Worried About My Son - Chanute,KS

I agree with the first two ladies. There are ways to prove he is not autistic, people to take him too. Document, record....get 2nd 3rd and 4th opinions.

Im worried what motive she could possibly have to fake autism, if thats the case. If it is the case.

Munchausen syndrome by proxy comes to mind.Also sometimes in neglect situations the inability of kids to do every day things is a big indicator.

What are you worried about? I don't understand. You indicate that he is fine when he with you. But, I do agree to get an professional evaluation done, unless there has already been one (which seems to me there has since you say the mom went to "great lengths"). If that is the case, you can meet with that evaluation team to help you understand where on the spectrum he is. Most likely what you have read is a very general compilation of common behaviors; the condition and each individual child's outcome is much more complex than that.

Do you think she has a motive for proving he is autistic? you can:

take him to his pediatrican or
call the local elementary school that he would attend & ask for info on doing an intervention assessment

Also I don't believe his speech is delayed, my kids talked closer to 2 1/2 to 3

Record your son's behavior on your cell phone or video camera. Don't tell him it's about what Mommy says or for the doctor, just tape him for "fun" like any other parent documenting their child's life. But instead of taping the big events (going to the zoo, or on a merry-go-round), tape the little things. Record him being told to find his shoes, or record him being told it's time to get in his chair at the table for his snack. Record him being told that it's time to go do an errand. Document the time and date.

Please have your son evaluated by an early intervention specialist/behavioral specialist. Get a referral from your pediatrician and go forward with this route.

I always find it very unsettling when anyone other than a specialist offers a diagnosis. Autism isn't just defined as one or two behaviors, but criteria must be met in several realms. I agree with what Amy J stated, some of this sounds like acting-out behaviors which I have seen, working with toddlers and preschoolers. I've had children bang their heads, cry so much they throw up, etc. I've also led a group of 20-30 month olds exclusively for 2.5 years and saw a huge spectrum of language development. What you are describing from your time with your son doesn't raise any red flags for me, personally.

Please have him evaluated and try to go forward with that. I'm sorry if your son's mom has a mental illness and if this is one "symptom" of that. Better to know now, and have your eyes open.

If your son has not been evaluated, get this done. If he has been evaluated and diagnosed, know that special needs kids behave differently with different people and in different situations.

The only way you will know if your son has special needs is to have him evaluated. Federal law requires that school districts do this free of charge. They will then provide treatment if needed in order to succeed in school. Babies are eligible for this evaluation from birth.

You can also take him to a developmental pediatrician for evaluation. Until he is evaluated by a professional your situation is one of "she said, he said" which is detrimental to your son's well being.

If he has been evaluated talk with the professional people involved in his diagnosis and treatment. It's important that he receive treatment as early as possible. My 7 yo grandson has been involved with Special Education in our school district since he was 2 1/2. It would've been better if he'd started earlier.

It's been my experience that professionals do not give a definite diagnosis such as autism at this young of an age. Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) was said to be a possibility. My grandson was non-verbal and they focused on speech therapy to begin with. At 2 1/2 he showed some tendencies towards ASD but they weren't obvious enough to require treatment. As he aged those tendencies became more full blown and did require treatment.

Although my grandson is intelligent he has some definite handicaps that prevent him to be in a regular classroom. This was an unknown at 2 1/2. Diagnosis and treatment of developmental delays, sensory processing disorders which may be a part of autism takes years and much attention to diagnose. I suggest that your ex is possibly over simplifying what is going on with your son because the diagnosis is very complicated and takes time to understand.

I urge you to talk with those professionals who are working with your ex and your son. If he's not begun evaluation, I urge that YOU get that started. It is best to know as early as possible. And if he's not autistic it's best that you get rid of that label.

I suggest that you'll have a better chance of getting your ex's cooperation is to agree that he may be autistic, that you're also concerned and want to be involved in his treatment. Do not try to argue that he isn't. That will cause her to dig in her heels and refuse to allow you to be involved. It's best to make this about co-operation than to have to go thru the courts.

I recommend a joint visit to your son's pediatrician is the most important first step and also be present at subsequent specialists appointments.

It will be important also that you tell your perspective, which is different than the mother's. It is common for doctors to see parents disagree. Imagine if a professional made a diagnoses or referral based solely on the mother's input?

From your description, your son does not sound autistic at all. Perhaps shy. Perhaps introverted...but in a healthy, smart way, checking out his environment first before opening up. An autistic child would not typically interact with other children, even a cousin.

Trust your gut and instinct Ken. I wonder why the mom wants him labeled so young?

Have you read the "What to Expect" series? They have one for toddlers. I wonder where your wife is getting her information and why she won't accept or hear your input? Yes, it ended badly, but she should not be so bull headed to dismiss your valuable insight.

GL!! Go to the appointments and speak your peace.

The purpose of early diagnosis, is to be able to better support the child who has a disorder. It's likely that your son is perfectly "normal". It's also possible that your child has a sensory disorder, a speech delay, or is on the spectrum. Either way, a diagnosis is simply a tool that can help parents (and teachers) implement strategies and techniques that will help the child learn, function, and excel. A diagnosis will not give your son autism; it will just let you know if he is on the spectrum.
If your child's mother thinks there is an issue, there is a possibility that she is correct. No amount of argument will change the situation. Your son will still have, or not have, special needs. As a team, you and your child's mother can find out what, if anything, he needs, and then create plans around that.
---Together or not, you and your son's mother are a parenting team. Acting as such, will benefit your child.---
I suggest you speak with your pediatrician, discuss your concerns, (if necessary) get a referral to the appropriate specialist, and set up an evaluation.

It's hard to say. Here. We dont know the environment your son spends most of his time in. Is it a nurturing one? Is she teaching him? Does she just feed him and tell him to go play or watch tv?
Boys can develop a little slower than girls.
Some kids are watchers and listeners for a long time, and then when they feel confident they bloom.
In the line of work I am in I unfortunately see many young mothers trying to push their kids off as "retarded" in order to increase federally subsidized monies.
Kids throw tantrums, beat their heads now and then, but usually because of the frustration of not knowing how to voice their feelings. That, alone, is definitely not a sign of autism.
I know some kids that dont master the language until 4 or 5... just a bit delayed from the norm.
Keep your eyes open, look for signs, pay attention. Treat your son like a little adult, listen to him, reason with him, pay attention to him.
If he seems normal to you, he probably is.
Mom could be the nut case.

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I would say that a co-visit to a pediatrician would be called for and then a referal to a specialist.
Much of the hitting the head and throwing fits can be completely defined by situation or environment, and not autistic.
Tell her you are concerned too and ask that you both go to the DR together to find out more information and help your son get treatment. Early intervention is key with autism. If she wants support in her beliefs, this would be confirmation for her and help for all of you. If she is against this, then I would be very wary of her intent.

There should be a free assessment available from an Early Intervention Program in your area. Try Googling Early intevention and Kansas. They probably will not be able to disagnose Autism, but will be able to tell you how he is deveopling to relation to the normal child his age. In Utah where I live there is no need for a referral from a doctor, just a parent's request is enough. Good-luck

Seek professional opinion where both of you are around to sit and listen. Some place even allows you to see how your child is being reviewed.

Just like a marriage counselor, sometimes they decide whether it's a marriage counseling or a break up counseling. In this case, it's either a child counseling/assessment, or the parents. Medical and medical support fields often look things at different perspectives.

What I'm saying is, it's good to have a professional, and their perspectives.

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ooh this sucks!!!

I'm sorry that your wife is trying to prove your son with a disease or problem...has she been tested for Munchausen By Proxy?

I would take my son to a separate doctor and therapist and have him thoroughly checked out....then give the report/diagnosis to your ex wife....if she flips over this - then maybe you need to have HER checked out.

Some kids don't speak much....my first son was talking at 9 months, walking at 11. my second son? talked VERY LITTLE until he was 14 months (we found his needed tubes in his ears and that changed everything).....

I would ask her to put a nanny cam in her home so she can record his supposed behavior and show it to the dr.'s once it is viewed that he does NOT do this with her - you might want to consider seeking full custody of your son.....i know that sounds really horrible but there are people out there SEARCHING for "SOMETHING" to be wrong with their child so they get attention....when nothing can be found - they make it happen....

GOOD LUCK!!

Describe "great lengths". Has she taken him to be evaluated by a pediatric neurologist? Or has she read a few articles, gone through a few checklists, and made her own conclusions? Sounds like the latter.

Since you both agree that his speech is delayed, that seems the best place to start. Get a language assessment.

Generally, the first step is have his hearing checked. Your pediatrician can refer you to someone who does comprehensive hearing evaluations in young children.

The second step is having him assessed by a speech therapist. The people who check his hearing can refer you.

The third step is to ask the speech therapist for suggestions. Speech problems are often mistaken for autism. On the other hand, autistic kids often need speech therapy. The speech therapist can probably refer you to evaluations by other professionals as appropriate.

Good luck! I have a child who is dealing with many layers of challenge. He is frequently "diagnosed" by friends and relatives as autistic. Every single professional who's looked at him has rolled their eyes at the idea. He has language and sensory problems. He's not remotely autistic.

I bet your son is perfectly fine and normal.

The odd thing here, is your Ex.
Is she... mentally off or has any mental concerns?
Is your son treated well, at home, with Mom?
what is his environment like at home?

In any event, she will probably NOT like, that you are questioning her nor saying that your son is normal and not Autistic. And who knows what she will do... if she knows you are suspecting her/questioning her, about your son.

I would as the other responder said: Video him and take photos of him, doing ordinary everyday things, Like Elena B. said.
Keep it for YOUR documentation.. and also write down your observations and date it and with the time.
Take video of him playing with other kids, too.

Are you allowed to take him the the Doctor??? If so, then I would do so.
Get all the 2nd, 3rd, 4th medical opinions you can.

The fact that your Ex is going to great lengths, to prove that he is Autistic... is to me... mentally off... and even 'negligent'. Because, perhaps she is treating him as such, in order to get her son to be emotionally upset, on purpose. For whatever reason.

I would really not trust her.
She sounds to be a very... perhaps unstable Mom or personality.

My son, had a Speech delay. He is NOT Autistic at all. He was assessed per his development and speech. He was in fact, advanced in many developmental areas. He was just and only, speech delayed. And he is very bright and social and everything else, per his age.

There is a free service, which each state has... called the "Early Childhood Intervention" organizations. It is only for children up until 3 years old. But they do Overall developmental assessments on children. In my State, I did not even have to be referred by a Pediatrician. I just called them myself. That is how my son got his speech therapy.

If I were you, I would work with your ex to schedule an appointment with your son's pediatrician (or a developmental pediatrician, which might carry even more weight with your ex if she is hell-bent on a diagnosis) and make sure you are there. There will no doubt be a questionnaire to fill out - if you disagree with her answers, fill out one of your own. If you see different behaviors, speak up. It may very well be the case that his behavior with you is different from his behavior with her, but you are correct in that this kind of difference would indicate responses to the environment vs. some sort of organic disorder such as autism, PDD, ADHD (which you can't diagnose at 2 anyway) etc. which would be evident in multiple settings.

My baby sister didn't speak at ALL until she was almost 3. Not a peep. She didn't make happy baby sounds, she didn't "mama, dada", nothing. The pediatrician sent her for testing to see if she was deaf THREE TIMES. We all, in the family, knew she wasn't deaf, because if you got something out of the fridge, she was right there (grin).

When she hit 34 1/2 months old....She started talking. In full sentences. Literally, one day she was saying NOTHING and the next she said "I want to go to Grammas". No joke. That was the VERY FIRST THING she ever said.

I would not worry about 25 words at 2 years old. Boys tend to be later than girls anyway, and 2 really isn't that late. I have six children, and some of them were "speech delayed". They are all fine now. Knowing that all children develop differently, we decided to hold off on speech therapy.

Now, that was the right decision for OUR family, but you'll have to decide for yourself what's right for your family.

I agree with the posters that say you should get him evaluated and find out for certain. If it turns out he doesn't have Autism, I would present that to the courts and attempt full custody. Whether this is MbP or just a Mom unable to cope, you might be what's best for your son.

Prayers are with you.

I don't think it will help to talk to your ex since she has "made her decision" about his health. I know a few moms like this and it is VERY sad. Some have never once disciplined a tantrum and claim they have spun out of control for medical reasons, not accepting the fact that 90% of kids (especially at 2) are prone to drastic tantrums if not stopped with effective discipline. Totally normal kids can end up vomiting and headbanging and choking and stuff just because no ones stops them, or they think sitting them in a time out should have stopped it, so if that didn't work, the kid is medically disabled. I have two friends with 2 year olds who throw severe tantrums. One totally admits she doesn't want to discipline it more firmly and that it's normal and it will pass, one is 100% convinced her child is autistic thanks to google.

I hope a bunch of moms whose kids really do have autism don't get offended at your post. People misusing the term are to blame for giving the whole thing a bad name, not realistic parents like yourself. We lost respect for our friend (husband of the second friend I'm mentioning) because he admits his child doesn't have any problems and is just acting 2, but is afraid to go against his wife.

All you can do is keep strong in your views and advocate for your son (goodness knows your ex will) and if it comes down to medication and special ed etc in a few years and you know he's not in medical need of it, STAND FIRM! You see already he deosn't throw fits with you to the degree he does with her, but she'll just claim autistic kids are unpredictable, or he's "holding it in until he has a safe haven with her".

If you can get a thorough examination and document his clean bill of health, it's a good idea, though she can probably get a hack to diagnose him if she tries hard enough, I know someone with 3 healthy kids on meds because the family doctor believed whatever she said with no psychiatric evaluations. But at least if you have one saying he's fine, she cant' just run willy nilly with HER medical diagnosis since you have rights too.

You're not going to see eye to eye with your ex, just stand firm for your son and keep a look out. Good work, dad! At least your son will have one parent treating him like a normal kid, making it more likely he'll fulfill that role.

For the record, my 3 year old son didn't say a single word until 2 1/2. He always had great comprehension so I didn't pay attention to the wrong opinion that all 2 year olds should be talking. He speaks better than most 3 year olds his age now. Many of my friend's brightest sons didn't talk until 3. My youngest DAUGHTER is 2 and doesn't talk (girls often talk way earlier)! Her sister was talking A LOT at this age. So what? I know she's bright and doing things in her own time.

Your ex may not want to hear it, but 2 with a boy is not speech delayed. She's into the modern alarmist diagnosis-happy style of parenting.

What the others have said is good advice! Contact the school district he would go to & see if they have any resources or a local children's hospital. They are all usually helpful. My youngest used to bite SEVERELY; he started at 9 mths old. He also hit his head off the wall until he left bruises or knots; this went on for his toddler years. People from the time he was 10 months old asked me if I had talked to the DRs about medicating him, but I was as adamant about keeping my son off meds as it sounds like your ex is to get a diagnosis for your son. One of the things I found with my son was he could not handle a high stress environment & when I say high, it would be of a normal range to most people, but not to a toddler. Some toddlers cope, others act out. Some things that would "wind him up" for the day would be: too many other kids around, too much activity constantly going on, my mom is a high strung person & being around her would "stress him out", thus leaving him to act out. This was not something that would go away as soon as he was removed frm the situation, he had to be allowed "destress" time. It really sucked & it took too long to figure out the problem. Another thing is, you said your sons vocab is limited (& by state standards, he is fine), they're acting out frustration comes from the inability to put what they are feeling into words. You have to teach them to use their words, as one lady had said about making him understand his feelings, this way when he is talking better he will be able to get it out. I would say food allergies can cause this, but not if it's just when he is with one parent. Toxins as the one mom said can cause behavioral changes, thus being why lead is so bad (healthwise). These things can get inot your system, especially if you experience overexposure. If you know anything about her environment, I would think about what's different between there & when he is with you & it could just flat out be her, as much as Ihate to say that as I don't know her, or how she parents, but it is always an underlying possibility. I hope things work out for you & him!

What does his pediatrician say? It's hard to answer your question just based on you and your ex's opinions.

The Autisim range is so wide now that it's difficult for parents to tell. Contact Headstart and ask what they advise. You could also talk to the spceial ed department of your local school system or the closest University that has a program for teachers.
Bill Gates -- Donald Trump -- Dan Ackroyd all have Aspergers Syndrom amd Ackroyd has Tourrettes Syndrom also.

my son was diagnosed on the autism spectrum two years ago. Here's what I can say, based on what you've shared.

Autism is a spectrum disorder than manifests in different ways for different people. Rigidity is not one of my son's manifestations. He enjoys going to new places and is pleasant with new people. I can neither confirm nor deny your wife's suppositions based on your post. My son't diagnostic team included a pediatrician, a pediatric psychologist and a pediatric speech pathologist. You should demand that your son be evaluated by a similar team and insist that you are there.

My son cycles through his behaviors and is affected by a great many external factors. So, I will repeat that based on what you have shared, I can't say she's way off base. i will say what my son's doctors said, the only value such a word has is the doors it opens. If you or your son't mother believes he may be Autistic, then you should be beating down doors until you receive the diagnosis that will afford him the opportunities for therapies that will be beneficial and give him the best chance in life.

So, I suggest you speak with your son's mother about how you can join forces to come the bottom of a diagnosis (whatever that may be) and look into what services may be available even if he has a simple speech delay. He should at the very least be receiving speech therapy through early intervention.

Oh, BTW my son was diagnosed at 18 months and even many of my family members who spent a great deal of time with him were shocked because they were not familiar with the varying degrees of the Autism Spectrum. Please don't rely on laypersons to guess at this, get him formally evaluated by qualified professionals.

My twin boys are 2 and I just had them evaluated by First Steps (program in MO) to see if they needed speech therapy since they only know about 15 words apiece. The evaluation is free and they've determined that they do not qualify for assistance. This was 2 weeks ago and they seem to be adding to their vocabulary at a faster rate. So I'm not going to worry about it - they should catch up in time.

As far as the throwing fits and uncontrollable... One of my sons tried doing this (to me I think it's a control thing that my son is trying to test me on). So I have put him in time out in the corner until he stops crying and if it's really bad, I take him upstairs to his room and put him in his crib and tell him that once he stops crying he can come downstairs. I've only had to do this once (last month) and have never had an incident since.

Also, their grandpa started a game when one of them cries (more of a whiney cry to get something or not to do something they are told to do) he will tell them, "OK, it's my turn" and he will make a whiney cry exaggerated and then he will say that it's grandma's turn, etc. It's cute when he says that it's the other twin's turn because that twin will make a funny cry sound and they both start giggling and laughing. In a way, its re-directing them.

It sounds like your son is fine and even has a better vocabulary than my boys at this stage. But it wouldn't hurt to have him evaluated to find out for sure. The pediatrician was the one who referred me to First Steps, so I'm sure your pediatrician will know who you can call.

Good luck!

Plenty of children exhibit some characteristics and behaviors that are typical of the autism spectrum. But those behaviors are not limited to only autistic children (for example, I have had sensory integration issues my whole life, was painfully shy as a child, and put extraordinary focus on a few narrow fields of interest) but if I'm "autistic," I'm so far on the high-functioning end it doesn't seriously affect my ability to perform in the world. The age of two is only the leading edge of when a child might be diagnosed.

I think your son's mom may well be baffled by some interpersonal patterns that have been established between her and her boy. Calling him "XYZ" apparently meets her need to have an explanation. It may also relieve her of a sense that she would do well to learn better parenting techniques.

This child may well have some behavioral issues, but it sounds to me like they could arise from his frustration at not being able to talk about his inner experience. You might be able to assist him in this by teaching him phrases like "I feel mad (sad, happy, etc.)." It's a small start, but a start. He's entering the most frustrating possible years for a toddler. He craves some autonomy and independence, and the ability to make more of his own decisions about what he does with his time. Thus, the terrible two's.

The tantrums are classic signals that his frustration level has been exceeded. If his mother is open to suggestions, you might mention the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp, or let her know there area few quick videos about his approach: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... . Dr. Karp demonstrates exactly how he "speaks" the toddler's language so they know he's heard the need they are expressing. This calms them and makes it easier for them to cooperate. (These techniques have worked well for quite a few parents I know.)

i knew someone who had a foster child that everyone SWORE was autistic. He would do things like constantly flick his ears repetitively, rock himself back and forth, bang his head against the crib, walk exclusively on his tip toes, cry and arch his back and throw himself on the floor when asked to play with other children or join a story hour at daycare. He was in early intervention and they swore he had autism spectrum disorder and even tried to have him diagnosed with it. As it turns out, it was the living environment he was in. He lived with another little boy close to his age and although they had tons of fun together most of the time, it was a very chaotic environment for him and all of those behaviors were due to the stress he was feeling. He went to live with an older couple where it was just the three of them and in 4 months was no longer exhibiting any of that behavior. Early intervention closed his case because he met all of his goals of the program and was doing so great. He plays with kids and is very empathetic to them (pats them on the back when they are crying). Before he had little to no vocabulary and now he will repeat anything you say and speaks a lot (but still a little behind his peers). He also no longer does any of the repetitive behaviors.

I just throw that out because it could be what you're seeing -- is his mom's place more chaotic? It could just be his response to stress there.

Either way, have him evaluated by early intervention. It doesn't hurt anything to get him in a program and it will definitely help his speech. They can even work with his mother to teach her how to respond to him when he is throwing fits with her. I worked with early intervention when I had a foster child and it was a great experience.

Good luck.

Since you and the mother don't have the best relationship, I think the best thing to do is approach it with her like you agree with her. I have a feeling that if you question her and ask to see the pediatrican she will freak out and make matters worse. I think what you should do is tell her that you are concerned about your son as well and that if he is autistic that you should get him help immediately. Suggest that you both go to the doctor together so that you are on the same page and can work together to help him, instead of going behind her back and potentially causing more problems. If she doesn't want you to be active participant in his treatment, or refusing treatment, you may want to seek court involvement. Either she's making it up which is hurting your son, or your son truly has a problem that needs to be address and by not getting the necessary help it is also hurting your son.

Just from your post it's impossible to tell. I think that it's safe to say that at the very least he could have a speech delay, but many little boys at two years old are focusing on other skills over speech. They do tend (statistically) to speak later than girls do. But it also matters how much they're being spoken to and how much adults around them are encouraging them and expecting them to speak. So many different things are at play here that it's really, truly impossible to know especially if his mother is the custodial parent.

You can take him to a Developmental Behavioral Pediatrician OR a Pediatric Psychologist/Psychiatrist OR a Pediatric Neurologist that specializes in Behavioral and Autistic Disorders or all three. They would do comprehensive evaluations to determine if he indeed has learning delays or Autism or possibly a different type of disorder. You can take the results of that to your son's school system which should have a program called Birth To Three or something similar in which he would also be evaluated by them to target which areas he would be entitled to services in especially if he does get a diagnosis from a specialist such as a speech delay. It can't hurt to walk this through with your co-parent. Work with her on this just in case she's right.

The problem is that he's so very young to be diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Many behaviors that all toddlers exhibit can be viewed as Autistic-like but most toddlers outgrow them due to the maturity of the developing brain and the development of social skills.

However, if he seems truly typical at your home but has behavioral issues with his mother, then it's probably not the child that "needs to be fixed" if you know what I mean.

I have a daughter with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and I was able to tell that from birth we had signs and symptoms of ASD (of course at the time I knew it was sensory problems but not ASD...hindsight is 20/20), but it would have been impossible to diagnose for sure at 2 years old. We knew for certain by 3 1/2 yrs old and as she's gotten older the symptoms have clarified (if you will) and evolved but never been outgrown. She's 8 1/2 now.

Feel free to PM me.

I didn't read through all the answers but the school district should have a parents as teachers program. They can tell you where he is among the other children his age. But if you want to find out about he autism that would be a more of a professional diagnosis.

Good luck

My son is on the spectrum and one thing I will say is he is a totally different child in a structured school environment than at home. You have got a ton of awesome advice, before you jump to conclusions that "mom" is lying...suggest she video tape the behavior...most reputable therapists want to see it first hand. 25 words at age two is awesome! My two year old had maybe 3 words at age two. Also Autism Spectrum varies widely from child to child, so just because you have read a little about certain aspects does not necessarily mean your ex wife is wrong. Early intervention is free up to age 3...look into Parents as teachers and First steps for insight, if they are not available in your area call the school district to find out what is available, never hurts for you to talk to the Pediatrician either. I would keep a close eye on this, you never want to think the worst, but I would worry that the mom may be more in need of help than anything, please be careful.

When you have him for long enough, see the pediatrician when he is with you, to have him evaluated, etc. There are some "after hours" pediatricians in my area - perhaps there is one in yours. If you both have legal custody, then you should ask to be there when he has his appointments, and you should be included in evaluations. If there is no legal custody agreement, get one as fast as you can.

I would document everything, she says/does regarding this, and also speak to your attorney about your concerns and ask what you should do. Autism isn't something that just happens with one parent, so her behavior would make me nervous as well. Also, two is VERY early to even begin to tell - the behavior she describes is called TEMPER TANTRUMS. Sounds like SHE's the person with the issue. I don't want to discount the possibility that he may have a problem, but unless she's got more "evidence" and actual diagnosis from people that evaluate this - and it doesn't sound like she does - it seems like she's not coping with being a mom very well and is looking for an excuse.

If there is an autism support group in your area, contact them. If he does have issues, you'll have support; perhaps you may be able to get feedback from parents that have autistic kids; either way, it may be helpful for you.

If you have mutual family members that interact with him - people that are not "taking sides", but get to spend time with him, find out what their impressions are in a subtle/gentle way. Whatever you need to do for his safety. And if it comes to the point of trying to get more custody from her for your son's benefit, do it.

I'm all for joint custody if the parent's are doing right by their kids, just because she gave birth to him, doesn't mean she's the best parent for him. If you need to get sole custody for his sake, do it.

Good luck!

Id be concerned with what your X might do to try and prove he is autistic and what medication or treatment she might try on her own. Id want proof from reputable, licensed Drs who specialize in this area. As a couple others said, it came to my mind that she needs to be watched for any other signs of Munchausen By Proxy. If she is seeking attention and tries using him and a medical condition that doesnt exist, she may cause him harm to validate her claims. Id be watching her closely and do what you need to protect your son from her. No parent should want to claim their child is sick when they arent.