My almost 8 year old is having a horseback riding bday party at a local stable. Most of the girls aren't riders so based on my own experience riding, they will just walk and trot and groom the horses. I can see some of her friends being afraid of the horses themselves... Some of her friends are terrified of our dog! But everyone is excited except a mom I bumped into this morning. She hasn't rsvp'd yet but her daughter told mine she is coming. The parents will be away and her grandmother from Germany is taking care of her and her brother. The mom said her mother/the grandmother won't drive DD so far (14 miles) at which point I said no problem, we can give DD a ride. I"d mentioned in the invitation we could drive some kids. The mother then said that the grandmother would have to come too. I was a bit surprised we'd be expected to drive the grandmother too and the mother said "WELL, horseback riding is DANGEROUS!!" I'm less than thrilled with taking the grandmother bc it means a seat is taken up in the car that could be used for one of my daughter's friends and I also don't feel like making small talk with the grandmother who doesn't speak English well at all and I've met briefly and is not friendly. So I'm thinking I just say there's not room for both of them. It'll save me money... This is an expensive party. And I'm surprised by her reaction. My kids have gone to rock climbing parties and I think general boucy houses things can be dangerous too - crash into each other and break an arm. Is beginner horseback riding at a reputable stable so dangerous? I suppose this is a vent too as I don't consider this mom to be mother of the year. Her kids are late for school all the time and she's not around much. We've hosted her daughter many many times and have a very stable home. We even had the family to a big party we throw annually which is very nicely done so it's not like we're the dregs of the area. Yet she has this attitude with me like I'm not careful or responsible enough. One time we'd arranged for me to pick her DD up from aftercare to play with my daughter as we'd done many times before. I guess it wasn't 100% sure that day for some reason I don't remember. But it was ok with her and I got her DD. The mother went directly to aftercare though and her daughter wasn't there and they didn't know where she was. Natural thought IMO would have been she was with me. I had left her a VM too btw but she didn't get it in time. She came to our house outraged. She spoke to me like the hired help "YOU DO NOT TAKE MY DAUGHTER..." Meanwhile, the aftercare they use is pretty lousy every else thinks. I could understand more if she was a SAHM who never had her daughter in others' care. But somehow she's fine with this lousy aftercare program but not me. I never invited the daughter over again after that (a year ago) but now our kdis are in class together again etc. Would anyone else be annoyed at taking the grandmother, this general lack of trust and perhaps just say no?...
EDIT: This has turned into a pretty long post and is disproportional to the issue. I'm going to say we can take the daughter but not the grandmother. I guess I put in the other stuff bc maybe for another mom I would take the grandmother and I feel kind of guilty not taking the grandmother. Of course it's fine if the grandmother decides to drive and then hangs out.
Jo - I also wonder about the brother... Maybe the grandfather is here too and will have him. Ironically, we got interrupted by the brother crying. I assume he was crying bc school had started and once again he was late and the teacher sent him to the office or something.
Penelope - I have to laugh bc i thought the same thing. What's the old, German grandmother without a car going to do to save the day if something does happen? or is she planning to run alongside the horse to keep the daughter safe? :)
Ina - when did I say I can't stand the family? That's a bit extreme. The girl is fine and I was fairly friendly with the mother, we're friendly when we see each other etc. But I am a bit taken aback by the way she seems to have zero faith in me. I invited the daughter - not the FAMILY - bc my daughter and the girl are good friends again this year so far. Kind of hard to only invite friends who have mothers I really like. Doesn't seem fair to my daughter if I start screening that way. This isn't a family party.
I'll admit I'm offended by this mom but only bc I feel she doesn't trust me at all and is so forceful vs makes requests. So when someone doesn't trust me, I start looking at THEIR choices. They're judging me... It's hard for me to not judge back. We actually were pretty friendly - ie: she came to our party, we'd chat on the phone some but she's always on speaker in the car and speaks SO quickly with an accent that I could never quite understand her so tried to limit that. But I originally thought we'd kind of be friends and we were quite friendly. So this isn't a completely anonymous mom. I could understand her concerns if she didn't know me at all. And I go to pains to describe our household here bc I'm not sure what her issue is with us and I'm offended. Sorry! I had NO issue with her household until I feel like she's putting down mine. And she also loudly criticizes the other aftercare program to the point another mom is offended by that. And sorry but people talk and most people think the one she uses is not good. People have pulled their kids out etc. I have no issue with it especially given they're happy with it but just don't get her issue with me. So I start looking at what she might see to cause concern and am not sure. A SAHM who never ever has someone else take care of her kdis just seems more likely to be so critical of others' care. And I was very apologetic btw the day of the mix up and did understand why she might be very worried. But given the number of times I'd helped her out by taking her daughter, I think she should have treated me better. End of day, given she had said I could take her daughter which is what I did and I left her a VM saying I had her, not sure how it was ultimately my fault... A bad situation so I apologized but perhaps she owed me one too for yelling at me?... All she had to do was look later, after the dust had settled, at the emails we had exchanged that day to see that she had said I could pick up the daughter and listen to my VM to realize it wasn't really my fault.
I originally posted bc I was unsure what to do about the grandmother. And I vented some bc it's the second time I feel she's acted like I'm putting her daughter in grave danger so I also was curious if other people see a horseback riding party as really dangerous. And she never says she's a worrier and tactfully asks questions which would be totally fine. Instead she has an aggressive way of making it out to be some crazy thing I did or am doing and I can't help but get flustered by that. How about nicely thanking me for the invitation but saying she thinks it's too dangerous bc they dont' know horses at all. Or only family drives her kids. That'd be no problem! I already typcially avoid her on campus bc she's hard to talk td so no big deal. But I don't want to negatively impact my daughter's social life.
Another edit!! :Again, I HAD THE MOTHER'S OK TO TAKE THE DAUGHTER! I had her say-so. I wrote she and I had discussed it. We emailed about it. The only iffy part I think was whether the daughter wanted to go that day or someting like that. I was on the approved list bc I had taken her many times before!! And I left the mom a VM checking in. Of course she would be scared until she knew for sure I had her daughter but she was very aggressive with me which is why I never invited the daughter over again. And she'd have known for sure if she'd listened to my voicemail or called me on her way from work! A bday party I figured was different bc not knowing they'd be out of town, they could have driven her to and from. And end of day, I want to make my daughter happy and not leave out this girl. If she wants to send the grandmother along, that's fine!! Some other moms are coming. But I guess it's the aggressive way she says it's a dangerous function and I need to drive her mother too in order for her daughter to go that bothers me.
I would call the mom back and say that you have gotten a lot of response from parents requesting you to take the kids and you won't have room for grandmother.
Say that she is welcome to come...but you just don't have room in the car.
Then say would you still like for "Sally" to still go with me?
You guys will be lucky if you get to trot. Most rides that are offered are around here you are allowed to walk single file down a path that the horses have memorized to a point where you don't even have to hold onto the reigns and the horses will just follow the leader around. So no, I don't consider it dangerous.
As a side note, if this person doesn't come, can I? I haven't been horse back riding (Unless you count what I just described as horse back riding, which I do not) since my horse died 4 years ago and I need a horse fix!!! Lol
I would offer to drive the child, but not the grandma. Frankly, I would be relieved if the girl couldn't attend, as these people sound very unpleasant. Who needs that in their life?
And no, a horseback party wouldn't worry me. Way back when I was a kid I went to them, and my kids have also been to them. Now they wear helmets. Basically you sat on a horse that followed another horse on a trail. It was fun, because you were a kid, and on a horse, but now it would be pretty boring.
I think this sounds like a GREAT b-day party for an 8 year old girl!!!
I would tell them that you are very sorry but you only have room for one. Then let them figure it out. If they want to tell their daughter she can't go b/c grandma can't drive 14 miles, let them deal with the fall out. The mom does sound weird.
I would LOVE that as a party! Heck no it wouldn't worry or bother me. As a matter of fact, I glanced up real quick to see if you lived nearby so I could see what stable you use. :)
Sounds like the mom isn't the easiest person in the world to deal with, and there's nothing you can do about that. I'd just say "Hey, it was getting too messy trying to work out how to get your friend to the party without other problems....maybe we can have her over one night for pizza" to my child. After all, she's good friends with the daughter....and it's not the daughter's fault her mom is acting like a fruit loop. Hope everyone has fun!
But....if you said "Hey can I take __ home for a playdate on Friday and then I forgot and went to pick up my son....I'd kind of expect that the aftercare would know who had taken my son! That would be a little bit important to me, lol. If they didn't know, I'd be outraged with them, but not you. I'd be embarrassed that I forgot. If someone freaked out on me for something they forgot, I'd not go off on them because I'd be thinking "Hmm. This is their emotional, fear driven side"....but I wouldn't really have too much to do that involved her after that. Sounds like she's a problem waiting to happen.
Very briefly, would I allow my child to go to a horse-riding party? Sure.
Is the presence of a grandma (any nationality) going to mitigate against horse accidents? Course not.
BUT, if I were that family, if I went to pick up my child at after-care, and she was nowhere to be found, would I hit the roof? Hell yes.
Would I speak bluntly, forcefully, and directly to the mom who (with all good intentions) took my daughter out of after-care without my say-so: Hell up the wazoo, yes.
In other words, you're a great mom with a stable home, but this one time, you didn't confirm the pickup plans 100%. They had the holy hell scared out of them, and they let you know about it. This (understandably) put you on the defensive. But now, your defensiveness is making you talk yourself up and talk them down. You meant well, but you ARE partially responsible for some the hard feelings flying around here. Great thing is, you can fix it. You can do them a big favor by taking the grandma too, doing your best to make small talk, and earning back their trust. If they're still skeevy around you after that, you might be more justified in pulling away.
I've spent my whole life riding. So I wouldn't even blink.
Thing is... people have irrational (or even rational) fears. Some people are afraid of horses. Some people are afraid of water. Some people are afraid of bicycles. Some people are afraid of climbing
(I'm one of those, btw., my family climbs... and gets smaller and smaller every year as more and more people lose to the mountains. At last count I've had 7 people I love chewed up and spit out climbing, and 2 who survived very nasty falls and have 'just' been injured. 1 is paralyzed, one had a head injury. 4 were climbing guides on big rocks, 3 were lifelong climbers. Oldest in his 60's youngest in her 30's. These are top notch people. And I'm sick of wakes. I take my son on ALL kinds of "injury, maiming, & death" type activities... but I am COMPLETELY biased against climbing.)
Sounds like girl's mom has a fear of horses. That's not a reflection on you. That's simply being afraid of horses.
J. - what an amazing party for your daughter! I think if the parents are worried about it, their daughter should skip the party. My daughter was invited to a sleepover in a hotel last year with a family I didn't know - she skipped and was okay when I explained to her why she was not going. She understood. I think you have to tell the mom you are sorry, but it just won't work this year.
But again - AMAZING party!!
Tell her there's no room for the grandmother, and if the kid can't come to the party, then it's on her own mother. What's the German grandmother going to do anyway, if there happens to be an accident? Ridiculous. It's so annoying to have to deal with some really neurotic people. Try not to take it personally ... she sounds like a real winner!
Wow. This isn't about the safety of a horse riding party at all. It's about this other mom. It seems her concern and desire to have grandma attend is the last straw for you in a very long history of just not liking this woman and, by the way, not "approving" of her or her family or her choices, as in:
You make sure to mention that you have a "very stable home" (you somehow feel she doesn't, or she has criticized your home indirectly as being somehow unstable?). You throw a nice party "so it's not like we're the dregs of the area" (did she say you were? Why is this even mentioned here?) "The aftercare they use is pretty lousy, every (one?) else thinks" and "she's fine with this lousy aftercare program." (Who is "everyone else" and why do their opinions matter here? Maybe her family can't afford or get a slot in the more desirable aftercare of which "everyone else" and you would approve? Why is this family's choice of aftercare even a subject for discussion among "everyone else"?)
I do think she was over the top raging at you about the pickup she didn't expect. But did you take a second to think about how she might have been scared to death when she realized that her child wasn't where she thought (even mistakenly) that her child was supposed to be? Wouldn't you feel the same for even a moment in her shoes? You were acting based on an honest mistake or miscommunication and she should not have reamed you, I agree.
But even if she's a jerk, why are you so emotionally invested in her and her choices? She isn't asking to be your best pal, she's interacting with you related to your children. So she has an issue with the party. She is free not to send her child. Tell her the daughter can come but you've reassessed seating in the car, have to bring other kids, and there is no room for you to drive grandma as well. She likely will pull her daughter from this party, and will be done with you as you clearly wish to be done with her. The daughter will be the one to suffer as she will be hurt and disappointed. But you'll be rid of this person you clearly don't approve of or like.
You seem to feel she doesn't trust you and that angers you, but why do you care so much? If you cared because you were close friends with her and she still lacked trust, that would be different. But it's clear you aren't friends and don't like her or her choices, so why does this get under your skin so badly?
Your SWH claims "when did I say I can't stand the family?" You did not , in so many words, but there are plenty of phrases that show you don't approve of their choices or feel somehow slighted by them. So let them go.
It sounds like a great party and taking just the daughter so there is room for more friends sounds reasonable. Yes horseback riding can be dangerous, but so are so many other things. I used to teach gymnastics birthday parties and some parents were very worried about the wavier they had to sign, just part of most parties. The horses they are going to be using I'm sure are very used to kids, are friendly, calm and very well trusted, they earned their spot as a party horse.
She's just paranoid about the horses, I would guess. I wouldn't read anything more into it than that. That, and maybe she is trying to keep grandma entertained also? Maybe Grandma doesn't want the girl going because she will "lose time" to visit with her?
I grew up riding. And it has been decades since I have spent any time around horses. But my daughter (completely clueless and NEVER been around them at all) went to a riding party around that same age. It was loads of fun. They only got one turn each on the horse (and it was really a small quarter pony, not a full sized 18 hands thing). The rest of the time, they played with the cats that hung around, and played games like Tug-o-War with a long barn rope, and went on a hayride.
This mom probably is just clueless and thinks the girls will each be given a horse/pony to ride on their own and will spend bunches of time on them. That isn't likely to be the case, and if she were aware of that, she probably would not be so hyper-paranoid about "the horses". ;)
I wouldn't pick up grandma. Just offer to pick up the girl. And if they say it doesn't work, then oh well. It's sad for her daughter (and yours since they are friends) but it isn't your responsibility to manage all their families "issues". And I think the grandma wanting to go counts as an "issue". lol
My daughter has gone to Horse Camp each summer since she was seven (now 10), and I never spent a moment worrying, so a horse riding party would not concern me. I'm not a worrying mom, though, and some are.
I would just tell them you have room in the car for the girl, but not the grandmother (and the brother, too?), and let them make the decision. Whether this girl comes to this party is a small thing really. Make it their decision and then let it drop. It doesn't need to be tied into all the past history with this family.
I wouldn't worry at all bc I know these parties have slow, old horses that probably haven't run in years. I guess theres liability but people get hurt at people's homes too. As for the grandmother part, I wouldn't want to take her either. Sounds like this woman is a pain and rather self centered. It seems like you look to be nice And she jumps on things. Not sure how many times you have to say it before people read that she had given you permission to take her daughter that day. She sounds high maintenance. If she's not comfortable with the party, that's fine and as you say will save you money so she should just thank you and decline.
This sounds like the coolest b-day party in the world for a girl!
I would not be worried about this type of party from the way that you described it. I'm sure it is at a reputable place.
I don't blame you for not wanting to take the grandmother. I would just tell the girl's mom that you are already committed to transporting other children, and there is only room for her daughter. If her daughter wants to come in your car, she is welcome. Otherwise, she and the grandmother can either find alternative transportation or just not come.
This girl's mother sounds very presumptuous. It reminds me of the movie National Lampoon's Vacation. When the Griswald family visits Cousin Eddy and then Aunt Edna blurts out, "You're driving me to Phoenix!" Why would anyone think it is okay to send their Old World mother with their kid to a horseriding b-day party? Geez!
No it wouldn't worry me at all. Most of the horse things my kids have done we so safe they were boring.
If grandma is watching daughter and her brother doesn't that mean two extra seats? :(
People are strange so I wouldn't let her attitude get to you.
I would just tell her that if she's not comfy with her kid going, then there will no hard feelings if the kid doesn't attend. If there's no room for grandma, then there's no room for her. These people sound dreadful, why are you even dealing with them?!
my daughter went to a horse party and OMG she had the time of her life, she brushed the horse, rode the horse, learned about the horse, asked me to buy a horse. :):)
taking the grandma, well i dont know if i would go that far.
good luck to you
I'm really not seeing how this is any more dangerous than say a swimming party or the rock climbing party. They put helmets on the kids and they are led around on a horse. I don't think you will see the level of fright towards the horse as you do towards your dog though--my daughter is frightened of dogs but thinks nothing of getting on the horse at the fair. I think the mom probably has something against you and this is just a way to get her digs in. Good for you for agreeing to take the girl and Grandma, although like Jo said, I can't see what Grandma can do with no car and no english.
Horseback riding? Are you serious? Some mothers don't even allow their children to go to slumber parties because they are so paranoid about what "could" happen.
I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, but clearly this mother is a fearful one.
Don't take it so personally, especially the attitude. And don't waste time reading into all of her parenting choices/decisions, that's her business. Just offer her daughter a ride to the party, say we don't have room for the grandmother, and let that be it. If she doesn't want her daughter to go without her grandmother then that's her choice.
I would call back and say that we can only take kids, for the reason you state, that you want to be able to drive more kids. My kids both rode, but I was concerned about a riding party one attended at a particular farm where they are not know for safety or very good care of their horses - they hire young kids to run the parties. I was glad to know my kids knew horse safety from their lessons. I would also be concerned about sharing helmets with the head lice epidemics that occur every year at the start of school, but then again, bike helmets are not approved for riding protection. So I can see the other mom's concerns. But you are being way too accommodating: I would only offer to drive the kids but only if they are dropped at my house (unless they are a few streets over) but if I had to pick up 6 kids I would have to start an hour earlier. I think you need to stop being so nice and just stick with what you want to provide for your daughter. If this girl can't make it, too bad, it is not your responsibility to make sure everyone is happy.
She sounds defensive to me . . . who knows what is going on in her life. Maybe the grandma hounds her half to death. Maybe it's a way to assuage her own guilt for going out of town. It's hard to say.
IMHO you did a nice thing inviting this girl and offering to drive her. But I probably wouldn't bring Grandma along under the circumstances. I'd just say you need the seats in your car for girls needing a ride.
I grew up riding and yes, it is dangerous in some circumstances. I spent a week in the hospital after an accident at Pony Camp. I have never sought out riding for my kids. That being said, I'd let them go to a party like you describe. It's not like they will be doing stadium jumping or barrel racing. :P
With the history I'm not sure I'd want to be responsible for this child or her grandma. Otherwise I'd try to accommodate them.
Is this a party that your stable typically offers? I'm not sure what the grandmother would do to ensure your child's safety, but for what it's worth my 4 year old attended a birthday party this weekend where they had pony rides on a miniature horse. The kids wore helmets and they walked in a circle. My husband is very cautious about everything when it comes to our children and it never occured to either of us to walk with the horse, let alone do anything other than take a ton of pictures b/c our son is terrified of most dogs and he was RIDING A HORSE! It was clearly well-planned and well-supervised. We were there because we were helping with the party, but the other parents were under the tent chatting while the pony rides were taking place... these were all children UNDER the age of 5!
What a cool party. I would not take the lack of trust personally. My guess is that this mom is worried about leaving her children for the weekend with the grandparents and having the daughter try something potentially dangerous on top of that is just too much for her to handle. Much like my response to the anxious mom yesterday... the anxiety is HER issue, not yours.
Enjoy this party and I hope the girls have a great time!
PS- I'm shocked that the aftercare place allowed you to take the daughter without written permission from the mother. For what it's worth, I would not have taken that child without mom's consent. You were really going on a limb there with your assumptions. In that case, she had every right to be upset with you. My guess is that one incident has labeled you (in her mind) as being a person who is willing to do things with her child without consent. Having read the entirety of your posting, I can "sort of" see where she may have a concern.
With the mom getting outraged over you having her daughter.....I can understand that because you didn't have prior permission to have her. I'm glad you left her a voicemail but if you didn't talk to her personally, next time, don't do it. That is such a scary thing for a parent to go through. You had good intentions, I know. :-)
As far as the horseback riding.....I would take my own child and meet you up there if it were me. That is a huge liability you are taking on, with having no parents going. I can understand the mom's concern and her wanting the grandma going. The grandma needs to pay her own way though if there is a fee for adults to just be there. The kids also, needs to wear helmets and stay in a circle arena and just walk the horses around. No trails. Too dangerous. I've been riding all my life, and know how dangerous it can be. The horses can get spooked, or one can get annoyed with the other and start bucking etc. Even the gentle horses can have a bad day. There is a huge concern. Please understand that this event will be spectacular and really fun for the kids, but there is justified concerns that the mom has. If it were me, I wouldn't even take on such liability for the kids by myself. Next time, or if you can for this time, recommend that the parents meet up with you so they can be responsible for their own child. :-)
I am a little shocked you are willing to take on the liability issue. Horseback riding is dangerous just like alot of things and you aren't having any other parents there. But its up to you----
If I were you, I would contact the mom and tell her that you have room for the daughter but unfortunately can not accommodate the grandmother too. See what she says and go from there.
I would tell her I didn't have room because I was taking children already.
If the party bothered me, I would not let my child go or I would go too, but I would drive myself.
Well, no I would not be concerned - but then this is probably a party that I would stick around for a bit to make sure everyone is safe (wearing helmets on the horse, adequate number of adults to help/instruct the girls). I am a rider, horses are big animals and a number of 8 year old girls without any experience around horses swarming around a stable requires proper supervision to be a pleasant experience for everyone.
I would offer to take Grandma along. I think it is VERY easy to interpret language barriers and cultural differences as someone being "not friendly". I would keep that cultural difference in mind, you wouldn't want to go to Germany for example and be mistaken for a "loudmouth, arrogant American" because you don't quite understand the finer nuances of non-verbal communication and cultural customs in that country, right?!
I think because of your previous experience with this family you may be a bit prejudiced and maybe so are they. I don't really understand why you invited the girl in the first place if you cannot stand her family and would rather not interact with them, but what is done is done...unless you want to withdraw the invitation.
Good luck.
I think you and she have different boundaries or comfort area, and I think that's fine. It sounds like you want her to trust your judgement completely, yet you don't sound respectful of her's.
I too would question a horse riding party. And horses are dangerous. I used to go with my cousin to her lessons and the horse was trying to roll her for a couple weeks. Terrifying! Would I say no? probably not, but I would have asked a lot or questions of you and the stables. Just because your friendly and have a nice house doesn't mean your judgement is sound. And even if it was a misunderstanding, I would have been outraged to not find my daughter where I expected her. Ultimately, I would have been more angry at the crappy daycare... But can't you sympathize with her reaction which probably came from a place of fear?
Anyhow, she is entitled to send an adult with her daughter to supervise HER child in a new activity. Her choice and I don't know why you would begrudge her that. I dont even like other adults driving my kids places, so youd hate me However, while its nice of you to be accommodating, I don't think you have any responsibility for Grandma. And that may mean, the girl can't make it that day. But it's only 14 miles, can't she take a cab?
As an insurance agent and a mom, yes, a horse riding party is dangerous. Even if the horse place makes the parents sign liability releases (you didn't mention that but I can't imagine them NOT doing that), if a child gets hurt during YOUR party, you could be liable also. All it takes is a simple fall or kick to the head and its a done deal, you can't take that back. So ya, its not an option I personally would be doing for my kids bday parties. If my kids wanted to ride horses, I would take them to do it and not risk it with kids of other people. Just my opinion. And I would just say to the mom that it doesn't sound like they can make it to the party and that your car is full so maybe next time. DONE! Good luck!
I don't think she has anything against you personally. She's probably just worried because of the horses. Maybe they're not all that familiar with them. I would be worried too. I bet she wants the grandmother to go just for her peace of mind. Are other parents allowed at the party? If so then I don't really see the big deal. If you really don't have room in your car for the grandma just let her know, but if you do then why not just drive her. I guess I'm missing what the big deal is. The girl is invited, so what if they want to send the Grandma with her.
I would decide if you want to give them both a ride or not. You don't need to make small talk. Turn on the radio, talk to the other kids, etc. If you think this girl is coming, but her mother or grandmother isn't keen on it, then say, "Mrs. Mom. You can talk to the stable about the party. Here is their number. I understand if you are concerned and I hope talking to them eases your concerns. Please know I would never put a child in danger. However, I am paying per rider and need to know if your child will attend or not. I cannot pick her up and then leave her behind if she won't ride or you do not want her to ride. If this party isn't an event you want her to attend, I am happy to host a playdate for the girls at another time." Or you can say you appreciate her concerns, but if the girl cannot/will not ride by herself, the grandmother will have to pay her way as you cannot afford additional riders outside the party invitees. "The cost is x, payable to the stable."
I would try to separate my feelings about the adults from the kid.
It could be dangerous, and I can see the concern. Though, whether or not the grandmother is there or not would not lessen any danger. But my bigger concern would be you driving kids. If so, that's a lot of responsibility. And do all of them 5-step to fit an adult belt? Most kids don't until 10 to 12, so although carseat laws are pretty pathetic and often state until age 8, the children won't be safe in an adult seatbelt unless they clearly 5-step. So, that's a lot of boosters (consider space limitations) but better to be safe than risk tragedy.
I hope you have a safe time!
You're missing the point.
A horseback riding party is dangerous.
Especially if each & every parent is not there to supervise their own child.
It's NOT like a bouncy house.
She have every right to be oncerned.
I'd let the grandma come.
Of course, she would say "Do not take my daughter".
Regardless if you left her a message or not.
A mother can't find her child at her regular pick up spot at daycare.
Every mom would freak out a little.
Not everyone lives by their phone & checks it for messages every second.
The issue is getting lost:
-taking the grandma w/the child to help supervise her on this fun but dangerous outing for your child's bday party.
I'd let it go.
I have to say that I would not let my child go to this kind of party without a family member there to make sure she was obeying the stable hands and not putting herself or others at risk. i don't think she doesn't trust you, I think she wants to make sure her daughter is minding and is safe at the party.
I have to say it does seem like you're strongly reacting to this and truthfully it does sound like you don't like them. That was what I thought at first. So perhaps you do like them but you did mention their ethnic background several times and you did mention they are sorry parents several times. So if we think you don't really like them then perhaps we're all seeing the same thing.
That might be something you want to consider.
"I don't consider this mom to be mother of the year".
"It'll save me money... " isn't the party paid for by the birthday person's family? Why would it cost "you" anything for the grandmother to ride along?
"I put in the other stuff bc maybe for another mom I would take the grandmother".
These statements all say the same thing. You don't like this mom J.. It's okay to not like someone. If everyone was all the same it would be really boring in this life. If you don't want to take her tell the mom that you only have room for one person. Chances are she'll over react and then say daughter can't come. Don't worry about it.
