Won't Sleep in His Crib

Well, I am not a fan of the crying it out thing, but that is what i have done in the past. I never had the bed problems but mine was rocking to sleep. It gets old really fast, but i did the crying it out thing and it only took a few days. Good Luck!!!

Both are those responses are good advice. The only thing I can add to it is the longer you let your son get away with this, the harder it will be to break him of it.

Also, there is a risk by letting your baby sleep with you. There's a chance that you or your husband can roll over on top of the baby and smother him.

Not wanting to scare you, just giving another good reason to break this habit :)

Been there, done that (and loathed the entire process). All the advice so far has been right: set a routine - include books, snuggling, bottle, whatever works to get your "calm" time in the nursery (a comfortable chair in there always helps). I had it so bad that the only way my daughter would fall asleep in her crib would be if I stuck my hand through the bars and let her hold my arm until she fell asleep - sometimes an hour or two later! Finally, we started letting her cry it out. We started with 2 minutes per cry - I'd do the routine, tell her it was time for bed, put her in her crib, dim the lights, set the room, and walk out. My husband would be standing in the hallway with a stop watch and we'd let 2 minutes go by, then I'd go back in. We'd repeat this pattern over and over each night until she fell asleep. Every 2nd or 3rd day, we'd up the amount of time we'd let her cry (3 minutes, then 4, then 5, etc.). I can't remember exactly when we stopped, but she eventually understood that she had to settle herself down in her crib on her own. I had my husband be part of the process because (1) I needed the support, and (2) like you, he was the cause of our situation, so I felt it only fair he help cure us of it. Just keep reminding yourself that at this age, your son is not crying because he is hurt or needs anything but rather because he's not getting his way - it's OK to let him cry a little bit. Before you know it, he'll figure it out, he'll go to sleep easily, and you'll have reclaimed your bed! Good luck!

Hi S.,
I had the same problem. I would let my daughter fall a sleep in my bed than pass her to her bed. Little by little it would work and know she go to bed on her own and loves to sleep by her self. I hope this is helpful and might work for you.

~M.~

My son went through the same thing, and to be blunt, you have to stick with a routine and not stray away from it. If your child cries, then that's how they will get used to knowing which bed is his. It may sound simple, but it is not, because the crying may get to you; however, if this is a serious thing that you want to take care of, you'll know that this simple discomfort for your son will soon cease. You'll get other responses, I'm sure, but that's my suggestion because it worked for me.

Here is what a parenting coach has stated:

know that Dr. Ferber is less strict than he used to be about getting kids to sleep. However, his techniques are still very useful for kids that have actually taught themselves to stay up and/or to demand/expect a parent to be with them until they actually fall asleep. Also watch one of the Nanny TV shows for examples of being firm yet loving with setting limits.

Briefly, the basic idea is that you (1) stop paying any attention to your child after their bedtime--no hugs, kisses, stories and no yelling either. Just make believe they are little critters that you are putting back where they belong. and then, if necessary (2) let them cry themselves to sleep. Also, and actually first, develop a bedtime routine and STICK TO IT! Letting them cry is very hard, and against some people's principles. What we did when my daughter was little (she is now 21) was put her to bed with the musical mobile playing. If she was still crying when the music stopped (less than 5 minutes) we would go in to her. This happened very rarely. I felt that a short period of crying was not a trauma and having her go to sleep on her own was a learned response. It worked and we had very few bedtime hassles.

Good luck,

Marion
Coach and parent
Marion C. Bloch, Psy. D.
____@____.com
www.mayaresources.com

Here is an article on Sleeping Through the Night/in Own Crib:

Getting Baby to Sleep Through the Night: All babies will fall asleep eventually. Some just need a little more help than others.
By Barbara Solomon

Pulling Baby out of the Crib
Up to the time he was 10 months old, my son David had always been a good sleeper. Then my family moved into a new house, and all of a sudden, all bets were off. He began waking two, sometimes three times a night. I was sure he was just unsettled by the change and would return to his old ways soon. But after we tried every trick in the book only to suffer more sleepless nights, we caved in. One night when he called out, I scooped him up and brought him into our bed. We all slept soundly, and I was feeling pretty good -- until I spoke with a friend later that morning.

"Don't you know that you've opened a can of worms?" she scolded. "Now you'll never get him back into his crib!"

Picturing endless sleepless nights ahead, I panicked, and it's no wonder. Getting a baby to sleep consistently through the night can seem like the ultimate unattainable goal. But after I spent just a few nights leaving my son in his crib when he cried for me and gently encouraging him -- "You're okay, David, just go back to sleep!" -- from the hallway, he quickly resumed his old sleep habits. And experts say that with some patience and effort, most parents will be able to solve their child's sleeping problems, too.

The Impossible Dream
During the first weeks of life, you can't expect a baby to sleep through the night. In fact, there is no typical sleeping pattern for newborns; the only thing you can count on is that they sleep around the clock for varying periods, ranging from a few minutes to a few hours. So why can't they sleep consistently for long periods? Blame it all on biology. An immature brain is the primary reason.

"People have a genetic timing mechanism in their brain that controls sleep, and it takes time for that mechanism to develop," explains Marc Weissbluth, MD, professor of clinical pediatrics at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine, in Chicago, and author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Ballantine, 1999). "Think of it like eye color: Babies are born with a genetic predisposition to a certain eye color, but it takes time for that color to be expressed."

A need to feed is another factor. Many experts believe that newborn babies have to eat frequently, particularly breastfed babies: There's no way to tell how much a breastfed baby is eating at each feeding, so breastfeeding mothers may be more likely to fully awaken a stirring baby to feed.

Bottlefed babies, on the other hand, may sleep for longer periods because formula takes longer to digest and leaves baby feeling fuller longer. "But babies who have birth defects and are fed continuously by tube for the first several weeks of life show the same process of sleep maturation as other babies," notes Dr. Weissbluth. He believes that ultimately, "Sleep comes from the brain, not the stomach."

Regardless of studies and experts, until she is at least 6 weeks old, a newborn baby will undoubtedly wake several times during the night. Around the 6-week mark, many babies show subtle signs of organizing their sleep. They may get drowsy at 6 or 7 p.m. and may sleep at night for consecutive blocks of four hours or more.

At about 3 months, most can adhere to a sleep schedule that includes a morning nap, an afternoon nap, and two or more longer blocks of sleep at night. According to a poll of primary caregivers by the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), a nonprofit organization, by 9 months some 70 to 80 percent of babies are sleeping a straight 9 to 12 hours every night.

That's great news -- unless yours is one of the 20 to 30 percent of babies who don't sleep so well. "My son was a horrible sleeper!" recalls Lisa Henahan of Peachtree City, Georgia. "Until he was 15 months, he would sleep for an hour and a half and then wake for an hour -- all night long!"

If your nights sound similar, rest assured, these tips can help parents solve a range of stubborn sleep problems.

Sleep Tight, Baby
To exhausted parents it seems that there are as many sleep issues as there are children. But most babies fall into the following categories:

"My 2-month-old son sleeps all day and is up all night."
A common phenomenon during the early weeks of life, day-night reversals often clear up with a little time and a lot of daylight. Try exposing your baby to bright light or sunshine in the morning hours and keep the lights dim in the evening. It also helps to move your baby to a busy part of the house throughout the day, play with him during the daytime, and wake him for daytime feedings.

Then, keep your interactions with him quiet and subdued at night. As babies approach the age of 6 weeks, they begin to respond more to environmental cues, so it helps to have a bedtime routine such as a bath and a song. It may take several weeks, and a baby this young still probably won't sleep through the night, but he may consolidate his sleep into two large blocks at night.

"My 7-month-old daughter won't sleep through the night. Why?"
From around 6 months on, a baby should be able to make it through the night without a middle-of-the-night feeding and without waking his parents. But that doesn't mean he's sleeping all those hours. The term "sleeping through the night" is misleading, points out Lawrence Balter, PhD, professor of applied psychology at New York University, in New York, and editor of Parenthood in America: An Encyclopedia (ABC-CLIO, 2000). "All people -- including babies -- wake and put themselves back to sleep several times a night without realizing it," he says. "That's something babies need to learn to do."

Some kids learn on their own; others need a little help. There are several ways to teach your baby to soothe himself to sleep. Most of them involve listening to some crying. So how do you stay focused amid the tears? Remember that crying isn't going to harm your baby. And the reward -- a good night's sleep for all -- is worth a few teary nights.

The Ferber Method
"My neighbor has recommended the Ferber method to help my 6-month-old sleep through the night. What is it?"
This method was developed by pediatric sleep expert Richard Ferber, MD, author of Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Simon & Schuster, 1986). He advises parents to check periodically on their baby when she awakens at night. Here's a sketch of how it works: On the first night, when you hear your baby cry, you go in, give her a reassuring pat, and then leave. If she's crying 5 minutes later, you repeat the process, but this time you wait 10 minutes before going in, increasing the time in five-minute increments. The second night, you start at 10 minutes. Dr. Ferber's system has worked for many families.

"We're trying the Ferber method for my 7-month-old, but I can't stand the crying. Is there another, less drastic way to sleep-train my baby?"
There are also ways of making gradual changes within the routine you already have, notes Jodi Mindell, PhD, associate director of the Sleep Disorders Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and author of Sleeping Through the Night (HarperCollins, 1997). If you've been putting your baby to sleep by rocking her in a chair, for example, start by just sitting in the chair together. "Then choose the next step -- putting your baby in his crib and holding his hand.

"A few days later, you can sit three feet away from your child's bed," Mindell says. Within a few weeks, you should be able to work yourself out of the bedroom.

"We've tried the Ferber method. My 6-month-old becomes enraged every time we go in to soothe him. Any suggestions?"
Some children respond better to a cold-turkey approach. If your baby cries, you don't go in her room (some parents call reassuringly from the hall). This is not for the faint of heart, and, as Balter points out, is better for younger babies. An 8-month-old may be able to sit or stand in her crib, which makes it hard for her to settle down if her calls aren't answered.

More Sleep Issues
"My 9-month-old insists on a 3 a.m. feeding. How can I get her to give it up?"
For many parents, a final obstacle to an uninterrupted night is that middle-of-the-night feeding. If your baby no longer needs to be fed at night (check with your pediatrician to be sure), simply stop giving him the bottle or breast when he calls for it. Alternatively, you can use a sequence of progressive steps, which might include offering him diluted formula or breast milk for a few nights and then gradually replacing it with water. He may not find it as appealing as milk, and, subsequently, won't cry for it.

"My 10-month-old son used to sleep through the night, but lately he's been waking up all the time."
Chances are, there's been some change, however subtle, in your child's routine. Everything from a vacation to an illness to an overnight guest can disrupt a young child's sleep schedule and cause her to awaken and need comforting. Some parents report that developmental milestones, such as learning to walk or use the potty, can also upset sleep patterns.

"When a child takes a developmental leap forward, neurons are firing and there are probably connections being made in the brain," says Mindell. "It's no wonder their sleep is disrupted." Most babies are also keen on practicing their new skills; when they wake in the night, sleep takes second place to getting up on all fours or babbling.

At times like this, you may need to repeat old steps, such as sitting in your baby's room for a few nights and gradually working your way back out. But don't despair; experts say children with established good sleep patterns will return to them pretty quickly.

"How can I get my 8-month-old to go to sleep at the same time every night?"
If your baby isn't sleepy at the same time every night, her daytime sleep routine may need tweaking. "Make sure to wake her at the same time each morning, keep naptimes consistent, and avoid letting baby nap after 4 p.m. A reasonable bedtime for a baby this age is around 7 or 7:30 p.m. If she wakes from a nap at 5:30, she's not going to be sleepy enough to go to bed then," says Mindell.

One strategy to avoid, however, is shortening her naps in the hope that this will make her sleepier at night. The fact is, overtired children have a hard time falling asleep. And evidence shows that babies aren't getting enough sleep as it is. Many experts recommend that infants ages 3 to 11 months get 14 to 15 hours of sleep daily, but according to the NSF poll, most babies get fewer than 13 hours.

Even if you've succeeded in creating a great sleeper, remember that every child occasionally has wakeful periods. When this happens, reassure yourself that you're not going to be sleepless forever. Says Peggy Nona, a Rochester, Minnesota, mother with two school-age girls, "I used to worry about getting them to bed at night; now I worry about getting them out in the morning!"

Barbara Solomon is a mother of three and a writer in Scarsdale, New York.

Originally published in American Baby magazine, July 2004.

Hi I know what you mean, I used to have the same problem. My baby would take over my whole bed! Who would have know somebody so tiny would take all the bed? Well this is what I did: I let him sleep in my bed for an hour or so, then when I saw he was deeply sleep, softly put his in his pre warmed (w/ a heating bag) crib. Works like a charm, good luck!

Awww. I know exactly how you feel. My daughter slept in our bed from 6 months until 10 months. I loved having her sleep with us, but no one was getting any sleep. So after discussing it with my doctor I let her cry it out in her crib. I wont lie it was so hard. However the first two days were the worst and now we can put her in her crib and she just flips over and goes to sleep. She sleep about 11 hours. You have to be ready to let them cry it out because you can't decide one day to let them do and then the next bring them to your bed. Just thought you might like to know...someone else was where you were. Good luck.

D.
29 also :-)

Yes, you can get him to sleep in his crib. He's a bit to young to 'refuse' his crib. You put him there, you let him cry it out.. Either using Ferber's methods or any other sleep training advice youll get here. Remember, you are the parents and he is the 7 month old baby that needs to be taught and boundaries set. and it's okay for them to cry. really....
good luck

Dear S.:

Even at 7 months old, it's important to develop a nightly routine. If your son (even as young as he is), comes to expect the same routine night after night, then eventually bedtime is no longer a suprise, and what happens during the preparation comes to be expected, even as he grows in age and the routine changes. So, at his age, what I would sugest is that you figure out some key things to make up a night time routine. For example, if he is to be in bed around 7pm, then maybe taking a bottle, then bath time, then a breif story and getting into the crib may help. The key is that he wants to feel the comfort of you being by his side. Now, another thing I would suggest is to find alternate ways to comfort him before bed. So, when you put him in his crib, after his routine, another good thing to start may be to rub his back and talk to him for a while, just to let him know if you leave the side of the crib it's not going to be forever.

Hope this helps you somehow, and bless you all

J.

Have you tries moving him once he is asleep? After a while of waking up in his crib may help him to see that this is actually where he sleeps and then he may be more inclined to fall asleep there

Or maybe switch up bed time a bit... Make your night time ritual more in his room, if that makes since, after bath time (if thats a night time thing) imidiatly bring him into his room, dressing him, reading stories, singing, playing, whatever he likes to do before bed, but all in his room, no where else.

Basically it may be a slow proccess, but I would do everything I could to make sure he saw bed time, as his room time...

Hi S.,
I am sorry to hear that however I have been there with both of my children seeing that your son has taken your spot and your blanket he is showing signs that your belongins comfort him so what I did was took a piece of soft clothing of mine either a night gown or a shirt with my sent on it and at nap time I would lay them in the crib and let them cry it's gonna take a while and will be frustrating put some soothing music on and walk away after 5 min if he is still crying go back in and talk to him do not pick him up and then leave the room again he will eventually fall asleep make sure your consitant with it and don't give in that means at night time to you might have to listen to him scream but you have to learn to ignore it. It worked for both of my children. I know what the sore ribs feel like. I hope this works if you decide to use this method Good Luck! It will take time but don't give up.

You should try holding him on the couch for a while til he is asleep and then put him in the crib. Do that for one week and then put him in the crib when he is almost asleep and stand by the crib. Gradually lessen your time in the room until he no longer needs you to be there with him and he won't need your bed.

Is his crib in your room if not this may be the problem. You can try using a play pen with pillows lining it and a comfortable blanket. This is what I did with my son because he was actually scared of the bars on the crib but the netting in the play pen did not bother him it also fit better in my room because I did not have space for the crib. I hope this helps and good luck.

I used a co-sleeper until my little one was ready for a toddler bed. A co-sleeper is similiar to crib but it butts up against the bed. I also placed the toddler bed at the foot of my bed.

M.