Would You Let Your 6 Year Old Attend a Pool Party?

When my kids were little and still not strong swimmers I always stayed with them when they were near a pool, or any kind of open water.
Just go to the party with her, no big deal.

Pool party at that age I stay. Life jackets or no life jackets. Can't believe mother is not requesting a parent to stay.

I would allow it if I could stay and watch my kid.
If they don't want to allow me to watch, then a little disappointment over not going is preferable to a lifetime of grief over a drowned child.

Have you even asked if you can stay? I hosted many pool parties and I never turned down an extra set of eyes.

To the hosting parent "Thank you so much for the invite, my DD is so excited to attend! Because she is just learning how to swim, I hope you understand that I will need to be there too" They may try to talk you out of staying because they really feel they've got safety covered and/or they don't want to inconvenience you or don't want to have extra people at the party, but you need to be polite but firm here. Your DD's safety is more important than any awkward conversation. It doesn't matter her age, not all kids are strong swimmers. I can't imagine any reasonable people not welcoming you to accompany your daughter at a pool party.

We live in AZ so pool parties are practically an every day thing. Drowning is a SILENT death. I can't tell you how many kids have drown in a pool full of people. We hear about it all the time. They sink under the water and it's a short time and its too late.

When my kids were smaller and we had people over, I had a lanyard with a big plastic lid clipped on that I wrote "Life Guard" on. Whoever had that lanyard around their neck HAD to stay poolside and only could leave if they passed it to another adult to watch the pool.

Alcohol is a concern. We do not drink nor offer it at our parties but I would be VERY concerned if that was an issue where my child was going, whether there was a pool or not.

If I were you I would ask if you could go and be the person to stay by the pool and watch the swimmers. The problem when the host doesn't think of this is that people "assume" someone else by the pool is watching and then really no one is. And that's a VERY dangerous situation. Good luck.

Under those circumstances, I would only let her go if I could stay. I would think the mother would welcome another set of eyes to watch the kids any way.

I saved a little boy from drowning at the YMCA once. Every life guard stand was occupied and the boy's parents were right next to him. They just didn't see him go under.

Your husband is very naive.

(My neighbor's 6 year old son died at a pool party over a holiday weekend surrounded by family that never saw him drowning).

If she's not a good swimmer, you need to be there. I had to jump into a pool with my clothes on to save one of our daughter's friends at a class pool party. Tons of adults everywhere, including an older daughter who was assigned as lifeguard, but no one but me saw her in early drowning stages (and I only recognized them from something that circulated on Facebook that morning ... drowning doesn't look like what you imagine). You can't count on someone spotting her in trouble. If she can't really swim, she's not ready to be sent off to a pool party.

I would absolutely let her go ... as long as I or my husband went, too.

I didn't start dropping my son off for birthday parties until he was 6, but I wouldn't have done it for a pool party. I've also hosted birthday parties, and I've never turned down a parent who wanted to stay. Even at his 8th birthday party there was a parent who wanted to stay. No problem. Everyone's comfort level is different.

If you are not comfortable, don't worry about it. There will be other parties, She will be fine.

Tell the hostess that you plan to stay--phrase it as your being glad to be another set of eyes, as someone put it below. At that age pretty much every parent I know would stay, if a party involved a pool. Go with your gut here--your husband is wrong that you're being "neurotic." I know of two incidents at pools we have attended so it's not hearsay -- one near-drowning of an older child (saved by a lifeguard) and the drowning death of a five-year-old -- in lifeguarded pools with plenty of adults nearby. It's not neurotic or an overreaction to monitor kids in pools closely.

If the family gets weird and tries to discourage you from coming, that's a red flag that they don't get that pools require monitoring and that they don't respect parents who want to watch their kids. In that case, you have to toughen up and tell your child no. Take her somewhere else fun and distracting that day if you want.

Having life jackets "given out to the kids" --they will take them off, not fasten them properly, try to float on top of them instead of wear them, etc. I've seen it happen. And they won't want to just bob around in life jackets so they'll get frustrated. It's well-meant but not a solution.

Tell the hostess that as your daughter is so young and just learning to swim she can only attend if you are there.

I would not let my 6 year-old new swimmer attend a pool party without me.

Events that take place at pools are not the time to worry about whether someone thinks you are "overbearing" or over-protective. Pool accidents happen quickly, and often without much noise to draw attention to the child/person in distress. In a large crowd, such a person can go unnoticed.

Supervision is particularly important at pool parties because the adults can get distracted dealing with so many kids, with trying to feed and entertain other guests. If they don't have lifeguards, you should definitely attend to give your young child the supervision she needs to be safe in and around the water.

Tell the host that your daughter is not yet a strong swimmer and would she mind if you stayed at the party? Let her know that you'd be happy to play lifeguard and supervise the pool. I hosted many pool parties and always welcomed parents who wanted to stay and keep an eye on the swimmers as I was busy hosting,

Have you even asked if you can stay?

I am not one to live in fear of the what if's about my daughter and doing things. I'm also not an overbearing helicopter mom.

I can't imagine a mom having a party and not having proper supervision. Around here, most private parties hire a lifeguard and there's also parents present. Think liability issue! So many people are so sue happy over anything.

I was a trained Red Cross lifeguard and drowning can happen very quickly. It is not always someone thrashing about in the water. It is a silent killer. I'm in TX and I can't tell you how many drownings have already been reported this year. It's seems like one ir two on the news daily.

We were at a neighbors years ago when my daughter was about 3 with all parents outside for a cookout and "watching" kids swim and suddenly see one of the children in the bottom of the pool..in plain sight. Thank God he is ok.

ANY pool party needs a couple of people around with dedicated eyes on the pool.

I bet if you asked this mom, she'd gladly allow you to help supervise and she might already have dedicated life guards hired.

R.,

I live in South Florida where the #1 cause of death for children this age is drowning. Most of our children are pretty good swimmers by 6 but there are the exceptions and accidents can and do happen. Since you said your daughter is not a good swimmer - I would only allow her to go if you could stay as her lifeguard. IF you do, do not get distracted by conversations with others, your cell phone, a book, finding a bathroom, etc.

We have an in-ground pool in our back yard and my almost 6 year old has had a pool party for his 4th and 5th bdays. I have plenty of "floatees" available but also hire an extra lifeguard and don't accept "drop offs".

Good luck! C.

You should allow her to go to make friends AND you should go with her to supervise. I'm sure the mom will be happy for the help. (And if you had other plans for Sunday - try to rearrange your schedule so you can go. A party like this right before the start of school is really good for socialization.)

You should let her go and you should feel free to stay and watch her. The parent won't mind.

My very first question - will there be alcohol at the party? I know that might sound tacky but if adults have alcohol at a pool party, my instant answer is no. Not that I expect the party to devolve into a frat bash with folks swinging from the chandeliers but that is my barometer of how seriously people take pool safety. People are way too casual about water safety and kids. We had a pool and believe me when I say it was eye opening how fast and quietly accidents can happen. We had one accident which totally changed our attitude and philosophy about our pool. One of the adults knocked a toddler into the pool and no one noticed except my husband. He got her out in a matter of seconds but it left him shaken. He said if he hadn’t been looking, she probably would have drowned. She barely made a splash and sank too far below the surface to splash. Going forward we never ever allowed alcohol around our pool and we kept the attendees to a low number. Even then it was exhausting being vigilant during parties. My second question would be to ask to attend to watch my own child. But again you are going to have to keep your eyes on your child at all times. Even a glance away can let a drowning happen. This summer my husband and I watched as a toddler fell into our community pool and despite having two lifeguards within 10 feet and numerous adults within arm’s reach, no one noticed. Again a frightening reminder of how quickly and quietly drowning can take place. In my mind you simply cannot be too safe or cautious with water. Good luck.

I would ask if I could go to be an extra set of eyes to watch the kids. You can also tell your daughter that she must wear a life jacket (or other wearable floaty) while in the pool. We had a 6 year almost drown at our neighborhood pool and there were two lifeguards. He thought he was a good swimmer and was playing with some other kids. There were adults right there but they did not notice. One child pointed out to an adult that he had been doing the dead man's float a long time. They thought he was just playing around but he was unconscious. They pulled him out and the lifeguard did CPR until the ambulance arrived. He did wake up but he has brain damage. I do not know the family well, but I heard when they were celebrating when he could walk and use the bathroom by himself the first time. So, even with many other adults around, it is easy to not notice a small child drowning. They say that they don't splash or call for help...it's a quiet process.

Why not go with her?

Mine went to one at age 6 (kid was turning 7) at a community pool. There were lifeguards present and teenagers in the water (the girl's sisters). On the invite it said parents were welcome to stay and if so, let the mom know so she could determine the child:parent ratio to make sure they had enough adults.

In the end, most of the parents stayed. We found that for that age, just changing them and getting them ready for next stage of party (party room) made sense.

I think at that age it's quite common to stay if you have concerns. Is that an option? I would suspect other parents might feel similarly.

i would let the child go and go with to watch.if i was not allowed to stay then my child would not stay either.

I would stay. I have stayed at pool parties and have always requested parents stay at my son's birthday pool party every year. This summer (he just turned 10) was the first year we ever went with fewer parents than kids. Most children who drown do so silently (don't wave their arms or look like we picture drowning) and do drown within feet of other people in the pool. Not worth the risk.

I would let her go only if the mom was ok if I stayed for the party.

I've been in this situation on the other side. I've hosted pool birthday parties for my son. When my son was 7-9 years old, at least some parents always stayed. I never had a problem with a parent saying "Zach would love to come, but he's not a great swimmer yet. Is it ok if I stay to help keep an eye on the kids in the water?" Of course it's ok. Actually, I feel better knowing that more eyes than just mine (and the life guard's) are on the water.

How tall is she? Could she stand up in the pool? My dd was so little at that age that she wouldn't be able to go in a pool without some floatation toy or lifejacket.
You could just stay to watch. Not a big deal at that age.

I would allow her to go, but I would not let her go alone. However, I think that it would be nice if you went but simply observed the pool activity, specifically your daughter. By that I mean, bring your own bottle of water (plastic or other non-breakable) and don't expect to be included in the festivities. Don't make the party host or hostess plan on another guest (you) to include in the refreshment count. Bring a magazine to read so it looks like you have something to do, and don't get too involved with the pool. Don't get in and play with your daughter. Be a silent, vigilant, background observer. And make sure the mom knows that you won't be in the way, you're just going to monitor your child while she's in the pool.

Only if I could be there as well.

Nope, I wouldn't let my daughter go without me. Parties in general are hectic! I would just say to the mom, "Sara would love to come and I would love to help out. Is there anything I can bring?! We'll see you then!"

There isn't any way I'd drop off my child to a pool party. Not any way at all.

My policy is that if "I'm" not included in the invitation to supervise my child it's not likely I will let my child go.

No way I would expect a mom with any number of kids to supervise while doing anything but sitting on the side of the pool with her eyes directly on the pool to be able to know anything about what is going on anywhere near the water.

So no, either I'd go with the child or not let them go. This mom is silly for not expecting parents to stay with their kids.

If "I" was going to do this I'd word it like this.

"Your child is invited to XXXXXX's party where they will be having some swim time. One parent may accompany your child to the party".

I would let her go but I would stay with her. I would also ask about who will be supervising the pool. I neighbor had a pool party once (above ground) and she and her sisters took turns watching the kids in the pool. They were never left unattended.
I do have to agree that when nothing is set up, everyone assumes that someone else is watching.

At that age and considering the weak swimming skills, I attended the pool parties with them.

Can you not stay? A lot of parents don't leave their kids at that age anyways.

But if the family has life jackets and they are comfortable, I would let her go.

My daughter just went to a weekend party at a lake house earlier this month. They were going boating, tubing, jet skiing, etc. My husband was nervous as all get out even though our daughter is a strong swimmer. She was FINE. She had the time of her life. The family assured us they take kids there all the time and they had life jackets that everyone HAD to wear on the lake.

Do you know these people well? Are they typically responsible when kids come to their homes? Have there been prior incidents? I would not let a child who is just learning how to swim attend a pool party without me unless I knew that the hosts and their guests were responsible. A "pool party" can mean anything from moms quietly talking while keeping focused on the pool or 25 adults on one side of the yard drinking heavily while kids are doing whatever in the pool.

Only if wearing the life jackets is mandatory.