Worried Nanny... Is It Normal?

My daughter didn't talk until shortly after her second birthday. And by two-and-a-half, she was speaking in sentences. Her pediatrician wanted to have her tested for everything under the sun, but I knew she was fine; most of the children in my family didn't speak until two or later. My brother didn't utter a word until 3, and was a perfect student and amazing person later. Every baby develops at a different rate, and twins are different people with different personalities. He sounds like he just might be more introverted, and his brother extroverted. I wouldn't mention it to his parents at all; let the pediatrician do that.

Hi Alicia,

I wouldn't say anything yet, but keep your observations going :O)

My sister has twins boys, they just had their 1st BD this past August. One is vocal the other is not. One is "busier" than his brother. One is VERY happy, the other is happy, just not giddy like his brother. One is standing alone, the other is afraid to get off the ground :O)

I definitely think it's easy to be frightened or concerned if one twin is progressing faster than the other, I can understand your concerns.

With my sister's boys, having one progress faster than the other has just been very normal.

You must be a wonderful Nanny :O)

~N. :O)

Dear Alicia,
I do think you are being overly concerned based on your experiences with your own child. I wrote just yesterday about a little boy I took care of who was so different and behind what the other kids were doing that I was worried about him. His parents were very aware that he didn't do things like the other children did at certain milestones and I can guarantee they would not have appreciated me telling them I thought there was something wrong with him. I played and interacted with him the same way I did with the other kids and once he started walking and talking, he was a little dynamo. I honestly think he was just kind of taking everything in. Observing. He's a perfectly normal and healthy grown adult now.
My neices twin boys are 7 months old. They don't look at all alike and they are very, very different. One is happy and outgoing and dragging himself all over the house while the other one is more clingy and sensitive and unsure. One reaches his arms out to be held by absolutely anyone and the other is much more shy. They are different individuals.
When you are a nanny or take care of children, of course it's part of your job to understand the differences in children because each one will have different temperaments or needs. But, I don't think it's your job to compare another person's child to your own whether they are stellar at something or behind in something in your opinion. Loving parents, especially of twins, will realize that they are still individuals and hopefully not compare them for the rest of their lives.
I have no doubt you are a wonderful mother and nanny but you can't worry so much about comparing your son to other kids and other kids to your son. I wouldn't say anything to the parents if I were you just yet because you need to ask yourself first what you hope to accomplish by doing so. Unless you truly feel he is a special needs child that requires more attention than you can give, I wouldn't say anything and continue to interact with him based on his temperament. It doesn't sound like he's a completely unresponsive and zoned out child to me. That's just my opinion.

I don't think there are enough signs to be as worried as you sound, but if it makes you super uncomfortable not to say anything, then you probably need to get it out.
If you decide to say something, just be careful. And don't use the term autism.
You could make a casual comment about how interesting it is that the twins have such different behavior (if this is true). If the parents make a comment about the behavior you are observing, you have an easy opening to go further.

Kids are gifted different just like we are; we are all gifted and we all have challenges too. I have cared for children who were early talkers and some who didn't say much until they were 3 years old and started speaking in sentences. A boy in my care had speech lessons for a half year to get him to speak more. The most importnat thing the speech teacher said was to read word books to toddlers.
The kind with pictures and just the name of the item. He loved the one to one and we did that alot reading or not reading; just naming items in our day care for fun. He also speaks another language and learning two at the same time can slow a toddler down too. Does this toddler go in for his regular check ups? Do the parents compair the twins and their likes and how they are different?
F.

Hi Alicia,

It is good that you care about the children you care for. All children grow and learn differently. Some are quick at learning and some are slower.

I am involved with children's wellness. I work for an organization that addressess the challenges our children are faced with today.

If you would like to switch your worry to a way to make a difference for our children in a positive way let me know and I will educate you.

Have a great week.

N. Marie

I think you should mention it NOW. Tell the parents you think one of the kids is not developing as quickly as the other, and you think the pediatrician should assess him. You don't have to mention the word "autism," and you should emphasize to them that you're not an expert, but you are concerned, and you feel it's your responsibility to identify any potential problems. If you were nanny to my kids, I would expect you to be watching for any potential problems.

Hello Alicia: The family you work for is very blessed to have soeone so concerned and caring.
I have a son that has a form of Autism, as well. Aspberger's Syndrome. We also have twins in our family. So i will respond to your questions on that line of thinking.
Once you have something- you start looking for it in everything. It doesn't matter if it is rash, warts, Autism, or developmental delays.
With twins, it is not unusual for one twin to stand out and the other toshy off and be in the background just a bit. My daughter in law and her sister are mirror images of one another. Both are highly intelligent and amazing women. One is a follower and the other a leader and they have tkenturns at times withthose roles. I have other twins that are much te same way. One boy does all the talking for the other. We really thought something was wron but when tested it just turned out to be a "Twin Thing".
If you ever need someone to talk about things with for your child please feel free to contact me. I have other friends that have adult children with Autism, ans with young children as well with it. We are all learning and loving our children the bet that we can. Good Luck, Nana Glenda

I think it is important to say something. You have unique experience with your own son so are especially tuned into these types of developmental issues. It is important not to "diagnose" just describe the behaviors or other symptoms you are seeing. Encourage her to go to her pediatrician or other specialist and investigate further. Early intervention is very effective with young children with autism and the earlier the better. Those of us who have kids with autism often look back and wish we had been able to get started earlier. think of how bad she might feel if in a couple of year her son is formally diagnosed and you comment by saying "Yea, I was worried about that 2 years ago, but was afraid to say anything"
Before you say anything, be prepared by having some resources and support information available, websites, local support organizations, regional centers, etc. so she will have a place to begin.

I would bring your concerns to the parents. They are very lucky to have a nanny who is so concerned for the health and happiness of their kids. Since you have a son who is autistic, you are more aware of the symptoms. Let them know that you understand that all children are different and that they develop at different rates. However since your son is autistic, you are concerned that that may be the case with one of their sons. Do inform them that you may be over reacting since your son has autism, but that they should talk with their pediatrician for advice. It often takes a parent to get past the denial stage or the "give them time and the kid will grow out of it" stage. If the pediatrician says to give the child time, then do so. I've heard of kids who don't speak until they are 3, but the other behaviors of this child could be an indicator of a something wrong.

Alicia,

Many quiet children go on to become "rocket scientists". His fascination with the light switch is probably because he’s thinking about how things work. I would be more concerned with keeping him distracted from electrical plugs and other household curiosities that could be a danger to him…(which I’m sure you do with your experience as a mama and nanny.) If the parents are getting their children regular medical exams, their pediatrician would notice if something was wrong. How did you confirm that your child was autistic?

Also, if the child doesn’t speak by a “certain age”, there would be no need to tell the parents, as they would already know this. If you feel the quiet one needs a little extra attention, maybe you could do some baby flash cards with a picture on front and the word on back.

Blessings……

I'm sure the parents know something of your own children? I would tell the parent that you aren't sure whether to say anything because you are not sure if you're over concerned (because of your own experience) and explain the things you see, or what could possibly be signs, and why they concern you. Take your cues from their reaction and go from there. (The first time, if it is not something that has already crossed their minds, they will most likely just listen, or deny/brush off (shock) then think and observe.) Then if they decide or see for themselves that there is something to be concerned about, be there as a resource for them.
Early intervention is wonderful, if it is warranted. You might be their nanny because of your own experience and knowledge that could help them. So don't brush it off just because you could be hyper-aware. At the very least, if I were the parent, I would want to be aware what are or are not signs of autism and what to do about it, how to find out for sure.

Put yourself in their shoes, do you think they would appreciate knowing, or are they already observant and diligent parents who check out everything that might need checking? Even, and especially, if they leave it up to you, then don't ignore it.

For most parents, I think generally it is not the "problem" itself that is overwhelming - it is knowing where to go, who to ask, how to help, how to deal with it, what to do, etc. And here you are, a personally experienced nanny! Go slow, present & make them aware (tell how to get it checked out) then just be there and little by little as they ask/are ready for it, help them along this path.

I would sit the mom down and explain what you are seeing. There may be another reason for the lag in development. Were they born premature? I know that in twins, one may have a harder time recovering from that than another. I know it is difficult but if there is a problem, early intervention is key. My 19 year old daughter is on the spectrum and was diagnosed at 18 months through Alta California Regional Center. She is paying you good money to watch and take care of her children. She would want to know if there is a problem so that it could be addressed early. Good Luck -T.-

I think you should bring it to her attention. You might mention that perhaps you are overly senstive to this because you have a child with autism. Sometimes it takes parents a while to get past the denial stage and into a 'place' where they can ask for help.

With a little luck, the boy may be fine, but I think its better to get early intervention if necessary.

Parents Helping Parents in San Jose is a great resource.
www.php.com