We have been contemplating moving for a while. We like our neighborhood and neighbors very much but the middle school is really far away and really large and over capacity. Scores are fine but not outstanding. We can afford quite a bit nicer house in a better district and I'll admit I just want a nicer house. Sometimes I don't care - it's just a house. But other times I think that it'd be nice to live in a house I'm pretty excited about given we can afford it. And we need to do something about middle school which starts for us next year. Problem is switching our younger daughter. She is the "few friends" type and has 2 good friends she adores and they adore her. She has 3 more years in elementary with them and we would let her finish this year so she'd sacrifice 2 years with them. If we don't move, we likely will use private middle school. However, we can't guarantee entrance to the private schools. So moving to a better district makes sense for security. Part of me thinks moving her in elementary would be easier on her in the long run. Easier to make friends in a smaller setting I think. Part of me thinks it's unfair her older sister gets to finish elementary at their current school - which they love - and she won't. The other town isn't so far. It'd be 15 min to visit friends. We could try to get our older into private middle school and kick the can down the road. Maybe send her back to the public HS and never move. It's a good HS though not as good at the town we're considering. That'd be easiest on the kids probably but part of me just wants to make a life in the new town. And I'd like a nicer house but that's so selfish. Yet the private school plan isn't that clear cut in terms of options. Any advice? I expect people will say my youngest will make new friends and I guess she will but I have to say these are really special friendships. My oldest I don't worry so much. But one girl my youngest has been best friends with since preschool and they never fight. She will be crushed if we move. Same time - doubtful they will get to go to middle school together anyway. My youngest will also not go to the current middle school so she will have to change then. What to do?
To clarify - I'm not overly focused on scores. It's mainly the enormous size and distance of this middle school which is over capacity. And we can upgrade our house a little more now but the new house would be substantially nicer and bigger and we have no room to add-on to our current home at all.
Also, to answer some questions, it's really fine financially. No matter if we move or not, college and retirement are taken care of. And there is just no land whatsoever to add on to our house now. It's a tough call though. As I expected, differing opinions. And Patty - there are city buses kids take to school but it's about 40 min each way. Big chunk of a day that could be better spent. Even driving them doesn't help a lot bc it's a congested area. Since we can very easily afford to change that, I have to consider it to lessen their daily load.
You don't make family decisions based on the best interests of one person or on short term benefits.
Strictly answering about moving her mid elementary school, no biggie, kids adapt easier than we think they would. We moved last summer and the kids made new friends in the neighborhood quickly and at their new schools. They are still in contact with their old friends. So I say move, it's easier in the lower grades to adjust than the upper grades. JMO. Good luck.
I would move. It is not just for one child. Presumably they will all get older and eventually go to middle school. Also, it sounds like you would prefer a nicer house.
The money to spend on the new house - will come back to you in the future - assuming there isn't a dip in the market when you need to sell. The money you pay to private school is gone forever. Are you going to be able to afford tuition for all 3? Will it decrease the amount your able to spend for college?
I'd probably go the moving route. 15 minutes isn't far at all. My son's best friend l is about 15 minutes away but now in an entirely different school district. They have sleep overs at least once a month.
Based just on what you present here: I'd move. Please don't get too tangled up in "it's not fair for younger sis to have to move while older sis finishes up at this elementary." Fair means giving each child what she needs -- not giving both children the same thing. Your kids need a better middle school, so move for that. It may take time to find the right house in the district you want, so you should start hunting now.
Your younger child's elementary friendships would change greatly in middle school anyway -- that is a normal part of moving out of elementary, even if she goes to the same middle school with her few close friends. Middle schools are much larger, and the girls likely might have few or no classes together, and would get involved in different activities and move apart at least somewhat. So don't let an elementary friendships drive your thinking here (however real and great those friendships are and I'm not denying they're wonderful now, but the big picture is the better school as you define better school).
I know these are "really special friendships" but if they are meant to stand the test of time and new schools, they will, with a big assist from you and the other kids' parents. But school is job one for kids.
The back and forth about private schooling was confusing in the post. Go with the simplest option you present: Move at the end of this school year and send both girls to the public schools, elementary and middle, they would attend in your new location.
Follow your mommy heart and brain. Your attitude and happiness will help your children 99% in this change. If you children were in HS, this could be a consideration,but elementary school is not that big of a deal to hold you back.
I wouldn't move. It's just a house. Relationships like you are describing are rare for kids nowadays, and the perfect-seeming school in a new district could be teeming with problems that don't show up in test scores or a capacity rating. It seems like rolling the dice on a new situation when what you have is pretty good.
I would go look at the middle school, check out the classes, and find out if the district has planned any relief for the overcrowding (redrawing boundary lines or new schools being built).
Then I would check out the private middle schools in your area and do a tour of the best fit for you. You might fall in love with one in your area.
The older they get the harder it is to move and for them to make good friends. I moved my children a few times, each time it got harder and harder. I haven't moved in over 7 years. Now, they did make new friends, but my daughter had a tougher time and some of her friends I didn't care for as much as her older friends, which they didn't stay close. My son, made friends easy and usually liked his friends to begin with.
If you do move, I'd do it now, I too think it's easier to make friends in elementary school vs middle school.
I would fix up the house I was in. Even a small house can be a dream home with great decorating. We added molding, paint and hardwood floors to our house and I felt like we moved! I got many of my ideas from the following website... Hometrimwork.com. Check out their before and after photos. They are amazing transformations.
I'm with Veruca on this. You don't uproot the family for the sake of one child. The move needs to benefit everyone in the house not just the oldest child. School systems change over the years so what is bad this year may be great in a few short years and vice versa. The key is for the student to be the best he or she can be and make it work for them and their future.
I would stay put and save money and enjoy life and living. You don't know what you don't know.
Okay some perspective here. We moved back to Texas when our daughter was starting her Junior year in High School! Yes, we did that.
She went from a total high school size of 1400 (9-12) to a high school size of 3400 (9-12). So I get the big school sizes She freaked a little but did great.
Move. Your kids will not die. They will adjust and be happy.
Do your diligent research on the area you want to move. How much more is it going to cost to move to this location? How much more is it going to cost for mortgage, utilities, insurance and upkeep over the house you now have? Will you stay in this house until your last child leaves for college or would you move again? Can you still save money for retirement, college and vacations? These are questions that I would have to know before I moved.
If you can answer yes to all these questions, then move. Otherwise move and not worry about what childhood relationships are at present as they will change over the years.
Military families move all the time and do well. Yes, we have to leave our good friends but we make new ones and keep the old ones we want. Sometimes it is good to have changes in life as it helps us cope with what life is really about. Either way, the kids will do fine.
Good luck to you.
the other S.
What do your kids say?
Too many unanswered factors to give an opinion for me.
Are you aggressively saving for college for all kids?
Are you a O. income or a 2 income family?
Will that stay the same? Could you afford the nicer house on (both) O. salary only?
Do you have the funds for the down payment to keep your mortgage the same?
Could you do a 15 year mortgage on the new house?
I personally wouldn't move. The things pulling you to the new district just don't sound as compelling as the things keeping you there. But then, I'm sensitive to the plights of "few friend" kids, so I may be biased.
If it were me, I guess I'd first make sure those extra funds were truly available (do you have enough to send both girls to the college of their choice? and enough for retirement too?), and then, put those funds into renovating your current house -- make where you are more likable.
Schools can change very much in just a few years. Where my DD goes now my SD went before and it's a different ballgame. Many more opportunities than SD ever had, and now there's a local HS that wasn't open before. SS went there instead of where we expected him to go. Further, in some local areas, people moved to be in the boundary, and the district changed the boundary! So they bought a big house somewhere else for nothing.
I agree that it needs to be a good overall change. Do I eyeball big houses with nicely lanscaped yards? Yes. Do I appreciate that I can throw DD out in the yard to play with the neighbors? Yes. We've done a number of things over the years to bring the house more in line with a dream, even if it will likely never have that addition out back. So if you want a new house, what about the new house is appealing? Is there any way to renovate what you have?
And while I am not saying to ignore scores, look at them in the big picture. A local magnet program looks really nice on paper and I tried to get my DD to go there, but more than one parent said that the school was "cold" compared to their home school and I found it to be true as well. Where DD is, she is a name, not a number. We have a very dedicated staff that I appreciate every day. So don't just move for the numbers or the label. Move because it's right for the family overall.
Forget the school issue. Often we base too many decisions on what our children would want--and these will be the same children to send us to nursing homes in 30 years....
Move because you want a new home.
I hate moving, so it would have to be one hell of a house and Ivy League quality public schools for me to be willing to leave a decent area with decent schools.
By the time you sold your house and moved, maybe the new district/school would not be the same. You say middle school is far. Don't you have school buses. Is the school that bad or are you just looking for an excuse to move. Personally, I would stay put. Large schools have a lot to offer. Think long and hard. It's a big decision. If the school does not work out, then what. You want to make a major change for one kid. Have you even discussed this with the family?
