My daughter turns 6 next month and I was thinking of having her birthday party at a local gymnastics place. Their party package includes a bounce house and use of the gymnastics equipment (trampoline, etc.), for up to 12 kids, and states the gym is for the use of the kids only, no adults (adults can watch from an outside room if they want). So basically we are crossing that line from a party where the parents stay to one where the parents leave the kids and pick them up 2 hours later.
I want to invite a boy that is the son of a friend of mine - he and DD went to preschool together and we've done some playdates this summer. The boy is 6 (all the kids are at least 6 and some are closer to 7, or 7 already). He has a younger brother who is 4. I can talk to my friend about it and see how she feels, but would be okay to invite the 6 year old and not the 4 year old? It would still be within the 12 kid limit but I'm not sure how I feel about having to keep track of a 4 year old on top of the other kids who are older and more independent. When do you start inviting specific kids and not necessarily the siblings?
Absolutely invite the older kid and not the younger one! They're individuals and it's OK to be treated that way. I have 11 and 9 year old girls. Even if it's a family friend both of my girls are not always invited to a party (and vice versa). Don't feel bad one bit!
Is it the type of place where the kids play independently.... or are they going to get in groups and play "together" - like bouncing in a group etc? If so, I think the 4 year old might not have much fun.
I would just explain to the mom that the party will be all older kids, it's a drop off party so even she won't be able to interact with him and for this one, you'd like it to just be the older boy.
All parents, eventually, have to deal with the "my kid didn't get invited somewhere" and 4 is about when that happens.
Don't worry about it. I never assume a younger sibling is invited when we get invitations to parties.
Also, I make sure to put the one name on the front of an invitation so it is clear on who is invited...not the entire family or brood of siblings. Most moms understand this...I don't think anyone will have hurt feelings. We all understand party packages.
Good luck and best wishes!!
You know, it actually really bothers me when parents assume that a birthday party invitation is for ALL their kids! I mean, it's fine if we're having a "family" party and the whole family is attending. But if the invitation states "Sally is invited to Jane's party", then ONLY Sally should attend....not Sally and her 2 little brothers.
Absolutely only invite your son's friend. If his mom asks about leaving her younger one there as well, then just tell her that you don't feel comfortable being responsible for a 4 year old in such an active environment.
Totally not a problem. Just explain to your friend that there won't be adult supervision in the room and you need to limit it to the 6 and 7 year old age group. She should understand!
Like others, I never assume that siblings are invited...
Of course you don't have to invite siblings. Good luck.
The six-year-old is your child's friend. The four-year-old is not.
Invite the six-year-old only.
Yes, it would be OKAY to invite the older one and not the younger one. This has happened to my two boys...there are times when the birthday child does NOT KNOW one of my children and I don't expect him to be invited to a birthday party of someone he doesn't know.
My oldest son just turned 13 this year. he wanted a paint ball party. NO ONE under 10 is allowed on the range. We have a friend that is 7 years old. he was not invited to the party. He understood the rules. He didn't like it - but he understood! :)
Personally? I would not invite a 4 year old to this party. It might be overstimulating him and if he can't keep up - he might have a melt down.
Good luck! Happy birthday to your daughter!
Of course this is ok..
Are you feeling bad not inviting the siblings of all of the other children?
At 4 he is in a different age group.. And if his mom is smart, she will take advantage of this time and spend some quality alone time with this child or get dad to spend some one on one time with this child.
The invite is for the six year old. Friend drops off six year old and leaves with 4yo. I would not have 4 year old included. I never ran I to this raising my kids, parents never expected siblings to be invited nor would I invite siblings.
Of course you can invite the 6 year old and not the 4 year old. Once your kids are old enough to choose their own friends, the party becomes more about the people they choose than about the people you choose. Put only the older one's name on the envelope when you send the invitation. If the mom asks about the younger one, tell her nicely why you're not inviting him too. I would never expect someone to invite both of my children to a party.
Your daughter is right at that age where this starts to happen. This has always been a hard thing for me, but at some point, I had to realize it was my CHILD's birthday, and as such, it should be HIS friend there. There were some cases where if we had invited all the siblings, some of his own friends would have to be cut to keep the party within the venue's limits. I didn't think this was fair to my son to not include his friends so that siblings of other friends could be there. The exception was if he was close friends with both siblings, of course.
As much as I would never want to hurt a child's feelings, at some point, I had to be the grown-up and do what was right for my child. So, in those cases
where there was a guest limit and/or the venue was inappropriate for smaller siblings, I talked directly to the moms with younger kids and explained the situation. I always started with "This is hard, and I feel bad about this, but the place where A's party is not appropriate for younger kids......" They were all understanding, and we still remain friends.
In one case, when youngest was turning 7, he wanted his party at a batting cage place. It was no place for younger siblings to be in front of those pitching machines, and even in the area where the kids could play baseball, it was too dangerous with swinging bats and flying balls for the young ones. I explained it, and thank goodness there were no little ones there! There were a few tears after being hit by balls as it was with the 7 year-olds!
It would be incredibly unfair for you to have to watch another person's 4 year-old (and a 4 year-old DOES need to be watched at an open gym place) and miss out on your son's party.
I think if you explain it to the mom, she'll understand. If she's never had this experience before, she may seem a little hurt at first (hopefully not), but I can assure you, this won't be the last time this happens, and every mom with younger kids experiences this eventually.
Also, at some point, kids do need to learn that they aren't invited to every party and it isn't the end of the world if they're not. It's perfectly acceptable and normal for kids to have their own friends and parties, separate from siblings. It's hard at first, but it's something we all go through.
Hope this helps and that your daughter has a great birthday!
J. F.
Just address the invite to the 6 year old.
Absolutely. Explain the problem, and also let her know that the other kids are all older.
One time a friend of mine had a party for her daughter at "Color Me Mine" and I asked her specificially if her invitation was for both of my kids. She asked for me not to bring my younger son because of both the space issue AND the kids being older. I told her that I understood totally. She was grateful that I bothered to ask (the invitation was a little confusing) rather than just bringing him. Turned out that there was a free-standing display where the kids were that had EXPENSIVE pottery on it. OMG. I was SO nervous about it that I stood in front of it for the whole party to prevent a kid from banging into it. Both the mom and I were astonished that they had it displayed like that. If my 4 year old had been there, it would have been even harder.
It's okay to does this - just talk to your friend. Unless she's insecure or rude, she will not have a poblem with it.
It is ok to invite one without the other. Put just the older child's name on the invitation and tell mom that "It's ok if you want to drop Jimmy off but if you would feel better staying that is up to you". Gives her an out in case she can't find a sitter for the little one.
If you are ok w/ the 4 yr old but not with supervising him, just give them the invitation and tell mom "if you just want to drop Jimmy off it's ok but if Johnny wants to attend also I will need you to stay with him since I will have my hands full with the older kids".
Be upfront that the event is for older kids and that you are concerned that the 4 yr old would be lost in the shuffle. Would you be willing to have him along if she stayed? Or you can say that for budget reasons you have to limit to just her friends and can't include siblings, sorry.
If she is your friend then she is going to accept this without any hard feelings. Let her know you can't invite the little guy.
BTW, we did a gym party last year and invited a LOT of kids. Only 9 showed up because we limited younger siblings from participating. It was really sad for him and it still cost me the same amount. It would have been much more fun for everyone if I had allowed a few younger kids to come and then have all his friends there. But I still stand my ground about it. I did not want to pay more money in case 10 little brothers or sisters decided to come. After the allowed kids for a party it cost $10 more per child. So it would have added up quickly. Plus the teacher would have had to hire a 2nd or 3rd teacher to manage the kids in smaller groups.
