Would You Still Hire a Babysitter for Teenagers?

I had a kid by the time I was 20. At 14, I was watching other people's kids overnight. I would hope you guys could go...is it more of a self-inflicted concern? Do you not trust either of them at all?

I left my kid home alone for the weekend when she was 14 and she was fine. I told her what I wanted her to do, she knew what she was not to do, and what the consequences would be, and I left her plenty of food and a little cash for emergencies.

I would not cancel s trip with hubby. It's important that you have time together. It's not like you're leaving babies behind.

My hubby and I had a spring conference every year from Sun-Wed.

We had sitters stay with daughter until she was 16 then daughter was the house pet sitter we paid while we were away,

Can't your 14 yr old sleep over with a friend? 20 yr old needs to learn responsibility sooner than later.

Don't cheat time away from your hubby and marriage. You never know how long you have each other. Spend quality time together and trust that you raised your children well.

Don't cancel yet! See if your daughter can stay with a friend whose parents you trust, and enlist another adult whom you trust (even better if it's a neighbor) to be your on-call person for your son. Let your son know that they have a key to the house and will be stopping in unannounced to water the plants, bring in the mail and see if he needs anything. That should keep any risk of the girlfriend staying over or him having unwanted guests in the house at bay. I'm a single mom and went away for a few days with my younger sons over the summer, leaving my 18 year old at home for a few days, and did the same recently for a hockey tournament that was out of state. He works and had to take care of our dog so he was plenty busy, but I am fortunate to live in a two-family property and the neighbors also have older children so they knew what to keep an eye out for and he knew that they would let me know if he had an overnight guest or threw a raging kegger or something stupid. When my older kids were still in high school, they stayed with friends while we were out of town but I figured that now that he's technically adult who works and goes to school, it was ridiculous to ask him to go sleep somewhere else but still, he knew that he was being loosely supervised via my neighbors.

Regarding the significant others...let your daughter's boyfriend's parents know that you'll be out of town so that they can keep their radar up for suspicious plans (like a midweek sleepover at a friend's house). If your son's girlfriend is the same age as him there's nothing you can do but if she's younger, it might be appropriate to let her parents know too. Over the summer my son was dating a 17 year old and I let her parents know that I was going away so that they knew to keep tabs on her.

wow.
well, i guess it could happen.
but no, for my kids this would have been weird and unnecessary.
but my kids stayed alone during the day from time to time from pre-teen on, and by the time they were teens were fully capable of taking care of the place overnight if we wanted to go somewhere.
we had high standards for honesty and trust in our family, and while almost every parent here will tell you how teenagers all lie and cheat, ours didn't. period.
i hope you figure this out- it sounds like a lovely thing for you and your husband, but i fear that under the circumstances you'll just fret the whole time and it won't have its desired effect.
could you have them go stay with friends at trusted houses?
khairete
S.

Wow.
I am the oldest of 5 kids. My parents left town for weekends once I hit about 15. Which left me in charge of the younger siblings. Two of them were still in diapers!
If you don't trust your ADULT son to behave himself then I have to wonder why? Just because you have never done it before doesn't mean that it can't be done. Shoot...at 20 I was living on my own, working two jobs!
I am actually a bit floored, to tell ya the truth!
THey are PLENTY old enough to be on their own. Maybve ask a neighbor to check in, make sure the house is standing. But really? Once is an adult and the other is a teen. Quit babying them.

I would ask one of the 14 year old's good friend's parents if she could stay with them for a few days (parental supervision, ride to school, fun for the girls, no need to worry about her fighting with her brother, etc.) and of course offer to reciprocate at some point. We did this from time to time for overnights and short trips with other families and worked out well.
The twenty year old SHOULD be able to function alone for a few days, unless he has a drug or alcohol problem?

To answer your title question. No I would not hire a sitter for a teenager.

You've gotten so many great suggestions so far and only one of them said you shouldn't go. You have to have at least 1 reliable adult your kids can call on in case of need. They both should be able to manage without you two for the brief time you will be gone.

Hubby and I have two sons and sometimes a niece or nephew living with us. We have left them alone for a week or more with no problems. They did have a point person for them to to reach out to if they needed to. As for the car breaking down, AAA would be a great resource to have for this mishap. We also left them with some emergency cash in case something went faulty in our old house. If they called us for that kind of emergency we would let them know where the cash was for that.

You should be able to go and leave them for a few days without a problem. Let them know how to reach you, your rules and expectations for the house, and please don't let them know when you will be back. It is so easy to do dirt and clean it up between these set dates. Not knowing exactly when you are returning helps keep them better behaved if you are concerned about that type of thing.

Wow, I left my 13 year old for two nights a couple of months ago and he managed to get to school, do his homework and make himself supper. My parents went on a two week vacation to Europe when I was 15 and I stayed home alone. I can not imagine a 20 year old and a 14 year old being so helpless (or immature) that they couldn't handle 3 days alone, especially school days! Ask a neighbour to keep and eye out, and let the kids know the neighbours are watching. That way they won't try to have any parties. As someone suggested below, let the girlfriend/boyfriends parents know you are away so they can keep an eye on the situation as well. You are not doing these children any favours by treating them like infants. What if the car breaks down? What do you do when your car breaks down? Take a cab or a bus? Surely they know how to call 911 if someone needs to go to the hospital! Good lord, 20 years old!!! I can't even...

ETA: Treating your teen and adult children like babies is not putting them first.

I would not cancel until I'd exhausted a few more things.

I'd call the High School and talk to the Guidance Office - there may be a graduate from a few years back who is well known to them and very responsible. I'd also talk to the main office - there may be teachers who (unfortunately) need second jobs to survive and who would be happy to stay over! They have all been through criminal record checks.

There's also a service called Care.com -they have babysitters, pet sitters, and many other types of services - everyone is bonded and has had a criminal record check.

Talk to your friends who may have nannies. Those nannies may be happy to have an overnight gig even if they are occupied during the day when your kids are in school.

Talk to a church or two - maybe they have a Sunday School teacher who is trustworthy.

Call the Senior Center and see if they have a job board.

I agree you need someone there, if only to prevent your son's friends from hearing about it and deciding to stop by for some fun without asking him! You don't need a bunch of 20 year old guys in the house with a 14 year old girl.

I left my son when he was 16 or 17, but I notified the local police (small town - they like to know these things) and my neighbor is a federal agent with eagle eyes. It worked out fine.

I do think it's good to give kids some experience in taking care of themselves if you have someone to at least look in on the kids. It's great when they learn to fend for themselves, learn that it's tough to run a house and be responsible for one's own breakfasts and dinners without Mom's help, and more. Where will your son get life experience if you don't let him "practice"?

I hate the idea that you would feel forced to cancel plans. Can you send the kids each to someone else's house for those few nights?

What do you think it tells your son that you cannot trust him to watch himself and his sister for 3 days? Most juniors in college are 20 years old. If he were not living in your home commuting to college, he would be taking care of himself.

You are telling him that you cannot trust him. You are telling him that he shouldn't bother to become more mature.

Just because it feel's "foreign" doesn't mean that you should skip going. Having expectations of him that he rise to the occasion is something you should at least consider. He's got to grow up sometime. Help him get there by giving him some responsibility.

You should go! See if your daughter can go stay at a friend's house...like a long sleepover. I have friends who do this regularly...their kids stay with another friend. They take turns. Your 20 year old is an adult. He needs to be living on his own and making his own decisions anyway. Give him a talk about making good decisions and what you expect from him and then go on your trip!!

I think you should go.
A 20 year old is completely capable of taking care of himself. He needs to learn what to do if his car breaks down! And I'm sure he knows how to call 911 if there was an emergency. If you are still solving problems like this for him, it's no wonder he's immature. It's time for him to fly on his own a bit.

As for your daughter, if you don't trust your son to provide a good environment for her (eg, potential boyfriend/girlfriend concerns), I would see if she can stay with a good friend for the 2 nights. She can do her homework, etc, right alongside her friend and their family.

I really REALLY think you should go.

ETA: I see you somehow answered questions in the responses below. It would be easier if you put that response up in the SWH box... Even if you are new to the area, I still think you can ask if she can stay at a friends. You'll be gone 3 days. That's 2 nights. This is not a big deal. Just ask.

Or, trust them. My parents went to Hawaii (an 8 hour plane ride away) for a week when I was 16 and my brother was 13. We had no local relatives, although we did have the number of a neighbor in case of an emergency.

What is the 20 year old doing at home? (I'm not being snarky... is he a college student living at home, a working guy who just hasn't gotten his own place yet, someone living in your basement with no job and sneezy friends.... what's he do, would you trust him at home alone without your daughter there?)

I'd farm the 14 year old out with a friend. Of hers. She has a close friend that you know their parents, right? Ask her if she'd be interested in staying with her friend for the time you are away, and then arrange it with the parent. The kids can make most of the arrangements, but finalize them yourself with the parent and offer them $ for being responsible for her, feeding her, and chauffeuring her. If she's a good kid, she'll have a like minded friend, and this would work well. I wouldn't mind doing this for any of my daughter's friends. And her friends (and their moms) have always been willing to offer her a spot to sleep over after late night arrivals after football away games, etc (we live farthest from the school of everyone). No big deal.

I likely would not want my 20 year old "in charge of" my 14 year old. I mean, if they got along well and were both really responsible kids, it might be ok. But I'm picturing a 20 year old man-child wanting to stay up late and have friends over (girl or boy) and that's not what I would want going on with my 14 year old daughter there--without adult supervision.
At our house, my 15 year old daughter is about the same maturity level as our 18 year old son. Not sure I would want him responsible for her for 3 days though. She'd balk at that. She'd rather submit to someone else's parents. LOL

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Ha! Diane B.. that's funny. When we left our (then 17 year old) son home one weekend when we went out of town for a wedding (he had just started a part-time job and didn't get the time off in order to go with us) we informed our neighbor as well. He's a former local PD, former air marshall, and current Federal trainer. He was having a party that weekend himself... with the local sheriff's office invited. HAHA
NOTHING went wrong that weekend.

Oh go on vacation and have fun. Lock up all your valuables and booze and hire a house sitter from care.com.

It makes me sad, for you/husband and for your children, that you are planning to cancel the trip. I hope you will consider reading through the many excellent suggestions others have given and reconsider going. It would be so good for your marriage, and responsibility is important for teenagers to experience and learn.

Why don't you have someone "house sit" for you while you're away. This person can come in and be there and make sure that all is ok. The person can also do some chores, laundry, whatever. Or they can just come at 6 PM and stay until let's say 9 AM. While I do think a 14 year old can babysit, I think it's a different thing to be home alone for 3-4 days.

Don't deny yourself this vacation. Go and have fun!!

He's an adult. If he has a Lord of The Flies weekend it's good he's at home and not out on his own.

The girl? She has friends, right? She goes to spend the weekend with one of them.

No, you don't hire a babysitter to stay with them.

Why not do something overnight instead of three days? Try it out in baby steps.

We left our kids when we went out of town. Our daughter came home from college to stay with her brother. It worked. I would try and see how it goes. You have to start trusting them sometime.

Send the kids to visit with family while you're away and hire a house sitter.

Does the 14 year old have a best friend or very close friend whose family you know well enough and may be open to letting her stay with them? Maybe someone involved in some of the same after-school activities who would have a similar schedule? If your 20 year old lives at home, does he have a friend he can stay with for a few days? Does he have any out of town (but a reasonable distance) friends he may want to visit? What if you gave him some money for a basic hotel room for a few days for something like that? Not knowing him, I'm not sure that would be a good idea or not. I would not rent anything in your name, because he would need to be the one responsible, not you. I guess I'm not sure if he would need to be 21 or have a credit or debit card in his name for that. He may be immature, but he is an adult. He should be able to at least care for himself, even if you wouldn't trust him to be managing your 14 year old's care. I would try to arrange for the kids to be elsewhere, and then have my house secured like Fort Knox so as not to tempt any teens with any shenanigans in an empty house.