Working Moms: How Do You Do It ALL?

I do what I can. I think my attitude stems from a bout of severe depression. Two years of my life lost because I tried to do it all. I refuse to lose any more chunks of my life so I accept my limitations and the mess that sometimes follows.

So if the house is a mess I just don't care, well I care but I don't beat myself up for it. My house gets 30 minutes a day. If the rest of the family wants a cleaner house I suggest they start cleaning up their own messes.

One word... Housekeeper.

I couldn't do it all. I tried and bottom line was that something had to "give". I didn't want the "give point" to be time with my husband or children, so then time spent on housework had to be reduced. My husband and I both like a clean house and we didn't want to have to buy more undies to stretch laundry out for another week... so we hired a housekeeper. I would live on rice and beans before giving her up! She IS my sanity!

Sacrifice a day off... Get everything 'done', and then it stays that way. It's the major advantage to working. When there's no one home, the house stays the way it was left.

Will it always be that way? Nope. But the vast the majority of the time, it stays that way.

Hi C.!

I have two daughters, ages 5 and 8, and I'm 8 weeks pregnant with our third. I work full time as a project manager in an oil & gas firm. My husband also works full time.

I get asked this question a lot- all of my friends are either stay-at-home Moms, single without kids, or are working Moms with older kids.

The answer is, I DON'T do it all. A LOT of things go un-done. Laundry is always half-done, my house is always messy, dishes don't always get washed right away. We do the basics to keep our house up to health-code (lol) and of course keep our beds & bathrooms sanitary. Other than that, we do what we have to do, and we're OK with that. I know we won't have a clean, model home for a long time, especially with a baby on the way, but that's ok, because we're happy, my kids are happy, and we're healthy, and that's what counts.

When company comes over, I don't apologize for my messy house. We are busy people. That's just the way our life goes right now.

And I don't even wear socks, I can never find them! :)

I read somewhere that if you keep your mantle full of get well cards, then if anyone comes over they will think you have been sick and will understand the mess. :)

Lower your standards. Sort of kidding, but not really. Don't try to be supermom. The house doesn't have to be spotless, sanitary will suffice. Laundry doesn't have to be put away immediately upon finishing the cycle; heck maybe if all us working moms banded together we could make wrinkled stylish! Prioritize then delegate. There's an awesome list on Pinterest of tasks kids can accomplish at different ages. You don't live in your house alone, make sure everyone who is helping make the messes/work pitches in to help clean up as well. My 8 & 10 yo are responsible for clearing & wiping down the table, picking up the dog poop, vacuuming, cleaning their rooms, watering the plants, put away their own laundry, pick up their belongings from common rooms, and bringing their laundry to the laundry room. They also do other tasks as needed - wash walls, clean counters, wash windows/mirrors, etc etc.

If there is any way you can swing a cleaning service I highly recommend it. I gladly go without coffees & lunches out to pay for mine.

You can't get it all done. I hired a housekeeper who came in for half a day once a week some of the time. A few weeks with a housekeeper to get my house in order again and then no housekeeper until I couldn't stand it anymore. Got house in order and then no housekeeper. etc

The way I became comfortable with my house is to choose the one thing that bugged me the most and made sure to do it every night. For me it was the clutter. Every night I took 15-20 minutes to go thru the house and pick up anything out of place. Put things in a basket. Left them in the basket until I could have time to put everything away.

I put things away, did dishes, vacuumed, mopped, did laundry on the week ends. By having a plan and sticking to it, I was mostly able to stay on track. I did have to learn to accept a certain amount of mess. I felt that if the floors were clean, the beds had clean sheets, and the dishes were done the house was OK.

By the way, two different socks is the style at school these days. You're in style. lol Humor is the way to help live with the constant need to clean. Accepting that the house doesn't have to be perfect helps a lot. Do what bugs you the most and let the rest go as is.

What an absolutely precious post and question.

When I was raising 6 kids at 1 time. I made certain I got up at least 1 hour before the kids had to get up. The night before I would put a load in the washing machine and one in the dryer. I would do at least two or three loads a day.

I would get up move the load in the washer to the dryer and take clothes out of the dryer. Then I'd go and shower and get completely dressed except for shoes. By the time I'm finished with that it is time to move laundry again and start to wake the kids up.

Each evening I take 1 house cleaning thing and do that or have the kids do something. At young ages my kids were responsible for sweeping, dusting, and mopping the floors. I required them to do a good job. If they didn't do a good job I would have them do it over with tons of encouragement on how to do a better job. As they get older then learn how to wash dishes, clean the bathroom and cook.

I learned quickly to never do it all but to have the help of the children. The youngest in the house is now 16 and it's wonderful to know that all my kids know how to do all the cooking, cleaning and shopping for a household.

And really try not to worry about too many things that don't get done. Enjoy your life and the kids. Time passes quickly so enjoy everything you can enjoy and schedule rest too. It is just as vital or more vital than doing all the stuff. I used to throw down some blankets and pillows on the floor or make a tent and we all would nap. Glorious days.

If you need to always solicite the help of your village for every need you or the kids may have. It is equally important and takes the kids out of themselves.

Fortunately my hubby helps alot! If he didn't help as well as the kids who are now old enough to do regular chores, I would hire a house cleaner.

I do one load, sometimes 2, every evening. The clothes may stay in the dryer BUT they are clean. Dishes in the dish washer, not left on the counter.

Just tackle small chores as you can.

I certainly try, but never come close to doing it all!

The following may help:
Use a crockpot for meals
Give the kids chores - they can be a huge helps
Order groceries online for delivery

Years ago, I came up with MY laundry solution. May not work for all, but works for me. I went and bought 5 nice laundry baskets and labeled them with each family members name. My husband put up a shelf to hold all five in the laundry room. Every morning I put a load of laundry in the wash before I leave for work. The load that's in the wash goes in to the dryer. The load that's in the dryer, comes out, possibly folded, and gets separated into the right baskets. Every night, I do another load. It will not hurt the laundry to sit in the wash or the dryer for an extended period of time. Clothes that I'm particularly worried about getting wrinkled, I save and do on the weekend. This way, two loads get done every day. And when a basket gets full, the owner takes it to their room and puts it away. This system eliminates piles of dirty clothes. And piles of clean clothes waiting to be folded/put away.

i never managed to do it all.
my house was a mess. my priorities were my kids, then work, then me. everything else came after that.
fortunately my marriage survived.
keep the important stuff foremost, and the rest will wait until you get to it.
khairete
S.

I used to always let my house come last. My priorities were my child, then work then house. I am a single parent and I work Mon-Fri 9 till 5. My dd still comes 1st as I spend most of my free time with her or doing things for her or taking her places, but you know I started to get really sick of coming home to a cluttered house everyday. So I have someone come to my house and clean for about 3hrs, once a week and what a difference. She does laundry, cleans bathroom & kitchen, dusts, cleans floors. I really only have to do quick clean-ups now. My dd still also has chores to do like making her bed, dirty washing in the basket, put clean washing away, take the recycling out, making sure her school/after-school activities bags are ready. Getting a cleaner/helper was the best decision I made, sooo worth the money. There is nothing worse than getting home from work + after school activities (most nights we are not home till after 7pm) and the house is a mess and all you want to do is spend time with your kids or waiting till kid is in bed then having to start cleaning/washing etc. blah!!! :-)

I'm a SAHM now going on for 10 years! I want to go back to work so bad, except I have a 6 month old new baby girl and I ask myself this question everyday.
I admire working mothers so much and I'm also a bit jealous that they have a life outside the house. I miss the office so much, anyways thanks for asking this question I'm eager to read the answers.

ETA: I like Nikki's answer because it's so honest!
If I go back to work this year, I will be reading upon this thread for advice.

I am so jealous of all of the posters who say their husbands love a tidy home and help maintain as well. Until my husband can sense I'm p*ssed (which takes him a long time even when I've asked/told/b*tched I need help he doesn't get it) he doesn't do much but contribute to the mess. Actually I've thought if it were just me and my two kids, 5 and 2, and he wasn't there I'd have a much cleaner house. Not just house - but car too, I got in the car he drove a few days ago - 4 empty soda cans - does he ever help clean the cars? NOPE - every month I get in and vacuum and wipe them out but he just messes them up w/out a care.

Anyway - rant over - even if I did get it done it wouldn't look done for long in my house. I got tired of my anxiety being so high about it. I do what I can and know that's the best I can do. (and as others have mentioned - a housekeeper - right, we're still paying off debt my man-child racked up on credit - not an option for us!!!)

I do dishes and clean the kitchen in the morning. I try to mostly tidy up after dinner, but I finish up in the morning (I have to get up 15-20 min earlier to do this , depending on what else I have to do to get ready that particular morning... some days I have to look nicer than others at work!). This works for me because then I get home from work and have a clean slate to work with when I start dinner.

Laundry, luckily my husband helps with that a lot but honestly I let it pile up so I can go two weeks at least without doing the kids laundry. I can also go 2 weeks without my own stuff. Then I do like 10 loads on the weekend. Husband seems to need to do random loads mid-week so I keep bugging him to buy more socks underwear etc so he can last more than a week without running out. The only laundry I like to do mid-week is linens (no special considerations, easy to fold, and all going back into the same closet).

I got my husband to take over 2 dinners a week. I do the other 2 or 3. Friday is my reward- take-out night. Occasinally I do mid-week take-out or something super easy like sandwcihes.

I do the bigger stuff on the weekend- floors, mainly, vacuum and mop or dust or bathrooms or whatever is just getting glaringly dirty. I tidy the whole house on the weekend and give my husband the sunday night speech about at least not letting it get worse (he is home all day with the girls Mon-Tue). He has gotten much better about this!!! It took a lot of training.

Some things just have to go longer for us working moms. I don't mop as often as I'd like, I don't clean bathrooms as often as I'd like. as you know the daily demand stuff like dishes and laundry are pretty constant and take up a lot of time.

If I sound very competent ...it's because I a have been really trying these last few months to keep the house clean and tidy. You have to get hubby on board, I joke that I got him over to the Dark side because it really is a cognitive shift in the "constantness" of the job- immediately putting things away that people leave out. Anything I bring in the house I immediately unpack and put away. That helps things not pile up. I constantly clean up after the kids. I mean really, there is no sitting down all evening. It kinda sucks actually. It helps that I have one room that I allow to be messy (a play room) and throw everything back in there at the end of the night. I occasionally clean it up too but mid-week when I'm about to go to bed and I see a bunch of weird random toys throughout the living room and kitchen, I do a run through and toss it all in there so I can walk downstairs in the morning and see a tidy space.

Also, keep your dining room table clean and clear of clutter. that helps a lot for me, it is a rooom we pass through between kitchen and living and we can see it from the couch. The rest of the house can be messy but if I see a clean and clear dining table I feel a little better.

And every 4-6 months I splurge and get a cleaning lady, so I can feel like I am starting from "ground zero".

You can't do it all...working moms who say they can are in denial. LOL I am looking at trying to make some changes myself. I too work fulltime and have three little kids. Literally my day started at 5 a.m. and ended at 9 p.m.

All I can say is that you need to be realistic and try to plan out a bit what "1" thing you want to accomplish for that day. Luckily my husband carries his weight with helping. It is overwhelming and sometimes dinner dishes sit in the sink until that next night.

the most important thing is make the kids a priority. Since I don't see them during the day...I cherish being with them at night so if everything has to be put off then that's what happens. We also have someone come in every 2 weeks to help clean the house.

As for your socks...LOL...I have done that sooooo many times. One day at a time and plan out your list...It's amazing when you make a to do list how it helps keeps us organized.

This reminds me of the old joke about being on a great diet where you can eat whatever you want. The trick? Don't want much.

Doing it all is easy, as long "all" means you aren't living in squalor, have clean (not necessarily matching :-) clothes to wear and no one is starving or bleeding profusely.

Are you able to hire someone to do a little cleaning? Our cleaner came in for 2 hours a week, and that was a lifesaver. Not so much because she got the house spotless but because I didn't feel like I was the ONLY ONE doing the cleaning.

Good luck!

I've convinced my 6yr old daughter that it is cool to wear two different socks. HA HA - Maybe she'll set a new trend!

I definitely don't do it all and my husband is not good at doing things without the power of suggestion or asking. So things pile up until one day I can't take it anymore. But for the most part my house is not perfect. I try to keep up with the three main rooms, kitchen, living room and bathroom. Laundry, ya that gets piled up and dishes sometimes do too.
- No advice, just know that many of us face this problem! And nobody is perfect!

My husband and my oldest son help do a lot of it. But I did not swet it if it's not done. Of corse it all depends on how your family dinamic is. My husband does not demand a spotless house and he knows if he did he would be the one making it that way. And my kids are old enough to pick up there own stuff.
Also if dishes is one thing you never get done I would sugest paper and plastic. They are my friends!!!

The trend IS to wear two different socks - so you're in fashion :).

You do what you can. Dirty dishes drive me nuts so there is almost never anything dirty in the sink.

My kids rotate chores of wiping the table and counters, vaccuming the living room, and bringing the dirty clothes to the washer - helps big time!

My husband also helps at home too. (Big plus!!)

I clean as I cook.

And we have gone to using a lot of paper plates!

You just do what you can and when things get out of control, just breathe. Don't let it stress you out. A messy house isn't really the end of the world. While it stresses me out, it's not the end of life as we know it :).

I used to work full time away from home until 2 years ago, now I'm home during the day while the kids are in school. Just do what you can. My hubs does ALL the laundry, I do all the cooking. He also does the floors. We take turns cleaning the bathrooms when needed. My daughter loads and unloads the dishwasher and my son takes out the trashes and the cans to the street. And we use paper plates and bowls too. I dust maybe 3x a year, seriously, just not a priority and no one else cares either. Our house is not spotless, but we are not embarrassed if someone popped over. Oh, and try to downsize as much as possible. Its easier to stay on top of everything if you simply don't have so much! I'm still in the process of doing this and it really makes a difference. Good luck!!!

I don't do it all. My husband is a fifty-fifty kind of guy so that's half the balance in our house. Bless him. The next is creating realistic expectations and cutting ourselves some slack. It's our home and our family. If we don't live in a genuine pig sty and everyone is healthy and happy, we have done well. There will be small messes everywhere which is okay and just part of having kids. When you put the toys away, they migrate back on the floor magically and quickly. Our solution is to wait until after bedtime to put the toys away. When our son gets a little older, we will have him help with that more. Currently he puts one toy away and pulls another one out. No big deal in the grand scheme of things. Each night we tackle one room for a quick clean. Mondays the kitchen, Tuesdays the living area, Wednesdays the bedrooms, etc. Some nights the room doesn't get done for whatever reason but that's okay. The other thing which helps is picking up a misplaced object and carrying it to its final destination if you are headed that way. My husband takes his shoes off in the laundry room. When I am going from the laundry room to our bedroom, I pick up the shoes and put them in his closest. That helps clusterbust in our house. For us family and couple time is more important than anything else. We have another on one the way and we have begun discussing hiring a housekeeper and/or a lawn service. Sometimes you need more hands on deck. For what it is worth I have worn two different colored high heels to the office, one brown and one black. Very stylish I assure you. Good luck.

I don't do it ALL, I just do ENOUGH
My husband does more housework and laundry than I do.
The kids help. They are great at wiping stuff down with a sponge.
I prioritize and only do the most important things.
You have to let some stuff slide.
I've accepted a new level of "clean" that is actually only straightened up.
I try to stay organized.
When I get any block of time, I try to get as much done as possible.

We will be in trouble when the teenagers move out! lol At least that's what they tell us. Honestly, the best suggestion I can give you is what my mom did as a single parent with my brother and I. She would turn off the tv, turn on the music, and have us help. Even if my contribution when I was three was making up fun dance steps to the music while she washed dishes, I was in the kitchen with her, talking and laughing, while the dishes got washed. Also, to this day, she does at least one load of laundry a day. As soon as she walks in the door, she will head to the washing machine, load it up, add soap, and turn it on. Usually before bed, she will switch the wet clothes to the dryer, and if they sit in the clothes basket until the weekend, so what?

Nobody can do it all. You have to delegate. If your husband won't help, then hire help. I have always thought it completely worth it to make my coffee at home (vs paying for Starbucks), and use my Starbucks money to hire a maid to come in once a week. If your kids are old enough, make them help with the things they can help with, like sorting laundry, loading the dishwasher, taking out the trash. Go to Dream Dinners or Dinner My Way and get several meals that you can freeze. That way, when you come home at night and haven't planned anything for dinner, just pull something out of the freezer, and the meal you put on the table will look and taste like you put a lot more time into it than you really did! If you need to hire someone (babysitter, smart teenager who lives next door, etc) to help the kids with their homework or to help them get going on school projects, I've found that totally worth it, too.

Aside from that, generally I will throw laundry in the washer before I make dinner, and then after dinner it goes in the dryer. Then at night when the kids are in bed and I'm catching up on my favorite TV shows, I fold the laundry. I have a Clean Laundry basket for each person in the family, and when laundry's folded, it goes in there. I put it outside the kids' doors when I'm done folding, and in the morning they put their laundry away. That method keeps us all in clean clothes. :)

Bottom line, nobody is Super Mom. The only way to maintain your sanity is to be a Super Delegator. Nobody can be all things to all people, and even trying to do so sets up unrealistic expectations from all sides. Just do your best with what you've got.

Can you delegate/ outsource?
Do you have too much on your plate?
Are you easily overwhelmed?
Do you need to stop and re-charge your batteries before you can tackle anything?

I work full time. Hubs is in school full time. We have an 18 month old who is in a combination of daycare/ granny care. We "get it all done," every day, and have time on our hands.
1. hubs and I are tidy, we clean up after ourselves and we clean up as we go along.
2. little one doesn't really make that much of a mess. What mess he does make, we insist on his cleaning up, even if it takes twice as long to have him help.
3. we cook once or twice a week, and make double/ triple sized batches. Half of whatever we make goes straight into the freezer. So there is always a healthy variety of food on hand and no one gets tired of left overs.
4. we exercise. it boosts your energy.
5. we employ robots to clean our floors. We tackle one or two extra cleaning jobs a night.
6. We are kind to ourselves and to each other.
7. Little one can be counted on to be asleep at 8pm and reliably sleep through the night.
8. We shop and bank online.
9. We don't do things by halves. i.e. laundry gets collected, sorted, done, dried, folded, and put away. Not washed on one day, and put in a pile for several more.
10. it makes us both happy to live in a tidy home. cleaning the kitchen cupboards for me is a nice meditation.
11. we are careful not to accumulate stuff. The more you have, the more you have to keep on top of.
12. we socialize, and take our DS on outings, we network and attend professional events.

Some people have recommended "flylady" in response to similar posts. You might find that helpful.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Get a wife. Failing that is your partner doing his 50% of both the actual work and the delegation of work/record keeping/deciding what needs to be done. There is a lot less work to do if you are only doing 1/2 the laundry, 1/2 the cleaning, 1/2 the cooking, etc.

My husband and I share the workload. We have set days to do certain things. I organize my life and try to get rid of clutter. Paper, dishes, laundry and toys are the biggest things likely to get piled up, so we focus on maintaining that the most. Kitchen and bathroom is also the most used, so I have a rule to the family to clean up the mess after themselves. I spot clean those during the week and do a thorough clean on weekends.

Stop being so hard on yourself! I don't care what anyone says, NOBODY in the world can do it all!! Rope in family to help you! Hang in there, it gets easier when the kids get older.

By the way, my 16 year old daughter has been wearing odd socks ON PURPOSE for the last year or so. It's her "thing"! They're not random odd socks either - the 2 colours need to complement each other! Who knows, maybe odd socks will become a new fashion and mismatched socks will be one less problem for us to deal with!! :)

Clean up as you cook. That way you don't have all the pots and pans in the sink. Empty out the dishwasher while in the kitchen cooking and reload it as you cook. Turn on after dinner if done.

Laundry do a load of whites one day and then colors. This way it will cut down on 10 loads for the weekends. No one wants to stay in the laundry room all day.

If the kids are old enough enlist them into the chores. This will prepare them for later in life. They can set the tables and if old enough they can do laundry for everyone.

Remember you are a team and each member has to contribute to the cause -- clean tidy house and cooked meals each night. Try to set out the clothes for the next day the night before you go to bed it cuts down on what to wear in the morning.

Maybe you need to downsize on what you have to wear so that you don't have as much to keep up with.

Good luck you will find out what to do soon.

The other S.

My help me stay organized website

http://www.simpleorganizedliving.com/
http://iheartorganizing.blogspot.com/

I can't do it all and be everything to my boys and my husband. My husband loves to cook so he does that and the dishes. My chore is laundry and that is a Sunday - Wednesday type of chore. I have enlisted my 12 and 11 year olds to help to the point I only have to fold. My older boys also swiffer the floors, clean the bathrooms and their own rooms, they also unload and reload the diswasher daily. The 6 and 5 year olds are responsible for their room and their toys in all th other rooms. If it doesn't get picked up then it becomes mine after they go to bed. We run 6 days a week with sports and my husband and I both work FT. therefore I try and grab a groupon or two for cleaning companies to come in and sparkel the house up. Less expensive and affordable.

My favorite saying is "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all!" So our home may not be clean as a whistle, but it is lived in and we can walk thru rooms without having to scoot our feet. It is pretty cool!

I've heard that you can hire someone to come in for a couple of hours and just deal with things like running the dishwasher/laundry pick-up on occasion. I haven't tried it, but have thought of it. That could help you get through the crazy periods when you just don't have then energy to spend two hours putting everything back in order. Different than getting a cleaning service to scrub your toilets once every two weeks, someone to just help take up the slack on a day-to-day.

There's also laundry-by- the-pound. I actually miss that now that I have a washer/dryer. Drop it off, and pick it up all perfectly folded and clean.

Make every day a picnic and use paper plates until you can get to the other end.

If you can get your husband to help, even better, but sometimes both of us hit a bad work-patch at the same time, and then it is all-outside-hands on deck!

The first thing I do is ONLY buy a certain kind of socks, so they ALL match! ;>

Make everyone at home who is old enough help carry the load. And the world doesn't end if you use paper plates or have fast food now and then!

What's that saying - messy house means happy kids. Or, some such thing. You are only human. You must have balance in your life which means taking care of you too. Don't be so hard on yourself. I am a full-time working Mom and no, everything does not get done in a day. Forgive yourself of things and lower your expectations. I am writing this while at work and thinking of the dirty dishes sitting in the sink right now.

If you're super tired every night right now because work is overwhelming, then allow yourself a break at home. Do only one chore when you come home, then give your time to your family for an hour and then to yourself. Everything else can wait.

If no one has any clothes to wear, do one load of laundry. I only break my laundry into three piles - lights, darks and linens. I wash all clothes (lights & darks) in cold water and wash linens in hot. That way I only ever have 3 loads of laundry to do. Don't worry about folding them once dry. Pull out the stuff that you don't want to be wrinkled and hang 'em over a chair until you have the energy to put everything away. Everyone can grab their clothes from the pile sitting on the table - at least it's clean.

Also, is everyone pitching in and doing their share of the work? The kids could separate all the clothes into light & dark piles. Heck, my 4 year old helps by bringing his laundry basket out of his room, putting all his clothes in the machine and pushing the button to start it (I put the soap in). While he's loading everything, I can be doing something else.

Dinner doesn't always have to be a major thing. On lazy nights, we have been known to cut up apples, grab a bunch of grapes & other fruit & veges, cheese, crackers, salami, hummus and french bread and have a picnic. I often buy the vege & fruit platters just for the ease of it on lazy nights.

The bottom line is, no, you don't have to do everything fully or perfectly every day. You do, however, have to have balance every day. Taking care of you should be worked into your 'chore' schedule. If it's time to take care of you and the dishes aren't done, then they can be worked into the schedule the next day. The only thing that should never come off that chore list on any given day is giving yourself time to just relax and be.