Wording on Recommendation

We have asked for help from friends when my husband has been looking before (with many times the "friends" being simply parents of kids' classmates we don't really know). Unless it's a close friend all we have wanted was the name of the person or people that are key in making the hiring decision so my husband could send a note to them directly to try to stand out.

If I were you I would offer up this info to the girl while also giving a gentle warning about how the company is run and how interns are treated. Gives her a little bit of help without you getting too involved. And I would talk to the girl directly; not the mom.

If she didn't formally ask you to write a recommendation letter, then I think you can mostly let this drop. If she indicates in a letter or interview that she knows you and you are asked, you can say something like Yes, she's a neighbor and seems organized and on the ball. But I wouldn't bring it up unless someone asks you.

If she asks you formally for a letter of recommendation or permission to include you as a reference on her application, then if I were you, I'd say something like this "You know, I'm sure you'll be good where ever you end up for an internship. But for professional references for interns, employers really want to hear from college professor and work supervisors. I suggest you ask those types of people, because recommendations from neighbors and friends aren't taken as seriously. So for your own best interest, I think you should ask someone else." And, in my experience, you'll be telling her the truth.

All you would be able to do is give a personal recommendation based on limited contact with this girl - probably not exactly what an employer is looking for - since you haven't worked with her, nor have you seen the quality of her work.

I would be honest across the board. Tell the mom that you will put in a word for her daughter, and tell the employer that you know the daughter is applying, but have no idea if she would be a good fit as an intern since you only know her casually - the few interactions you have had with her really shouldn't be used as a basis of employment.

As far as whether the girl would like the internship, be a good fit, etc? Hard to know. What you find that you don't like about your company, may not bother her at all (kids today have a TOTALLY different perspective on employment that maybe you or I do at our ages).

As far as being "placed" with her if she is hired, I would let that play out however it does on its own. Continue to press for "experienced" interns to help you since it sounds like that is what you really need, but honestly, this girl could have been hired, placed with you and THEN you found out she was your neighbor after everything was said and done. The world works in mysterious ways :)

Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best!

Honestly I have quit recommending people, after getting burned more than once. But that was more the crowd I hung out with at the time. I had a good job, they were out of work, kind of thing.

This seems like more of a "Hey you can give her a leg up!" kind of a situation, rather than a "You know so-and-so pretty well, if you get a chance, would you write her a recommendation so that she could try to get a job?"

To me the neighbor is somewhat trying to cheat the system a bit, by having someone that doesn't even know her, speak for her. It could affect your job adversely if she doesn't work out. Honestly? I'd wait to see how things play out, but I would be sorely tempted not to say much, if anything. "Yes, I know her family, they seem to be good people," would be the furthest I would go. Could you in all honesty say anything else? You truly don't know her, right? Then what do they expect you to say?

I think the mom has put the cart before the horse here. She doesn't understand how the job market works. The daughter must apply through the normal channels - which it sounds like she did. If she gets an interview, she needs to stand on her own 2 feet there. At some point, it will come up in the interview or on an application she is asked to fill out, "How did you hear about our company?" or "References". She can list your name at that point. If someone in the hiring area (HR, or the department being served by interns) wants to ask you about her, then you tell the truth. She was your children's babysitter on a number of occasions and seemed very polite and respectful. Period. You're not in a position to evaluate her professionally because you have not seen her in that setting. She should have other references, including college professors and prior summer jobs. Whether her family is nice or not is irrelevant - if you even bring that up, it will make you sound personally involved rather than professional.

Do not say that the internship will be a great experience for the young woman. The company is not in the business of helping out others - their primary goal is to get free or low cost help, and possibly to pre-screen some permanent employees. Your focus must absolutely be on the company's needs, not the girl's. That would apply even if your situation were not tenuous, but it's even more important because you have some bumps in your own road.

You are putting the cart before the horse as well, in that you are worrying about where she will be assigned or what she will think of the company. If they offer her an internship, they will already know that you and she are acquainted. It's up to HR or the hiring manager or the department supervisor to make the matches. If she is placed with you, your job is to be entirely professional, as if you never knew her before.

In any case, you keep her mom out of it. 100%. If you need to, go back and tell the mom only that you must follow hiring protocols but that, if asked, you can give her daughter a personal reference. Do not discuss your work problems or the company's deficiencies. Do not share anything at all about the office, either its high points or low points. If asked, say that you must be entirely professional in this situation, and that the daughter needs to work directly with the HR staff, for everyone's well-being.

It might be better if you went to the daughter directly, but it's interesting to me that she hasn't come to you herself. Maybe she is following hiring protocol herself, and the mom is just getting too involved.

She asked you to "put in a good word." Unless she asks you to write an actual formal letter of recommendation, I honestly wouldn't give it another thought. If, later on down the road, your employer or HR sees that the girl put you on her application as a reference and asks you, then you could offer your limited perspective. But I wouldn't even worry about it until that happens.

If you now no longer feel like you should put in a good word, you should give her the internship information and say that a better reference would be from someone who knows her very well, like a teacher from school. Or be honest with the girl that you aren't sure the internship/company is a good fit and can't recommend that she work there.

How can you say anything about someone you don't know?
She's a neighbor that's been away at school.
You have no idea what her grades are or what her work habits are.

Just call your neighbor back and say you meant well but after thinking about it you realize you don't know her daughter well enough to give her a recommendation - but you could be a personal reference.
In my experience - recommendations come from co-workers, bosses, clients - people you have actually WORKED with.
This neighbor girl is none of the above.

I think you should consider that she might or might not get the job and you just need to be more of a mentor to her instead of already saying she can't do the job. Everyone needs a place to start and everything she learns, if hired, at your company will help her overall in her career. Experience is experience.