F., I'm an "executive mom" too, and I know exactly what you mean. I see that same type of criticism on here quite a bit (although I have seen many supportive and wonderful moms, too, to be fair).
Here's what I have to say about that. Nobody (NOBODY!) ever says, "Dads who work miss loving their kids and seeing their first steps. Why be a father if you're not going to stay home?" Am I right? Just about everyone recognizes that being a breadwinner (whether the sole breadwinner or not) is an important function in a family. Whether the breadwinner is male or female shouldn't matter.
Why did I bother to have kids and still work? I worked 3 jobs to put myself through an Ivy League university. I graduated with honors and have worked hard to get to the top of my field. I am proud of the example that I have set for my daughters - I work in an almost exclusively male profession, yet I more than hold my own. Why would I NOT want to give them this example? Why should I give up this career that I love and work that I am passionate about? Why can't people understand that this is not an either/or choice? Don't we tell our kids that our hearts are big enough to hold more than one thing at a time? Most importantly, why doesn't anyone ask my husband to choose between his career and his children?
I know that SAHMs have a lot of great things to teach their kids. Executive Moms do, too. For instance, if I am in a contract negotiation, I'll tell my girls what it's all about (in simplified language, obviously) and we will discuss ways that I can approach the negotiation, and the pros and cons of each aspect. Then, as I proceed through the process at work, I'll fill them in on my progress. I have almost never had a prouder moment than when my 7 year old came home from school and told me that in a book exchange at school, she came home with the most coveted book. I asked her how she did it, and she said, "Mommy, I remembered what you taught me. If you want to be successful in a negotiation, you have to be ready to walk away from it at any moment. I acted like I didn't care, and it worked!" My second grader understands negotiations better than some MBAs I deal with on a daily basis. TELL ME that isn't going to benefit her in life!
Bottom line, I am great at what I do, both as a mom and as an employee. Why in the world does choosing to do one thing mean that that's all you do? My girls know they are loved, and the time that I spend with them is quality time when I am teaching them, laughing with them, playing with them. I would throw myself in front of a moving car for them in a heartbeat, and they know it. People can judge me all they want, but you know what? I'm raising two great kids who will be well prepared to do whatever they choose in life. THAT is what it's all about.