Why Is 9 Year Old Dd So Often Rejected?

Well, I think that kids and parents need to understand that not being included for everything is not the same thing as rejection.
Maybe your daughter is a little more introverted at school than she is around kids at home. Hard to say.
The main thing is that she doesn't start feeling "rejected" as a person based on other kids' behavior.
I personally taught my kids to include everyone and befriend the shy kids. They both were always paired up by the teachers with the new kids at school or the kids who really had a hard time coming out of their shell a bit. Not having people to do that with your daughter doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her.
She's in the 3rd grade, right? Girls this age can be really "cliquey". I wish it wasn't true. I have a daughter and I've seen it. That's why I never allowed it with her. And, if she had friends who wouldn't include other kids, we re-examined what type of friends they really were.
My daughter changed schools 5 times in 3 years because of my husband getting transferred for work so she knew what it was like to start out not knowing anybody. But, she was also very gregarious and outgoing and made friends immediately. Thank God!

If everyone tells you your daughter is fine and there is nothing to change, believe them! Make sure she believes it too!
Have you tried signing her up for a dance class or something where she can make friends outside of school? It's worth looking into. It will also give her a bigger circle of people to see what a great kid she is.

Best wishes.

Our daughter was always more mature than lots of kids her age. she just had a more advanced humor and interest. Teachers always mentioned she got their jokes and references when none of the other kids "got it"..

She was not interested in being like the other girls in the class. Yes, she had a few friends, but they too were more mature and more solitary interest.. art, music, reading, community service etc..

She was friendly and sat with a group of friends, but she was not exactly great at physical games, was not really coordinated, but loved academics..

It was like this all the way through high school. Once she was in college, she was in Nirvana.. She is surrounded by others like herself, that like being smart and not playing social games with each other.. She has the best friends she has ever had.. Yes, she still has a few classmates from High School, but her heart is up at college with her college friends..

Do not push, just let your child figure out her own place. It is good that she invites kids over to play 1 on 1. Get her involved in her interest.. Music, art, sports, community service, church.. and she will find others like herself.. If you push too much or make it a big deal, you are going to make her feel as though there is something wrong with her..

Is she passive by nature? That's enough to cause rejection by other girls.

My concern is why are you soliciting all these individuals regarding this issue? People tend to talk with each other and although it may not be your intention, it can be misconstrued as a negative thing. I am not saying that I would do so personally but in my encounters with the human race, I can easily deduce this to be so. Besides, If my child has been excluded, the last thing I would want to do is find out why in the attempt to "fix" her accordingly.

If this was my child, I would expand her world of friends by enrolling her in different activities. A common interest with someone can be a great foundation for friendship. More importantly, I would make sure that my child knows that she is wonderful just the way she is. One of our goal as parents is to make sure that our children are comfortable in their own skin. Regardless of what others say and what others do.

You did not say how she handles the rejection.True, we do not like to see our children hurt however, the concern should be more on how she is bouncing back from that pain. I used to get hurt when my child gets rejected but when I see that this does not bother her a bit then it has become a non issue.

You did not say how old she is... but this could have been me described anywhere between the age of about 8-13.
My experience was that until I was ~13 I did not meet anyone who 'fit' me. I was nice, and wanted to be included, but I was always 'different'. I am tall (and always have been) and was teased ALOT in school about that, but I was unable to find a group of kids that I fit into. (Not that I did not try.)
My parents did a good job encouraging me, and one of their lines was that I was 'different with a plus'. The fact that the other kids could only spot the different was not my fault.
Long term, this was helpful to me. I learned to be more independent, and care less about what other people thought. I eventually met some other kids that I had more in common with (one of which I am still friends with -18 years later!)
It was hard for me, and hard for my parents - they remember me crying myself to sleep many nights about not having any friends. They (of course) could do nothing to change it. (I also had 'friends' who were great when we were at each others houses, but at school, or when other kids were around, were totally different people.)
My suggestion is to continue to stand beside her, and continue to encourage her. She will eventually find people she has more in common with. In the mean time, don't encourage her to 'change to be more like the other kids'. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders, and is still willing to be looking for other friends. Both of those are important things.
Sorry this got so long. It is not a solution - but rather the experience of someone who lived that, believes it made me a better person in the long run, and knows that I am who I am today because of the experiences I had at that age. :)
Continue to be proud of her, and continue to encourage her to be herself. Encourage her to see the value of herself, even if others do not appreciate it. :)
I hope that is helpful.

maybe you answered your own question. Maybe she doesn't take a joke well and the other kids don't want he drama associated with it. my son is the same way, he takes everything very seriously.

Laurie A. gave you some really great advice.

Kids don't have to fit the "typical" kid herd mentality mold.

It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round....

Don't try to fit her square peg into a round hole.

I'm sorry your daughter -- and you -- are hurt by thoughtless kids. Sometimes, there is no explanation -- nothing to fix or change or adapt to. Sometimes, I think that's even worse! Hopefully, time will allow natural changes to happen: new friends will come along, kids will just click better, whatever. Here's to strength until that happens!

Poor choice in 'friends'? Could you encourage her to foster relationships with the girls that are not mean spirited/catty/etc?