Young Kids at the Bar (As I Write This)

Updated on August 28, 2013
C.C. asks from Brooklyn, NY
30 answers

So I'm sitting at the bar of my local Italian bistro, enjoying wine and food. It's a full bar, shelves of liquor behind bar. Some other people at bar are just drinking. It's a restaurant, lots of tables past the bar.

In walks a mother with two young boys. They decide (or, mom decides) to sit at the bar for dinner. Mom is also having a martini. (There are empty tables, they could have gotten a table.)

How often do you sit at a bar with your children?

(If you reply soon, I'll lean over and share your comments with her...lol.)

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So What Happened?

I totally agree that this bar is "part of the restaurant". I was eating dinner there as a way to interact with people instead of sitting at a table alone, since I was there by myself.

But it's a Saturday night after 9 pm and some people at the bar are - shocker! - getting drunk!! And talking about things that are not G-rated. It's not a trashy place, but people become "jovial" and drunk/silly. I personally think that's not a great atmosphere for kids.

It's also a relatively small bar area - first come first served on the seats, sure, but I bet the bartender would've loved to fill those seats with people buying his [not cheap] drinks. Especially since people are not supposed to sit at the main restaurant tables for just drinks (so someone who just wanted to buy drinks would've left if there were no other free seats at bar). I'm not saying that the mom should worry about how the restaurant makes money, but it's an interesting situation.

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D.E.

answers from Cincinnati on

Never.
I used to be a bartender. And there were times, usually a father, would come in w/ their kids and sit at the bar. If was really slow I wouldn't say anything but if it was a night when it was crowded I'd ask them to get a table.
The bar isn't an appropriate place for young kids. JMO

7 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

We go to Red Robin every so often and they don't allow anyone under 21 into their bar area.
Everyone seems to like it that way.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I would not want my kids at a bar if tables are available.

Even if my 3 and 6 year olds are being 'good' I would think adults without kids are sitting at the bar to be away from kids among other reason.

If my husband and I finally get to have a date night I know I would not want somebody else's kids next to us.

3 moms found this helpful

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L.B.

answers from New Orleans on

I have a friend who was raised in Ireland.
The local pub was the hub of social life in the community.
Mom, Dad, all the kids, went there for dinner (and drinks for the adults)
It was/is a part of the social fabric.

My son, over the years, has had dinner with me and friends and we have had drinks. Sometimes at tables, sometimes in the bar area. Sometimes I have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner at home.

At 17, he has never expressed an interest in alcohol. Making alcohol part of an adult social interaction demystifies it, thereby reduces the lure of partaking in something "illicit". Drinking responsibly in front of children teaches them to drink responsibly.

Having a blithering drunk at the next table, while unpleasant, is also a teachable moment.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Restaurant bar isn't the same as a real bar. If it's a restaurant that has a bar, it's a restaurant with a bar. They're there to eat, not get drunk. I don't see a difference between sitting at a booth with a martini vs. sitting at the bar with it. Actually, for the kids, it's probably fun because it's a "cool" place to sit - it's not a "regular" table. I would have thought the same way as a kid.

I lived in England for 6 months when I was 20 as an exchange student. Pubs were family affairs, heck even dogs were allowed.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

well, if it's a family restaurant with a bar....no problem. & 1 late night, with 1 martini, is not an issue.

now if Mom becomes inebriated, then that's a different story.

AND I'm 50. Couple times each horse racing season, we would go as a family & hit the local corner tavern on our way home. Neighborhood joint, the adults would have a drink or two & my sis/I would have a Kiddie Cocktail or soda. And, yes, we sat on the barstools while the family sat in a booth or at a table. I loved it! & I'm proud to say that the tavern is still in business last time I checked!

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I never, ever sit at the bar with my son. In our state, the OLCC (Oregon Liquor Control Commission) bars minors sitting at the bar and I would never want to get a server who wasn't aware of this into trouble. The rule is fine with me. I do take my son to the pub, but I figure that the bar seating is really more for the folks that plan on having a few beers or who know the servers/bartender.

Besides, IMO, there really aren't any conversations happening at the bar that my son needs to hear. At a table, we can have our own time together. We actually do that at the pub, mainly because I don't have housework calling, so we might sit and draw, read a book he enjoys, play a game. I try to make it good family time for us. When I'm out, I prefer a table--I'm a slow drinker by nature, so why hog up the chance for a bartender to make a little more in tips?

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A.C.

answers from Dallas on

In England, we took our young child to a pub a few times but it was a family friendly pub and my husband's childhood friend was the owner. But we didn't sit "at" the bar. We went in to eat pub food and check our emails, or sit and wait out the rain for a few minutes. We had a couple drinks, but we were walking everywhere and it was 2 drinks each with food.

I do take my kids here and there to the tables side of a bar and grill like Chilis or whatever, but our favorite blue cheese burger in the world is at Flips bar and grill, and it's got darker lighting and seems more like a date or business meeting after work kind of place, so IF we bring the kids we sit outside on the patio because it doesn't feel right to have the kids inside. They've never sat AT a bar, like on a barstool. If we were at our friend's pub in England during the day if it was slow, I wouldn't mind that. But not at night, on a weekend. That's not so much prudish on my part, more out of respect for the other patrons who may feel censored with children by them. Sometimes, you go to an "adult" place to get away from children, not to sit by someone else's children.

ETA: My comment stands as I wrote it, but for the record, I do not consider a bistro or bar & grill a "bar", but an restaurant that has paid for a liquor license. My answer would have been different if you were talking about a bar on say, Bourbon Street or something, where there's really nothing going on but drinking and hooking up. Just saying...

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V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

Never.
Bar spots are for people being waited on by the bartender. And the bartender can't earn a living without paying customers. He won't make much off of a mom and 2 boys who can't drink alcohol.

Besides, I tend to think of bar seats as being for individuals or maybe 2 people who are having a drink while waiting for a table to clear.

Not to mention that it just seems highly inappropriate all around.

---
We sit "in the bar" frequently, as a family. In some restaurants it is the only place they have the sports on the TV. But we sit at a bar table, not AT the BAR. IF there is a person in the bar area who is going to be a little far gone and nearing belligerent, they will be seated AT the bar, guaranteed, not at a bar table. When you sit at the bar, you are essentially inviting conversation. When you are at a table, it is more private.

And there are TONS of bar/restaurants. Outback, Longhorn, Ruby Tuesday's, Houlihan's, Wee Pub, and so on... and all of them have tables in their bar, AND a BAR. The folks sitting at the bar in those places are usually there for a long time (an entire sporting event, multiple drinks long), or in less corporate type places, they are hanging out with their date until a table comes available.

After 9:00 pm on a Saturday night is not a place for kiddos period. Couldn't get a sitter? Then stay home.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Ug. I went to see Elysium tonight with my husband and someone brought their 2 young children and I couldn't believe it. It was rated R and pretty bloody. Some people just don't have common sense.

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D..

answers from Miami on

Doesn't bother me at all. I just saw that you say it's 9:00 - weekend, right? The kids can sleep late in the morning. That doesn't bother me. I'm sure she left before things got popping. And I'm sure she has wine and/or beer at home, or a high ball of something or another, so it's not like they've never seen it before.

This isn't a bar, by the way, folks. This is a bistro that has a bar in it that is NOT separate from the restaurant.

Hope she enjoyed her bistro time with the kids!

I forgot to actually answer the question. I took my kids into a bar in the middle of the day when we were on vacation overseas. We were with a friend and he had a great time taking us to all his favorite places in Edinburgh. The last one we went into is where we ate haggis and he recited Bobby Burns "Ode to a Haggis". What a memory!

The only thing that bothers me about taking kids into a bar where you're eating and drinking (same as a resaurant) is if people are smoking. I don't like that.

4 moms found this helpful

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

Here in WA state you are not allowed into a bar with your kids.
L.

3 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

The only time my kids have sat a bar is when there was a game on it....one of the restaurants we used to go to every Saturday night had a video game that was at the bar...the ONLY place they had it too...

As soon as they were done with the game? They came back to the TABLE. Well, I guess I should clarify - my husband or I were WITH THEM when they were playing and we came back together.

Otherwise? No. CHILDREN do NOT belong at a bar....a table yes. BAR? No.

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E.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Some state liquor licenses do not allow anyone under 21 to sit at the bar. Even if the license allows it, most restaurants do not for obvious liability issues. I am surprised that the restaurant is allowing it!

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M.C.

answers from Chattanooga on

I never do, because I prefer a table... Even when I'm drinking. Lol.

If the bar isn't too packed, I wouldn't have a problem with kids eating at it. I remember how badly I wanted to eat at the bar when I was young! Lol.

The only way I would have a problem is if it was busy, and their presence fills the bar to such capacity that those who want to drink can't fit. OR if it was late (9:00 pm on a Saturday is kinda pushing it, IMO..) and the people already there were getting drunk.

Really, it's a matter of gauging the atmosphere and deciding if it is appropriate for the children to be around, without causing an inconvenience to the patrons the bar was intended for.

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L.M.

answers from Boise on

Where I used to live, NO children were ever allowed AT the bar; regardless of how long or if it was a "restaurant bar". (well, all the places we went, anyway) Plain. They had to be a minimum of 3 feet away.

I wouldn't say anything, as it's neither my business nor my "business". :) If it really bothered me, I might take the manager to the side and ask if it's normal policy for children to sit at the bar. But I wouldn't confront the mom.

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M.F.

answers from Phoenix on

That's extremely poor taste and tacky.
Technically, it's illegal for anyone under 21 to sit at a bar, even in a restaurant. I'd simply mention to the bartender that the restaurant could lose it's liquor license by allowing that.

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

I do eat in some pubs with my kids-they're the only places near us with decent food. My kids are well-behaved. No, I don't sit at the bar. No, I don't drink any alcohol. My husband sometimes takes the kids for Shirley Temples while he has a beer to a pub where our friend works and it's mainly empty when they go (afternoon) with a HUGE bar, so no one is inconvenienced. I'm not a fan of this custom, but we're almost divorced and he rarely sees kids so whatever.

I see no need for parents to take little kids drinking with them under any circumstance UNLESS they walked to the establishment. Most restaurants with bars where kids are OK have TABLES and don't need kids at the bar. SO in my opinion, this lady is tacky and a bad influence to be sitting at the bar with her kids having a martini. Unless they walked there. For the record, my 6'5 200+husband has ONE beer with a huge burger. And I still think it's lame he's taking the kids to sit at a bar rather than sitting at a table. I think it's rude to adults who want to go have an adult drink and possibly escape their kids :)

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i dunno. i just can't muster up a whole lot of outrage.
yeah, it's not 'ideal' but it's not the end of the world.
and it could result (if someone gets kinda tipsy, or talks in an 'adult' fashion) in a useful conversation about appropriate behavior and alcohol use.
while i don't think it's okay at a bar-bar, i don't think it's worth getting wadded up over in a restaurant bar.
khairete
S.

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L.M.

answers from Dover on

In my experience, even if the only open seats are at the "bar" then the kids can't sit there. Now if it is just a counter and they happen to service liquor, that is a different story.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Am I a fan of the idea? No, but I could see where it's a fun thing for the kids to sit in the different style of seats. When we go to places that have bar/counter seating that is where my son wants to sit. Sometimes I do, sometimes I do not. Sitting there may be a special treat or maybe she it a trashy mother who does not give a flip ... either way unless the children were in immediate danger I think I would have made myself let it go. But I do get your initial response. In addition, we used to have family bars here in the states where kids were allowed, parents went dancing and everyone had a good time. I have pictures of me as a child in one of those places with my parents, and memories too ... dancing on daddy's feet, dancing with the little boy my age that came with his family. Some of the only decent family memories I have took place in the local "family bar" and if they were still around today I would probably take my son along.

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B.K.

answers from Chicago on

In Illinois it is illegal for anyone under 21 to sit at the bar - even with a parent. At my restaurant the liquor commission required that we post signs at the entrance to our bar area (which is a part of our larger restaurant). It doesn't matter if it's a part of a restaurant or just a bar. It's illegal here. I'm surprised it's not there. If minors are caught sitting at the bar, they, and the restaurant, will receive a hefty fine.

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

If the hostess and bartender wanted to fill the bar seats with paying customers instead of kids eating, they would have directed the customer to a table.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

ETA: so this Mom, is AT the bar, and it is PAST 9:00pm, and she is there with her 2 young sons... for dinner?

---------------

The nightmare about sitting at the bar and on bar stools is, with kids, depending on how old they are, they can fall off it.
And boys, well they are naturally very, active and constantly moving.
My son is 7, and even if he can sit on a tall bar stool, he's just so active he'd probably fall off at some point.

You are at a Bistro.
Not a nightclub bar.
That Mom chose to sit at the, bar.
With her 2 young boys.
Unless they are still as statues, I would sit at a table.

2 moms found this helpful

R.X.

answers from Houston on

Nah. am too traditional for that. Now all of the customers will have to watch what they say. Not a good move on her part.

But mamas, Chacha is only askig a question. She is not saying that she is outraged by it. Dang, chill out with your responses to it.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

If the bar is sectioned off then she can't take minors inside the boundaries. IF there is no wall or cord or any other style of boundary then she can sit at the bar if she wants with the kids. If there is a section thing around it then it should have a sign at the entry way of it that says no minors past this point.

IF it did have this then the bartender should not have waited on her and the manager should have made her leave the area. If she refused then they had every right to call the police.

Some restaurants don't have that rope/wall/card/anything. If they don't then she can sit her kids anywhere she wants.

This is considered a restaurant and not a bar. It's a food establishment.

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L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Never! That's awful!

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

How old were the kids? Children literally AT the bar are illegal in California but my girls have dined in bar/restaurants at tables countless times. Sometimes there are no other tables available, sometimes there is a special menu only in the bar, maybe we're watching a Giants game.

Once in Idaho we had to wait 30 minutes for a table in the dining room. There were many empty tables in the "bar" which was marked by a white line painted on the floor. I guess the law there is no children in the bar at all even though the rest of the building was full of families having dinner who could clearly see into the entire bar area. We teased the kids by stepping over the white line saying "you can stand here...but not here!"
Some things just aren't worth getting worked up about.

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H.L.

answers from Houston on

I'm with you on this, always have been.Maybe she really needed the drink, though. <<<shrugging my shoulders>>>

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E.E.

answers from Denver on

I don't do so unless there is no other option available. It's possible that I have had one glass of wine at dinner when my husband was there and HE was driving, otherwise, I don't drink when I am out with my kids.

I was hit by a drunk driver 15 years ago and the resulting injuries made my life so much harder. This worries me more than the kids hearing inappropriate remarks, but yeh, that's not cool either.

Is it possible she works there? Sometimes that "normalizes" things for people that maybe....shouldn't be normalized. : (

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