Work or Stay Home with Kids?

Just so it doesn't get lost in the list, Sandy E made a great suggestion - make sure to check into the Women Infant and Children's Nutrition Program. There's more information about it here: http://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=30513 . You can also do a search for WIC and the name of your state for more information. It will be a help with the grocery bill atleast. You pay a fortune in taxes; you might as well benefit from it when you need it.

My vote would be to stay home if at all possible - you and your husband would always feel terrible if something happened to your precious little boy when you weren't there and could have been. I know it isn't possible to be with our loved ones every second, but your little guy has special circumstances at this point in his life that not just anyone is qualified to care for. The frequency and severity of seizures he's having now are pretty bad. He needs you. I have epilepsy myself, but fortunately it's been under control for several years now. Good luck!

Hi M.! When my sister was a toddler, she became very ill and developed a seizure disorder as a result of her illness. My mom also had to work so I think I understand where you are right now. Ya know what? Don't worry. I am sure you will be able to find someone who you trust to take care of him. Seeing anyone go through a seizure is difficult but if someone is aware of the possibility of one and also aware of what steps to take in case of a seizure, you don't have to worry any more than any other mom out there trusting her kid to someone.

I think a lot of people would be able to give specific information if you mention the area/county where you live. I am a substitute teacher at a special education school in Wisconsin and I am sure that some of the parents there or at other schools in the areas would offer reputable people to help take care of your son if you cannot find another way to support your family. Look what other women in the area are selling - pampered chef, tastefully simple etc. Also consider offering to babysit. Do you have an escape route in your basement? You could run an in home day care or watch other children while their parents work or run errands etc. Find a way to work from home. Good Luck!

Have you ever thought about doing direct sales? I sell Discovery Toys and would love to talk to you about the opportunity we have. One of the best parts is you can make your own schedule so could work when your husband is at home. 90% of my job I do from my home. Also with 2 small children Discovery Toys would be a great fit. Feel free to contact me at ###-###-#### or visit my website www.discoverytoyslink.com/gsnyder.
G.

Very simple. Work because you don't have a choice but find a job that allows you to work while your husband is home. You cannot take a chance that a sitter will do the right thing. It's not worth it. You may not get as much family time right now but its more important that one of his parents be with him at all times due to his condition. I think this is a no brainer.

I would stay home with him hopefully it will only be for a few more years. Or maybe you can find a job when your husband is home. I dont know exactly what kind of financial situation you are in but theres ways you can get help like medicaid, foodstamps etc. It might be worth looking into until your son outgrows his seizures. From my experience I would never trust a sitter. Good Luck!

M.
This is such a tough call. Obviously our kids are our priority but we need to be able to take care of them financially as well. What if you have the nanny or sitter take CPR classes as well as teach her all there is to know about your son's condition? Or, what if you post a wanted ad at a nursing school? Install a camera in your house so you can check up on them time to time?
I hope these suggestions help!

I do not have the same circumstances but
My husband and I decided to make drastic changes so I can be home with our girls.
We live in a small apartment now (no yard -but we go to the park everyday) We find free entertainment (nature centers ect) We eat dessert out once a week (other than that we don't eat out)

When I was working I looked into our finances- I was surprised how much $ we spent on gas, work clothes, dry cleaning, lunches out, dinners out, toys bought out of guilt, ect

It is a major decision- not to be taken lightly.
Do you have a good support group (friends with kids, girlfriends ect) If not, work on this- you are going to need some.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck

This is such a heart-wrenching situation and I really feel for you. Since you asked for advice I will give mine knowing that it may sound glib to others. I think as you said that if anything ever happened to your child and you weren't there b/c you were at work you would never forgive yourself. By the time you pay for a nanny that would have the experience and training sufficient to assure you not to worry you probably wouldn't have any money left over. So working would be a wash. Your son needs you now. I would do everything possible to be with him.

My son had febrile sezures too and he did outgrow them. In regards to a caretaker, talk to your pediatrician, there might be support groups. You're not alone though. I cut my hours at work and being at home too cut my expenses. Didnt eat out as much, fewer clothing, playdates instead of runing the kids to activities. Good luck !

Hello ,

This question, is heart breaking when your children are healthy.
With an ill child, I can imagine how distraught you are!
I think you can not make a decision at this time. So don't!
Write down exactly what you are looking for in child care
then try to look for it. Obviously, if you don't find something you are comfortable with
then you just can't do it. If that is the case, then you deal with not working.
Don't try to make a decision until you have really thoroughly researched all your options.

I am wondering if there is a day care, pre-school you can send him to, instead of hiring
someone to just watch your kids. Perhaps there is a school that deals with this kind of
illness. Try to see if there is a support group available in your area. Perhaps someone who has been through this before will be able to give you some good advice and/or resources to try.

Good Luck. I hope that it all works out for you. : )

Hello M. O.

What a dilemma. Especially since your job is a source of joy for you as well as your family. I guess the question I have in regards to your part time job is do you need your job for health insurance or does your husband carry the insurance?
You sound like such a great mom with experience with children with special health needs - did you ever consider staying at home and maybe providing child care for a couple other children or even a couple kids who need before and after school care? As you have experienced, it is sometimes difficult to find consistent, reliable care. Especially if you child needs a little extra attention. Your local child care resource and referral agency could offer you lots of support in terms of technical assistance, start up equipment if you needed it etc. Also, if the families income decreases significantly there are supports you may be eligible for. Illinois AllKids program has a rebate program for parents who have private health insurance through their job for their children. It helps you afford the private insurance. Also the Women Infant and Children's Nutrition Program has very generous income eligibility guidelines - this program can really help the food budget and children are eligible until the age of five.

I sympathize with you and I am hopeful that you can find a solution that works for you and your family. I have a child with medical issues as well and we struggle with this issue each year, especially now in this economy!

I am just going to throw out some things that may be helpful resources:

Does your child qualify for "SSI" income through Social Security disability funds? That may amount to enough to offset your staying home to care for him. The fund was established to enable caregivers to provide for adult children or young children with disabilities.

The Division of Specialized Care for Children is administered through UIC that enables families to pay for various services/equipment and provides info about free community resources (including respite, I believe) at no charge. The application is on the UIC website, or google "DSCC". You do not have to live in Chicago to qualify. I am not sure if seizures is a qualifying diagnosis, but you could check with someone at their 800 number, or they could offer other suggestions about where to get services.

Have you checked with you insurance regarding subsidizing nursing care for some/all of the week?

Can you stagger your work schedule so you are working evenings and weekends while your partner is home? Or each of you work 3 12-hour days? I know this will not work for all professions- and it means little "family time" together, but it may be worth looking into it at least as a trial run for a year and see how it goes.

Working for home full-time would mean little time with your kids and like the previous poster said, options for full-time wages for a legit company are limited. Even so, you would need to be able to meet with customers or do sales out in the community for most at-home companies like Usborne or Discovery Toys. It is not really "working from home" in my experience since I had to do parties and booth sales all the time and then had to book sitters for those. (And never actually made a decent hourly wage!)

GOOD LUCK!

Hi! I saw your post and wanted to share our experience with our oldest daughter who had also been initially diagnosed with complex febrile seizures that started at 6 months old. We went 2 years believing these were febrile seizures caused by fever (although like you, she really wouldn't have much if any of a fever) and that she would outgrow them. Finally, we were with our pediatrician and went over how many seizures she had (I think she had about 9 in that 2 year period) and he said, this just doesn't sound like febrile siezures. He referred us to an excellent pediatric neurologist, Dr Cynthia Stack, at Children's Memorial in Chicago. (If you are closer to Indy, I am sure there are excellent pediatric neurologists at Riley's Children's Hospital.) She had another EEG performed and she diagnosed our daughter with "seizure disorder" which a long time ago was called "epilepsy" but they don't like that name anymore since it is viewed negatively by laypeople. (Policically correct even in the medical field!) Anyway, she was placed on seizure medicine (Depakote Sprinkles) and the seizures stopped. The main reason for seizure medicine, as the doctor explained, is to avoid having too many seizures or seizures that are too lengthy (she told us they should not last longer than 5-10 minutes) so that the child does not get hurt from falling, choking, etc. We learned that you do have to be careful to not allow over medication to occur as there can be side effects but if you make sure the does ends up being just enough to stop the seizures but not to make the child groggy or not him/her self, then you are doing great. Dr Stack also believed that with a child's brain, the medicine could help to "teach" the brain how to not have mis-firing of the neurons - - mis-firing of the neurons is what a seizure is. The electrical impulse that goes from one neuron to the next goes too quickly and cannot make a good connection, and this causes the seizure in the brain and then the convulsions in the muscles of the body. Anyway, we tried a few times to wean our daughter off the medicne (maybe once each year) but the siezures came back. That is until about age 6. At that time, we were able to wean her off the medicine and she has not had seizures since. She is now 13. We were told that maybe when she hit puberty that the changes in her body could cause her brain to start having the "mis-firing" problem again and seizures could start again. Fortunately, she has hit puberty and no seizures. I don't know if our story helps you but I encourage you to quesiton your doctors that give an easy answer that it is just febrile seizures and even if a doctor does recommend medication, stay on top of that decision and don't allow over medication or long-term medication wihtout occassionally trying to wean teh child off the medicine. Best wishes for your child and you!

M.,

First let me say that I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to have a child with health issues. My situation involved my OWN health issues. I have chronic problems and was also faced with unsurmountable medical bills and the need to bring money into the home. How to do this when I couldn't HOLD a job was a big problem, let alone finding a job that could be flexible enough to work around my doctor appointments and allow me to care for my children.

My answer was to become a consultant with The Pampered Chef. This month, you can start a business for JUST $65.00 and the average consultant MAKES $100 a show at least! Can you imagine only leaving the house 4-6 times A MONTH instead of 3-4 times a WEEK??
I would LOVE to help you. This business has changed my families lives by providing MEANINGFUL income that is flexible, and i have to say FUN!
I would love to share this information with you or anyone looking for a little extra money this summer or anytime.
email me at ____@____.com and I will be happy to give you my phone number to speak with you personally.
I am not telling you this to make money on you, it IS to help you. Someone shared this with me when i was in need and it has helped to pay for our food, car, utilities etc in the past and now pays college tuition! I'm here if you want the information.

Good luck and God bless you and your family through this difficult time.

J. S.

M.,

I might have an option for you to make money and stay at home with your son. I have been selling Premier Designs jewelry for the past four years and it has helped our family with finances. You make 50% of all the sales and only work on the days you want. I typically do shows in the eveings and on weekends when my husband is home to care for our kids. I would love to share this opportunity with you. There is no obligation to sign. If you decide it isn't for you that is totally okay. I also work on referrals and would just ask that you become one of my "board of directors" and keep your eye out for anyone sho might be interested in the opportunity. I give $25 in FREE jewelry for anyone who allows me to share this opportunity with them. If you are interested or even the least bit curious you owe it to yourself to here about how my business works. You can contact me through email at ____@____.com. I hope all works out for you and your family.

M. Dobush

I'm just going to be the devil's advocate here and present a few things to think about since I don't know your whole situation.

1.) How much do you make part-time that you can afford to pay a sitter? How much per hour do you make compared to how much you will have to pay the sitter and then take your part and subtract taxes and fees.

2.) How much do you spend to work? Food costs, clothing costs, gas to work? Food for little man?

3.) Who can better care for your little man outside of you or family?

I'm sure there is something I'm forgetting, but at any rate, my hubby and I decided that I would stay home with ours. I actually watch two for my neighbor behind us since she got to know me fairly well before asking. I worked at night part-time and got laid-off.

Can you not work at night part-time after you husband gets home?

There are always ways to cut costs...are you living at the bare minimum. My hubby and I scrape by, but it's worth it for me to stay home with the kids.

We shop Aldi, Costco (for a few things), and Woodman's...then Wal-mart for incidentals.

We leave lights off during the day.

We open windows in spring, keep thermostat at reasonable temps and just dress appropriately.

We don't eat out.

We rent movies from redbox for $1.

We don't have cable or satelitte...that's about $60 or more a month alone. And then we don't have all that garbage coming into the house rotting our brains and those of our kids. Boy the things we get accomplished since we aren't sitting in front of the toob for an hour or two everyday.

We don't have cell phones...actually we didn't until my mom put me on her plan for $10 a month.

We have the cheapest land line service available.

We don't spend huge amounts on birthdays and Christmas. We spend what we are able to save. And we get very creative. The girls don't ask for much because we don't have tv to influence them...they appreciate what they get and get excited about the tiniest things.

We buy clothing staples that can be mix matched and we only buy on sale or clearance at outlet stores or places like Kohls, Sears,.....

We don't spend money of activities, but find creative things to do with the girls like fishing (no need to buy a license if the we don't fish...the girls don't need one), the library has lots of activities, Woodstock theatre has great matinee prices, there are tons of things if you research it.

That's just a few things we do to get by so I don't have to work. When there is a will there is a way. Believe me it can be done. I think your son would be better off with your care and supervision...he will be your first priority and he won't be at a sitters because they have other children and responsibilities. That's not disparaging them, but telling the truth.

Maybe try to find a sitter through a local nursing school/department?

Three of my six nieces and nephews had febrile seizures that they outgrew. For the two that were siblings, they had a nanny. In fairness, though, the nanny was in place prior to the seizures. If a nanny is too expensive, I have some friends who have done nanny-shares to help with the costs.

Hi, Can you hire a sitter or a nanny with Exp. in handling kids that have seizure? That's the only thing I can think of, you will always be on stand by if something really happens. I been home with my daughter for three (3) years, longer then planned, only b/c I don't want to pay for daycare/sitter... so we cut corrors and make ends meet b/c I say to myself, my child comes first, BUT this fall I'm going back to work b/c I'm ready and my daughter is older and needs to be around other childern, but my life is different then yours. I understand it's hard, but I tell myself it's not forever and my kid comes first. Good Luck! I'm sure it will work out.

My personal opinion is that you should stay home, apply for financial assistance, etc. but I am sure there are well qualified caregivers out there who could provide for him well medically.

Emotionally, though, who is better apt to soothe him and guide him through the next five years as he becomes more aware of his medical condition in relation to his life and the society he lives in? He will want his mother more than anyone else.

Is there any way you can do your job virtually? Then when you r husband is home studying, you could pop in for some face time, etc? Can you pop in at night? Do they know you and your work well enough to trust that you'll work it out? You may be surprised that someone with a big heart who really understands may give you a chance. You may have to think about the risks. You can always ask ?????

You could see if you can get an adult sitter who has nursing training. You might feel more comfortable leaving him with someone who has medical training.

Otherwise, maybe look at work-from-home opportunities? They are hard to find (ones that are not scams) but they do exist. That way you could make money and be home to care for your little one at the same time.

Hi M.,
As you explore your options, I would be delighted if you would take a look at the company I've been in partnership with for 5 years. They have given me and tons of mommys the flexibility to remain SAHMs over the last 24 years of their existence. I'm sure they can do the same for you or at least supplement your income so that you can have enough to cover the cost of a nanny. No risk, no scams as they are in good standing with the BBB and the US Chamber of Commerce.

Give me a call at ###-###-#### and let's set up a time to meet in person or online.

Blessings to you and your family,

~M.
###-###-####
____@____.com

Hi, M.,

Two things: It is sooo hard to think of giving up a job you love! But if your son needs help you cannot be certain of finding, then you know in your heart what you must do. *But* I am certain that if you make the commitment to your kids (after all, you would be home with both), a new path will open for you to pursue work you love -- maybe the same field, maybe another. If you know you are doing the best thing for your family, it gives you short-term anxiety about money but longer term security about your family. I am not religious but I love the saying, "step out in faith." Knowing you're doing what is best for your family is the bedrock for faith in everything working out OK.

The one suggestion I haven't seen in this wonderful outpouring of support is trying to reduce your medical bills. I don't know how many providers and practitioners you are dealing with, but every single institution and individual should be contacted with an eye to reducing your debt, securing reduced prices for future care, and taking as long as possible to pay existing debt. You need good files, so you know what's owed to whom for how long, and then choose either you or your husband or someone in your camp who is a great negotiator. This person will follow up initial contact, get the bills down, make looong-term payment arrangements,etc. Even if you only get everyone down 10 percent, that's less to pay over time -- and you are allowed to take a very long time to repay medical bills.

Everyone here sends you their best wishes, M.. Good luck and follow your heart!
S.

Hi M.,
We are having a presentation about our business at Hyatt Regency Woodfield, 1800 E Golf Road, Schaumburg, IL 60173 on Saturday October 23, 2010 at 10:00am. It is a free event. Just come and hear about it. No selling. No pressure. I promise, you will not regret it. Call me at ###-###-#### if you are attending. Thanks.
S.

I agree with Laura P..............how much do you make part-time?

I assume your husband's grandmother watched her for free?
IF you take your gas money+car maintenence+time contraints+work clothes+meals at work+meals for kids+nanny/baby sitter salary......minus all this from your take home salary from your part-time job..........how much are you making to pay off the bills?

Perhaps alternatives as the other posters suggested.............babysitting yourself or finding a different job with better benefits or income? It is very hard to make this decision, and remember only you know what is best for your family! Good luck!

Hi, the best of luck to you and your family. You have to do what is best for YOU and YOUR family. I totally understand that you need to work (both financially, and probably emotionally, for your own well being). I truly feel that everything always works out the way it is supposed to. I am sure there is someone out there that has experience with the needs of your child, and that you will end up being very comfortable with. Heck, maybe there is a support group of some sort that you could swap time with??? Then it could save you on $$$ and both Moms would feel comfortable?
The best of luck to you and your family....

WOW M.!

You really have a dilemma! My husband has seizures, too, so I understand what you are dealing with there. I thank God that none of our (now adult) children ever had the problem!

What you need to do in your list of 'wants vs. needs' is to prioritize your life and the needs of your family. My bet is that the needs of your children will be at the TOP of your list!

Certainly the family income is a major concern. Ever think of WORKING AT HOME? I can help you with that, if you’re interested. Plenty of mothers are making substantial income from their own home and are able to care for their own children, as well.

Check out my links. Give it some serious thought, and let me help you to stay home with your children and earn an income at the same time.

http://www.workathomeunited.com/BevK
http://www.livetotalwellness.com/bevk

B.

Hi M.,

My heart goes out to you truly. I don't think I could leave my child with someone else unless they really had experience with this kind of thing. Don't make yourself sick at work worrying about him. I understand the need to work though, money pays the bills. If you aren't able to cut back on finances to stay home, can you consider a couple options? 1.) Get a new job that offers daycare on sight, so you can check on your son throughout the day and be close to him 2.) Get a job that is at opposite times of the day thay your hubby works (maybe nights and weekends)...I know that doesn't leave alot of family time, but lots of parents do it this way, so they don't have to pay a sitter 3.)Get a job you can do from home (maybe even ask your current boss if there are any telecommuting opportunities at work), so a sitter can watch the kids at your place and you can be within arm's reach (If you have the room, consider a live-in nanny that can have room and board as part of their compensation to cut cost for you) 4.) stay home with the kids and watch someone else's kids yourself to make some extra money, but still stay home. Whatever you decide, know that above all you have to do what is best for your family and situation. Also, hopefully this will only be temporary and your kids will be in school during the day and your son's condition will get better. If you have to stay with your current job and send the kids to a sitter, than just educate the provider over and over and give her stuff to read about febrile seizures and procedure. And don;t feel bad about calling during the day to check up on your son. Good Luck.

M.,

I just emailed you in response to something else. But my daughter has a very rare seizure disorder called dravet Syndrome. My husband and I work opposite shifts so one of us is always home with her. I know this is not always an option but it works for us. If you lived close I'd offer to babysit as I am well experienced with seizures of all types. I hope you figure something out soon!!

T.
www.JaslynParker.com

Not sure if you have found anything that has worked for you, but Work at Home United provides you an opportunity to earn supplemental or replacement income (and it is residual as well!!) while working from home....NO selling, NO stocking, NO shipping, and NO parties. No cold calls and there is no financial investment like most other work from home opportunities and is 100% risk free! This is NOT like Mary Kay or Avon and IS NOT MLM!!! We are a Consumer Direct Marketing company where we set up accounts for customers and Melaleuca pays us do so. We have been around since 1985, won numerous awards, is very prosperous and growing daily and it is BACKED by the BBB!! You will receive a FREE website and FREE training!
Visit www.WorkAtHomeUnited.com/H. to request information if you would like to learn more or give me a call at ###-###-#### to schedule an overview call so you can get all the info up front to decide if this will be a good fit for you.

I went through the same thing as you. My oldest son had the seizures. His would happen when his fever rose rapidly, and he had high fevers as well. It was not unusual for his to spike at around 106. He is 15 years old now and a tall, athletic, healthy, smart, happy boy. I know the feeling when they are having a seizure is the worst thing I have ever gone through. They do outgrow it, mine did before he was 5, but it is still the scariest thing to see happen. I stayed home with my boys as long as I could and do not regret it at all. I thought we could not afford it either and did not think we could pull it off, but we did. I was surprised to see how much we could cut out and still live comfortably. It can be done if you are careful about it. The only people I trusted to watch my son were the grandparents and aunts/uncles. By the time he reached kindergarten, the seizures were over. I would try everything possible to be able to stay at home as long as you need to. Also to consider is some of the advice about working different hours than your husband. I really sympathize with you because I know the feelings you have, and I can honestly say I believe you will be much better off staying at home if at all possible. We weren't able to shop much, take vacations, go to movies, go out to dinner very often, but we didn't care. We did not live poorly, just frugally, and it was so worth it.

Have you tried seeking advice/referrals from the doctor? That may be a good place to start. Otherwise I would try to stay home. I wish you luck in your search.