Would You Let Your Mother in Law with Alzheimers Watch Your Children?

I would say NO ! Alzheimers is a hard disease. I had to care for my Grandfather with alzheimers as with most with that disease they need help with their own care

Absolutely Not! My neighbor is in the same stage, and he has had rage issues. It just comes out of nowhere. Even his wife has trouble controlling him. I would fear for my child's life there, and probably wouldn't even let her visit without me. I hope you can find another solution.

It is an absolute N-O!!!!! Stage 4??? Even though there are days of clarity you can not count on it. She could wander off, not recognize your child she knew 1/2 before or even set the house on fire. I get that you are in a tough place but you must find an alternative. Does your church/place of worship have anything? Can you see if your neighbors are watching kids, could be cheaper than day care. You have to understand that this desease makes the simpilest task difficult. You could ask her to feed your daughter lunch and she can look at a sandwich and not comprehend what it is or what to do with it. If your FIL still alive? Maybe he can help out occassionaly as long as he has someone looking out for your MIL. I had two very close relatives with this horrible desease it does not get better. I'm sorry there is no easy way but grandma is a no way.

No, I don't think that would be a safe environment for your daughter. A young child requires lots of attention and care, as I'm sure you know. Sounds like your m-i-l is pretty far along in her disease. I don't think it would be fair to your mother and father in-law either. I'm sure they would feel terrible if something happened to your daughter in their care. They have enough to deal with having someone with Alzheimer's.

I agree with the other replies. There is no way I would have your MIL or FIL watch my child with their situation. I hope you find an answer that will work for you family.

Okay, so probably enough people have told you no, but I have to tell you a quick story. I had a relative years ago with Alzheimer's. In an earlier stage of his illness before he'd been diagnosed he tried to do some cooking and significantly damaged his kitchen with a serious fire. In the later stages, he slipped out of his wife's care, somehow got the car keys and backed out of the garage with the door still closed. Both cases only ended in property damage, but could have been physically damaging to others. Not only was he sometimes mentally unable to care for himself, it took all of his aging wife's attention to look after him and keep him out of harms way. For awhile we worried more about her health than his since his care was THAT consuming.
Not only will your MIL not necessarily be able to always care for your toddler, your FIL can't take care of two wild and meandering children.
I

NO. Simply no. You cannot "trust" someone with a debilitating brain disease to care for your child. It's extremely sad and not her fault, but if she's already into stage 4, it would be very dangerous. The only way is if you FIL is going to be the PRIMARY caregiver, but I wouldn't do it because he's going to have to be taking care of the MIL as well. People with Alzheimers get VERY confused, often out of the blue after having some really good days, and you never know where that confusion could lead them or what they may do. They also experience moments of great, irrational anger, so it's really out of the question. The medication she's on is supposed to help slow it, but it's not going to stop it. There is no cure right now, so she will continue to get worse -although hopefully at a slower rate due to the meds. I know it puts you in a difficult position, but you must find some other option.

No, you can't have her watch your child. If she is to the point of requiring medication, she is no longer capable of being responsible for a small child. And your father-in-law has enough on his plate caring for her. It would be most unfair to him and very potentially unsafe for your daughter to ask them to watch a toddler.

If finances preclude you sending your daughter to daycare it may be more cost effective for you to continue to stay home. I wouldn't want my child with a daycare provider that is willing to take on the care of a toddler for little money. Or look into working a different shift than your husband so that you don't have to pay for child care.

The medications work for some and don't for others. Alzheimer's is a horrible and progressive illness. I worked in nursing homes for many years. One piece of advice I can offer is that if your mother-in-law still has enough cognitive function to discuss her medical wishes now is the time to have paperwork filled out. It means that what she wants will be done and takes making really tough decisions about things like feeding tubes off your her husband or even your husband.

No! She is not fit to watch small children. There is no reason why your children shouldn't spend time with her, but please only in the presence of another adult.
Alzheimers patients often have "episodes" - they may seem capable of living independently and even caring for a grandchild one time, but then become completely disoriented and unable to take care of themselves or others for periods of time. As the disease progresses this switches around and the lucid periods get shorter.
You don't want to entrust your child's safety and care to someone who may, even just for a short time, have a period of disorientation. I have a two and a half year old and she get's in trouble the moment I turn my back! It is not safe and frankly, if you cannot afford to pay for care for your child, you should look into daycare assistance programs and head start.
Good luck.

Simply - Oh Hell No! Your mother-in-law needs care herself. She cannot take care of your child, and your father-in-law already HAS someone to take care of.

Your mother in law at this stage needs someone to look after her, probably your father in law, so she definitely would not be capable of looking after your 2.5 year old. It would be worth reading up on alzheimer's to get a sense of what the disease does and how it affects your MIL and how you might be able to support her. "Still Alice" is fictional, but a good insight.

I disagree. It all depends on how advanced her symptoms are and how well the medications are controlling them for the time-being. I probably wouldn't let her take my daughter anywhere, but if she's functioning and Grandpa is there, I'd base it upon the symptoms and not the diagnosis.

Alzheimers is a horrible disease, but many people live many good years with it before the degeneration happens.

If you're out of other options, this may be your only one.

You are going to have to have a very serious talk with your FIL and ask if HE is willing to watch your 2.5 year old...because that is what is going to end up happening. Your MIL is not capable of taking care of herself let alone your 2.5 year old daughter. I speak from experience. My grandmother didn't even remember how to sit down, I'm not kidding, she forgot how to sit down!!!!

I would worry about the stress this would bring to your FIL. He is probably already really stressed about having to keep such a close watch on your MIL, that adding a toddler to the mix may just be the straw that broke the camels back.

The medicine will not make her better, it will slow down the process of her getting worse.

If it were me, I would find another option.

NO, she is not legally able to care for herself once she has this diagnosis and she is not able to care for your children. They can be in the same house as her if another adult caregiver is the primary care giver to your children.

Contact you local DHS or Social Services department about getting child care assistance, if you don't qualify for that because your income is too high then you have to realize the same thing many other parents finally have to come to terms with...if I don't pay for child care I don't work.

I totally agree with Julie B.

No. In addition to forgetfulness, there can be unexpected personality swings and very poor choices.

Dear C.,
I really feel for your situation on several levels.
First, I've been a single mom for a long time and I know how difficult daycare can be. Second, my father in law had alzheimer's and lived with us after my mother in law passed away. Alzheimer's is such a hard thing for families to go through under the best of circumstances.
My father in law could no more have "watched" my children than translate foreign languages. It was more like the kids watching him. He could sit for hours and watch them play and he was happy to do so. They kept him entertained. We had a pretty open floor plan, but if I had to dash upstairs for something, my daughter knew to come get me if he started wandering around.
Please don't take this the wrong way because I truly mean no offense at all, but you posted just days ago about your daughter throwing uncontrollable hissy fits and running from you in the store, etc. I don't know that your father in law would be up to coping with that. Even you have had a hard time coping with her some days and that's no diss on you or your daughter whatsoever. She's 2-1/2. Your poor father in law will either lose his patience or just placate her, neither of which would be great. Not under the circumstances.

Daycare does not have to be out of the question.
Look into Head Start programs in your area that charge on a sliding scale or subsidize your day care expenses. I had been struggling to pay privately when I heard about the programs and it helped so much! Plus, the care providers had to pass background checks and be fingerprinted, etc so that was a real worry off my mind. I got lucky and found a daycare just blocks from my home and my son loved it. I had zero family to help me out and it was a real God send.
Today is my son's 15th birthday so he doesn't need daycare anymore, but we are still very close with the daycare family. We go on vacation with them and everything.
So, like I said, daycare does NOT have to be out of the question and being around other children might be really good for your daughter.
I feel bad for your in-laws because I'm sure they adore your little girl and would love to help, but I just don't think it's a good idea.

Make use of your time before you go back to work and look into programs and resources in your area. You might be happily surprised at what you find.

Very best wishes.

No. No no no no no no no.

no - i would not go that route. check into some of the churches in your area and their daycare or even their mothers day out program. i know you SIL just has a baby, but maybe she could pick her up after the mothers day our program is over and keep her till you get off or maybe you could work from home? some of my friends have all banded together and found someone to watch their children exclusively and they rotate houses...it was cheaper

I am sorry but no. I would not have my MIL or FIL watch my child. They have enough to deal with at their home. A 2.5 year old needs lots of attention and they are not in good health. I take her to visit with them and not have them watch your daughter.

Find someone else. Alzheimer's is hard. Your mother will have different things going on. She will forget things but she will also have attitude flips like you wouldn't believe. She will go from happy to argumentative to rage in a heartbeat. You don't need that around your daughter.