My son's birthday is coming up and I am going to let him pick his own invitations since I don't do "themes". Whatever he likes is fine by me. He loves Thomas and Cars so I am assuming that will be the invitation he picks. I am not going to go out of my way to find them so whatever they have at the dollar store is what he needs to pick from. He also enjoys watching gender nuetral shows like Max and Ruby but also enjoys "girl" shows like Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony. My husband thinks I am nuts that I think it would be ok for him to pick out one of those (my son will be 4). I told him that I would discourage Barbie or Princess (which he doesn't even like) but I didn't think there was anything wrong with the other two if that is what he wants. Usually my husband is open minded. Am I the wierd one here?
Yes, I know it might now even be an issue, but it might in the future. I would rather spend a few minutes asking other moms their thoughts than driving to 2 or 3 stores to find invitations. My son's name is clearly masculin BUT we would not invite kids who didn't know my son well, much less what gender he is! I do appreciate the point some of you made that some kids who may not see him every day might think that he wants to get "girl" toys and that is definetly not the case. And no, we are not planning to make them because while I find my son's pictures amazingly talented, I am not sure that the 12-15 kids who will be getting cards would find his art so inspiring. Plus, he is 3. He just learned to write his name. So no, he can't write.
I asked him tonight what kind of invitations he wanted and he told me either Cars or Toy Story. If he was totally in love with the "girl" ones I would get them for him but he is sitll at the age where he is open to lots of different things. Thanks for the advice.
UPDATE: Ok, so we went and bought invitations today. He picked ones that were pink that had a picture of a kitten with a bow eating icecream. He immediately said he wanted those. He told me how cute he thought it was and that he loved them. I did offer him several gender neutral and boy ones but he said no, even at the register when I asked if that was the one he wanted. Oh, well! My son loves animals and cats especially so I am not really that surprised. My husband says they are fine too.
A girl can get away with slightly masculine "themes" but boys can't get away with "feminine" ones. I know it's a double standard but no, I wouldn't let my son go w/ Strawberry Shortcake or My Little Pony type invitations. Realizing that at age 4, it is mostly family but I am guessing some friends. You are setting him up to get teased.
Watching the shows IS fine thought.
Have not had this happen but we received a birthday invite from a neighbor boy and it was Princess theme. No biggie. He picked them out himself. :)
I think it is a little weird that you are deliberating his choices before they are made. Wouldn't it be a more efficient use of time to let him pick and then if he picks a girl theme have the discussion?
I let my son pick out whatever invites, plates, napkins, etc he wanted at the dollar store...I recall it being car themed invites but pink plates. And I was totally fine with it. My husband never even noticed.
What's up with families discouraging young boys from colors or possibly less-masculine themes starting at such a young age? They are a non-sexual child at 4. Who are the parents trying to socially please? Clearly not their own child. You cannot force a boy to like blue, if he innately likes pink. Pink is a very vibrant, happy color and I think reflects a happy, joyful child's choice. It does not reflect sexual preference. WE the adults associate pink with girls. And any child who runs around saying that pink is for girls, clearly learned that from their homophobe parents.
It's a party invitation - the only thing on it that matters is the date and time.
NOPE and he has.
He is a girly kind of boy.....When he has birthday money to blow he normally goes for the barbies, polly pockets....and his new favorite is Strawberry Shortcake play sets...
Birthday invites have never been an exceptions. We have done princess, just pink and a flowery one...
He is a kid....Kids are not programmed to gender specific things....The parents are the ones that encourage them....or discourage them....especially just turning four.....
I love that I have one boy who is not all tough and mega boy honestly. It is a nice change from Power Rangers and monster trucks...Which is what my youngest two are all about.
I will support and love my son for any choice he makes in life, be it a thoughtful and informed choice - party invitations, friends, vocation, etc. He is his own person. He has his own mind, wishes, thoughts, preferences. My job is not to mold him into what I think he should be or what society thinks he should be. My job is to love him, care for him, educate him, and protect him. I will always love him unconditionally - pink invitations or blue, princesses or superheroes, dancing or football.
I would let my son pick his own invitations - gender specific invitations seem pretty stupid to me. However, I would not let him pick invitations with 'characters' on them or any corporate branding. Are ponies girls things? I thought they came as mares and stallions. I also believe that most professional jockeys, trainers and horse owners are male. Can girls not like Thomas the train or cars? I see no reason to limit kids to what we think are appropriate little gender roles at age 4.
OMG - the social implications of pink sunglasses. Would be what? That maybe a girl would ask if she could wear them. Would the world end?
I took my son (age 6) to an antique show this weekend. We generally let him pick out a small item to get. Most of the time it is a car or airplane. This week it was two cloisonne turtle pins (costume jewelry). Yes, I got them for him and he was been wearing one on his coat lapel since. He wanted them because it is reptile and amphibian month at his Montessori and because they are shiny. A number of adults have told him what a great pin he is wearing.
Oddly no one has jumped to the conclusion that a) he is a girl, b) he wants to be a girl or c) that he is a gay 6 year old.
NOTHING HAPPENED when he wore a piece of jewelry. NOTHING will happen if a little boy wears pink sunglasses. Actually - maybe some of us adults will question why we are pigeon holing little children into rigid very limiting gender roles. Sorry, done with the rant but I honestly cannot believe some of the answers.
my 5 year old wears fluffy girly dresses 90% of the time and has spiderman posters in her room and wanted a spiderman themed party last year and if I couldbve afforded it with moving, I wouldve given it to her, but theres not such a stigma for girls to cross gender roles as boys. I';d want to allow it and probably would at 4 but not in school years where it could follow him, unless he knew the consequences and was fine with it...then I'd support it
This reminds me of something that happened to us a few months ago. I bought some pony beads for the kids to do crafts with (boy 7 years old, girl 4 years old). My kids wanted to make bracelets and I had no problem with it. Well they made some for their cousins and themselves. I had no problem with this but my DH thought that my son should not wear the bracelet because it is too "girly". I told him that I would not discourage it and that he can do what he wants and that if he had a problem with it then he needs to talk to my son about and explain it to him. Well DH didn't since he kind of realized he was being stupid. Well son wanted to wear the bracelets to school the next day and DH was trying to convince him not to. He ended up wearing them and will still wear them once in a while.
My point it, who cares! Let kids do what they want! I don't see the big deal.
Your husband's mindset is very common. It's been passed from father to son for generations. I attempted to break it with my children. It was a success.
One day my grandson who was five years old asked me for a Black Barbie. I looked and looked and finally found one with a soccer ball attached to her hand. We went shopping at Saturday Market which is a crafts faire that goes from April to November in various cities in the Pacific Northwest.
My grandson was an expert at Barbie clothes. He selected many and I purchased them.
He kept his Barbie hidden and played with her when he was alone. One day another boy who was a friend of his came to play. He discovered my grandson's Barbie. He was so excited telling him he also had a secret Barbie. He brought his the next time the boys got together.
As my grandson got older he earned a black belt in martial arts.
Tell your husband not to worry. Children today are not so gender based in their choices of color, toys, etc.
I don't think it's bad... but I do wonder what your son's name is.. is it one that is definitely a boy (Mark, Bobby, etc.) or one that could be either a boy or a girl (Cameron, Lincoln, etc.) if it's the latter I would want to make sure you have something like "we hope you can make it to his birthday party!" on the invite b/c otherwise you'll probably get a lot of girl toys.
No. I would not let my soon-to-be-4-yr-old pick My Little Pony invitations. Max and Ruby sure. Thomas, sure. Cars, sure. If I received an invite to a boy's birthday party and it had Strawberry Shortcake on the cover, I would be super-confused. Your son's not even going to see these invitations but for one day before you mail them, so I'd say "Pick between A, B, and C" none of which will be girly. I think at the dollar store, you're likely to find generic stuff anyways (polka dots, hats, trains, animals) so it may not be a discussion anyways. My husband would totally be with yours btw. Mine would probably even discourage our son from watching St.Shortcake and MLPony.
Instead of discouraging the girly invites, how about you encourage less girly ones? (I think Thomas and Cars are gender neutral, not boyish) I would probably let my sons (at age 4) get girly invites for a family only party, but not for a friend party.
When my oldest was 4, pink was his favorite color, but he was devastated when a preschool classmate told him that pink is a girl color only. It was so sad to see his heart break. I told him pink is a color for everyone and not just for girls, and for the next week pointed out every guy I saw wearing pink. I told him some things he could say if anyone teased him again about liking pink. Peer pressure won out, and red became his favorite color at school, while pink was his secret favorite color at home.
So, if your son really pushes getting a girly invite, then maybe let him know about potential teasing, and if it doesn't bother him, then discuss it with your husband. I don't think either of you is weird. But it is important to respect one another's opinions. Hopefully your son picks an invite that is gender neutral and this is a non-issue!
i would let my child chose. Who cares? They are kids! Does it make you gay because you like my little poneys? I don't think so. They are pretty to look at! My daughter thinks she is spiderman and she had a curious George party last year. Will I be walking with her in a parade someday? Who knows but I seriously doubt it had anything to do with spiderman!!
If my son wanted Strawberry Shortcake, I would say I love it BUT some boys wont like that (truth) I would then let him buy Strawberry Shortcake AND another invitation to send to boys who might not like Strawberry Shortcake. I would try to let him know it's fine for him to like it just that some boys won't. In writing this it sounds very stereotypical and old fashioned of me but I would be so afraid of my son being teased.
LOL, AWWW!!
My 8 year old daughter always picks 'boy' themes... and that's okay. So why is it not okay to let a boy pick girl stuff?! We're so backwards ;)
Personally, I'd let my son (great for future blackmailing and scaring off future daughter in laws), but my husband would have a fit!
Let him pick the invitations he wants. Of course there's nothing wrong with whatever he picks.
No, I would not let my son pick girl birthday themes, unless that's what he really, REALLY wanted. You said he likes some 'boy' shows so why not encourage him to go with a 'boy' theme? No reason to leave him open to being made fun of by his friends.
No, I wouldn't let my son pick girl invitations. @ 4, his friends will remember and might tease him mercilessly at the wrong time in the future.
Let him pick what he wants. It is his birthday, not dads. My son wore a beaded necklace to preschool last week. They have very little time to just be themselves and not worry what others think.
I think it is sad how it is just fine for a girl to like "boy" stuff but NOT the other way around.
I mean think about it, would it be a big deal if a girl wanted Cars or Thomas the Train invitations?
No.
But if a boy wants Barbie invitations, or whatever, it's like, No Way!!!!
Seems like, guy stuff is good enough that it can be OK for both girls and guys.
But girl stuff must be inferior...because it's ONLY for girls.
Weird.
So I say, go against the grain!
If he wants "girl" invitations - go for it.
My 5 year old son wants to wear ruby slippers, wants purses, loves princesses...and also love trains, cars, etc. As a parent I don't worry that he'll somehow turn GAY! You're either gay or you're not, and it's out of our control....so if he wants his nails polished, i polish them. With all that said, I am his parent, and it's my job to protect him. They're restrictions around where he can wear his ruby slippers, etc. (at home) or he can only paint his toes, and only blue, etc. Becasue not everyone is so open or tolerant (unfortunatley) and we discuss that too. Anyway, he's growing out of that phase, and it wasn't a big deal...even with daddy who got stressed at times (so sad).....but it played out by itself, naturally.
So....we have to protect.....I would pick out 5 themes that are gender appropriate and have him choose one. I've heard that parents are funny about that too, and will project their own views, beliefs and fears on children who are only ENJOYING LIFE! It's our reality, close minded people take the fun out of life, but WE get to tolerate them too!
Love, Encourage and Protect....that's our job.
S.
S.
No I wouldn't let my son pick girl invites. Sorry I am ok with traditional social norms like that
My son loved girl things at that age. We just let him pick what he wanted and he was happy. He is now almost 8 and would never dream of picking a girl invitation. Let you son pick what makes him happy. :) PS - My daughter turned 2 last year and she picked the Thomas the Train invitations. So far she hates princess stuff and when someone gives her something like that she throws it over her shoulder. Funny.
Why buy invitations at all? Have him make them. Unless he's inviting a couple of dozen kids, he surely can make the invitations. That gets him more involved and more responsible for his own party! Then they can be whatever he wants and not some company's commercial idea of a what an invitation should be. If he can't quite write them yet, you can type what he wants them to say and he can glue the typed words onto blank cards.
Craft stores sell blank white cards with envelopes. Or just use white paper or construction paper and help him cut it to fit whatever envelopes you have lying around. Saves money and gives him something constructive to do toward his own party. And if he wants to draw pink ponies -- who cares? Tell your husband at least your son did it himself rather than your spending money and your son learning just to buy rather than to create.
ADDED: I saw the "so what happened" and your comment that the kids he'd invite might not find his art "so inspiring." Why does his drawing ability matter more than the act of having him do it himself? Does another four-year-old's opinion of his drawing ability really matter at all, or does it matter more to have him engaged and involved? I don't think you read all of my response above, either, because I noted that if he's not writing yet, let him draw and you parents type up the wording and let him glue it to a card. Sadly, you're missing two opportunities -- the opportunity to solve your problem over what invitations to buy (by not buying them at all) and the opportunity to get him more creatively involved rather than just taking him to a store to choose from the limited options mom and especially dad say are permitted.
I hate gender stereotyping. Let him be who he is and like what he likes. Who cares if that is my little pony!!! Why does everything have to be for boys or girls, why can't it just be for kids. As for "girl toys", my son has a toy kitchen and little pet shop animals and he loves them. Why can't we just let kids be kids rather than trying to force them into the "boy" or "girl" box? I think you did great letting him get what he wanted!
your husband isnt weird and neither of you... i get both your point of views.. your husband (like most husbands in my opinion) wants his son to be his little man.. which honestly i think is adorable.. and you just want him to be happy and pick what he wants.... if i were you once youre in the dollar store i would grab a few that you like ..cars or toy story or whatever and say wow these are cool arent they ... i highly doubt after that he would go right for the my little pony... but hey its his birthday he should get the invitations he wants
Well, I don't have a son.
I DO have two girl-babes, ages 3.5 and 4.5. I do let them choose their themes and, except for once (ponies), they've always chosen a "boy" theme (dinosaur, car, blue/underwater/sharks, monsters) for their party. And that's just fine with me.
You sort of have two options here:
Settle this head-on with your husband - since that's who this seems to be about - and allow it and let it be a introduction to handling this situation or similar ones in case it should come up again later, which they may.
OR
Avoid it. Don't let him choose the invites - or at least limit him by buying three or four that you choose and let him select one (you can return the others). Let him choose something else like the cake or a party game/party favors etc.
In the end, if your son continues to like "girly" things, you and your husband are going to to have to figure out how you're going to handle it sooner or later.
PS!!! Third option - what Leigh R said!! Make the invites :)
I tend to stray from theme invites, only b/c it kind of tell the parents what the kid likes and they may think it is a theme party. For example, if it's a Cinderella or Cars invite, then I will try and get a princessy or car item or giftwrapping or something. Does that make sense? So, I usually go for non-character related invites. I let my kids pick their things... but I always do a bit of gentle 'guiding'.
Anywho... it wouldn't bother me, my boys have a Tinkerbell poster in their room (next to a Mario and Angry Birds one, but still...), but I can tell you it would bother their dad, though he would probably roll with it!
Well, my sons are all ALL BOY. They wouldn't dream of getting girl anything, so it really isn't an issue. However, if they did decide that they wanted a girl invitation, then too bad. I am raising boys, not girls. I also would not let my boys wear a dress in public or put nail polish on their fingernails. I'm sure this an unpopular answer, but I believe very strongly in gender specific roles and I want my boys to grow up to be strong and masculine men.
I would mind if only for the simple reason that someone might think the party is for a girl and give him girl gifts.
Like it or not there are such things as girl gifts and boy gifts.
I'd encourage him to go for something more generic though anyway, solid colors, horses, balloons, party hats, etc
Usually themed invitations = themed parties. And, in the absence of any other information about a child's interests, many will use that as a clue for gift ideas. I know I do. That's my one thing about themed invitations in general. Whenever someone has a "Star Wars" or "princess" party, they inevitably end up with a lot of gifts from that particular genre. Just something to consider...
I'm interested in what you decide. Something very similar happened to me, recently.
I took my son (age 3) to the store and showed him the children's sunglasses, and asked him to pick out a pair he wanted. He chose three, and they were all bright pink. I was stumped (and surprised, as he has never shown much interest in pink in general).
I don't like gender stereotyping, and feel my son should be allowed to like whatever color he wants to like, but at this age, he doesn't understand the social implications of his choice. Do I go with pink sunglasses because that is what he wants, or do I steer him in another direction, which will subliminally let him know that pink isn't really an acceptable choice for him? I didn't like either option.
I called my husband, and he wasn't sure, either. He's a complete feminist, and very supportive of his daughter loving whatever she wants to love, but society is harder on boys than on girls in this way (tom boy isn't nearly as negative a term as a nancy boy), and neither of us want our son to feel that he doesn't fit in. In the end, I caved to social pressure, and was able to "direct" my son toward red and blue sunglasses that he ended up choosing. I am still not sure I made the right decision, however.
My son loved Kim Possible when he was 5. We were planning a Kim Possible party, but he changed his mind although now I can't remember what he decided on.
Not weird at all. They are shows he likes, so he wants them for a party, nbd. Adults are way more hung up on gender issues than kids are, they just like what they like.
BTW - My son is now 9 and an avid soccer player. He has pink and purple cleats, only because they didn't have any all pink cleats. All the 'cool' soccer players have pink cleats, it's the hot thing right now. My son loves pink, not surprising since my hubby wears pink very well :)
My son is 23 and an animation major. His birthday them this year was Tangled (cause he looks just like Flynn and well, it's animated).
HE LOVED IT...and frankly is very secure in who he is and his manhood.
FYI, my wee one (he just turned 5) picked out My little pony valentines this year. My oldest enjoys watching it with him and it teaches lessons too (my oldest like the animation style).
My son is "artsy"...maybe your kid is too.
He's 4...who cares. Now if he's 16 and wants to wear your sweater, I'd question motives.
:) Sending good thoughts your way. :)
No, it wouldn't bother me, is his party and picking some stuff is part of the fun.
Your husband is being a jerk. You should both ENCOURAGE him to have the party he wants, and pick put what HE wants. Not discourage any themes.
You should encourage your son to do what he loves. If he loves Strawberry Shortcake, can you really in good conscience tell him it's not correct? I think it would be wrong.
