Worried About 18 Year Old Son

K., you should really consider having a physiatric evaluation done.If hes scared of going through a drive thru or to the bank to get his money, something has got to be going on mentally. Consider this and don't let it go on for his sake.Hes not capable of doing it for himself nor will he so thats were you come into this situation and take over as you have in the pass.i don't think that the military is any place for him either, he will be lost and they won't understand him, and life for him will be very unpleasent.
Good Luck

Honestly I don't think a job will help him, actually a job may will increase his anxiety, he needs to built his self-esteem, there are many clinical social workers very well prepare to help adolescents.
I will recommend this lady:
Leslie A. Warren, LCSW, ACSW Diplomat in clinical Social Work
Individual Psychotherapy
3030 Nacogdoches, Suite 101
San Antonio, Tx. 78217 ###-###-####
If he dosen't feel comfortable to go with her because is a woman she can recommend some guy.

K.,

First and foremost his he was diagnosed with ADHD and not taking meds, then that is your first clue! You may want to have him re-evaluated for this and possibly for depression. I say this as I am a mom of a 9yr old with ADHD and have family history of depression, bi-polar and schitzophrenia. I've battled mild depression myself for years. An 18 year old that is too scared to do anything on his own should not be left behind. An 18 year old should be ready to explore and ready to get from under Momma's wing (after all they are technically an adult themselves now).

My son is young, but so many of my friends and family have been through situations like this. In all honesty, The military would probably be the best thing for him. It teaches young men and women to be independent, yet strong and reliable. Once in the military, they WILL NOT do things for him. He will be required to do things on his own. If you and his younger brother are constantly assisting him with things, he will never learn to do them on his own (that is not to insult you as I know how hard it is to not do everything for my 9 yr old).

My suggestion........Go talk to an Army or Air Force recruiter on your own. Explain to them the situation and see if they feel that this would in his best interest. Although we all know that they are always wanting more recruits, I dont feel they would mislead you if they feel that he needs something other than the military. I hope that makes sense. I come from a family of long term military men. My father was in the Air Force 21 years. It truly made him a man. He was young, tempermental and hot headed......21 yrs in the military disciplined him like you wouldnt believe.

Best of luck to you and your family.
T

My daughter was studying to be a counselor in college (she has changed to school teacher) and took a few psychology classes. The books explained different disorders- one is called a "social anxiety disorder". Has he been depressed at all? If it were me, I would start with his family doctor and ask about getting blood tests to check for a chemical imbalance. I would also check into a personal counselor through a church or through your family physician. My prayers to you. Just a personal note, depression could hit anyone. It affects everything in your life; I know from personal experience I was withdrawn and isolated myself from everyone and everything.

H.Camden

K., I am sorry you are so worried, but thank God you are.. Maybe go see a therapist and possibly get him on some meds. I am not a med pusher, I think for problems like ADHD and so forth, it is always best to try natural things first, but if that fails, then I would try some medication.. I wish I had better advice, but I am just thankful there is a concerned Mom who wants to do something about it.. Another thought instead of getting a job, having him volunteer somewhere.. these are all things a therapist can guide you through..

Good luck.. J.

Hi K.-

I don't have a teenager yet but I do have experience with two things that sound similar to your situation through my husband and my son.

I don't know that much about adhd but my son was diagnosed with Asperger's a couple of years ago. Now he is only 6, but I've read a lot about it and some about older kids and adults with it and your son's personality sounds very similar. Since Asperger's is a relatively new condition and is often misdiagnosed as add/adhd is it possible that he was misdiagnosed, especially if he was diagnosed many years ago? It might be worth researching it to see if it fits and then having him evaluated.

The 2nd thing is that my husband suffered from depression and anxiety issues for over a year before he finally went for help. He dreaded being around large groups of people and would worry so much that he made himself sick before meetings at work, etc. Now that he is on medication he is so much happier and his anxiety issues are almost completely gone.

Either way, I would suggest taking him to a psychologist for evaluation.

Good Luck,
K.

Hi,
Im sorry if this is something you are not comfortable with, but it sounds to me like he needs some professional help. It could be just some phobias that have never been addressed, or it could be something more serious. A therapist can help determine this. He clearly needs support and guidance. Hoping he will figure it out on his own will not work. I wish you all the best. If you are interested in names of some therapists or counseling centers please let me know.

First if he is a loner you must let him go out and explore and the whole military thing might just be good for him. He will make many friends and become part of something that means so much to America but there is the downfall of becoming deployed. All you can do is show him love and stop trying to figure out what to do because all you need to do is show him love and be there for him. Do a lot of you and son time take him out, to movies, to the park, talk to him about his dreams his goals in life. Maybe find out what he really is into and get him involved. As mothers we worry but sometimes if we raised them right they know what they are doing trust them. Also praying always helps me and this ADHD thing maybe it is that or not but really your the one who knows your son and if I were you I would talk to him. NOt know no one else just mother and son.

Dear K.: In response to your question if anyone can help. I would definitely get your son some professional help. If nothing else, maybe there is a support group he can go to so he feels more like he fits in. There's some underlying problem that perhaps a psychologist or psychiatrist can uncover.

K.,
This is totally just my own opinion, but it sounds like maybe your son is dealing with some social anxiety issues. I think you need to talk to his doctor about this. He may need some medication to help deal with it. Kids that have been diagnosed with ADHD are more likely to deal with anxiety issues...I know this because I was one of them. I am now 37 and I take medication daily. It has helped me tremendously, in the way that I can go the whole day without obsessing about what MIGHT happen to me or one of my family members. Anti anxiety meds don't make you high or low, they just allow you to be yourself, in a normal state. Just a thought...
Also, I was in the military, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. It taught me self discipline and that I was capable of more than I realized.

S.

K., your son may be suffering from some sort of condition. I have to agree with some of the others, get him evaluated and talking to a professional. This is something he can beat. I will pray that he comes out of whatever it is as well as how it affects you.

Hi K.,

I have a good friend who suffers from the same social anxieties. He can't go to the grocery store alone. He can't go anywhere new without an "emotional anchor," which means a close friend he feels safe with.

He is currently in therapy for the first time and I feel that this with the combination of medication will eventually help him to lead a more normal life.

He is able to hold down a job, but this is one he got with the help of one of his "emotional anchors," like I said.

He'll spend hours alone in his room and he can't sleep most nights and he can't go places where there are lots of people and he can barely walk down a busy street alone.

I don't know if any of this sounds familiar, but my suggestion is that your son needs psychological help before he can make any real plans for the future.

I don't know what triggers this kind of behavior in a person, usually a traumatic event. For my friend, it was depression and failing out of college.

Try your best to be supportive, this may take a while, but in the end he's less likely to have an anxiety attack on the way to a job interview, or something similar. Sometimes when things like that happen, they only tend to make the person want to be more withdrawn from embarrassment.

He is probably aware that his behavior is strange and abnormal and as much as that bothers him and as much as he knows it bothers the people he loves, he doesn't have much control over it.

I don't know how much this has to do with his ADHD. Lots of people have attention disorder issues and still lead normal lives off medication. It would certainly help to quiet the noise in his head, if he really does have that, to take some type of medication. But it doesn't look like that is his real issue.

Be patient. Tell him that you love and accept him no matter what and that you want to help him feel better about himself.

He's only 18. I know that sounds strange, but some people don't figure out where they're going until they're in their 30s. Forcing him to grow up won't change how he is. (I know, my friend with social anxiety is 30.) Helping him to work through this will help him to lead a better life in the long run.

Just my thoughts. Hope this helps.

C.

Not only should he be on medication, but sounds like he definitely has a psychological problem that would require a shrink. I'm surprised you let it go on to the point that he is now an adult and cant function.

Dear worried,
There are many of us out here trying to help our young adults navigate life's unfamiliar waters. For as much as we want to be the problem solvers, sometimes there needs to be outside intervention. At times it is easier for our kids to speak to someone outside of the family that they can trust and relate to. He may be in neeed of a physical evaluation. Perhaps there is a physiological reason behind this behavior. If that is not the case, then perhaps a counselor can help him explore the reasons behind his actions. Perhaps someone in your church or a highly reccomended counselor in your area. I keep reminding myself that we are living in such fast changing times, so much so , that our kids are having to deal with so much more than our generation. We as parents are also trying to adjust and meet the needs required of us. Ultimately our goal is to raise and send out into the world healthy, happy young adults ready to fulfill the purpose for their lives. Be encouraged, my prayers are with you. :)

DEAR K.,
I have a son who's got Asperger's...and he tends to be this way...Asperger's and ADHD are like cousins. Anyway, one really simple thing I have found that helps a LOT is this...having him take a pro-biotic (acidophilus) with every meal and a good (easily obsorbed) B-Complex daily. When I stick with this he just does better. I've read some research on it and the acidophilus really helps encourage nutritions to be absorbed...and makes the brain food actually get to the brain instead of flushing... The B also helps with brain function. Seriously, I hope you contact a Naturalpath Doctor...and see if you can find some help...meds may not be the answer.

-R.

Hi K.,,,
i've raised 2 boys 1 30 yrs the other22 the milatry sounds like a good idea for your son if there happens to be some off set from his ADHD they will find it and maybe not take him ,,,then you'll know what he really needs ,,,so give it a try or send him to see a phycirtist they will help him for sure
good luck and prayers L.

Hi K.! I'm glad I'm not the only one with a son with these behaviors. My 22 year old son sounds exactly like your son! Since before 6th grade he became "painfully shy", as I described him. By 7th or 8th grade he was diagnosed as having "social anxiety disorder". He had been in therapy on a number of occcasions. His dad and I went through a horrible 2 year divorce when my son was in 8th-10th grade. Now, he is in college at U of H. The first year he did really well (3.5 GPA) Then the next two years he ended up dropping out in the spring semester. He has changed his major a couple of times. He is truly a "lost soul". When he is on medication (an anti-depressant for social anxiety) he can do pretty good. Then he usually quits taking it. He lives with his dad, who doesn't keep a good handle on him and who enables him not to become independent. When I think about my son, I become very sad and worried about his future. I encourage him to keep taking his medication, and I let him know that I believe in him, because he is smart and sweet. I keep thinking that if he would meet the right girl, he would blossom. But, until then, he is scared to death to even look at a woman! I guess I don't really have any advice for you, sadly, but want you to know that you're not the only mom who feels the way you do! Feel free to contact me...i guess it would help me as well! Hang in there...T.

It sounds to me like your son may have a different diagnosis from ADHd. I would recommend working to get a complete psychological evaluation from a Ph.D. psychologist and then moving on to see an M.D. psychiatrist if medication is recommended. He may be suffering from severe anxiety and possibly depression. I'm a professional counselor, and if this were my child, I woudld get some mental health diagnostic information and treatment as soon as possible. I don't think behavioral methods (such as getting a job) are going to work .. there is some reason that life in the world is so daunting for him. Best of luck to you; I'm sure he can be considerably helped with the right professional care.

u shouldn't be worried about him going into the military, he won't get lost there. i have a brother that i could never tell what was gonna happen to him because he acted crazy, but he entered the army and his life is completely changed. He is probably better off there at this time in his life, you should think of him as going to college. He will be away but everything he needs will be right there. Food, shelter, and invaluable life skills, an education. Maybe he just needs someone to order him around without being given the choice to say no, and thus he will learn to be responsible. my brother is bipolar. My brother isn't just my little brother anymore, he is a man. He has a direction in life. My whole family is so proud of him.

Could he possibly have an anxiety disorder/panic attacks? If that is the case then there is medication and conditioning therapy to help him. If he does not have panic attacks then maybe just some practice doing things alone will help.

Run up to the store and get me a gallon of milk or whatever. I need you to take a deposit to the bank for me, just run it through the drive through. Go pick up our take out dinner tonight, here is the money.

He has got to get out into the world and start to function...why did he lose the job? Finding another one ASAP is very important...because working is something he will have to do for the rest of his life.

Good luck...{{{{{hugs}}}}}

He needs a therapist or life coach of some sort. Please don't let the military take a frightened young man who can't even go to the bank alone! The military is full of mind games, especially in boot camp, and your son does not sound like he is in a good place to handle it. If he really wants to join, maybe that can be his reason for getting well first.
Best wishes for your family!
P.

The milatary is now going to solve this. He needs to see the Dr. and may need to get back on his meds.

K.,
I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like your son may either have social anxiety disorder or a bit of agorophobia. He really needs to see a doctor because it's nto going to go away on it's own, and as a military wife, I can tell you in all honesty, the military isn't the answer for this.

Please understand that I am NOT in the mental health services. I am not trying to add to your worry but rather just share an experience. My nephew is 35 and now has schizophrenia. Before 21 years old he was very much like you have described your son. In addition to your statements my nephew would not really socialize the adults at family gatherings. He was always with the other grandkids who were somewhat younger that he (He is the oldest grandchild ). I was the closest in age aunt and he would joke around with me some but I really had to work hard at it all the time just to get some normalsy. He worked with me and my boyfriend (2 years older than he) once while I was in college running a firework stand. My now husband said a few times then that things did not seem right even for an anti-social personality(of which my husbands family has two), and that something is wrong. He quit helping us before we were finished with the 2 weeks worth of holiday work. About 10 days later his dad came home from work and my nephew was sitting in the den talking to himself and rocking back and forth. He would not answere questions and was very pale. He was making scary and confusing statements about all kinds of stuff and death. His dad called an ambulance and they took him to the hospital. He was diagnosed at 21 years old after 3 months of a 10 month stay at a psychiatric hospital. He will never be able to live by himself or work. He is allowed to have a drivers license at different times depending on how his medication is doing. They say that he is a very bad and difficult case. Not like most schizophrenics. Even with medication he will tell you that he still hears the devil.

I am NOT trying to insinuate that your son is the same as all this. Just that many times we wonder if any of my nephew's problems could have been improved or avoided if he would have had help before the day of the mental break. Looking back, the signs of mental issues were present and I think everyone just was in denial because really he was just different from the rest of us. Isn't it okay to be your own person? It is not mandatory for everyone to have the same social skills or interest. And if you knew my family you might say that too many of us are too social and kind of 'out there'. So he really didn't fit in and we were just trying to accept that. But maybe we should have suspected more and been more proactive. With our experiences, now if I were you, I would go by myself to a psychiatrist and have a talk. Then maybe have an appointment including my son depending on what the doctor thinks.
On another note. I believe many of our health issues are nutritional. Maybe extensive blood work and other tests might show some sort of defenciency/problem. For example: vitamin, mineral, amino acid, essential fatty acid, neurotransmitter, hormone, heavy metal poisoning. These things effect brain function.
I will pray for you and your son. I also do appologize if this letter causes you more worry or pain. I do not mean it that way.
Good Luck and God Bless