. time, then you can slowly incorporate him into that time.

J....I agree with some of the other posts. Sounds like you need some "Me" time, just for you to do things you enjoy or hang with out some girlfriends and also you & your husband need to spend time alone as well. You mention you both always make time for your children...you need to include making time for just you two. Your feelings are normal...I think we all feel this way at one time or another, I certainly have & I've been married 15 years! Making time for yourself and time for you & your husband should help. Best of luck!

I agree with Alicia, it sounds like you need to reconnect, I would try doing things were you actual can interact as adults. There is nothing wrong in admitting that you miss the spark that used to be there, you may just be board and need to add a dimension to your relationship. Or try a counselor to figure out why you feel this way so you can nip it in the bud before it comes between you. It sounds like you have been together from an early age, like me. Just remember why go through a few life changes in their twenty's so you might want to try keeping a journal and see if maybe your feelings on different subjects have changed. I hope these ideas help and good luck.

Along with reconnecting and all the other great ideas put forth remember this:

Love is two-fold. Part one is the feeling. The pure unadulterated feeling of being in love and loved. The second part is a choice.

You can search for that feeling and you may find it elsewhere (many do when they stray from their marriage in a lull), but without the choice TO love the feeling WILL fade (eb and flow is a natural). When you make the choice to love you will feel loved!

Best wishes!

I've been told that every now and then married couples go through what they call a 7 yr ich. You have doubts etc. I've only been married a short while but my parents are now going on 37 yrs and grandparents just recently had 60th anniv. I think that maybe the two of you should have a weekend alone and just spend time with each other...away from the kids and away from the house. Go to dinner and stay in a hotel or something. For Vday my husband and I went to a nice dinner and stayed in a hotel that had a jaccuzzi tub that we could both fit in and we brought chocolate dipped strawberries and wine. It was very romantic and it was nice to just be with each other. Even if it's just a night out or the two of you get a couple massage you need to make sure that yall are setting aside time for the two of you and not all of your energy is going into your children. You seem to already have the kids greatly taken care of by the two of you but don't forget about each other. You don't want to just exist together. My aunt and uncle leave each other hidden notes in random places for each other with a reason why they married them or a compliment of some sort. When one of them finds it then that person writes one and hides it for the other. They are going on 17 yrs now I believe and you would think they are newly weds. Almost forgot. I once read about a man that was at his wife's death bed and was asked how they had stayed together so long and he made the comment that even though there were rough times they never fell out of love at the same time. Have fun and don't be afraid to be creative with it.

Welcome to the ebb and flow of a marriage. Bill C. is right. There is no better medicine than a day out with your girlfriend(s). It fixes what ails you!

You've received some great advice so far so I won't take up too much of your time repeating what's already been said. I agree with everyone that encouraged you to pray and consider a Christian ran marriage retreat. Several years ago my husband & I attended "Marriage Encounter" which was over a weekend and it was wonderful. I would like to add something I learned over my almost 23 years of marriage. One of the the most important keys to a great marriage is selflessness. When both people are only thinking about themselves, no one wins but when both are focused on the other it is a win-win situation. Of course, your children will win as well! God bless!

sometimes when I feel this way I try harder to do extra nice things for my husband. Leave notes in his lunch or on the mirror for him to find in the morning. Maybe make his favorite meal. Maybe you could arrange for someone to keep the children so you can have a romantic evening at home without any interuptions. Sounds like you need some time to rekindle the flame you once had. Take time for just the two of you. If you have family nearby maybe they could keep the children over night and you could have a romantic weekend. Hope things get better for you. I think the key is to date each other even after marriage and to serve one another. Make sure you pray together each day as well. The Lord can and will lead you if you ask Him.

Hi J.,

Sounds like you got married very young! I think you need to spend some time away from him like getting a job, even part time or getting an outside interest away from him. Even the best love affairs flourish more when you don't spend all your time together. If that doesn't work, maybe some counseling is required. J.

You are not alone in feeling this way. Marriage is not a "walk in the park" like they show in the movies. I also got married young (just after I turned 17). After some really hard times and almost calling it quits, we realized that we have to keep growing together and learn as much about eachother as we can. We have taken countless classes and studies about marriage and God's plan for it. Some of the books that have really helped are The 5 Love Languages and His Needs, Her Needs. I'm not sure if you belong to a church, but small groups really help. Try to find one that consists of people that have similar situations (married with young children). It also helps to seek council from an older, wiser woman who has a marriage that you strive to have. Chances are, she's been through some of the same stuff. Good Luck and remember, you vowed richer or poorer, sickness and health, good times and bad!

A little about me i have been married 12 yrs with my husband 17 i think this to be normal i think all women go through these sperts think about the yr after you had your babies did you want to even have sex with your husband??no
alot of women went through that hormones,stress,life is not an easy road.keep what you have if it works you might be very dissappointed if you don't pray about it hand over to god and keep loving your family & husband imagine life without him. it would change the course of your life& your childrens life keep what you know because the future you don't. Hang in there we all go through this best wishes!!!!
ps get some girlfriends

Well I haven't been with my hubby for that long but we've been together for 3 yrs and have an ADHD 4 yr old son and a 17 month old daughter. I couldn't ask for a better husband. He cooks sometimes, cleans sometimes..lol. I put emphasis on sometimes but the point is some guys don't at all.. He's a great father!! He doesn't go out and stay out without me. He's great. I'm sure your husband is just as good..but sometimes us women get that feeling like.."how would it be if I was alone?" or "could I make it on my own?" stuff like that.
I definitely do, and I think (and hope) it's perfectly normal..as long as you stay strong. Maybe you could take a weeklong break from each other? See how it works out..I'll bet you'll be longing for him three days before you come home. hehe. If you'd like to talk more personally with me you can email me @ shae x bailey @ g mail . com with no spaces.

I wish you guys luck! Hope to help some.

What you're describing is not at all unusual. Believe me, I've been married 37 years, and a good part of those years I spent thinking, "What was I thinking?!!!"

My advice is this: First of all, if you are a praying woman, asked God to give you more love for your husband. He is so faithful to answer that request for me. Another suggestion is to make more time for just the two of you. Actually go on a "date" at least once a month. During the date, it would be really good to reminisce about the things that brought you together. Also tell each other what you admire most about each other. Doing these things will help rekindle the romance that has probably cooled in your marriage.

If none of these things work (after giving them several months), maybe you should seek counseling. A counselor is skilled at taking couples back to the basics in their marriage. A Christian counselor (or pastor) is absolutely the best.

Hope this helps.

J.,
Please know that you are not alone. Many women feel this way at one time or another. I have literally actually known and also heard of so many women that feel like this around the age of 30 and mostly in women that married young! I know it sounds crazy!!! but I am telling you that this is so common. I am wondering what seems to make so many feel this way at the same time in their lives. It is incredible!! I too went through this about the same age. The best advice I can give you is to be honest with your husband so that he understands what you are feeling. You obviously love your family. I believe it is a mental/hormonal thing and I believe with all my heart that you can get through this and overcome these feelings. It may take time but you love you family...fight for it! I promise you that you WILL be happy that you did! Bless you!

You are 29 years old. You have been with the same man for 13 years. I am about to hit 30 as well, and it hit me, wow, I've been playing house since I was 19! Your mind starts spinning and you start thinking, Ive been given three decades what have I done with them. And it can make you a little resentful. Here is what I did. I went to A.C.C and enrolled in some classes. I enrolled in something that I found totally interesting. I started a brand new hobby. Something that I had always wanted to do but always felt like I never had the time as a mother and a wife. It felt good to do something that was all about me for a change! And I began to not feel so resentful to my husband. Good Luck! Remember, what you want and need are important! Just as important as every one else!

All relationships go through different stages. Work on spending some time just the two of you, like "date night" might help. You sound like you're committed to your marriage and your life, so this is definitely worth working on. If you continue to feel this way, try counseling. Good luck.

I think this is just the real world and we are all human. Not 1 thing wrong with you.

Yes--and be careful of any women who says differently. You may need to get creative with your alone time and impliment a date night to keep the relationship from growing stale.

Blessings