Your Friends Home and the Condition It Is In.

This is why I don't invite people to my house often...I'm afraid they'll judge me. I look at it like this: The housework will be there tomorrow...my children might not be. I'd rather play with the kids and do my baking, cross stitching, playing on the computer....then to deal with the housework this moment.

I have a messy house.
I have 5 kids (infant to 13), 2 dogs, 2 cats, 1100sf, no playroom, and we homeschool.
The bulk of my day is spent teaching and playing with my kids. So you will find dishes in the sink, laundry baskets scattered, toys in every room, and there's a good chance you'll find some pet hair and/or crumbs *somewhere*.

Or, you could just stay home. :-)

I'm a neat nick. Always have been. BUT there are times when I'm ripping things up to clean, etc. that I think "Wow--if anyone stops by right now...." haha

Some people just have other priorities. I enjoy a clean house, but maybe they feel their energy and time are better spent otherwise--and maybe they're right!

Maybe we're the crazy ones?

This is one of the reasons I often don't have company to my place. My home has a lot of flaws including bits of the family room that need painting, mold stains in the ceiling from a storm that damaged our roof, half-painted bannisters and an ottoman that's way past its prime. I am not a hoarder,nor do we have a filthy house. However I do work full time, my husband works full time, and we have boys aged 3, 5 and 6. The house can get in a state. Everyday it's cleaned up again, but the next day our life messes it up once more. I don't want to be judged and so actually do not have people over.

my house has always been cluttered and so has my mom's, but she had this poem that totally described her thoughts on cleaning:)

Cleaning And Scrubbing
Can Wait
Till Tomorrow...

For Babies Grow Up
We've Learned
To Our Sorrow...

So Quiet Down
Cobwebs...
Dust Go To
Sleep...

I'm Rocking
My Baby,
And Babies
Don't Keep.

If the house is just cluttered with toys, clothes etc then who cares if she doesn't straighten when you come over? She probably just thinks the toys will get taken out again anyway, so why waste her own time? Some people just don't get stressed about that kind of thing. Maybe she thinks you are a good enough friend who also has kids and will understand instead of judge, and feels comfortable with you in her home.

However, if it was filthy or unclean or you felt uncomfortable in the bathroom or worried about the cleanliness of the kitchen your kids snack was coming from, then you may want to invite them to your home or agree to meet at a park instead.

Havent any of you heard the name for this problem? Its called CHAOS..
Cant
Have
Anyone
Over
Syndrome..C.H.A.O.S.

I wonder how many of those messy home have mom's who have AD(H)D? My ADD child is very creative and loving and outgoing and happy but has a hard time organizing anything.

I suffer from depression and surviving the day is my focus not keeping up apprearences for anyone else. I'm trying to understand that you might actually be talking about a filthy house not just someone who missed one crumb on the table. but just like body dismorphic disorder, I get very upset if i think you are going to talk about me behind my back because my throw pillows aren't straight.

to answer your question no, I have never stood in someone's house and been worried for my safety.

I really don't visit peoples houses often. When I delivered for Schwan's I was appalled at the smelly, dirty, and even filthy homes I saw. I didn't see too many hoarders. But I saw many homes with multiple dogs that were obviously not doing their business outside. I saw homes with dishes everywhere.

Sad to say I can walk upstairs to our apartment my husband and youngest spend most of their time in and it's this way. They will clean one room every 3-4 months and make a big deal about it being clean. A week later it's horrible and all I hear is finger pointing about why.

I think that the excuse that kids are at home is nothing more than a sad attempt to make slobs feel better. I agree that there is a difference between clutter and filth. But I can't stand clutter! I HATE when I have things stacked on counters or extra things all over my bookshelves. I fight this constantly because I do have too much stuff, too many family members, daycare children, and pets for the house we live in. But if I can keep my living room, kitchen, my youngest daughters bedroom and the bathroom looking decent and mostly tidy with the impossible schedule I keep, so can everyone else that is able bodied. I do it tired and I do it in pain. It gets done. I'm also NOT above getting the kids to help.

I have one friend that has a "messy" house - to the point where I can't go over...my house is FAR from perfect - i do have clutter - but I can't stand seeing stuff dirty in a sink - that's been there for a few days...

I have offered to help her clean up - there was one time she took me up on it - i put my gloves on and worked on her kitchen...it was about 3 hours later - the pots and pans were cleaned, dried and put away - the dishes were cleaned and put away...the dishwasher was running and the cupboards had been wiped down....it only took about 4 days to get it back to the way it was....so now? I don't go over and have her over to my house and her kids over to my house...when she asks if we want to come over - I say - thanks!! We've got friends over now, why don't you come over here?

I have two friends that even though they work full time - their homes are CLEAN....how depressing for me that I'm a stay at home mom and my house is CLEAN but cluttered!! LMAO!!!

Yesterday my kids and I and my husband picked up toys, and I vacuumed the carpet and furniture, made beds etc.....and that night....the toys were all over the place again! LOL I had a clean house for a little bit. With kids, it is challenging trying to keep a clean organized house. When I was single my house/apartment was always spottless. It didn't even looked lived in. (so i was told by a lot of friends who came over lol). Now, the house it clean and gets picked up often, but it continues to be a mess as my kids (two boys) drag everything out to play with. I have learned that when you have kids, there's going to be toys on the floor and the house will never be perfect just the way you want it because there is so much going on.....kids wanting your attention, hubby wanting attention, meals, laundry...it's all never ending and nothing is ever really 'done'. lol I don't mind if a friends house is messy with things.
One time I had met a gal and went over to her house for a playdate and I couldn't even see the floor and what I did see, was filthy dirty and there was old food and food dishes throughout the mess. I can't handle that. That's a little overboard for me.
If I know someone is coming over, I'm running around making my house presentable for sure. :-)

I have kids.
It is a family home.
Not a museum.

I keep it neat and clean as much as possible.
Now, it is clean and disinfected. All the time. Then there ARE kids stuff strewn about. Some may say 'how messy!' but so what. It is clean. And organized.
My friends homes, who have kids, are the same way.
So be it.
I know they and their homes are clean.
I see them cleaning, even when I am there with my kids on play dates.
Fine.
We are all friends.
It is reality.
It is, normal.

A Mom cleans, the kids play and have toys strewn about... again.
It is never static.
My house is clean and I regularly toss out stuff.
But, still, there are kids who live here too.
I make it neat, then it gets messy again. But is it clean and disinfected.

I hear you on this one! YES..but I would never admitt it to her! Sometime's I get disgusted to sit on her couche's only because there's always something on it. As for myself, my friends say i'm a "clean-aholic", I dont think im that bad but I do clean everyday, and especially if i know we're having company over, i'll have the house spotless. I was brought up in a home where everything was clean and we as kids also got involved in doing some chore's too..Don't get me wrong, my siblings and I were always outdoor kids playing in the mudd and climbing tree's lol! Also Im a stay at home mother so I feel that it is the least I can do in keeping up with the house work since my husband works 16 hours a day EVERYDAY, so I like him to come home to a clean house. But there are some mom's i know that work and have 3 or more kid's and yet they seem to have their home's spotless, i don't know how they do it though!

I find myself that it is hard to keep the house clean, spotless, and everything in it's place-all the time. Especially with kids. My son, I love him, but he makes a huge mess every day. Thankfully he is at an age where he picks up his mess. I don't consider my house truly messy, when I can pick up the whole house in less than half an hour ( even though it appears that a tornado blew through it). When I have company or friends come over, certainly I make sure the house is clutter free and clean. I also make sure my son knows not to take anything out until his friend or the company arrives.

I have mommy friends who have lived in/ messy homes. I never condone them. It happens, especially to mommies with more then one child. Their is a difference between messy and dirty.

If the floor was dirty, bathroom dirty, everything dirty, I would not take my child or myself over for a visit. Some people don't know the difference between having a messy home, then a dirty home. It's unfortunate, as it does make you feel like you can't be comfortable.

My kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom are always clean, if not neat.

My life is filled to the brim with creative adventures, and my house always has a few projects sitting mid-stride (I'm an artist by profession). I've given up on trying to present a false face to company – I push the project to the side and we have coffee. If they are not good enough friends to accept the real me, they are not particularly welcome as visitors.

I've seen that too. I have several sisters, and I kind of think one of them might be a mild hoarder. She has one child, 14 yrs old, and she is a SAHM. She has PLENTY of time to work on her house, but she rarely ever does. Her husband works full-time, and if they are going to have company over, does she spend the day cleaning? No, she waits until her husband is home to help her or do it for her (argh!). Almost every room is a disaster. They have some animals, and sometimes the smell is so strong it's hard to breath in there.

So...most everyone else I meet, their house seems a lot cleaner. Another one of my sisters has five kids, and her house gets cluttered very quickly. Her issue seems more that she is overwhelmed with life and can't keep up right now.

I'm prego with #5, and I manage to usually keep the freakin' kitchen clean (it's been my nemesis because it gets messy so fast!). I have to clean it through out the day and often run two loads of dishes. We have a playroom. The kids can make whatever mess they want in there, which we'll clean at the end of the day. They can bring a couple toys out at a time into the other rooms. We clean toys up everyday, usually right before daddy comes home. We'll turn on cleaning music and usually have the house clean within ten minutes.

If someone is going to come over, I am SO embarrassed if it looks cluttered at all. I want it to be very clean. Usually I can clean the whole house (kitchen, sweep/mop, vacuum, clean bathrooms, etc) and have it totally clean within an hour at the most.

I don't spend all my time cleaning, but we do do it regularly through out the day. I think since my kids are home all the time, it's a constant battle to keep it clean. :-) I'm not a clean freak, but I definitely like an organized house and like to present it nicely to people.

I don't usually care what my friend's houses look like. They can be super messy, and it doesn't really bother me. Most of them don't compare to my sister's house! It's obvious they are clean, but very cluttered. My sister's house is dirty. I've tried cleaning her kitchen and front room before, and by the end of the day, it was back to being messy. It makes the effort seem wasted!

Maybe you can find a kind way to direct her to The Fly Lady's website (or Facebook page). The Fly Lady's method is to do a little bit every day, focusing on certain zones of the home, so that it's never TOO overwhelming and dirty.

Maybe she needs help with organizing/decluttering?

My parents home was/is unpresentable. They haven't hosted a family gathering in probably 12-15 yrs. Wish I could get my parents to clean and PURGE so that my kids could actually visit their grandparents' home some day (when we go home we only get to see them at our hotel or at other family members' homes or public venues...sad!)

My best friend always had a problem with a super messy house. Our kids were the same age. Once a year right about Christmas, my present to her was to help her clean her house up for the holidays.
It was bad- dirty dishes under the couch- bad. We never could figure out howcome she couldnt keep hers at least half way decent. But she liked to talk on the phone a lot and I think that's what stopped her. I could talk on the phone and clean at the same time, she couldnt.
Yep, she was blonde :)

Some people are lazy and some are not cut out for perfectly organized homes. Either way, every person is different and their standard of clean is as well. I have friends that literally don't have to do any work and their house is messy and disorganized. Its part of who they are----Others that I know clean the house daily, mop,vaccum and will whip up a batch of cookies before a guest comes over.

I on the other hand, HATE guests. I love having my family at home with me but I guess in a selfish way, I don't enjoy entertaining or having people over---I keep a semi-organized house. Its super clean, but not as de-cluttered as I would like. I am working on it though-- :)

M

I think my friends feel this way about my house LOL Where as most of the Moms I know have either time to be at home, money to pay for a cleaner, or figure out other ways to de-clutter and keep their homes clean - I haven't been so lucky. Up until this pregnancy, I've either been working full time and school part time as a single Mother; going to school full time and working part time while in a relationship; working the graveyard shift full time as a wife during her pregnancy with a young child at home.

Cleaning, organizing, de-cluttering WAS always last on my priority list. My house wasn't 'dirty', it was messy... as in paper and laundry clutter was the main issue. Now that I have had just over a month home from work - due to pregnancy being so hard this time around (without complications) I've had my sister come over to help and get most of the clutter under a better handle.

I try to keep in mind my own house when I visit another's home... but dirty dishes stacked in the sink, dirty kitchen and bathrooms are my main pet peeves. Clutter I can handle as long as it's not hoard-like, but real dirty gross health issue type stuff - no.

If I was a stay at home Mom and all my kids were in school all day - I'm pretty sure my house would be looking great almost all the time.

Yes. I have one friend who is a SAHM and has a 2 year old. I've never actually been inside of her house, but my husband has. He is friends with her husband and her husband is constantly complaining. They have 2 dogs, 7 puppies (right now), and 2 cats. I was told that there are piles of feces with maggots in them...plus the clutter. :( Her husband works full time and all she does is stay home, so he expects her to keep up the house. I have been trying to encourage her and help her to get more organized because I know it can get overwhelming when you let it pile up. Supposedly she is working on improving it.

When I'm in my worse depression bouts, the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning and tidying up. All I can manage is getting through the day. Perhaps your friend has trouble catching up because she needs some emotional support and has depression. It's not always apparent to people on the outside, because those of us with clinical depression and post-partum depression can do a very good job at hiding our symptoms unless you know what to look for.

I have a friend like that. Not kidding, every single time I have been to her house, you can't even see her counter tops and she has a dishwasher too. She has piles of baskets and boxes of stuff everywhere. Her kids rooms are always a mess and they have more toys than my sons preschool has! For me, I try my best to keep my house very clean. It's not always perfect, but I do at least get the kitchen cleaned every night and toys put away and sweep the floors. I can't stand clutter, so I get rid of stuff I don't use. I'm actually about to go and clean the bathrooms, sweep, dust, mop and vacume right now (my sister in law is coming over tomorrow, so I go a little crazy with cleaning when people come over). I really can not ever let anyone see my house a mess.

I used to be such a neat freak! I shared a room with my sister growing up and then with roommates until I got married. I was always the clean, organized one. Then I had kids. For some reason, it just became less of a priority, even though I get embarrassed at the cluttered nature of my home. My house isn't unsanitary, I DO clean. But things just keep coming out! I tell myself that I'm enjoying this time with my kids while they still want me around and when they get more involved in their activities as they get older, there will be more time to be spent on housework. (I hope??) Also, I recognized that if I were to be obsessive about my house, I would not be a very nice mom. I would be extremely uptight and irritated and that wasn't worth it to me. There's another saying that I love, "If you want to see me, stop by anytime. If you want to see my house, please make an appointment!" That fits me to a T!

Yeah, my house is a wreck. Not gross, germs, nasty wreck but unorganized messy. It has been a hectic summer- I have a full load of classes this semester, we've had lots of plans and invitations to things all summer long. Plus lots of unexpected things have come up. And my husband has been working crazy hours. Things have piled up around here- clean clothes in the baskets, the desk is full of papers and notebooks, and past assignments, etc, my daughter's room is cluttered (she doesn't sleep in there in the summer because there's no air conditioner in her room so until fall she sleeps in what I guess is a closet off the living room but it's bedroom sized and has a bed in it so it got piled up in her actual bedroom), one end of my living room has a whole bunch of stuff piled up for a garage sale I am having next weekend, basically my entire house is unorganized. I spent today cleaning my daughter's room, organizing the garage sale items, and cleaning the living room. I couldn't believe how much stuff piled up! Nobody has come over (thank goodness!) but I would be mortified to have anyone in my house. It's not gross but it is so cluttered.
As soon as this semester is over (2 more weeks) I will be able to breathe and get back on track. I can't wait until those few weeks I'll have between this semester and when my kid and I both go back to school. I'm going to get everything here organized, spend some down time with my family, and just enjoy summer. :)

Yes!....Most places i visit actually i wanna start cleaning as soon as i walk in. With the exception of my brother and one of my friends people consider me a neat freak in my group (and im really not)

I think some people just understand that being a housewife is not all that important. Keeping a spotless house is so far down the list of things for me to spend my time on. I could not care less if I have a few dishes in the sink or clutter around the room. I would rather read a book or do laundry than some of the things that others stress out about and work themselves to the bone...

I LOVE having people over, but I am not the neatest person at all. I LOVE a clean house I just discovered that you have to clean it every freakin' day for it to stay nice!! I do get on my little schedule and keep up with it in spurts, but then life happens, we add a baby to the mix etc and things fall apart. I am on my 3rd baby in five years of marriage so I get myself together and then there is a baby to nurse and care for and it wears me out!! Then I pull it together. What I tend to do is to clean for events like a birthday or the holidays really well. Then I use that as a catalyst to keep it clean...at least for awhile!! I have fooled some of my friends into thinking I keep it clean, but I guess they haven't noticed that invites over are usually after some kids bday or a holiday!! I had a friend growing up who's house was filthy bc her mom was majorly depressed, but other than that I always feel like most people's houses are ok, and lots are better than mine!!! Yikes!

Eh, my house is a mess all the time. It's not dirty, it's just messy. I don't apologize to anyone for it though I do warn people the first time they're coming over. If someone ever attempted to make me feel bad about it, that would be the last time they'd be invited over.

You know she could be depressed and just not have the energy to clean. Maybe she has some things going on personally? I wouldn't be so judgemental.

I used to be a neat freak where everything was always spotless. Then I got married and had 3 kids. Things are a little different now. The stuff that had to be shined daily before may go a month now. My priorities are just different. If it doesn't make my kids sick or hurt, it is just put on a list of things to do. So, yes, our house is really dusty most of the year. Top of my list? Spending time reading to my kids, making them healthy meals, cleaning their bathroom and their clothes, taking them to the park. When they are little, I try to keep the floor clean so they don't have to crawl and eat nasty junk of it. I figure as they get older, it will get a little easier to "clean" around them and eventually they will leave. I feel just fine knowing that I am spending valuable time with them instead of the mop.

Yes, I have been there...I tend to be almost obsessive compulsive about cleanliness. I clean as I go, I never go up or down the stairs without carrying things to put away. With 3 kids around, the house is rarely perfect but I do keep it pretty clean. I have quite a few friends that are the opposite of me. Here is the thing though- A. Who knows what they may be going through that might be leading to "excessive messiness". My mother just barely discovered that a medication she is on leads to compulsive behavior...which totally explains why she has gone from "minimalist" to full-on "hoarder" in the last few years. Who knew?! B. I have a hard time relaxing and just sitting down...I am getting better at living in the moment, but i think some of these friends with messy houses might have a step up on me...I would hate to look back on my life and think, "Well, I kept a clean house" rather than "I played with my kids often". C.A lot of it is a matter of perspective. One of my friends (who has a very cluttered, dirty house from my perspective) will always say things about how messy so-and-so's house is, and how she can't understand how people can stand that..! So I guess that my friend keeps her house pretty dang clean compared to other people in her life but just not as clean as Ms. OCD (me), lol!

sometimes i wish i could just *let things go*, but i can't, i am always cleaning & cannot stop & just enjoy myself at home........i haven't watched t.v. or a movie in months..........so i kind of am envious of people that could live like this

yes i have been in awe over a couple friends homes that decide to add large animals to their already chaotic home......it really grosses me out but i know it's my problem

I cannot stand it if my house is a wreck. But, it doesn't bother me one bit if someone elses is :)

Yes, I spent much of my childhood in a home like this. My life-long best friend grew up in a house that was in constant state of mess. It wasn't necessarily visibly unsanitary, but it was piled with clutter in every room, in every corner, all the time.

Her family is great. So, I've always understood that different people have different standards and expectations for household cleanliness. In my friend's case, her and her family just never throw anything away - ever. So, they probably didn't see piles of junk, but rather piles of valued belongings.

Awww hmmm, well, my own house is not exactly tidy...funny thing, ironic really, is that I clean Other peoples houses and do a pretty darn good job at it
; )
I want to spend my time with the kids. I prefer to think of my house as messy though, but not dirty. Maybe to someone else they might think my house is dirty?
I do like to follow Fly Lady and try to maintain a routine. But even I get side tracked.
I love the poem one momma posted, I have that hanging in my house.
I also love the 100 years from now poem.

i admit my house gets messy. i have a 2 1/2 year old boy and 8 month old twin boys, we are pretty busy around here. but, there is a certain line that doesnt get crossed, ESPECIALLY if I know people are coming over. even if you only have a 5 or 10 minute warning there are somethings you can do to lessen the mess. i have a friend, and she has a daycare out of her house, who everytime I go there i am just amazed at her house. it looks as if the carpet is only vacuumed once or twice a year. the kitchen is always gross. i admit sometimes my dishes can pile up, but not like that and not when i know people are coming over.

I'm with some moms on that my house is by no means spotless. I always say at least it's sanitary. The dirty dishes are in the dishwasher and the trash is in the trash can. The bathroom is presentable. Other than that many times my desk looks like it's vomiting papers, I have a clutter monster who invades my home at night. There are toys scattered, clean clothes still in the basket, my sewing area is usually out... my dining area serves as my garage (live in an apartment) so our bikes, etc are in that area. I don't usually make my bed.

That being said, I'm not embarrassed to have people over. The floor is visible and I don't feel like it's unsanitary. I'm just not a huge neat freak and suck at organizing and could use a declutter fairy .

I used to have a friend like this. Her house was ALWAYS a mess (dirty). She didn't work and wasn't all that great of a Mom. My favorite thing she ever said as I was walking in her door one day "Watch the butter on the floor". I look down and there's just a big blob of butter laying in the kitchen floor...REALLY? I'm thinking, "you couldn't of just bent over and wiped that up"...oh well, I guess it just doesn't bother some people.

I am struggling with dealing with my house right now...agh!! First of all we never play in the living room/den or dining area. So it is always straight and you can't see into the kitchen from there (My kitchen is clean at bedtime and so first thing in the morning...but during the day it can get messy). If guests drop by my house looks super clean. I keep the front bathroom really straight and clean.

The rest of my house is out of control. Stuff on top of stuff...closets full of stuff...and I just want to throw it all away, but it needs to be gone through. I can't ever seem to get rid of the out grown clothes, weed through the toys, all the drawing my kids make...help me I am drowning.

One of my best friends is terrible at cleaning house. I have known her since we were in graduate school and at the time we were so busy studying and with everything I just thought she was too busy. All her dishes were always dirty. Everything was always a big mess. But I've known her forever and she has never changed. Her husband is the same way unfortunately. They both work now and have 2 kids so now they are even more busy. I think she has a very high tolerance for messiness. I also think it's so messy that she feels overwhelmed. She puts her time and energy into other things and almost never into cleaning up. It's crazy to me bc I can't stand my house to get too messy. It really bugs me. One time about 6 years ago when they were visiting us she said she has been watching me and she is fascinated by how I clean up as I go along. She said she was trying to learn from me. We live in different states now but when we go and visit her I usually end up washing dishes bc everything is dirty. Some people just cannot change I guess!

I agree with many of the other moms. Kids come first. I am a self employed SLP. This summer I have been working 9a-9p 4days/wk due to employees not being available. I don't worry about if my house is messy or not. A little clutter is not a big deal. Instead I enjoy every minute I have with my kids at night or on the weekends. They are growing up too fast!