Why Don't Teachers Say Thank You for Gifts?

Updated on May 07, 2013
C.A. asks from Brookfield, IL
53 answers

I always give both of my kids teachers gifts at Christmas time and again at the end of the year. One thing that drives me crazy is that I never get thank you notes from the teachers simply saying thank you for your thoughtfulness. Why don't they simply send out a note saying thank you? Parents don't have to give gifts, they do it because they want to say thank you for all their hard work. I know they don't get gifts from all parents, so I think they should say 'thank you' to the ones that acknowledge their hard work and simply say thank you.

Are there teachers out there that can explain why some teachers don't send out thank you notes or say thank you?

I am going to continue to give teacher gifts but this as always bothered me so I thought I would ask.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all your responses. I didn't mean to get anyone upset by my question. These responses have given me a different way to look at it.

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J.W.

answers from Lexington on

The teachers always say a big thank you directly to the child for the gift. The child beams, the teacher gushes. The teacher is already spending her own money and lots and lots of her own time outside of school doing special things preparing for classes. Why should she also have to write thank you notes back for gifts given to her in appreciation for all she does, added to the fact that she already thanked the student directly?

I for one do not expect anything more from the teacher and definitely did not mean to add any more work to her plate.

13 moms found this helpful

N.G.

answers from Dallas on

Giving gifts is not about receiving a thank-you. I see lots of posts on here about thank-you notes and it drives me crazy. When I give a gift, I could care less if somebody gives me a formal thank-you card. I'm positive that the teacher appreciated her gift. She has 20+ students to deal with and 20+ gifts to open and the end of the year is busy. Give her a break!

8 moms found this helpful
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K.E.

answers from Denver on

I've gotten thank you notes promptly from both my son's teachers. However - I am guilty of NOT sending thank you notes myself - so I wouldn't hold it against them if they forgot.

It's the sentiment of giving that matters - not the thanks afterwards.

5 moms found this helpful

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R.D.

answers from Richmond on

We usually get thank you's, but think about it... the gift to the teacher is YOUR way of saying 'thank you'... do you write thank you's to people who write you thank you's?

9 moms found this helpful
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P.K.

answers from New York on

I never expected thank you notes. My goodness they have enough to do.

9 moms found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Savannah on

That's funny----I'm usually banging my drum harping on the thank you notes...but I honestly never expected or thought anything of it for teachers. YES they're super busy. And they DO spend a lot of their own money on supplies, games, books, for my son on a regular basis. And of course they thank the child (I would hope!) and make the child feel special. If they do, then anything else is just bonus.

7 moms found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from San Antonio on

As I teacher I always have a stack of thank you notes at my desk to send for gifts received from students. That being said, I can't tell you how many times I have given them to the students and later on in the day picked them up off the floor, or have seen them in the trash. :(

As far as mailing them, honestly, with 153 students I will be honest and say I don't have the time. Between looking up the address (which almost half the time is wrong in the system), and then paying for postage (the schools won't mail anything without postage unless it's official school business) and so on, it just would be more important to me to spend the time teaching the children, contacting parents of children in need, dealing with lesson planning, grading, photocopying, getting copyright issues straightened out, tutoring, preparing reviews for exams, reading essays, etc than mailing a thank you. If I write it during class while the student is in my room during an activity it is fresh in my brain, and I can give it to them right then. I always thank the students themselves directly, and send home the note. If it doesn't make it home with a 16 year old, that is a separate issue.

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J.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I believe that if you are giving a gift you are giving it from the kindness of your heart and not for a thank you. Teachers do SOOOOO much for our kids that they don't get paid for and then to expect them to take time to write you a thank you card is simply silly and selfish on your part. By giving them a gift and expecting them to write you a note back, you've probably created more work for them so I would say next time just keep your gift.

5 moms found this helpful
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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I think everyone has good points.

I'm a preschool teacher and yes, we send "thank you's" at our house. Our son is four and within a month of receiving gifts, some 'thank you' pictures are drawn for the giver and a nice message is dictated to convey thanks.

Last Christmas, one child gave me a salt-dough ornament for the holiday. It was very sweet. I sent a short note home in his backpack that day, because I knew the holidays would be busy, and I told the mother "There's a note inside for you". The little boy, however, got to hear me gush about it and put it up in a space where we all could enjoy it. He was very proud.

A couple things: for the average schoolteacher to send home thank you notes to a class of 25 costs $11 in postage. As they are spending a not-insignificant amount of their own money to provide kids with better resources than what the school can afford, I'm okay with the verbal thank you. (Nevermind the cost of stationary.)

Giving a teacher a box of thank you cards, though, is pretty passive-aggressive, in my opinion. Regular stationary, though, is wonderful.

Also, just a point from my perspective: I rarely get thanked for the value of my Time. By this, I mean that I have spent a LOT of time on the phone, in person, and online with my families--- problem-solving, listening, and finding resources to further their child's interests. This time comes at a real cost to me: I must have those conversations when my son isn't present, so I have to use the time I'm paying for childcare to have those long conversations. (This is my prep time, by the way, and my only 'alone' time of the day.)

A month or so ago, when my son's preschool teachers met with us to do some problem solving for a couple hours, they received a thank you note and a bouquet of flowers from our garden. I really appreciated the time, thought and care they gave to our family. All that to say, gratitude goes both ways.

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K.C.

answers from Orlando on

In my opinion those teachers, as people, may be slightly on the rude side. I spent 4 years as a public school teacher and I taught at a school with a very low socio economic status. 93% of our kids were on free lunch. Any gift that I was given, I knew was usually a hardship on the family, or something that they planned/saved for. I always made sure that a thank you note was handwritten and sent home. If I didn't have time to write it that day, I would write a quick thank you in the planner that day, and the more thoughtful note was sent home the next day. I always had a stack of thank you cards in my closet just in case.
There were times that my gifts included a $5 Walmart gift card, a used candle, a little girls stuffed animal, a McDonalds happy meal toy, a pair of socks, and home baked treats. Though they might not be the nicest or the most traditional gifts, but it's the thought that counts! One time I had a child bring in a twelve pack of Diet Coke for me, that little 6 year old knew how much I loved it! It was so thoughtful!
I also recieved so many baby gifts from my students when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I could have wall papered her room in the pictures my students drew for her. I cried more than once from the sweet things they did before I had my daughter.
I feel that thank you cards, in general, are on the decline. I'm only 25, but I was taught that every gift (usually excluding those from family at Christmas, but we always called to say thank you) needed a thank you card. I even had my two year old "help" me with her birthday thank yous this year. I wrote the thank you and she "signed" her name at the bottom of every card.

4 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Because they don't have the manners any more than most other people. They weren't taught. Let's all ask ourselves: How many thank you notes did you receive this year from anyone? Were they handwritten notes, or just voice mails or emails? How many did you write?

In my opinion, the teacher should thank the child and let the child BEAM. But the teacher should also write a thank you note and MAIL it to the family - not put it in the backpack or the cubby and hope that the child delivers it and that the parents clean out the backpack.

I also think that parents should teach their children, by lesson and by example, that thank you notes get written. When they are little, have them dictate the letter - it's really fun to get a letter that is clearly in the kid's words, no matter how brief. Later, the parent writes but the kid signs. Then the kid writes it and puts on the stamp, and the parents address it. Then the kid takes on all of the responsibility.

My son was not allowed to play with any gift or (later on) cash any check until the thank you was written. It was against our values for the gift-giver to get their bank statement showing the cleared check before a thank you was received!

Make that your policy. Also, if the teacher provides any gifts or special services along the way, write a thank you note and MAIL it to the school. Let the teacher experience the joy and pleasure of a handwritten thank you, and see if it helps teach a lesson.

You could also give stationery as a gift! That's what I did for some relatives who never write! It changed the kids around!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

The teachers here usually send a note in the mail, but I could easily see that if they sent it with the child, the child would lose it. I'm also fine with the thanks being to the child at the time of delivery. Teachers have a lot to do in the evenings (when they are often prepping for the next day or grading papers) so I wouldn't really sweat the thank yous, personally.

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D.S.

answers from Dallas on

I've never received a thank-you card for the gifts my girls have given their teachers. Honestly I didn't expect them nor have I ever even thought about it until just this moment. I don't think it's necessary for them to make out thank-you notes to the parents for thank-you gifts. They always say it to the girls and to me if they see me. I believe that is sufficient.

3 moms found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

Maybe you're in a school district that hires rude teachers who aren't thoughtful?

Everyone in our department has a cache of thank you notes for this purpose (I know this because we are often bumming off of each other when we run out and have forgotten to replenish our supplies).

I hand deliver the note to the kid. Maybe the kid isn't bringing it home? No, I'm not going to mail it out. Why? The kid gave me the gift.

Also, the end of the school year is the most hectic time for teachers. They're finishing up grades, they're closing down a classroom, they're completing tasks on a long checklist of things their administrator required them to get done, they're prepping for next year, they're meeting with other teachers to order supplies and create class lists, so they are exceptionally busy. The worst times of the year for teachers are the beginning, at the end of a grading period, and at the end of the year. Not that this is a valid excuse but just something to think of.

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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

The thank you goes to the student, they brought it. Some teachers tell the student thank you and give them big hugs. As a teacher, I do both. I keep a stack of blank note cards in my desk. As a parent, I have never expected a thank you note as I did not 'give' the gift, my child did.

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T.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

My daughters pre-school teacher didn't tell my daughter or me Thank you for her Christmas gift but her assistant did. At the end of the year we gave the assistant a gift but not the teacher. At first I thought that maybe she just forgot to say thank you but another parent complained about it so we didn't give her anymore gifts. i think we got our message across. Her Pre-K teacher gives notes. I think giving Thank you notes are good but I am fine with a teacher just telling me Thank you. What I don't like is not being told Thank you at all.

3 moms found this helpful

E.S.

answers from Asheville on

I'm one of the 'forgotten' teachers. I don't have a homeroom class and often don't even have a room. I am a traveling art teacher. I am at three school every week.
I rarely receive any kind of gift. If someone gives me a gift I usually give them a big hug (unless they are an older, male student), and say thank you for thinking of me. I try to go on and on about it for a while as it is rare that art, music, pe, etc, teachers are thought of in the gift giving seasons. I don't stress over it, but I do make sure I make a big deal of it to the gift giver. "Ooo, I get a gift! Oh, man, awesome! Wow, I feel so loved! Thank you for thinking of me!"
I have two toddlers and am a full time employee that travels to three schools (and am often working off of a cart at two of them) and a homemaker/mom with an, often, less than mature husband (as most men are :) I admit, I don't usually take the time to write thank you cards or notes. There is only so much room on the art cart and often very little storage for my things when I don't have a room, so yes, I don't do it, but I do try to make a big deal of it to the child, because even if it is just a little token item from a gumball machine, they thought of me, and that is sweet!

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

I've always received thank you cards from teachers for gifts, but I don't think it would bother me if I didn't.

I'm sure the teachers thanked your children in person and felt that was adequate.

2 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

my daughter made two paintings (on a little canvas) for her teachers and wrote a note on the back of each for 1st grade. She received two very nice thank you notes in return.

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K.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

My husband is a teacher and receives gifts during the holidays, special life events, and often times in response to his tutoring or work with a specific child.

In response to his tutoring or work with a specific child, the gift is a token of thanks. So, it seems to me that the transaction is done and a thank you card for a thank you gift is not necessary.

In regards to gifts during the holidays, I personally do not understand the purpose of the gift to a teacher when there is little to no communication throughout the year, unless the holiday-inspired gift is a token of thanks as well ("thank you for teaching my child", "thank you for your hard work", ect...). In which case, again, there is no need or expectation for a thank you card.

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M.R.

answers from Phoenix on

What??? I have always received thank you's from teachers for gifts. Are you sure they are receiving them? Did you leave it up to your little one to deliver?

Perhaps, your next gift should be a beautiful box of thank you cards and nice pen??? It would both save them having to buy a box and send a message.

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B.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Sadly my daughter's teacher is better at writing thank you notes than I am! She must keep thank you notes and special stationary in her desk for any time she receives a gift because we always have a thank you note the same day.

Maybe your childrens' teachers just are more lax with etiquette. I can't really blame them when we as a society have become so lax with giving thank you notes.

I am sure they appreciate your gesture and I wouldn't worry about it as long as they are giving your children the best possible education.

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S.J.

answers from Saginaw on

My daughters teachers just sent home thank you notes for flowers I sent her to school with...they are great at it. if thy ae like me you'll never see a thank you card but I bet if you run into them out and about they will give a thank you...I have never and don't think will ever be good at sending out thank you cards or any cards for that matter :(

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C.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

I've always gotten thank you cards. Some the next day, some a week later.

To be honest I appreciate a thank you but over this year my son has made HUGE gains and improvements because of those teachers I wouldn't have cared if they punched me in the face. My son has two teachers, one helper and two therapists that rock. They made this year very special for our entire family.

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M.G.

answers from Chicago on

I've always said thank you to the students. Some years I am able to write out thank-yous over Christmas break, other years (especially when my babies were little), I had trouble finding the time to do it. I never do it to be insensitive, I just can't always find time to write out 20+ thank yous. I am always so grateful for every gift I receive, and I also try to tell each student a personal comment about how I enjoyed it over break or what I used the gift card for. This year I was able to do it, but my boys are now 2.5. This Christmas we will have a six month old, so we'll see if I can squeeze it in. Honestly, though, I don't think a teacher does it to be insensitive or ungrateful!

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B.K.

answers from Chicago on

Weird. I have never NOT received a thank you. Maybe your teachers there are super busy?

1 mom found this helpful
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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

Teachers are SO, SO busy. Most have their own families and children also finishing the school yr. May and June are so hectic for them, that a few of my friends have told me they get 5-6 hrs of sleep a night at the end of the yr.
Sometimes my kids get thanked in person. Sometimes I get an email.
It's Ok....I think it's just lack of time.
I never let that affect my decision to give a really nice gift card to a restaurant at the end of the year. They deserve it!!!

1 mom found this helpful

✪.P.

answers from Chicago on

Hi Amanda,

Really.... when you think about it, when someone gives a card or gift to say thank you for doing ____________________. Then why should the person on the receiving end have to write a note saying THANK YOU for the THANK YOU?
Now if it's a gift for a special occassion such as Christmas, I think a note of thanks is the right thing to do. The teachers that my twins have had so far (preschool thru 3rd grade) have been WONDERFUL about thanking us. I especially think it's so cute when the teacher addresses the thank you card to my child and mentions something positive about her/him. (My kids have big smiles when they read these.)
My point is simply..... not everyone is the same when it comes to manners.... each teacher is different. It doesn't matter what their job is when it comes to manners.

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M.K.

answers from Kansas City on

I never got a thank you note. The teacher's have always told my child thank you in person.

1 mom found this helpful

L.F.

answers from Dallas on

When I was a teacher I wrote thank you notes to the students since it was given on their behalf by the parent. I wanted to model appropriate behavior for the students. I imagine many students never mentioned the cards or showed it to their parents.

Another reason you might not receive a card is because there are so many thank you cards to write. If you've ever had to write thank you cards when you had a bridal or baby shower remember how it was tough to sit down and write to all those people? You probably only had to do it on a few occasions, however, teachers receive numerous gifts throughout the year every year.

Believe me, the teachers really do appreciate you gifts even if there is no formal acknowledgment of it.

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C.B.

answers from New York on

My sons teacher sends a card with a pic of the school on the front of it and she writes such nice notes. Just got one the other day as a matter of fact. What bothered me was when my son bought a beautiful necklace for a teacher and we never saw her wear it.

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

I have had my kids in a Mom's Day Out or preschool program for 4 school years now and I have never had a teacher not send a thank you note.

I'm not sure why you haven't gotten any, but at least where we are, we have always gotten them. I just think it's good manners. My kids love getting the notes addressed to them that they can open up. I can understand why it bothers you, but honestly, you should give the gift because you want to and without any expectations. That way, you won't be disappointed if their response isn't what you would expect. That's probably easier said than done, but I would just let it go. Maybe it's just not standard practice in your area? Seems odd, but in the grand scheme of things, you did what you felt was right by giving them a gift in appreciation for all they do.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

I think anyone in general receiving a gift should say thank you...whether text, email or via snail mail. It is a nice way to show appreciation.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

My son's preK and Kindergarten teacher are excellent at sending thank you notes. However, some may not because you're giving them a "thank you" gift (end of the year thank you for being such a wonderful teacher), so I guess they don't think they need to send a "thank you" note for the "thank you" gift. Just a thought!

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I am suprised your teachers don't say thankyou or send a little note home. It sounds like the teachers you have are either uncomfortable about recieving gifts or they feel entitled. Either way, they should send a note to thank you. Try not to let it bother you.

M

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L.L.

answers from Orlando on

My daughters teacher ALWAYS says thank you. It's nothing formal, usually just in my daughters school planner that I have to sign every night there is a little 1 sentence note saying thank you.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I am a teaching assistant and although I get some gifts, I do write notes. I however am about twenty years older than most of the teachers I work with and much to my annoyance I have never received a thank you note, THEY only send texts (which is very rude to me) or put out an email, or something on the wall at school. I also began to see that after going to graduations I got thank you texts several times.Or for showers where I donated large amounts of money. There is really nothing like an actual thank you note. While it takes some time it is rude to NOT send one and that art form is not dead as some might think. Other than that I will stop whining and maybe someone will see this and remember.

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M.D.

answers from Dallas on

I haven't read any responses, but I've received Thank You's from teachers, but I also know they tell the student "thank you"; I know we pay for it, but it's our kids that are giving it to them, and they do tell the kids Thank You!

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M.M.

answers from Tallahassee on

I agree with you. I am a third grade Sunday school teacher at our Catholic Church. I have been for over 6 years now. Every year I have received from the parents a Christmas gift. And every single time I send a thank you note. They do not have to give me a gift. It is always my pleasure to teach the children and I truly enjoy it. But on the other side, I too have given gifts to my children's teachers and school bus drivers and have never received a thank you note.

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

i've got 3 kids - many preschool/mother's day out/school teacher - i have NEVER had one not send a thank you note within a day or so.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

My child's teacher sends every child home with a cute thank you card. She also has thanked me in person when she saw me. It must depend on the person.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I think it's just the teacher. My daughter's have received notes in the mail from most of their teachers. I have received emials thanking my kids for gifts.
Male teachers do not thank as often as female teachers.

Maybe give pretty stationery as the end of year gift.

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R.T.

answers from Chicago on

As a sixth grade teacher (and mother of two), I have to say that I found the heading of your post offensive. It implies that ALL teachers neglect to say thank you when in fact you mean that you have not received thank you's from YOUR children's teachers. As a teacher we get it from all sides...from parents who insist that we couldn't possibly be talking about their children because their child would never do X, Y or Z, and from administrators and politicians who find it easier to blame the teachers than the system we are forced to teach in.

I myself always write thank you's for gifts that I receive from students. In fact I keep a pack of blank note cards in my desk drawer so that I can get the thank you to the student the same day. But since I am giving the card to the student, I have no idea whether or not they share the card with their parents. For all I know, their parents are under the assumption that I never wrote a thank you because they never bothered to ask their children if I acknowledged the gift. You didn't mention how old your children are, but have you checked with them to see if their teachers give the thank you cards to them instead of to you?

On the flip side, I take baked goods to my sons' teachers and give them gifts at the holidays and at the end of the year. Some of the teachers acknowledge the gifts with a card, some in person, some with just a thank you when I hand the gift to them. It doesn't matter. What matters is that every day, I feel confident that my children are in good hands, are loved, and are safe.

Please continue to give teacher gifts. Believe me, on some days it's a very thankless job! But don't hold it against the individuals who are not giving you thank you cards. And remember, it's not endemic to teachers in general. Don't blame the profession for the behavior of a few individuals.

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I've never had that issue, all of my childen's teachers have sent home thank you notes. How rude that they don't!

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K.C.

answers from Barnstable on

I was brought up to believe that if you give a gift out of the kindness of your heart you should never expect anything in return. I never expect acknowledgement for a gift. In fact, I'm embarassed if I do receive a thank you card for a thank you gift because that tells me I just made more work for that person I'm trying to do something kind for. It seems like your generosity might be coming from the wrong place.

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H.B.

answers from Raleigh on

I agree with you. I try to write a thank-you that same day. I have a man on my team who writes thank-you notes more quickly than I do. He's a great role model for the male students! Sometimes I receive gifts with no names, and sometimes I forget to respond. There's really no excuse. Teachers are like every other population group. Some of us had mothers who taught us to write thank you notes for everything, and some of us had mothers who taught us that gifts, in general, were our "right." Teachers, yes, you out there, keep a box of note cards in your desk and write thank-you notes! Parents aren't made of money either!

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K.S.

answers from Chicago on

I try not to take it personally. I myself have been horrible at getting notes out within a month of a gift. I feel badly about it, because I was raised to send cards. I notice that some people just never send them, though, I feel better late than never.
Continue giving as you see fit, let your kids get involved in your thank you notes, and just don't be part of the problem. You'll be rewarded from time to time from those with the same beliefs :)

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think your teachers are simply rude. We received immediate thank you notes from DS's preschool teachers as well as the office staff.

T.B.

answers from Bloomington on

I would say they are just being lazy! At Christmas, I would fill out thank yous and pass them out after break. At the end of the year, I would actually mail them to the student at home. I would keep a notepad on my desk and write the student's name and what they gave me as I was opening.

C.S.

answers from Medford on

I think maybe they say thank you to the kids and not the parents. My daughter loves to give flowers and I have heard her teacher make a big fuss bout how wonderful they were and how thoughtful and thank you, etc to my daughter when she gave them. Maybe that is why.

Not many people send thankyou notes anymore, they sure are nice to receive though. I would maybe just ask your child if the teacher thanked them for it.

B.S.

answers from Lansing on

So far I've given my daughter's teachers a present at Christmas and then at the end of the year. So far my daughter has received a thank you by all of them except for one of the teachers helper this past Christmas. But this teacher had her second baby on Christmas, so I don't really blame her. She had her hands full!

So I find it odd that your children teachers don't.

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Wow, our teachers have always sent thank you notes. I am sorry to hear yours do not. But I agree, maybe they think because it was a thank you gift, they do not need to than you back..

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