Working Mom Considering Quitting

I gave up my career 45+ hrs wk to stay at home 12 yrs ago. I don't regret it at all. The last fours years I've returned to work part-time at my daughters school which is ideal because I only work when school is open...nights/wkends/summers off. How lucky was that BUT it's not related to my career and the money is nothing. Our savings got put on hold, no vacations, no big purchases, but I got to raise my two daughters not daycare! Budget: I spend a lot on nice suits/dresses, shoes, dry cleaning, gas driving to work and fast food for dinners. By staying home I wear jeans/tees, changed my car ins to reflect less mileage,, used less gas and had time to look at coupons and best buys, and prepare most or all our meals at home (if you count McD's every once in a while or take out pizza).
When my girls were young, the costs were little to care for them. Now that their 9 & 11, their clothes are more expensive, we have sports costs, saving for college and house repairs to consider. With less than 15 years left till my husband retires, now is when I need to work again.
I think you need to talk to your husband about how secure his job is and if he will support your decision to do this. Good luck.

V., I hear what you are saying. My husband and I made some BIG changes in our lives to be PARENTS and not just providers. When I got pregnant with my first child, we were both working. We had long discussions about what to do. She was born in Nov and I was asked to come back to work the following Sept (I was a teacher). We tried the "day care" thing for 3 months and I HATED IT (and it was only for 3 hours a day!). Someone else was holding my baby when she cried, someone else was tickling her toes (or worse NOT!) someone else got the smiles and the coos that were her trademark and that were meant for my husband and I. My husband and I made a decision, one of us had to stay home. At the time, I was earning more than him so he quit and became "Mr Mom".
I am not going to lie to you, It was hard. We gave up one vehicle, our cable, our vacation plans, eating out, weekedn get-a-ways and other "non-necessities". We did it for our baby. Because SHE was our priority. When we saw that things were getting a little tight, my husband took a nighttime post for 4 hours, from 8 PM to midnight. It brought in just enough to keep him home with our baby. When baby number 2 was born we were already into full swing of our routine. We even started to be "not so tight" with our money. I wasn't really making any more we just had a much simpler lifestyle. So many of our friends couldn't believe that we were "making it". They were shocked! And needless to say, so were we. My daughters are 14 and 11 now, my husband is STILL a full time dad, my home based home based business teaching other moms to create the world they want (www.TheYummyMommy.com) is flourishing and we wouldn't have done it any other way. My girls are brilliant, well behaved, healthy and well adjusted. (no bias here! LOL)
V., my advice is this...DECIDE what is important and STICK with it. It will work, whatever you decide. DO NOT LET MONEY BE YOUR DECIDING FACTOR. Children are only young for a few short years. In my opinion there is NOTHING as important as raising children, your own children. I would challenge you to do whatever you can to stay home and be the mommy that your babies need and want. It will all be perfect. Trust me, I have been there.
If you want any tips, just ask ____@____.com.

B.
Family Success Coach

I wish all women who desire to be stay at home moms could be.
But, in this economy, you're almost crazy to give up a good job.
First of all, if you do it voluntarily, you are not entitled to any unemployment benefits whatsoever.
Second, I have friends who were doing very well financially. Firefighter husband got laid off due to cut backs and they thought they would be okay because teacher wife still had a good job. Her hours were cut back so far due to budget cuts that she doesn't even qualify for health insurance anymore. She's got degrees up the whazoo and can't find another teaching job. They have kids. His unemployment ran out and he was lucky enough to get a census job, but that's coming to a close next week.
It's sad to say, but you can never know how your bread will get buttered or if you'll even have bread OR butter.
Perhaps you can try to negotiate a more flexible schedule if your employer is open to that.
I've been a single mom for a long time and I hated being away from my kids, but I was our sole support and I hated not being able to make ends meet even worse.
I personally think that anyone who has a good job right now should hang onto it for dear life. The unemployment rate is Nevada is astronomical. If you take some time off thinking you can get a job later, you might find that isn't as easy as you thought.

Many jobs don't even pay a living wage now and that's why both parents have to work just to get by.
It's kind of like donating a kidney. It feels like the right thing to do and you can live with one kidney. But what if the other kidney fails?
You're a gonner.

I hope you get some great responses and find a way to keep your job with perhaps a little more time at home.

Best wishes.

I worked full time for years prior to having my first child. Once she was born I cut back to part time (25 -30 hours per week) in the evenings. I was on bed rest with my second daughter so I became a full time SAHP in August 2009. Fortunately we can afford to live on my husband's income and my income was primarily used for savings/fun. My husband is not a high earner but we get the bills paid and have a little bit left over each month. We presently do not save for college but plan to do so when I reenter the workforce. At first I was in a panic because I thought how in the world are we going to save but when I think of it, it is a span of 5 years or so and we will be raising our children which was important to us (not knocking daycare...we just feel they are ours so we should do the rearing). We gave up going on frequent "dates" (occasionally we do but not often which is fine because we were always more of the homebody type) and I sold my car so that I would not be making a car payment and purchased a used car which in turn lowered our insurance. My husband would not entertain the idea of cutting internet access (he likes his games) and I would not get rid of the satellite dish (Nick Jr keeps the older one happy while the younger one is nursing). A part of me feels like I gave up my independence (right or wrong I feel as though I am now fully dependent on my husband) and I really did enjoy my job so I still get a little bit of the feeling like I gave up something important and enjoyable to me which sucks. But, I would have only been bringing home $100 to $150 per week had we had to pay for reputable daycare for 2 children and to us it just wasn't worth it plus the decision was really made for us because of the best rest. I would be nervous to give up a good job that I enjoy given the economy. Also, being at home full time is far harder for me that going to work ever was (food for thought...not all parents enjoy staying at home) but my children get the benefit and most days it is fun.

Me staying at home is actually saving us money so we're not having to sacrifice anything we don't want to sacrifice.

For me, it was beneficial to sit down and make up budgets for both scenarios. I realized that child care expenses, gas and clothing for work and all of the other expenses for work that you don't think about were going to eat up pretty much my entire paycheck so it's really six of one, half-dozen of the other budget wise.

I now homeschool too so we're saving even more money since my kids don't have to have the latest and greatest of whatever all of the other kids have (shutting off the TV helped with this too) and I don't have to keep tons of nice school clothes for them. They have one or two nicer sets of clothes that they don't put on unless I tell them to. The rest are things like jeans with holes in the knees from playing on the floor etc.. and it doesn't matter since they're not going to school every day. We also don't have to buy specific school supplies every year, no new backpack every year etc... We homeschool with little more than the usual stuff most people have in their homes. Paper, pencils, globe, atlas, children's books, calculator, my hubby's college math text books (for my reference), dictionary and of course the internet etc...

Also don't forget that if you're staying at home you will have more opportunities for money saving activities like growing/preserving your own veggies if you have the land, hunting for the best deals at costco, clipping coupons, cooking homemade meals every night, baking your own bread, preserving your own jam/jelly, sewing your own bedcoverings/curtains/table cloths, cloth napkins etc..

I do most of these things and I end up spending only about $400 a month total on the things our family needs. That's not just groceries, it includes toiletries etc... So if you're really careful, you can actually SAVE money by staying at home with your kids.

Best of luck!

When I was pregnant, we found a house we fell in love with. My husband suggested I continue to work so we could have it. Thats when I informed him that I'd sooner live in a two bedroom apartment, drive our cars until they break down, and never buy another designer pair of jeans. When he realized I was willing to make sacrifices and live a simpler life and didn't just expect him to provide a fabulous lifestyle while I quit my job, he resolved himself to not buying a house. now that our baby is 3, he tells me every day how happy he is that I'm the one who takes care of her all day. She is the most valuable thing to us.
My sister was the primary bread winner while her husband struggled in real estate. After baby came (he was high needs, cries when she leaves the room), she couldn't bear leaving during the day. She quit her job and put everything on the line. She was willing to loose their house and move to a small town with my parents to be able to stay home her her baby.
We have such a mind set and acceptance of the working mother, but i have always seen it as unnatural, heartwreching, and just wrong not to be able to be the one taking care of your own baby. (and fyi, sister's husband rose to the occasion, they are doing well. They had to sell house and rent a condo, but they couldn't be happier)

The time you spend with your child will always, always, always be precious to you both... Unless you have a compelling, amazing, incredible career -- you will probably rarely if ever reminisce about work.

We live very modestly in a one-bedroom place so that one of us can always be with our daughter. Of course we would love a yard and more space, but we have a magical park nearby and the apartment is easy to manage because there are fewer rooms to clean. It's not for everyone, but it is definitely for us.

What bothers me most about our society today is that mothers are expected to work rather than raise their young. Nearly all other animals drop everything to raise their young, but we are expected to suppress our own nature and leave our babies every day to do other less important tasks. It's crazy. Absolutely nuts.

I wish you well, whatever you decide. Blessings for your family.

I am planning on leaving my job and going back to school next year. It is not quite being a SAHM, but it will give me a lot more time with my daughter than working a 40 hour work week.
We have already made some changes. DH just graduated and got a well paid job. I will stay at mine for a few more months to save up a nice cushion. We already have some savings and no debt, with the exception of some student loans (not very high, we will probably pay those off w/i 5 years).
We have looked closely at our monthly expenses:
- ditched Cable TV and added Netflix (savings of about $60/month)
- we will ditch our landline eventually
- switched cell phone providers for a better plan and more predictability. We will ditch the cell phone if we have to and switch to prepaid if it becomes necessary
- right now we order groceries per delivery, since both of us lack the time to go shopping. Once I have a little more time our gerocery bill will probably go down to $60 per week from now $75-$100 (since our delivery service does not accept coupons and I do not shop around for price savings due to the time involved)
- we will cut back on the expensive kid activities (like the $250 per quarter dance and music classes) and join the cheaper activties that are offered by our parks and rec (also dance, music and gymnastics) but that we can't do now, because they are during work hours
Our daycare cost will probably be cut in half (my daughter will attend pre-school) and we will have the added expense for health insurance (ca $700 per month). But that should be fine and hopefully that new healthcare legislation will help out a bit, too.
I am also planning on possibly working part time during the summer to help out a little.
We don't do 529 college savings - they are a bad investement unless you have the extra money and want to shield it from taxes. My daughter will be eligible for an almost free education in my home country, and if she chooses to go to college in the US, she might as well contribute to the cost.
We will continue with retirement contributions, as there is no "financial aid" for retirement.

Honestly, I don't feel weird about quitting in this economy. Sure, there is always a possibility that things go wrong, that DH loses his job or something like this. But I feel that if I live my life being afraid of "what if's" I will miss out big time.
I think that I only have this one life to live and I better do my best to have the best and happiest time I can. That means working less and spending more time with my family! Before my DH went back to work that wasn't an option, but if you can afford it (now we can), do what makes you happy.

I actually think that it will make my entire family happier, including my husband, who will not come home to a wife who is exhausted EVERY night and cranky because I don't ever get anything done like it should be.

Good luck!

Just one more edit after seeing your follow up: I had also hoped for a later bed time and more time after work. Now I see that that is not really an option. With the commute we have to leave the hous by 7:00 AM. When my daughter was still a baby staying up late wasn't an issue, since she would nap at will at daycare. Now I can't really let her stay up past 8:00PM or she will not get enough sleep, since she is down to one one (sometimes two hours) hour nap at daycare. I just feel working full time is a no win situation for us, especially now that it's not our only income.

When I had my baby (at 39) I had worked FT at a well paying job since college. I planned on staying at work FT, and I did return to work FT after my ML and FMLA. Then I started hating the fact that I had about an hour or two with him per day. So I switched to PT, b/c 3 days at work and 4 days with him seemed 'more right' to me. (Paycheck headed south somewhat). Then I got laid off and collected unemployment (not 'bad" money, but less) and then took another PT job for about half of the money I had been making (paycheck even smaller!), then I got called back 2 days per week to the original job (growth in paycheck). I was lucky b/c my parents cared for my son while I did work.
Guess what? You adapt, change, and manage with whatever money you make. I would not even try to put a price on the time I've been able to spend with my son!
Yes--I switched form a $50/cut hair salon to a $28/cut salon, I don't get pedi's every 2 weeks, but to tell you the truth, we are Dave Ramsay believers and we have no credit card debt, our house is paid off, we save for what we want and I haven't noticed all that much difference in our lifestyle.
Plus we're lucky b/c my husband works very hard and earns a nice living.
You'd be amazed at the money you SAVE by staying home. Good luck whatever you decide!

I left the corporate world 3 yrs before baby.

We are numbers people and we do not live beyond our means so it didn't really effect us. We were already accustomed to living on 1/2 of hubby's salary and saving the rest.

One thing I most certainly would NOT do is to stop contributions to my child's education or our retirement. Find something else to cut instead of these 2 very important financial decisions.

Good luck.

I've been a stay-at-home mom for 15 years. Now that I have one in high school, it's still so important to be home when they get home so they don't get in trouble. There are so many things I go without - things for myself, but it's so worth it. I don't mani's or pedi's ever, have my husband cut my hair, don't go to movies very much, and use a coupon when we do, instead of spending $40 at Souplantation, I get it to go for $9 and it feeds all of us! Just a bunch of things like that. We never buy sodas at restaurants, always drink water. We don't even drink alcohol - that saves us a bundle. As for college, even though college is very important, being at home with them when they are young is so important - worry about college tuition later. We always order off the dollar menu at fast food places, which isn't that often anyway. We rarely go to Starbucks or Jamba - it's much too expensive. For the kids' birthdays or Christmas in their stocking I get them gift cards for these places. We don't go on extravagent vacations, but we still go on vacation because it's such good family quality time. There are just a million ways to cut back. My husband grocery shops because I buy too many things!

It worked out for us. We owned a home that had high payments, so we actually sold it and moved to another city with more affordable housing, and bought a smaller home. That made a huge difference. We stopped eating out, and cut back on lots of things, keeping netflix and friend get togethers as our main entertainment. it was well worth it as I loved being with the kids. Later I began my little Shaklee business and it has helped out with college. I NEVER felt it was a mistake.

I left work to start my own business http://StrongMarriageNow.com and I'm so happy that I did. We have had to scale back on traveling, vacations and eating out but we were able to adapt.

My children are much happier with more time from mom and I'm loving the flexible life of an Entrepreneur. There are lots of great resources out there if you're interested in starting your own business. I read Tim Ferris' The Four Hour Workweek and that's what inspired me. It's not as easy as he says but it's not impossible either. There's also a great chapter here in San Diego called the Glazer-Kennedy Insider's Circle and Henry Evans from http://timezonemarketing.com runs it. It's a monthly meeting where around 80 entrepreneurs get together to learn marketing and help their business thrive. You might want to go to a chapter meeting. The info is on Henry's site.

Following your heart is never a bad thing. I wish you luck in your journey!

A.

I would think about how secure your husbands job is. In this economy, I don't think anything is guaranteed and anyone's job is "safe". If you quit and then something happens to his income, then what? I can't really comment on the SAHM stuff since I have always chose to work full time. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

It is a very personal decision and only you can make it. Financially, you know what you HAVE to have. When I got pregnant, my husband and I put my paycheck into a "new" bank account, via auto deposit. I lived without it during my pregnancy. It was really tough. Christmas came and went and we had to go back to making gifts like when we first got married. I had to not toss every wine and cheese I wanted into the cart, but check prices and buy generic. By the second trimester I realised with a few changes and some willpower I could do it. I left my career (temporarily) and chose to be a stay at home mom. That transition allowed me to see what it was like without losing the job security. It made it easier for me. Meanwhile a nice savings grew. My hubbie and I took that savings and went to Europe, right before the baby was born! We paid cash, and tucked the rest away for a rainy day. I have been home 10 years with my two girls. I had full intentions on returning to work by now. I don't regret it -- and still may someday.

You have to follow your heart.