Would You Say Something to This Boy's Parents?

Pull the word "confront" out of it, and yes, talk to the mom. You're worried about the boy, for the boy, etc. His parents need to know, if they already don't, how bad things are for him in that class. It needs to be dealt with.

Whenever you are livid and confront a child and make him cry of course he will blame his friend.
I know that you, like most mothers, could never believe your own child did this but maybe he did (?)
So rather than confront yet another person and cause more people to be upset you could simply pull the picture out the next time you are all together (since you know them well) and say, oh, I found this, I'm curious, who drew this picture, I'm curious about what it means?
Start a dialogue not an accusation if you REALLY want to find out where this is coming from and actually be helpful.

Kids don't udnerstand in any way that death is permanent. They have no concept of violence if they live in a "normal" family environment. So the boy probably really has no idea that his expression through his drawing is dark and wrong.

But let's get something straight - it's not the gun that's wrong, it's the violence. A gun is easy to draw. Punching someone in the face or gut is really difficult for a 9 year old to draw. So I wouldn't worry as much about a child pointing agun in a drawing as much as the hatred this childi has for the teacher. That's what I find concerning.

Is the teacher mean in general or only to this boy. Is the teacher appropriately tough on this boy becuase he doesn't try or becuase he's a handful?

I would tell the parents beucase the emotions the child is demonstrating through this drawing are of concern. But I'd approach it very "no big deal" way - someting like - Hey I found a drawing in the playroom after our boys' playdate the other day of a young boy pointing a gun at an adult. When I question (my son) Johnny he said (your son) Timmy made the picture and it's of him shooting his teacher. I thought Yikes! - what is this teacher like? Did you meet her in the patent teacher conference?

Deflect the attention from her son & the drawing to the teacher. If she's smart she'll instead focus on her son, ask about the picture, say seomthing like "oh my goodness...", etc. and will ask for all the details of the drawing.

it is true that most boys will make these kinds of "artwork". Seeing my son's creations after years of my daughter's flowers and snowmen was shocking. Robots from outerspace shooting people, police and soliders shooting rockets at the giant robots, buildings blowing up, Armies marching through the wreckage... Heck, little boys turn a stalk of brocoli into a gun or a sword!

The Y choromosome includes protective, hunter & soldier genes. Soemone had to save the women and children, and get meat, and protect their families from wild animals for the thousands of years before modern weaponry!

One warning, guard yourself from being judgemental - becuase just when we start patting ourselves on the back about our kid, they do something really bone-headed. For. All. the. World. to. see.

I think you should tell his parents but without all the drama I see oozing out of this post. Even in my day pictures like this were drawn, it was in fact a way of blowing off frustration. Even now days it is a way to blow off frustration but the problem is when it is no longer working, what is next. Probably won't be a next since he only has this teacher a couple more months.

His parents need to have a discussion with him just not an over the top discussion.

I agree with AV, don't go to the school. If this child is having problems with this teacher chances are other kids, maybe even your son, are having problems with them. You go to the school they get an excuse to ignore the real problem, which is what this teacher is doing.

Oh I also want to add just because you are sure your son didn't draw it doesn't mean he didn't have creative input. This could very well have been two boys talking out their frustration with the teacher.

I always tend to think 'How would I want this to be handled?' and I know I wouldn't want a call from the school about a drawing found at my friend's house. I would at least prefer to hear about it from my friend then get a call from the principal.

You want to avoid all that. I would simply tell the parents you found it, give them the drawing and allow them to deal with it as they see fit. Don't make a big deal about it. Just say that you were concerned that if the wrong person saw it (say for example if it fell out at school), they might jump to conclusions and you thought it would be kinder to show them. Leave it up to them to find out if their child has any issues they need to deal with.

As for you becoming livid and your child bawling, I think you might want to take a moment before confronting your son about these things. I try to take a breather and calm myself down before dealing with stuff I find - otherwise they won't come to you about stuff later on. If they think you will overreact or get angry they might respond by becoming more secretive. So maybe revisit this whole conversation later on and explain your concerns so he understands why you were upset. Give him an opportunity to talk.

If my kids bawled or got that upset, I would have to question whether they had drawn it. I can't see my kids getting that worked up about it unless they were somewhat involved. Unless he thinks you're going to get his friend in heaps of trouble.

Good luck :)

I would arise you to tell the kid's parents because, as some one else said, they would want to know. I think it's really important to not blow it up. Just turn it over to them factually (I found this, I believe your son drew it, I figure you want to talk to him about it). You dont want to ruin your son's friendship or their relationship with you. I would be alarmed, but, unfortunately, I don't think it's that uncommon or that it means he necessarily has any violent intentions. And remember that your son could do something shocking someday soon too, so just keep in mind if he did how you would want others to treat the situation.

I would greatly appreciate it if a parent came and told me this info. The boys parents need to talk to their son and make sure he understands why this is wrong and explain the serious consequences that could result if school personnel had found this drawing instead of a friend's mother.

There is absolutely no way I would bring this to the schools attention unless I thought this was a real legitimate threat. Please talk to the mom. You will be doing her and her son a favor.

Disclaimer: I HATE GUNS.

Also, I'm all for free expression in art and film and even video games-I don't think those cause any real life violence. But guns contribute greatly to shootings.

Anyway. I wouldn't be TOO alarmed at the drawing. He probably was just illustrating a common theme: People shooting who they don't like. Just like playing bad guys and shooting in the yard (which I'm ok with).

I'd say something to the kid like, "Hey, ____what's up with this picture of someone shooting your teacher? What did he/she do?" All calm. He'll probably say something like, "Oh I just don't like that person cuz bla blah" or he'll turn red, or whatever. Then you can say, in a friendly, open tone so communication stays open with you in future, " You wouldn't really shoot someone would you?!!" And he'll of course say "NO!"...and then sort of drop it like you're relieved. Sometimes calling attention to things is enough for a kid to second guess it. You could lightheartedly hand the picture to the mom all like, "love our little artists, huh?" And pretend you feel your son could have just as easily done something like that. It is only a drawing and sometimes people draw violence. Then leave it up to her to react or not..

If you think he may have some sort of "issues" keep an eye on him.

M.

BREATHE!!! I understand you are upset - but BREATHE!!! Reacting with the drama and anger you have right now? Is NOT a good thing!

Yes, you give the drawing to the boy's parents. You DO NOT put YOUR drama and such in it. You hand it to them matter-of-factly and state you found it at your house, you confronted your son (again do NOT go crazy on them) and found it NOT to be his.

LET THEM handle it from there. Don't change how you treat the boy. Don't stop allowing him over.

IF the opportunity comes up to talk with him? Do so...but do NOT give him the same scare you gave your son. Ask him WHY he doesn't like the teacher. But DO NOT go "livid" on him like you did your son. I'd not go "livid" on my son again. You want him to come to you, not be scared of you and your reaction...

Just curious about a couple of things. Does your son dislike this teacher as well? Have you seen the other boys drawings? Does it look like his work? Does either boy have access to a gun?

Of course your son doesn't want you to say anything, he wants you to forget you saw the picture.

If I were to approach the parents, I would use a great deal of caution before taking an unidentified drawing to them and saying their son drew it or even taking it to the school. So far, what you know is that you found it in your house and you believe your son's statement that he did not draw it.

Notifying the school could cause a lot of trouble for the friend and your son. Perhaps they would shrug it off or perhaps they would place it in both boys school records.

The key sentence in your post is "I know the parents very well." So why would you hesitate to tell people you know well that their son left this drawing at your house? Do you have some worry that either they will laugh at your perfectly valid concern, or that they will go the other way and totally overreact with their son somehow? Take a moment to examine why you are hesitating at what should be a pretty easy call if you are friendly with the parents. Give it to a parent and say, "Bobby left this at our house. I know Jimmy didn't draw it because Jimmy has motor skill issues and can't draw like this. But as a mom too, I wanted you to have it." And then drop the topic; it's theirs to handle after that.

It's the kind of red flag, by the way, that does indeed matter. It may be a mere venting, a momentary expression, a way for the boy to work out some anger, and may mean absolutely nothing further, ever. Or it may be an indicator of something larger. But it's up to his parents to decide how to pursue it, once you do your part and let them know about it. But don't mention things like "My son is afraid this will end their friendship" or "My son is scared this is tattling on his part and that your son will be mad" etc. Just let them handle it, but yes, do give them the picture.

It doesn't matter what you think....whether it's common or not. It matter what his parents think.
I would absolutely, 100%, without a DOUBT, show the mother the picture of what her son drew.
Then it's up to them to take care of the situation.
Because there IS a situation. You just are not privy to exactly what the situation is.

Yeah, I know my son wouldn't be drawing that kind of thing, however, at 6 he would draw Nazi planes as he would see them on the History Channel. At that time he loved planes, and well, yes it was a plane. Does that mean that my son hates Jews?

I'm not sure this is the same thing, but it could be that this boy expressed his feelings through art. Which isn't a bad thing.

I would give the artwork to his mother and tell her that her son left his drawing at your house. Leave it at that.

It could be more or it could be just that- a drawing. However, handing it back without confrontation is the best way. If their also isn't any other warning signs or if your child says more that would signal an issue- I would have his parents handle this. If their is more, obviously I would suggest something to his parents if your child indicated more issues at another time.

Since you are close with the mom, I would give it to her and tell her how you came to find it, and that your son said it was her son's. You weren't quite sure what to make of it, but figured she'd want to be aware of it.

Without knowing anything at all about the boy, it is impossible to even GUESS at whether it was just him drawing a violent gun picture, b/c he was mad about something in particular, or if it is a habitual thing, in particular with this teacher, or if the teacher seems to treat him unfairly or curtly in some way that might be contributing to his frustration, or what...

Even if it was a completely "boys will be boys" thing (and I have seen superhero Batman drawings shooting bad guys, and bad guys shooting at super heroes...) the fact that it depicts a teacher could land this fellow in big trouble. Some kid was suspended for eating a poptart into the shape of a gun, remember? A picture like you describe could really bring down the house on him. And if there is nothing to it, it would be a real shame. But unless an adult says, "Hey, this is completely not acceptable to draw, even pretending or angry or whatever.... you just can't do that." then kids don't always know. They're kids after all. Sometimes the expectations we have as parents/adults for them to "understand" the adult implications of their actions is frightening.
It's like little kids wanting their toy guns to look real. They have no real understanding of how dangerous that can be for THEM playing around with one that looks even half real, out in public. No idea at all. In their mind, it's a toy, and they're playing. "Oh... the bright orange "toy indicator piece" broke off? So?"

You know this family. Is the kid a bit unusual, withdrawn, generally angry, or anything else that might give you pause? Talk with his mom.

--
ETA
But as to whether or not this is common? From what I saw from my son, I would say no. Not depicting real people. Characters from movies or superheroes or whatever and generic villains, sure. But not real people.

I haven't read the other remarks yet, but I read your SWH. I am really concerned. Telling the mother isn't enough. The school counselor needs to know so that she can intervene. The mom will most likely do NOTHING except talk to the boy. That's isn't enough.

PLEASE go talk to the guidance counselor. Ask her not to tell the boy this came from you. Ask her to work with hm to turn him around before he does something awful.

Oh...no. They're 9.
You know the kid and you know the parents.

In my house there are pictures of tanks, rocket launcher, war planes, grenades....on and on. Boys do this.

I agree with AV - it should be about the other boy's issues with his teacher, not about guns per se. I agree with your concerns about violence overall but I think, because the boy is 9, there is certainly no imminent threat.

I would tell the mom that YOU found it, not that your son told you about it. That should preserve the friendship between the 2 boys and put the onus on the other child who left the drawing lying around. You can say that you're quite sure your son doesn't have the artistic ability to draw it - don't say your son would never do something like that or anything else to make the other parents defensive. Try to keep the fact that you were livid under control - that's not going to help the situation.

On a side note, there are a lot of parents who are having discussions - difficult though they may be - with their children's friends about who has handguns or other firearms in the home. With all the horrible accidents involving toddlers and young children getting their hands on firearms and killing their siblings and parents, many people are asking themselves if this is something to be discussed openly before kids go to other kids' houses to play. But I don't know if that's a discussion for this family today.

What a tough situation. I can See why upsetting. I'd approach this with compassion and sensitivity.

Here's what i' do. I would go to the school first thing in the morning, with the picture, and speak the school counselor or social worker and the principal. Explain what happened, and your concerns. Be sure to try and talk as calmly as possible, even though you are upset, because you are apt to be taken more seriously that way.

This is a serious situation, not a case of boys being "that way" or "like that or violent". It frustrates me to no end when people excuse certain behaviors in boys and say its boys being boys. Why don't we expects the same standards of behaviors from boys that we do from everyone else. This boy is hurting and needs help. We can't ignore it because he is a boy.

If you know the parents, yes, call then too, but also contact the school first, just so they can help they family with a safety plan and any needed resources if needed. Plus, the school needs to talk to the teacher about any problems there are in class.

It may be an innocent drawing, but better safe than sorry.

With school shootings happening weekly in this country, this is definitely not something to brush under the rug. Show the picture to the boy's mother. Tell her your son is bothered by it. Hopefully if she's a responsible parent, she'll address this with her son, get him counseling if he needs it, and makes sure that he doesn't have access to any guns.

You should not "confront" the mother. However I would call the school and ask to speak to the social worker. Talk to her/him. Explain your concerns. But I would suggest that you have her/him talk to your son as well.

No, you're not over reacting. How would you feel if he did it? and you knew and didn't do anything?

I would not use the word common, but from my experience with this age and younger (1st & 2nd grade) it is not rare. I volunteer in the classroom and see a variety of drawings. The boys tend to be violent. Having him draw the teacher is very disrespectful and disturbing. I do not think it means he will act it out. It would not hurt to give the drawing to the mom and say your son made this and you may want to talk to him about it. I can imagine both boys laughing at the time the drawing was made. Get ready for the 'He did it, it was his idea."

My son knows from some game that x's for eyes and a tongue out means a person is dead. I have seen this from him and friends. He had some ninjago drawings in 1st grade. It never phased the teacher, but i was not crazy about the choice. The girls had rainbows and flowers.