Zuni

The best advice that I can give you is that you must take the video games away. Set aside at the specific time that you do homework with him. Tell him that this is the time he needs to work on his homework. Explain the longer he cries about the games, the longer it will take to do his homework. Also let him know that he will have it back after the homeork is done. In the beginning you may have to take it away for a day or two if he does not stop crying about not being able to play with it. Let him know that you make the rules and he is responsible for getting his homework completed.

Yes! same situation with my son, 7 yrs old. I packed it up until the summer!

I would take all the game systems he has away until the Summer. He needs to learn that video games are not as important as homework and learning is. When he has that concept down, then take one out and let him play for an allocated amount of time after homework is complete during the school year. Video games are a privilege and not a need. You need to take control of the situation as the parent and let him cry if he wants about it, but if you don't get him under control now, you will be lost when he gets older and he will walk all over yuo.

V.,
I know how hard it is to have a young child cry his heart out for something he wants very badly, but you have to take control of this situation now. If he hardly does homework at this age, think about how much trouble he will be in as he goes into higher grades.
You are the parent and he's only 5 years old. He has to learn to live with your rules and you have to be very clear as to what those rules are.
Tell him that he may play his video games only after he has done his homework. You may have to take his games away until he realizes that you mean what you say. He's already discovered that you'll give in if he cries, so you'll have to be prepared to listen to a lot of crying. He'll eventually stop when he sees that it isn't working anymore. Yes, you may have a miserable few days, but stick to your rules. At age 5 he's absolutely old enough to understand that you're not going to compromise on this issue.
Reward him when he stops crying - not with his games but with a hug. Tell him how glad you are that he's now a big boy. "Only babies cry when they want something, big boys can ask for what they want."
Try to find out why he doesn't want to do his homework. Is he having trouble seeing it? Does he need glasses? Perhaps he just doesn't understand what he is supposed to do. Help him get set up in a quiet place and check on him after 5 minutes. Help him if he needs it. Give him a lot of praise for trying. If it's too hard for him talk to his teacher.
When he finishes his homework allow him to play his games. Remember though, that you may have to limit the amount of time he can play those games. He also needs time with his friends, time outside, time to read books and time to help you with chores.
Good luck, and let us know how you worked this out.

V.,

First of all who is the boss, you or the child? Tell him that he can play the video games once his homework is completed. Sit down with him while he is doing his homework and give him attention, he will associate spending time with mom and will begin to enjoy doing homework because you are there with him.

S.

Tell him you are going to change the schedule and why. Then explain he will have an hour each day for video games.

But you will need to introduce him to other activities. Some he will like others he will learn to appreciate. Going for a walk and collecting leaves or rocks along the way. Taking pictures of birds and then draw them. Join a sports team. At his age, I think they practice once a week.

(My Mom made me take a ballet class once a week and I hated it. After a year, I loved it and danced every day for 10 years after that. I didn't like piano lessons either, but I do understand music which helped with ballet and Poetry classes in high school.)

hope this doesn't across too harsh...yet as a parent it is your responsibility to teach your child how to behave...he is manipulating you by crying.
at this point of "the game" i'd vote to put the video games in a box in a closet until he is doing his homework for an allocated amount of time (one month maybe) then he can earn back an equal amount of video game time to homework. in other words, set the rules, stick to the rules and let him cry. he'll get over it, he'll learn a valuable lesson, your relationship will be better and when other situations come up you won't be in the same boat.
fyi, my kids are only allowed to play video games during the weekend, between 1 and 4. this makes it a privlidge and it does not conflict with school work, playing outside or other creative games and activities.
from my experience, if you don't set boundries and rules now, it will be much harder for him when he's older and the consequences will be much more....

Better he should cry at 5 than you cry when he is 15! He can play once his homework is finished. You have to take control NOW to benefit him later in his life.

V.,

As hard as it is, let him cry now. It will be much more difficult to handle when he is older! Maybe get a timer for him and say that he has 30 minutes of game time a night. When that 30 minutes is up - it's up. If he gives you a problem let him know that the next night he won't have game time. Make the rules very clear, even write them out for him on a poster and have him decorate it. I would also recommend that the games be the reward after homework is finished. Again, setting the rules clearly and following through with them. I hope that helps! But remember, when he is 5 - you can still do time outs - when he is 15 - you will have lost the battle years earlier.....

He shouldn't be aloud to play them until his homework is done. I would also seriously consider limiting his amount of play. After he is done with his homework (which, at that age, I really hope you are doing with him), set a timer for a certain amount of time (30 minutes or so), and he gets to play until the timer goes off. He might not like it, but you are establishing good work habits for the rest of his life, and even if he doesn't like it, it needs to be done.

I have found that television, computers and video games can be highly addictive, especially for children. I have put my foot down and there are none of these items in any of my children's rooms and they are used on a very limited basis. Video games are only rewarded when all chores have been done, school work finished and if their behavior is good. Do you have lincoln logs, legos, tinkertoys, crayons/ papers, hot wheels for him? I've found my kids leave the television to play with these, and their creativity is amazing.

Hi V.! I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but you are the parent, so you make the rules. Nip it now or it will only get worse later. Make him earn his time on the video games by doing his homework without tears, doing chores, cleaning up after himself, etc and set up a rewards system. When he does what he's supposed to do without giving you tears, then he can earn time playing video games. I have a 7, 5 and 3 year old, so I understand what you are going through multiplied by 3!!! I wish you all the best!!

No child has ever died of crying. So you need to toughen up and be strong for his sake.

You need to be the parent and he can earn his 20 minutes of video games when he finished his homework and cleaning up his room and emptying the garbage! how is that!!!

If he can't/won't help out and do what he is suppose to do to live a responsible life, then there are consequenses. Life is hard and he will have more self esteem and respect you more when you give him boundaries and responsibilites!
Trust me it is hard. I have 4 children from 5-10 years old. Their PSPs are on the top shelf in their rooms. I had to take them away so that they understand that there is a HUGE responsiblilty of their own room and homework.

I am here for you!
T.
www.tesabartell.myarbonne.com

Don't give him the toy to play with. He's 5. You are in charge. Have him play outside, no t.v., no videos. He may cry for a little while, but then he will put his focus on our games and things to do. Studies show that kids who play video games at an early age are not as healthy as those that don't play. You'll be doing your son a favor to get him off of the media and video games.

He needs to cry, then. I know that may sound harsh, but spending so much time playing video games can be detrimental to his health and mind. If you are going to let him make these decisions now, you have already lost control of him and his next years will become quite challenging for you. YOu are his mom and you need to make these decisions for him. It is not detrimental to say no to your child. His crying is his way of protesting. Respond to this by saying, "I know you want to play, and I wish I could let you, but the rule is...." (Personally, I think one hour a day is more than plenty...I dont think I would be letting my five year old even play that much).

I dont believe in punishing him for crying. Crying is a natural way to release stress, and this will be stressful for him, but necessary. Just learn to "tune out" the crying, telling yourself that in this instance, crying is a benefit to him.

I would definately take them away until the homework is done. If he cries, let him. After a few days of you being consistant he will finally know that you mean business. I know that it is hard to see and hear your child crying, but believe me he knows that you feel that way and he is manipulating you to get the result that he wants and you are playing into his hand. Childeren are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Be strong, you can do it! Good luck.

Hi V., It is so hard when our children cry because we want to give them what they want. You are the mother though. Video games are a privelege not a right. He has the right to food, love, shelter, and a basic education. You need to take the video game away and he can do things to earn points to get to play a certain amount of minutes a day after he does his homework. If he cries he needs to go to his room because he needs to calm himself and you don't need to hear it. If you do not get control of this you are going to have serious problems later.

Two hours a day is what I've been told to do with any kind of TV or video games. I would say... no homework, no games. You have to put your foot down. School is much more important than games. I make deals with my five year old. I give him two options and he gets to choose the one he wants. For example, I would say "you have two choices, you can do your homework and then have two hours of games or you can do your homework and have no games. It's your choice." He will fight with me sometimes, and when he does that gives me the option to choose and I choose no games. It is hard, I want him to have whatever he wants, but in the end he knows what is most important. And if he comes home from school and the games are gone, then let him cry. Let him know that when the behavior changes the game will find it's way home.
I hope this helps, I have a lot of trouble with my five year old and games too!

Let him cry, he will get over it. I teach language arts and you are hurting him more than helping him. Video games should be a last resort for fun not a first choice. Read a book together then turn that book into a board game. Then you will have something fun to do together!

Zuni......come on now I don't know of ANY child that has died from crying you know what to do just do it with confindance.

hi V.!

so what!!!! let him cry.....he'll get over it!! offer to do something else with him instead when he gets home from school.....how about taking him out for a walk or a bike ride.....play a game with him....do a craft project....be creative!!!! my son really needed some physical activity when he got home....after some activity, he was ready to do homework.....the point is that you should be engaging your child in positive activities instead of letting him call the shoots by zoning out with video games......video games are ok in moderation.....but they should not be a substitute for life.....and remember, you are the parent and set the video game rules.....your son needs you!!!

hugs!
sally

I think you need to be firm and take it away completely. Then use it as a reward when he does his homework. Only let him play for a certain amount of time. Use a timer to time him. Once it's done, it's done. If he throws a fit trim time off the next time he gets to use it. It will be tough at first but eventually, he'll get used it.

I recommend reading the book "Playstation Nation"

Hi V.,
Its hard being a parent; 1 because they do not come with instruction booklets. I know others will write and say the same thing about your unique situation. You are the parent and you set the rules. Yes, he will cry, might even jump up and down, let him. You might consider having him earn points to play video games on week end. The recommendation is 30 minutes for video and TV per day. My sons were allowed to play video games on week ends and for 30 minutes only. The rest of the time they had chores to do around the house. SD

so let him cry! when you start seeing him do his homework, and turning it in( get in touch with his teacher) Praise him and tell him that he is earning his games back by doing his homework first. set up time frames when he can play his games after the homework is done. Be consistant! don't cave-in when he starts whining! I found that if you give the child an hour of down time when he comes home from school( to re-coup from the stress of school), get a snack, maybe plaY OUTSIDE then say it's time to get the homework done. I'M NOT SAYING IT'S PERFECT, BUT IF you ARE CONSISTANT WITH IT, you should have better results. good luck!(p.s. if you guys keep the gaming units out put them away!)( p.p.s. The Dangerous Book for Boys is very useful, i agree.)

You're the boss! You make the rules. The hard part is sticking to them. My 6 and 9 year olds are only allowed to play video games on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. On vacations, I limit their play time but they are allowed to play everyday. When they cry for their games (which hasn't happened in a long time)I take away 30 minutes from their game time. If they continue, they lose more and more until they've lost the whole day. The trick is... STICK TO IT. Don't let the crying get to you. They know it works. It's not hurting them to cry. Just be tough ;o)

You have to get tough! He already knows he can manipulate you at 5. If he's only 5 and skipping homework to play video games than what are you going to to do when he's ten or even fifteen. Your the mom and the boss. Put your foot down. You owe it to him to do the best you can to prepare him to be a responsible adult. Take his video game system away, so what if he cries and cries. Tell him he can play for a short amount of time (like an hour or less) only if he finishes all his homework first. Trust me, as well as raising my two kids I also am a full time student at ASU. There are students there who are living on mommy and daddy's money while they skip class to stay home and play they're latest video game. They always end up flunking out. Is this the future you want for your son?

Okay the Crying is a power struggle.Your child knows that you don't like to hear his crying so he is using it to get his way. You need to take the games away and let him know that if he crys, there will be a punishment for that action. Remember who is the mom and Who is the child. When He crys, put him in his room but make sure all electronics are removed from his room. all games,tvs, and anything that is electronic. or else have a time out chair, that is in a very boring corner and have him sit for as long as he is old( 5 mins=5 yrs old) by telling him that the longer he crys, the longer he has to sit in that boring corner will help to get him to stop faster.. You also state positive statements while he is sitting and crying like " the faster you stop crying and start doing your homework, the faster you can play your video games." and keep repeating this. He will scream louder and try everything he can to get you to let him have his way. DON'T GIVE IN!! I know it will be hard but again remember who is the Mom and who is the child.

Who is the parent? You or your child? I think on school nights you should probably limit it to an hour a night. I am telling you from experience, if you don't nip it in the bud and take control now; at 16 he wont think he has to listen to anything you tell him. Let him cry and cry...shut the door to his room. You have to be stronger than him. Children are much happier with rules & school is much more important than video games!!!
To bad I didn't take my own advice!! Because I am dealing with those teen years and it isn't fun when you never had control at a young age!

You can work on a reward system with him to ease him into the idea. Try 10 min. of homework for ten min. of video games..working it up to 30 min. Once he gets the idea that he needs to earn the video games, you can work on other things that need changing. Meke him in control of a timer and use a sticker chart for his homework time completed. If he is battling you about homework at 5 years old, image how it will be when he is 10. Start now.
Good Luck!

Hello Zuni!

You are definitely giving you child too much control and power. Although a crying child can become quite stressful it won't last long if you stick to your guns. You have the ultimate say-so and should enforce the fact that you are the mom and he is the child. Children need that to know you care and they have boundaries. If his homework is being effected than it is your responsibility as his mother to "lay down the law". Not only will you see better results over time you will have accomplished the beautiful feat of respect from your child. He will love you for it, I promise. Start to distract him with doing homework together and once that is completed first you can reward him with a limited amount of time playing his video games because HE EARNED IT!

Good luck!
A.

Take it away from him. He will cry but you can not be just his friend. When my daughter wants to ride her bike at the park she needs to finish her work. She wants to cry and throw a fit then she gets time out (a min for her age) and then gets told y she is in trouble. Then she will either cry *which she loses priveleges* or she does her homework. He knows that crying will get him what he wants with no consequences.

I noticed that someone recommended The Dangerous Book for Boys. I would recommend it too. It is a wonderful book full of great and fun ideas. We purchased it and my boys just love it. They too had a problem of playing too much video games. I only allow them to play them when homework and housework is done. Then I set the kitchen timer when it goes off they have to find something else different to do. If they don't obey they don't play!

Hi, I would like to suggest maybe some kind of chart as a reward for being good and not playing games but doing homework. But you have to make it a positive thing. Make a chart with homework, picking up his games, etc. Let him pick out the poster board and stickers.(Big Lots) cheap. When he has a good days he gets a sticker for each accomplishment. Then when he has a bad day he gets a big fat sad face and no games for the day. If he does the homework maybe give him 10 minutes and you play the game with him. Then say our time is up and he won't feel like he is being punished and all is being taken away from him. Good Luck!!

I would take it away and tell him once he finishes his homework he can play but put a time limit on how much he's plays. There is a book that I saw on Rachael Ray to get boys to put down the video games and play outside it's called "The Dangerous Book for Boys" they put it the test with some boys that would not put down the video games and they really liked it.

I hope this helps I know it hurts when our kids cry. Good Luck!

You can't let him obsessively play video games (or watch TV for that matter). It can start bad habits early and I think can be damaging on a developing mind.

I think you should set a certain amount of time he is allowed to play a day (maybe even use a kitchen timer). If he throws a fit, maybe take it away for a week, till he learns.

These are learned behaviors, you are the parent and it is your job to teach good habits. When you set a rule don't bend even once because that teaches him that if he fights enough you might give in. If you never give in he will eventually learn that's just the way it is and he will cope.

Good luck

Dear V.,

I think I'd recommend going cold turkey (or very nearly so) and dealing with the crying for a while. There are two issues. Firstly, you've GOT to be the one in charge. For a 5-year-old to be in charge is bad both for him and you, and is a harbinger of doom for his teenage years. Do whatever it takes to regain the role of parent.

Secondly, video games are a serious menace to your child's health - socially, emotionally, and physically. They are also extremely addicting. My husband was addicted to video games when we met, and his obsessive playing nearly ended our relationship. Many other couples have dealt with this problem. And teens who are hooked on video games tend to do poorly in school, have poor or nonexistent peer relationships, and have bad parental relationship. Whatever it takes, get control of this issue now, or you will be facing hell on earth in the future.

I wish you the best. My little guy is very strong-willed as well, and it is very tiring to deal with his will power. You can do it!!!

My son (8) is also addicted to video games; however, we have a rule that he is not allowed to play during the school week at all. I'm still working on limiting his time during the weekend - it's hard for me to monitor with three other kids and the various game devices we have around the house, but there is a no exception rule during the week. If homework is still a problem, you can make him "earn" video game time with homework and household chores. Give coupons and make him turn them in whenever he plays. Don't give in to the tears (easier said than done, I know) - he does it because he knows it works. I let my kids cry it out in their room - they can have their fit, but it doesn't mean I need to witness it. Good luck.

What kind of video games?
Are these games for his age. There are games where he can learn math skills, reading etc... Who get your child the video games? Completely put the video games out. If you have an older child have him play also after getting homework done. Show him on the clock if he gets his homework done he can play for a certain amount of time if he cries then he does not play at all that day. Continue even if he does not get to play the whole week. I know it's fustrating and tiring to hear your son cry. But, it's better to hear that now then to later have more talk backs when they get older and you want to discipline on other things.
I am 37 yrs old with 2 boys, one will be 12 next month and the other one is 7.

My 6 year old son would love to spend all of his time in front of a computer, or tv. It is very important to me that his time in front of a screen is limited. I think that kids should be out playing, using their imaginations and exploring wonders. The compromise that I have come up with is that my son gets half hour screen tokens. When he chooses to use a token he is allowed a half hour on the computer or tv. If he uses all his tokens in a day or two he has no more for the rest of the week. I give him 5 tokens and he can earn more for helping me around the house. If he does not complete his homework he has a token taken away.

V., I have three kids, now 14, 16, and 18. I made it a rule very early that they had to earn TV/video time, either by reading, household chores or homework. Once they entered school, they were not allowed to watch tv/video during the school week. They didn't miss it as we were busy with sports, doing homework etc.
You may have tears and threats initially but nip this in the bud and instill in you child that you are the adult and you will be running the house. Good luck.

My main thought was, if you aren't willing to take away the video games when he is inappropriate with them, no matter what he does in response, then you will have a huge challenge setting, keeping and honoring boundaries as he grows up and the situations just get tougher. I'm not sure how to say that any differently. With my kids, video games are not allowed on school nights and TV doesn't come on until 6:30pm giving them plenty of time to do homework, and play with neighbor kids before being bombarded by video and TV stuff. I have found this to be a great tool in my house in keeping grades up as well as minimizing the affect media has on the atmosphere in my home. My kids play outside all the time, in fact they prefer it. My teenaged daughter's grades improved greatly after we implemented this plan, and there is less fighting in my house because no one is haggling for who gets to play what game or who gets to pick the TV show. Believe me, it is much easier to set these kinds of boundaries when they are little than when they get to be teenagers! I would suggest putting up with his tantrum for as long as it takes...and by the way, I would give a consequence for a throwing a tantrum too....like time out in his room with no TV etc. He will try to wear you down and he already knows he can. You really do want to fix that now rather than later! I have lived it, I know what I am talking about! This is just my opinion, but I have been a parent for 25 years and so I have been there before. I do hope this works out for you and you find what works for your family. Good luck!

L. B
Certified Life Coach
____@____.com

Nobody has died from crying too much. Unplug the videogame until he is done. My son went through the same until I unplugged it. He hasnt played for a few months and has survived just fine. Now he reads so he doesnt get bored. It doesnt have to be so radical, just dont plug it back in until he is done with homework. I told my son at 5 pm, that he would play from the time he finished his homework, until 9 pm. If he finished at 6, it would be three hours, (which is still a lot, but I knew he'd take time) if he finished at 8 it would be only one. The faster he worked, the better. Of course whatever he did had to be correct too, or he would have to fix it and that would add time to it.
good luck. And stand your ground. a 5 year old cannot be more powerful than his mom. Oh, something funny I did when he was that little was, when he threw a fit, I did it too. It was funny, I threw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming, just like he did. he was so surprised, he froze in place. Then I got up and told him "This is how silly you look". He didn't do it much afterwards.

I'd say let him cry and cry. My boys have a time limit on video games each day. They resisted at first but we stuck to our guns and they are fine with it now. I would explain to him he has a time limit, set a timer for him and when the timer goes off he's done. Period. Be prepared to let him cry over it for as long as it takes. He needs to understand now that, first of all, you are the boss, and that work comes before play. It's a valuable life lesson.

Rig it so it seems broken, and just tell him it's going to take a while to repair or replace it. In the meantime spend YOUR time with him; ride bikes, play outside, have him help you in a way that makes him feel important, read with him, color with him, build things, cook together. A five year old is too young to be on video games - it actually impairs brain development, not to mention what he's missing by not doing activities that will stimulate him. Any five year old will treasure time with you over a video game... and that will change all too soon.

Dear V.,
Yes he will cry, but you absolutely need to do it anyway. As long as he knows he can control you by crying you will never be able to parent him and he will get to be more and more out of control. When our kids were little, we put a lock on on TV and rarely had to use it because they knew we would. If you can't control his actions at 5 you are going to be extremely frustrated when he is 15 and you have no control. You are the parent, not the "buddy". Crying won't hurt him. It just messes with you and puts him in control of a situation which is harmful to him in the long run. When he realizes you are serious and sticking with the plan. He will quit crying. You have to be firm and resolute. As long as he thinks there is even a chance that crying will work, he will continue to do it.

Dear V.,
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Small children, to age 12 actually, have very vulnerable brain and nerve systems and are very sensitive to electronic overload. There are visual recording of the brain changing for two hours after using a cell phone for 2 minutes. The video games electrically falsely stimulate the nerves and create the 'addiction' you are facing. In the early 80's controversial books exposed electronic addiction "THE PLUG IN DRUG"
Children playing lap held video games are developing intestinal tumors in their teens along with digestion disorders. Concentration and creative thinking is failing, outside of videos and electronic entertainment,(entrapment).
The ADD rate is increasing to 1 out of 150 children in the same time span as TV use increases,cell phones, video games,
microwave use,baby monitors, etc. Behaviors of agitation, defiance, loss of cognitive processing not even developed yet, anxiety,sleep disorders,headaches from cell phones,and reading and communications skills are failing. We can see it in the school classes.
The CELL CHIPS block electronic damage to cells, nerves and brains.That is one solution. Outside activities are needed also.
I am a youth advocate and have studied the impact of modern social progress on the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual wellness of our children and adults and alternative lifestyles for health and happiness. Blessings to all moms.

V., our 6 year old likes video games, but we limit him to Tues. and Thurs. for 30 minutes and on weekends for a little longer. After school we take a break, then do homework, then he gets to play video games or computer games on the other days. Don't let your son manipulate you by crying. Yes, it is going to make you sad to see your son cry, because he would rather do video games than homework, wouldn't you? So calmly say, after you do homework, you may play 30 minutes of video games. He may cry but ignore him. Yes, it is hard, but this is for the health of your son.