Would This Be Polite?

We had a "sprinkle" for a friend's third baby. It was a small celebration, and the organizing friend specified that it would be "dutch." Invitees can choose to go or not to go. Nothing wrong with celebrating a new baby! Even a fun group lunch can be special for a pregnant mom, gifts or not. Go for it! :)

p.s., yes I'd go, and yes I'd assume I'd pay my own way.

I think it's fine.
I would keep it informal.
Call each guest and say, "What do you think about taking Kate out to dinner before Baby Three arrives? I plan to cover Kate's dinner. Can we all go Dutch?"

If I got an invitation for the event, I'd assume it was paid for if it said something like "Let's celebrate Debbie's pregnancy". If a friend called me up and said "I think it would be fun if a few of us took Debbie out to dinner to celebrate her pregnancy", then I would assume that WE were taking Debbie out (ie, each paying their own, and all chipping in for Debbie).

I would not do what you are suggesting. If you don't want to do a shower, that's fine.

If you really want to do something to celebrate her and her baby.... then plan a "sip and see" after the baby is born. THEN you can bring a cake and have punch and she can introduce people to the baby.

You can have that at your house, so she doesn't have to clean or a park (depending on the weather etc) or a restaurant that has a party room. It doesn't have to be fancy.

Your question is would we assume that we'd be paying for ourselves. I would never assume that someone else was paying for me at a restaurant, but I guarantee you that someone will, so you had better put on the invite something that indicates that everyone is going dutch. You don't have to mention that you are paying for the M....

Even if invited to a restaurant, if I'm being invited somewhere in honor of someone else ie. a party then I'm assuming that it's being paid for by the host. Don't throw a party that you can't afford. If you can only afford yourself and the mom-to-be then only invite the mom-to-be.

EDIT: It's not about "times are changing." You never ever discuss cost of anything or who is paying what on a written invitation. You just don't do it. When you INVITE people to a party YOU as the hostess pay. That's how it's done. You don't make your guests pay for themselves whether it's a simple "getting ready to welcome baby party" or a wedding.

What you should do is call some friends and tell them you'd love a Girl's Night Out. When you get to the restaurant make sure you have the server give everyone a separate check. Tell the server to include the pregnant friend's order on your check. Problem solved. And during the meal you can let your pregnant friend know that you're all gathered there "for her."

M.:

When I get an invite to a party - I do not plan on paying for myself - that is usually clearly stated. With that being said.....I am set and ready to (prepared) to fork over my portion of the bill...and will get my debit card out to pay.

However - when invited someplace by someone - unless the invitation clearly states "let's celebrate Lisa and Baby John's birth! Wouldn't it be a great idea if we could take her out to celebrate..."

When I read "if we could take her out" - I read that as I am paying for myself and dividing the cost of Lisa's meal.

If I read "We are celebrating Lisa's new arrival..." then I take it you are the host and paying.

So the correct wording would be necessary!

Congrats to your friend!

I'd word it less like an invitation (because if you INVITE me I think you're HOSTing) and more like a suggestion that you get together with you as the ORGANIZER.

Do an EVITE and say something like

___________ is almost due with baby number three!

Since she isn't having a shower, let's have a girls night a celebrate the mom to be!

(I didn't mean for that to rhyme, but it's kinda cute I guess, if you're into that sort of thing).

I think that sounds fun, doesn't suggest that you'll be paying for everyone, but doesn't sound like you're being stingy or talking about money in an invitation (which I think is tacky).

When people respond, they'll ask if they're not sure.

HTH
T.

When I am invited out, I assume the person doing the inviting is paying.
When we went out to lunch to celebrate a co-workers birthday, it was Dutch treat except everyone chipped in to cover the person who's birthday it was.
When our neighbors have a neighborhood potluck barbeque, they provide the main course (the meat, buns, condiments, plates/utensils/paper napkins) and everyone brings a dish (salad/side dish/dessert) and often their own beverage of choice.

I wouldn't mind paying for my own dinner if I wasn't expected to also bring a present. But you do need to word it right so that it's clear from the get go and so that people realize it's NOT a shower and they shouldn't bring gifts. Prior to doing an evite, I would send a regular email out to the guests explaining what you're planning. Word it something like "Hey, I was thinking it would be fun if we all took Jenny out to dinner before her new baby comes. Hope you can make it. I'll send around an evite just to get a head count."

Then, on the evite, reiterate "let's take X out to dinner" and it should be clear. If I saw that, I wouldn't expect to have my meal paid for. It also sounds more just like you're her friend coming up with the idea, rather than you are hosting an event. Once you call someone a "host" specifically, I think there is an assumption that the host foots the bill.

I would never think I could go to a restaurant, order whatever I wanted, and it would be paid for, but you should probably make sure. I think the wording on the invite could say something like 'I will cover myself and (mom's name) dinner, really hope you can come out to celebrate with us!!'. Just like at the bottom with an asterisk. Also when I was having my third, I didn't register. People would ask and I just said 'we are all set, but diapers are always welcome!' So if they wanted to bring a gift, they knew diapers and wipes were perfect. So I think a diaper shower is perfect for multiple children. Good luck!

Dear Jane, I am taking Sally out to celebrate her new child that is coming soon. If you'd like to join in we're going to XXXXX restaurant at Xpm on June 30.

The average cost of an entree there is between $8 NS $15. I do hope you'll let me know if you can come by Friday.

Thanks!

I would assume hostess was paying.

If I were to receive an invite to a "shower (because lets face it its a shower) I would think it was odd to purchase my dinner ONLY because when in that exact situation before I never had to buy my dinner.

I would call the girls before hand and tell them " hey I wanted to go have a girls night out for our M. bear friend and we all get together and eat lunch and bring a small gift for her, you know something just to say congrats. We would all go dutch pay our own way and bring our own gift for the new baby or something for her but I am not planning to make a HUGE shower for us. Just something sweet to say were excited for her" Perhaps one of those girls will want to throw a shower and you could bring her a gift then. Or just make it the two of you??? Hope this helps and did not come of judgy just honest.

If a hostess invites someone to a restaurant, other venue, etc..... the hostess if expected to pay the ENTIRE tab for everyone. You don't invite if you can't pay for those you invite.

If I received an invitation to a dinner at a restaurant, I would assume my meal is covered by the hostess. Anytime I invite someone to lunch, dinner, etc, I pay the bill because I did the inviting which makes me the hostess.

Consider the financial crunch you may put someone in by inviting them and then expecting them to buy their own meal when they thought otherwise. I am always prepared because there are people who do it but I was raised differently.

Instead of inviting a group to a restaurant where you can't pick up the tab for everyone, choose a different venue. Maybe your church will let you use a room, the parks and rec centers could rent a room to you for a nominal fee and you bring in food or have pot luck.

Good luck!

Going out on a limb here but why not ditch the restaurant completely and have it at a park, or better yet a VFW or firehouse. You can make the donation and have everyone bring a dish!

Call it a pot luck and call it a day. Or maybe someone else will step up and do the honors?

If I were to receive an evite to go out to dinner to celebrate a friend, I would definitely assume I pay my own way, especially since an evite is not as formal as a mailed invite, and does not say shower, wedding, etc. or other formal title that assumes that the event is pre-paid.

But if this makes you uncomfortable, I would take the wait-and-see approach if another friend offers up their home or do a pot luck somewhere.

If you send out invitations people will naturally assume you are paying. If I wanted to get a group together I would do it by phone. Hey Cindy, Julie is having her baby and thought we could get together to celebrate her last days.... I have reservation on this at this...

I never assume that my dinner will be paid for when I go out to a restaurant in a group setting, regardless of the occasion. None of my friends do either. Maybe it's just our circle of friends. The few times that the host did pay, it was a nice surprise.

I like the suggestion to word it, "Let's take Pregnant Friend out to celebrate!" to avoid ambiguity.

Go for it! Some people would be offended and others will be thrilled. Such is human nature.

Word the evite clearly so there are no assumptions. Like...

You are invited to a gathering of friends for a Dutch treat dinner to celebrate...& baby to be.

Mommy to be's bill will be paid by yours truly

My friends did something similar for me, but they did call it a "shower" so everyone's dinner was paid for. I see nothing wrong with people paying for themselves, but you need to be very clear that that is the case. Maybe word it " Join me in taking XYZ to dinner to celebrate the new little one"

I wouldn't send out any invitations because that means you should be paying for everyone. I would call people and see if they wanted to do a lunch or dinner out to celebrate her 3rd child and let them know that you will be picking up your friends tab only.

Wow. I get the old school rule that when invited the host/hostess pays, yet I have never expected to have my meal paid for when i am invited to celebrate someones birthday (for example) with a group of women at a restaurant. I am always prepared to pay.

I guess based off the responses below email/call the friends and ask if they would be interested in celebrating the woman, so you are not the hostess yet the organizer (semantics).

I am not an organizer type, so I never have to deal with this issue. Sure when I have people over or rent out a place (rare) I handle all items (i do not want to depend on someone to bring something and have them not show up) and I am a hostess (again on rare occasions because I am all or nothing type).

I get invited to a lot of 'mom nights out' via evite, so this could be how I have gotten used to paying for myself. I would never assume the person who is stuck sending the evite needs to pay for me.

I HATE it when folk invite me to a party at a restaurant and I have to pay. I have to not only buy my own food but I have to eat at a restaurant of THEIR choosing.

Have it at home pot luck style. Don't call it a shower but a Girls Day or something. It will be cheaper for the guests and more fun.

I think it's a great idea what your doing; I just suggest you don't include

" "friend's name's" dinner will be covered by me"

on the invitation because it sounds like you are paying for the whole dinner-

And the invitation should be very simple and to the point. You might just consider calling friends or sending out a text-

I have done this plenty of times and on the bottom of the invite I add (entrees are $10-$15)....... I have also seen this done before. Although most people on her have said they expect the hostess to pay, I think times are changing and people understand!!! I would just be so happy to be around my friend who is expecting! I would expect to pay unless the invite read 'my treat' or something to that effect. Don't change your plans just let everyone know in advance that you will be paying for the mom. And by the way I had a baby shower for my third child because my circle of friends believe ALL babies should be celebrated! Not just the first one!

We did this for my second, because I did not want a shower. I felt like, except for girlie clothes, I had just about everything I needed from when my son was born. But close friends still wanted a celebration for our impending arrival. So a good friend just called a group of people (about 10 or so) and let them know that we were having a girls lunch to celebrate. She told everyone that no gifts were expected, but girl clothes would be appreciated. And she also mentioned that she would be picking up my tab...which let everyone politely know that she wasn't paying for everyone (she would have loved to do that, but she couldn't afford it). She brought a cake. It was a great afternoon and a low key affair.

I wouldn't mind paying. On another note, consider having the shower AFTER the baby is born. Maybe a few weeks after it's born and then it's a chance to get cleaned up, get out of the house and celebrate with friends. Plus, everyone gets a chance to visit with the baby. Obviously, you know whether your friend would be up for something like this. We did it for my sister's second and everyone loved being able to have the baby at the "shower."