Am I screwing up potty training? My daughter is 2 1/2 and very active and very, very verbal. We bought a potty when she was 18 months and we've been talking about it for at least a year. She's pretty good about peeing on the potty if we have her wear underwear at the house. She sometimes pees on the potty at daycare and has successfully peed at a few friends' houses. However, she would generally prefer to use her diaper. She just doesn't like being bothered to stop playing to use the potty. She doesn't want to poop on the potty. We do have a "potty chart" and she loves putting stickers on it, but not more than she loves playing.
I guess my concern is how much - if at all - I should be pushing her to use the potty? Most of her friends are potty trained but she isn't going to pre-school this year so she doesn't HAVE to be potty trained yet. On the weekends I ask her if she would like a diaper or underwear and let her choose. Usually she spends about half the day in her diaper. However, we stick with a diaper for running errands and we send her to daycare in diapers. She's had a few accidents and afterwards it can be hard to get her to go back to underwear. She has NEVER asked to poop on the potty and has had multiple pooping accidents. Recently she told me that someone should teach her how to poop on the potty, but I don't know what that means...
Should I just lay off the potty training? Are we making it harder by alternating between diapers and underwear? Should we ditch the diapers and make her go without? I also have a 1 year old daughter and while it would be a lot cheaper if they weren't both in diapers, I'm often distracted and don't consistently check in with her about using the potty. Am I screwing this up?
My opinion, mother of 2. She sounds like shes not ready yet. I wouldn't push her. The thing about diapers and underwear is confusing her. Putting a diaper on her lets her know she doesn't need to use the toilet, then when she's in her underwear, she probably forgets and that's how accidents happen. If you're going to start her in underwear, keep in that direction. (over night's a different story).
Good Luck!
My daughter is the same age and probably at about the same level of potty training, except that she does poop on the potty more often than not. At home she wears only underwear and has an accident here and there. She still wears diapers to bed and when we leave the house. She does have more accidents when she is playing with a friend and gets caught up in what she's doing.
Personally I don't think you should give her a choice of diaper or underwear during the day. At home just put her in underwear. Yes she'll have accidents but eventually she'll learn not to. I feel like when they have a diaper on there's no reason to bother with the potty, that's how my daughter feels.
I have a baby too so its easy to get distracted. Sometimes we get home from the store and I forget to switch back to underwear, then she's wearing the diaper for half the day til its falling off its so full of pee! I don't think you are screwing it up, just give her some time. I'd say if she isn't potty trained or at least improved by 3 then try something different.
Both of my kids trained at over 3 years of age. Your daughter is not behind. And the age she potty-trains is no indication of anything else. She will train when she is ready. I tried to think of it this way -- little kids don't really have control over anything, we tell them what to eat and when to eat, what to do and when to do it, etc. One of the only things they have control over is whether or not they use the potty! Who can blame them for wanting to hold onto that control a little longer?
I know many people who had their kids trained earlier than mine, but their kids were the ones having tons of accidents and it really was mom being trained to be on top of them every few minutes to use the potty. I let my kids take the lead a little more and once they decided they were ready for the underwear they never had any accidents.
Try not to stress and good luck!
My daughter just potty trained and just this weekend learned pooping on the potty. She turned 3 in June - I thought it would happen before this, but it didn't. Her day care said do not push her she will do it on her own, and lo and behold, about a month ago we didn't even ask, she just went to the potty and started peeing on it.
I have a friend who pushed her daughter way to hard to have her potty trained for a certain trip and she is now 11 and is a chronic bed wetter - so don't push, she will do it when she's ready!
you have gotten some great responses - I agree with them all! I think YOU need to decide where you are at with this. Are you ready to have your daughter potty trained? If so, go for it - put her in the undies and take it from there. If not, back off and let her be in diapers again. I think the switching back and forth is confusing and I would not do that.
My daughter is also very bright and verbal, and was very interested in the potty early, but then also got busy playing and I followed her lead. Her preschool teachers had to tell me she was ready (at 3 years 3 months) and to go for it, even though she had never pooped on the potty. They told me should would have some accidents and then she would figure it out...and they were right! It took her about 3 days. I have heard that you reward for staying clean and dry...I think for my daughter, we did stickers for peeing and pooping on the potty.
My neice potty trained at 2 1/2, and perhpas she wasn't really ready - now at 3 1/2 she is back in diapers! (my daughter went through a big regression around 3 1/2 years old, with LOTS and LOTS of accidents - I was about ready to give up and sitck her back in diapers, but her teachers told me not to, and I am so glad I listened! She eventually got back on track, and I feel for my sister-in-law, with her big 3 1/2 year old still in diapers!
Decide if YOU are ready for her to be out of diapers (and all that that means), and if you are ready to go for it, see how she does. If she is really not ready, you will figure that out after a week or so, and you can always say "it seems like you are not ready for this yet, we'll try again later".
No harm done!
good luck to you!
dont worry about it. you worry about then she will worry about it, picking up on your vibes. going to the toilet is connected to our 'fight or flight' mechanism in humans. if we are nervous, we cannot do it. we wait until we get to a safe quiet place and we can relax. then it can happen
She sounds ready. I would pick a few days in a row that you have to really dedicate to potty training, and avoid going back to diapers when you have errands. Just leave the house with extra clothes, and leave after you've had success. "Teach" her how to use the potty for pooping. Does she go fairly regularly (plan around that time after breakfast, and show her how to hold onto the potty seat or place her hands on her legs and just push it out. Sounds weird, but worked for mine...they just felt like they needed to learn how. Stick with the underwear, and ask frequently (usually hourly after successful pee to get her to go again). Diaper for naps and bedtime. Good luck.
First of all, don't worry about it so much. Whatever you're doing isn't causing lasting harm (or even temporary harm).
However, my guess is that you're not really helping either. If you're ready to potty train, ditch the diapers, stay home, or close to home for a few days, and really get her going on the potty. If you'd rather follow her lead, at least for a while, stop asking her if she needs to go and leave her in diapers.
I "switched" both of my kids into underpants. My daughter reluctantly at 3, and my son pretty willingly at 2.5. My son still, 2 months later, insists on pooping in a diaper, but otherwise it's been smooth sailing. I just couldn't get my mind around totally child-led potty training - both of my kids were over 40 lbs (yes, 40!), and I was so over heaving them up onto the changing pad. But I know plenty of other people who have just waited, and eventually their kids got out of diapers too.
As for "teaching" her how to poop on the potty, lots of kids can't figure out how to poop sitting down. I know that's my son's issue. You can try letting her wear a diaper and sitting down on a little potty to practice going that way. It really is a different physical sensation (I'd imagine).
I think potty training is like a lot of other things - eating different foods, sleeping, etc. It doesn't really matter too much how you go about it. As a parent, you pick your battles and go from there. As long as you're consistent, kids eventually roll with it. Good luck with whatever you choose.
I don't think what you are doing is wrong. She may be a bit young for it yet. Each kid is different. For my daughter, I waited until she was 2 1/2 to really start working on it. Getting laid off and not wanting to continue to buy pull-ups is a good motivator. I had a brand new pack of 'Underjams' and told her 'this is the last pack'... she was deemed fully trained with 2 'underjams' remaining! whew!
The only thing I would change from what you are doing is to be the one that makes the decision about what she is going to wear - undies or pullups. She could become unmotivated to use the potty if she knows that she can always decide to put on a pullup. Personally, I would put her in undies in the morning. Put a pullup over the undies when running errands. Use a pullup at nap/bedtime.
M.
If your going to do it you gotta go cold turkey - underwear only. my daughter did pretty well with the training, but i was worried about going out with her and public bathrooms...so we'd do a pull up when we went out.... and then she regressed b/c of the pullup. so we just had to go cold turkey one weekend - stay home as much as possible for a weekend, let her run around in underwear and go. you know he can do it since she has done it occaisionally.
Going out of the house was more my issue than hers, and i was scared to do it. put a kit together for the car: a potty, wipes, extra underwear, pants/shorts, sock, grocery store bags to put wet clothes in. OneStepAhead.com has a great folding travel potty that i have and it's great. (embarrassed to say but i've used it before to, when i was in a pinch and had to go really bad) i also made the same kit and put it in a "tub" for outside so we don't have to come back in to go.
but get in the habit of making her go to the potty before you leave the house. then if your out running errands for more than an hour, pull out the potty and make her go. i have an SUV so i just open the back hatch and set it up and she went... i've also done it in a parking lot just put the potty on the ground between 2 cars.
Reward- find something that is small that will work for her. for us it was M&M's everytime she went on the potty she got 3 M&M's. we did this for about 6 mos. then when the bag of M&M's were gone, that was it. don't give her the option to say "no thanks" when you ask if she has to go. make it clear that until she goes potty on his own, she needs to go when you tell him. set a timer so she hears and audible reminder of when to go - so it's not just when you tell her. (i use the timer for everything, when i want them to get dressed, when it's time to leave the park.) since it's a "neutral" reminder my kids don't give me any pushback when the timer goes off. they know it's not negotiable. so i have a small digital timer at home, in mypurse/diaperbag, car etc.....
my daughter was so active she didn't want to take the time.... so put the potty in the LR/playroom if needed so she doesn't have to stray from playing so much (just to get started). then once she gets the hang of it you can put it back in the bathroom. and i would make her say the ABC's if she got through the whole song with out peeing - i'd say thanks for trying and she'd get 1 M&M. 90% of the time she's starts peeing by the time she say "ABCD"
the other part is "liquid management" - when your home for the first weekend of training - flood her with liquids so he has to go alot and get the hang of it. once she's trained... try not to give her liquid 30-45 minutes before you want to leave the house... try not to give her endless sippy cups while you're out to cut down on the potty time while you're running errands. hope this helps
my kids are 23 mos apart.... so my son was about 1 when we started. although he's not trained (we'll work on that next summer before preschool). he's in the habit of when she goes potty, he comes with us, and he sits on the potty too, washes his hands etc..... so it can only help to include your younger one in the training as well
It sounds like she probably isn't really ready and although I know you'd love to have her out of diapers, it just doesn't seem like it's happening right now. My daughter is just about 3 and we just started potty training. Since about 2 we have been talking about the potty and for a few months at the beginning I was really into trying to get her to sit on it, etc. but she wasn't consistent and then just ended up not being into at all so I totally stopped worrying about it and didn't even mention the potty until now. About 3 weeks ago we took away the diapers put on panties and the rest is history. We have had very few accidents are able to leave the house with no problems and she was just ready. It is so much easier than the constant battle of convincing her to use the potty and switch between panties and diapers. Plus, she's only 2.5, there are probably times when she honestly doesn't even remember which ones she's wearing and could have an accident. My advice, wait and make it easy on yourself. I don't think the expense of diapers for the next 6 months is worth your sanity.
Each child learns at a different time so she just may be too busy. I just finished with my twins. We talked about it for a while and then one day at 2.5 my daughter announded that she wanted underwear. I never put a diaper on her again. We had 1 week of accidnets, then nothing. Poop accidents too. ABout 3 months later her twin brother announced that he was big. I was hesitant with him because he showed no interest before and did not mind being wet and liked diapers. However, I immediatly stopped diapers and about one week later with some accidents in between, we are dipaer free. Same thing with my oldest whrn he was 2.8. I waited until THEY said they were ready and then ditched all diapers. Pullups for nap and bedtime only. Good luck and you are likely doing everything perfectly!
I would say you can encourage her, but don't push...I know it can be confusing where that line is. Avoid negative comments and causing stress. Don't ask her if she needs to go and then tell her she's going anyway once she says no. Just tell her every so often that it's time to use the potty-say it with a smile and just take her to go.
Something that worked wonders for us was when I got the Royal Potty for my daughter. When she sat down on it, it chimed and then when she went potty, there was applause, music and cheering. She loved it. I set it out in our living room, against the wall, and that way, it was in her mind and she didn't feel like she had to stop what she was doing and go to another room to go potty (those are a lot of BIG steps for a little kid). She had been resistant to training, but once I brought this out-we never had another accident-obviously it might not work so perfectly for you-but it can definitely get you going in the right direction.
Once they start going regularly on their own, then they stop considering even going in their pants. After my daughter went on her own every time and we hadn't had accidents for a while-I simply removed the potty from the room one day (when she wasn't around) and when she had to go, she was used to going in a potty, so she went to the bathroom. This was the first technique I used for my son's potty training and he was potty trained so quickly, I really didn't need to think about it...and there was no time for worry or stress.
I hope this helps you-best of luck!
we are in the same same boat - will pee, won't poop and rarely tells us if she has to go beforehand. we switched to pull ups just a week ago - they have princesses on them and she likes them. we watched the elmo dvd and have the book but we're not forcing the issue.
the way i figure it is we can't screw it up. how many 7 year olds are still in diapers? none. they figure it out eventually. i have a friend who's daughter figured it out at 2 and another whose son was in no hurry so he was more like 4. don't stress yourself about it - there are way more important things to stress about : )
