Your Best Advice for Other Single Mothers!!

Yeah, I need this advice too! I'm so tired all the time. I work full time, go to school part time. I live in a 1 br apt with my 2 year old and sleep on the couch every night. I pay $165 per week for daycare and feel like there isn't enough time in the day. i try to schedule my time and keep my self organized, but it seems impossible. Any advice is welcome.

Hi C.,
I am a 43 year old single mom by choice (had my daughter at 40 after using a friend as a donor) with a 2-year old.

I work full time, Mon-Fri, 9-5pm and sometimes many Saturdays as well. Juggling the priorities of work and home life is always hard but I have found a couple of great things that have saved me... so I'll share them with you!

First, routine is what gets us through weekdays... because we know what to expect, when and why we go where we go and what will happen when we get there. I get up and shower and am mostly ready by the time I get her up. I usually end up putting on my makeup in my downstairs powder room while she eats. I NEVER clean my breakfast dishes before leaving the house... I rinse them but leave them in the sink and just wipe down counters quickly before we go. That way, I do all my dishes at night (after she goes to bed), which saves us time in the morning.

I make work a complete priority while I'm there... and try to bring as little home with me as possible. I try not to do anything personal in my office, b/c that helps me focus and feel good about leaving right at 5. My daughter's school is within 1 mile of my office, so I leave the office at 5pm sharp... go get her and then my attention is completely on her until she goes to bed at 7:30pm). We watche one program on TV for 30 minutes when we first get home, so we can both "switch gears", but I try to sit down with her while she watches. I do my best not to take personal phone calls, check e-mail, or do anything related to housework (other than cooking) from 5:30-7:30pm. Now, I tend to be very flexible about my kitchen and, if dishes pile up in the sink before they make it into the dishwasher, so be it... the way I think about it, she will never be this age again and want to sit on the floor playing with mommy for an hour after dinner! Pretty soon, Mommy won't be cool enough to hang around with, right? Then at 6:45 or 7... we go upstairs, take a bath, sit on the potty, put on jammies, read stories, say prayers and turn out the lights... same routine every single night. My girl thrives on it!

I try to do all my laundry on Friday night and finish what's leftover on Sat morning, when I do my "chores." This way, I do not have to spend my entire weekend doing housework. We try to snuggle in bed when we first wake up Sat. morning and read stories. But she's happy to play by herself after breakfast, so that's when I clean up around the house... vacuuming, dusting, sweeping and mopping kitchen floor, bathrooms. I very rarely get to everything in those 2-3 hours (before lunch and her nap time)... but I always vacuum and dust and then vary what other items don't need weekly attention (like mopping) or the downstairs powder room.

Once she's up from her nap (and sometimes, Mommy lays down and naps too or reads to get my rest!), we either take a bike ride, do our grocery shopping or hit Target, or go out and play. We do church every Sunday morning and then go to my father's house for Sunday dinner, so by the time we get home from there, it's time for dinner again and the nighttime routine.

For me, if I have to bring work home... I do it at night in front of the tv after she goes to bed. When special things come up, we do that instead of usual errands on Saturdays (like the fair, etc.). And occasionally, when I have time, I run my errands to Target or the drug store and sometimes even grocery shopping on my lunch hour at work, so that I don't have to spend precious weekend "fun" time doing nothing but life maintenance!

For finances... I have the MOST AMAZING financial planner in the world! I will give you her name if you're in Jacksonville and want to see her (no fees!). I recommend that every single parent have a plan, a will and some protection (insurance) to protect your child in the event of your death. Make sure you know and have named in your will who will be your child's guardian (whether it's a family member or friend). Make sure someone else is the trustee of your funds and estate, so that one person does not have total control over all the money while your kids are minors. Do not make minor children beneficiaries on your policies, but make your trustee the beneficiary instead or their guardian.

We live in a townhouse that I just bought. Great because I don't have to do any outside maintenance and it was just built, so I won't have to do any major indoor maintenance for a while either! That saves a lot of time and stress. I pay HOA fees, but they are very reasonable and worthwhile b/c I don't need to spend money on a lawn mower, edger, weed eater, etc. Put compact fluorescent bulbs in every fixture in your home too! They are expensive at first, but they will save you 30% every month on your utilities, which will really help your budget.

I am a budget fiend, and have tracked every single expense I've made for the last 6 years, so that I know what I have and what I don't. I only make big purchases when I get my tax refund, and I plan for them all year. I've also set up an ING savings plan to create my "emergency fund" so that I can ultimately build up to having 3-6 months of income and expenses saved so that if I lost my job, I won't lose my house or go heavily into debt while trying to get another job!

I also NEVER buy any clothes, shoes, home furnishings or anything, really, that's not on sale (except food or toiletries, etc.). I research every purchase I make and also shop a lot online, so I can get the Upromise contribution (www.upromise.com) or find promotional codes for items that I want to buy. Gymboree has amazing sales on kids clothing online... and I use free shipping whenever I can. This saves lot of time and gas from going store to store to find something you want. Plus, you can do all your research online first and be sure you're getting a great price. I shop for toys, my vacuum, Pottery Barn sales, kids clothes.

Also, I take all the clothing that is still in good shape and sell it to consignment stores, to make extra cash. I also donate a lot to Goodwill and keep the forms for tax time. I do my taxes online using TaxAct.com ($9.95 to file electronically and have your refund put into your checking account - only takes 3 weeks from filing date!).

Another great way to save once you're working and have benefits is to be sure you plan and use your Flexible Spending Accounts for medical and any daycare expenses. This is a chance to lower your taxable income, which is always a good thing.

I hope some of this helps. I get tired sometimes the same old, same old (who doesn't) but then I remember that with kids, it's really never the same year to year and I believe so wholeheartedly that raising her right is worth it that I don't mind some personal sacrifices now to make her a better person down the road.

As of now, I choose not to date or know what when I do start again (this year maybe), I won't introduce any new man to my daughter unless we're serious. She doesn't need to get attached to anyone who won't be there long term.

That's just me... again, hope this helps!
Feel free to write me on the side if you like!
K.

Learn to close doors--literally. At home, there will always be laundry and dirty rooms--close the door and take your kids to the park or some activity. Also allow kids to be without you while you are with them--do your nails or something special. At work, leave work at work--my steering wheel is bent--but when I get home I can focus on my family. Motivation--this to shall pass. Yourself--know you are one human--you will make mistakes, you have to forgive yourself and move on--know who you are and were you want to go. Motivating kids--show them you love them, one-on-one time very important. Finances--set-up a budget and don't forget to include savings. Make sure your purchases include not only needs but at least one "want". Dating--good luck, having a hard time myself. I just am true to myself and focus on friendship first. Housing--find a place that is family oriented and volunteer to babysit first!

I am a single mom. I have been one since 1996. I have 5 kids although now 2 are adults on their own (ages 22 and 20) and 3 live at home (17, 9 and 4).

I'll just run down the list *lol*
I am a primal (all natural mom) therefore costs of living, chaos, etc is significantly reduced (cloth diapers, homeschooling, no having to run around to this and that activity and back and forth to schools) etc. We live a very simplified lifestyle (very natural; very eco-friendly). Yes I struggle but not nearly the way I would if I had all of these additional costs and responsibilities. My family is "kept together" because we live this way and are so close.

I own a few of my own businesses and I also do call center work from home. These fit my lifestyle best because I can do them when I want or can rather than when someone dictates I appear for work. (also a cost reducer in gas and clothing). It allows me to be earn the money but nurture the children.

As for keeping my kids or myself motivated..not really sure to what you are referring..motivated to...???

Housing arrangement? We live in a single family dwelling. I prefer it to apartments because I have the big yard for the kids and critters.

I have no dating advice.. I don't date.

M.

I was a single mother for over 15 years and I have 3 suggestions.

First is no matter how busy you are, take a few minutes everyday for yourself. Even if it's just locking yourself in the bathroom and giving yourself a quickie facial!! By taking care of yourself, you will better able to take care of your kids.

Second is try to have fun no matter what. Play with your kids, remember what its like to just have fun! Forget just for a moment all the "things" you have to get done, money & work issues, etc. On those really rough, feel like your fighting for your life kind of days, playing with my daughter reminded me how lucky I was!

Lastly, dating is scary, exciting and challenging for single moms...but its a chance to be around grown ups, get dressed up (remember that?) try new things and have fun. I know that I had a really hard time at first thinking I "needed" to be home with my daughter. But eventually, I realized it was ok to date and I had fun with it. When my daughter was young, I choose not to introduce my dates to her. When she was a teenager, she better understood "dating" she didn't have problems with meeting the different men that I dated. However, I want to stress that I choose to keep my daughter's schedule ahead of any date. I never missed a game, event or meeting because of a date.

Now that my daughter is all grown up, married and with kids of her own, I see her doing the same things - taking much needed time for herself and remembering to play with her children. It makes me smile!

Hi C.,

I've just passed my one year mark of my divorce. I'm so in love with being able to focus on my kids and not a relationship that I have no dating advice! I was bad about putting my husband second to my kids and now I don't have to feel quilty about it. Finances are my biggest challenge. I went back to school, ucf, to finish my bachelors. Financial aid and student loans are my major source of income right now. I decided I'd rather sit on student loans for a few years than sacrifice time with my kids. I was a stay at home mom before the divorce. I've been fortunate enough to find a part time job that is extrememly flexible and allows me to work around the kids schedules. My daughter is in kindergarten and my son is in daycare/pre school. Life was so miserable during my divorce that it seems wonderfully peaceful now.
How about you?

Well, I am a single mother of a 13 year old boy. In order for you not to lose your sanity you need a good support system. Whether its your family, friends or other single moms. You will need that support system to help you with so many different things. I stay motivated by praying and reminding myself what my goals are. For me I always knew that this was just a temporary situation. I have been in school since my son was little and worked a fulltime job. This summer this will all pay off because I will graduate. There were days that I wanted to say forget it because I felt it was not fair to my son but its funny how smart our kids are. They understand more than what you think. This is when my support system came into play. The days I had to work late or study or my son needed to be at an activity I called on my support system. When it comes to fiances I still struggle with this issue. But you really have to stay on top of it because if not you will stay stressed out. I just try to budget out for everything. I buy in bulk from Sams and if you have a friend you guys can share the bulk items and split the expense. I only buy items on sale so I always get the paper to see what store is having a sell. Your kids snacks I would defintiely get from Sams much cheaper in the long run. Living arrangements are kind of tricky. Its just me and my son in my house but I am blessed that I can afford to do that. Its just hard to find dependable people to live with especially with children involved.Now the dating thing is your own personal set of rules. I never bring a man around my son until I am sure that this is a stable relationship. My son has only been around two of my boyfriends.I feel the younger the child is the more careful you have too be about that. You just have to set your own guidleines for what works for you and your house. I hope that I have been helpful and do not hesitate to ask anymore questions.

Hi C.-

I remember going through that with four children. Prior to all the children being in school, I had an inhome day care. Once they went to school, I was working during the hours they were in school. Money was tight, so we did things together at home, reading, board games, watch a movie. I set up a budget and stuck to it. My youngest is in high school and I work at a school which gives me time to attend his football games and weight lifting matches. I also work at JoAnn's part time in the evenings and weekends, but I do take time off to attend what I need to attend. I am a grammie of 3 grandchildren and another one on the way. I was able to put $1.00 bills away, what was in my wallet at the end of the night and once a month we did something special. Having a strict budget was hard, but well worth it in the end. Hope this helps.

Keeping yourself Motivated is the sure key to your success with running your household, having time with kids, (family), etc. I used to teach preschool & work in the health profession, but since my accident I have been forced to be home and out of work. I am grateful to be able to stay home with my kids. I took up working from home www.themomteam.com/anewlife, in my spare time and have been tremendously blessed with extra income finding I still have time to be a wife to my husband, a mom to my kids and a Nana to my 2 Grandchildren. Best of All I have peace of Mind!