Will Returning to Work Cause Depression or Phys. Probs. W/ My Son?

This is tough. As a mom, we want to be with our babies, but, relity is that we have bills to pay. When you find a job, be excited, let your baby see your excitement, let him know that this is going to be best for your family. Put your game face on - be happy. Then, when you are alone in your car, then you can cry. Our children look to us - if we are o.k. then they are o.k.
If you are scared, they are scared.
When things get better for your husband - stay home again, right now you have to do what you need to for your family.
Good luck. Ive been there - its hard but it will be fine.... I promise : )
T.

S.-

As long as you find a good, loving daycare for your son he will be fine!! I'm a stay at home mom but my daughter went parttime to a daycare when she was 2, 3 and now 4 for the social interaction. She loves it and she has learned so much! Yes, there will be some separation anxiety (for you and him) at first but in the end it will be ok. My nephew (age 10) and neice (age 6) have been in daycare since they were 3 months old and are perfectly well adjusted kids. Again, as long as you find a good daycare, it's really hardest on the parents...the kids adjust and are fine!

Good Luck!
K.

S.,
Wow, this is a dilemma that many of us moms face. If at all possible...stay at home with your little guy...these years will fly by and then he'll go to school. If your mom says daycare will "mess him up" , ask her to take care of him while you work.
Lots of luck...My heart goes out to you.
D.

I agree with all the other moms, no, it will not mess your child up. You have authority over your son and the good sense to choose a safe place for him to go should you need to. He will be just fine. Having said that, I just really want to encourage you to consider finding a way to stay at home if that is your heart's desire. My husband and I discovered a book called "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey and it revolutionized our finances. You can take a look at it at Barnes and Noble or online at www.daveramsey.com. Basically it gives you a system to get completely out of consumer debt in about two years or so, depending on how much debt you start with. There are stories in there of couples with about $40k salary per year and several children getting out of debt successfully. Anyway, I think if you want to find a way to financial freedom and get to be with your sweet boy, it is worth checking out. Best wishes to you, and hang in there, you guys will make through no matter how you decide to do it!!

In one word, no!

But, like others said, take a good look at how much it will cost you to go back to work. Will you really be making more money? I decided that it just wasn't going to be worth it when I did the money and found that I'd be making all of $1.50 an hour! My time was worth far more than that to my kids and myself.

And another thought, will you be making more than your DH? If so, figure the math there and see if maybe he can stay home with your little one instead of you. I know several families where that is done, since the mom makes more than dad and it works just fine for them.

Alot to think about, I know, but if you go into it with confidence, find the right placement for you(and your son!), and understand there will be a transition time, then you can make this work for all of you.

I am sorry that you are in this situation. I know how much I love staying home with my 2 1/2 year old daughter and my new baby boy, so this has to be a really tough decision for you. However, there are plenty of kids that are in daycare and I don't think that they are all traumatized or have psychological issues because of it. Your son will need some time to adjust, just like you and your husband, but he won't be permanently scarred by it, so please put your mind at ease.

Take some time to really determine if you would actually be bringing home any real money after you consider childcare, gas and maintenance expenses for the car, dry cleaning, etc. If you really feel you need to go back to work, then do it and don't feel bad about it. Your son has been really lucky to have his mommy around for so long and maybe if your husband can get a different job down the road, you can stay home again. Either way, your son will be fine. He will probably adjust a lot more quickly than you will! And, if your mom thinks he is going to be so traumatized, then let her stay home to keep him during the day for you. Honestly, please don't let your mom terrify you like this. He really will be okay. This happens every day. I know you will miss him, but you will all just get used to a different schedule. Best of luck in your decision.

It is hard to say as every child is different, but if he is going through a "clingy" phase it may not be the best time to put him in daycare (or it might be good for him, it is hard to say). My kids were in daycare since they were babies, and did fine, as most kids do. I think it is harder to put them in later when they are used to only you caring for them, but it can be done.

I would check in to whether you could get an evening/weekend job so your husband could be home w/ him when you work, if that would work w/ your and his schedule.

Also, if you decide to put him in daycare, check out Child Care licensing child care search feature to check out the centers/caregivers before you choose one.

Everything will be OK, whatever you decide, go with your mommy instincts. Good luck!

I have been on both sides of the fence. I actually went back to work 6 wks after my daughter was born. I fought to keep her out of daycare, so I worked 3rd shift while my DH worked 1st shift. This worked until she was a year old. Then she went to an in-home daycare where she was the only child. I continued to work outside of the home until she was 18 months old. Then I decided to open my own daycare to spend more time with DD. Well, this back fired and I ended up spending every waking moment dealing with the daycare and had little time to do anything else. Now we moved to another state, and my DH is making plenty of money to let me stay home with her and not have to do anything else. This has taken some getting used to also.
Everything has an adjustment period, but I don't believe that if you find a sound, reputable daycare/preschool your son's mental health will suffer. He will have to adjust and will have a hard time for 2 weeks or so and then it will be the new normal. What will cause problem is if the financial strain starts effecting mommy and daddy's attitudes/moods around the house. Money can't buy happiness, but financial ruin can defiantly cause stress that will work against even the strongest marriage and family.
Most families these days have two parents that work outside of the house. I don't think these children are traumatized because of this.
Good luck.

Have you considered working from home?

I left my corporate retail Human Resources position 3 years ago (60+ hrs/wk). I guess I really did things the opposite of most SAHMs, as I continued working while my son was younger and then came home when he started kindergarten. Although I wasn't thrilled, I was very comforted that he was in an excellent environment and would recommend FUMC CDC to anyone. My son stayed with a friend until he was 10 months old and then attended the CDC until it was time for Kindergarten. He leared SO MUCH there and is very healthy socially, too. I think the experience was huge in him being who he is today. Some folks disagree with day care and think being home is best. Well, that's why I'm here now! Again, perhaps opposite of most would do, but the way things worked out has been a blessing to us. I can tell you I'd never give up being home when he gets home from school and being able to spend summers and other school breaks with him. I sometimes felt I missed adult interaction and friendships from work, so I decided to work from home and am very passionate about what I do. It gives me all the flexibility I need and has given me the balance in my life.

I am a working mom of two kids and have gone back to work after having each of them - not because I wanted to but because I had to do what I had to do. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about having to work outside the home. It will not "mess your child up". If that was the case there would hardly be any normal people in the world. It will take some time for him to get used to daycare however. My son was 2 when he started (he had a private sitter before then) and he cried when I would drop him off everyday for about 2 weeks, now he goes in like a big boy and is learning more than I could have ever imagined. As long as you find a facility that you and your family love and trust to take care of your child, he will be fine.

Hello S.,

Sorry to hear about your situation, that must be really tough for everyone. I'll say this. I am a BIG fan of stay at home moms, as I am one myself. I do think that if possible, it's better for kiddos to be at home with mom. However, for moms who HAVE to work due to financial issues, I don't think it's the end of the world. I really don't. Personally, I don't love it so much when women just want to work and put the kidddos in daycare simply so they can maintain their careers. This is not the case in your situation. No, I don't think it will screw him up, or cause him mental trauma.

Before you make this choice though, I would critically analyze your financial situation. Sometimes we find that there may be other changes that can be made to lessen the burden without having to go back into the workplace. Childcare in itself is very expensive.

So, if you have done this already, and see no other alternatives than to go to work, then you have to do what you have to do. Your son will survive, really. And mom needs to be supportive, particularly if this is indeed a financial necessity. And I would tell her so.

Good luck to you and your family!

*hugs*

April