Worn Out, Spread Too Thin; How Can I Reboot?

aw, sweetie. i'm sorry. this busy busy crazy phase of parenting is so draining, and when you keep looking for things to eliminate but there aren't any, what's a mom to do?

i have huge respect for SAHMs, and i so wish i could have experienced it so i could empathize more. because i too was a work-like-fury mom, and can only imagine what it would be like to add school into the mix.

i'm glad to hear you're exercising. are you eating well? that's one of the first things to slide when we're stretched thin as rice paper, and it's so important.

i work for a caterer from time to time who does this brilliant thing. even in the midst of madness, when we're all whirling around like dervishes getting ready for an event that's going to take place in 2 minutes, she'll call out 'take 30!' and we'll all stop, and for 30 seconds do a few deep breaths and reconnect. the trick is not to spend the 30 seconds mentally scrambling for what's coming next. just breathe.

can you come up with something like that? it's startlingly effective.

another (similar) thing is to ruthlessly purge ONE day out of your calendar month. just one day- but that's the P. day. no doctor appointments, no errands, no catching up on housework (unless it's soothing and pleasant for you) no musts. just one day for you to do whatever you feel like when you wake up. don't plan anything in advance other than to free up that one day. if you feel productive, by all means do Useful Things, but if all you want to do is sleep, or make a pan of brownies and curl up with johnny depp movies, do that.

just one day.

even an afternoon will do, although not as well.

hang in there, hon.
khairete
S.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes those tunnels are just soooooo long. You had a lot on your plate before the suprise move and illnesses. And as moms we always tend to everyone else first running ourselves into the ground.

Take the weekend off. Get some videos and let your son veg in front of the screen while you rest. The housework will be there on Monday and you can pick away at times a little at a time. Remember only dull, boring women want to be judged by their perfect house. lol

As far as moving forward make sure you are eating well. Good quality proteins and veggies. When we're busy we tend to reach of processed things full of carbs, sugar, and salt. Keep things like nuts and fruit around for snacks.

What helps for me is to see if I can eliminate 30-60 minutes of non-critical activity a day for a few days to get to bed earlier and get a good night's sleep a few days in a row. Instead of cooking dinner, can you heat up something from the freezer or get some prepared foods (I just discovered Trader Joe's lasagne - costs less than if I made it myself and is just as delicious) and use that time that you'd be in the kitchen to do some of the tasks that might keep you up at night?

I find that when I'm really stressed, I tend to eat poorly and it sets up a cycle, so I can stop that slide immediately with my go-to "good for me" foods - I have a smoothie in the morning (protein powder, almond milk, almond butter, coconut cream, avocado and powdered greens), a salad with chicken, hard-boiled eggs or fish for lunch (I make up 5 mason jar salads on Sunday afternoon), and dinner of lean protein, veggies, and something like quinoa or sweet potato. I snack on soup or nuts if I'm hungry, drink lots of water and herbal tea. All stuff that's easy to keep on hand and easy to prepare, and makes me feel so much better than scarfing down bread, sugar and caffeine.

Another trick is to start the day with a short meditation. Nothing crazy or elaborate, but just something you can meditate on for 5 minutes before you get out of bed in the morning. One of my favorites is from Dr. Sara Gottfried - take 5 deep breaths and repeat the following until you feel "complete":
May I be filled with loving-kindness
May I be happy
May I be full of grace
May I be healthy
May I live with ease

Then think of someone who it is easy to love (child, pet, spouse) and repeat the mantra with them in mind, replacing "I" with "you." Then repeat again with "I" and if you're really feeling it, repeat again with "you" but call to mind someone you've had conflict with or are feeling anger and resentment towards.

It may seem hokey if you're not into meditation or reflection, but I find it really is a wonderful way to start the day. Another way to start the day is to think of the "4 Gs" - something that's Good, something for which you're Grateful, a Goal for the day...and I forgot the 4th G LOL - sorry!

Also...an Epsom salts bath with some lavender oil can be really relaxing and restorative.

Hope some of these help and that you feel more in balance soon!

Take naps on Saturday and Sunday. Tell your son you need a nap and put a movie on for him and see if your husband can keep an eye on him if you can't trust him by himself.

Cut back on some things. We all have things that we "think" need to be done but really they don't and can wait. I only dust every few months. lol Its just not a priority for me. For now, only do the things that MUST get done. Everything else can wait until you feel better.

Also try to go to bed earlier. My husband used to snore and when we went to bed at the same time, he would fall asleep in 3 seconds so I got to lay there for an hour listening to him. lol So if you fall asleep before your husband comes in, maybe you can get a head start on it until you get caught up. Good luck!

This might not be possible, but do you have any vacation or personal time accumulated at work? When I get so overwhelmed like you are now, I take a day off of work because I need a day at home alone. I make a schedule for the day so that I accomplish the most pressing task(eg, catch up on studying, ) and I also plan time for a nap. One day like this can re-energize me for months. Hang in there P., your past few months sound like they would overwhelm even the strongest person.

It is important to leave 'open space' in your life so that you can handle surprises like moving and illness. The online classes were probably one routine obligation too many.

Don't take on any more stuff. Not one thing more until you've created sufficient open space in your daily life. I'm not saying quit somethign you're already doing. I'm saying take care of what is already on your plate, clear things off, and don't fill it so full again.

When are your classes over for the term? I know for me the hardest period was right after Thanksgiving break because I was off work, off school, so I would literally count the days until exams using homework due as the counting tool. Once the homework and papers were all in, that was the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I feel that way, I try to cut down on the routine things for a while in order to free up enough time for sleep and work. So, we do quick meals instead of cooking, I skip the daily load of laundry for a couple of days, I let the kids figure out their own homework while I try to focus on my stuff. I do my best to spend a little time getting organized and creating a to-do list, since that helps me focus my brain. I take as many naps as I can fit in. 15-20 min. works great, if that's all you can find. Lack of sleep can really mess with you. Try to do some nice things for you. Go to bed early and then get up early to read for school. I also made a small list of wellness things that I try to do each day. Meditate, stretch, vitamins, exercise, etc. I like checking those off each day, but have to admit it's easy to let those go in the hustle and bustle of the days. I feel for you. Hang in there.

I feel your pain...I think we have all been there in some sort of way. I was doing my last year of my MBA when my husband was working 2 hours away. We have three kids, all very active in sports and needing dropped off at 3 places and the same time - only one of me. My kids were 5, 7, and 9 that year.

I dealt with very understanding bosses, amazing babysitters, and a supportive family. My husband was a big help when he was home too. On the weekends we slept in when we could or napped if that was an option to catch up.

I would suggest for you to take a break from your online classes. Do not stop for forever, but wait until med school is over...I can't imagine two going to school at the same time. Work on planning ahead for everything - meals, activities, sleep, etc. And if it comes down to it and you can afford it, take a day off without pay when your husband is in class and your son is in school.

Dear P.. It's extremely hard for a second parent/adult/spouse to take classes when another half of that grouping is a full time student. Plus working AND trying to be a parent?

(take this advice or not...it's not anything but my opinion, okay?)

Right now your job is to support your husband finishing up that degree. You know you have several more years of this before he's done then he's going to be establishing patients and other things. This is much like being a single parent.

I am NOT saying you shouldn't take classes, I'm saying they should be down on your list of things to do.

#1. Take care of your family.

That means provide for them. Insurance, utilities, a home, transportation, food, etc... Being there for them when they're sick and you're the only income, well, that's very hard. Do the things YOU need to do to make sure they're taken care of. If hubby can take a day out of school to let you work when one is sick then let him. If he is doing any patient work where he's working nights let him deal with stuff in the house on any time off. He does need his sleep but he should stay awake nights so he'll be fully awake when he goes back on.

#2. Take care of you.

Make sure you're washing your hands all the time and I'd include your face with a clean wash rag too. I find I brush my hair out of my face a lot more than I thought I did. When I wash my hands then splash some water on my face and dry them both with paper towels or a clean wash rag I don't get sick hardly at all.

Take vitamins or Vitamin C or anything you feel comfortable taking to help ward off illnesses.

Go to bed and get some sleep. You should know that our bodies work very hard all day long to do the complicated things we do while awake. Like switch out the load of laundry while planning a meal and going over our schedule for the day, effectively using our arms, brain, breathing, and muscles to do these tasks. When we're sleeping our body is basically able to go to war inside to fight illnesses and diseases. To shut down the "awake" stuff and work on the sleeping things. If you don't sleep those illnesses and diseases win.

I am confident you have friends. Send kiddo to spend the night with one of them, maybe even every weekend for a while, and take some Melatonin or something to get to sleep and sleep about 12 hours. Then get up and do your school work. Take this time to recuperate.

School should come low on your list for now. I understand that's contrary to everything I think and believe about education. If you and hubby didn't have kiddo and you didn't have to work full time I'd say, without a bit of hesitation, that you can absolutely go to school, and you should go full time! But with having to work and be the person in charge of everything...you have to prioritize.

One last thought. Since hubby is going to medical school I'm assuming you live near a university or college where he goes. Check out married student housing. Since you're renting it's OFTEN cheaper to live on campus. Since hubby is a full time student accumulation debt, more than likely, you should probably qualify for full financial aid if you're not working....it's a thought. Then you could go full time and still have food on the table and all bills paid before you get a penny of the financial aid left over.

Seeing as you can't drop anything, at least the move is behind you.
What you need is some down time on a weekend.
Can your 3rd grader spend an over night with any grandparents so you can just sleep 10 hours straight through and then catch up on your course reading?
After you finish these courses - be sure not to take more than one at a time in the future - at least until Hubby is finished with med school.