How to Develop Your Child's Emotional Intelligence
Beginning as early as pre-school, kids are groomed for higher education. In many areas, there is tremendous competition to get into particular schools and parents are extremely preoccupied with intellectual achievement. But what about emotional success?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize emotions in yourself and others in order to deal with interpersonal relationships in positive ways. It’s of the utmost importance if we hope to navigate a variety of social situations. But since we aren’t necessarily born with a high emotional intelligence, beginning at a young age we must nurture communication, empathy, and self-awareness.
Play the Name Game
The first step to achieving emotional awareness is teaching your kids to recognize and name their emotions. Whether it’s good or bad feelings, from time to time ask them to describe (in writing or in pictures) what’s going on in their hearts, minds and bodies. When they give a name to their feelings it’ll be easier for them to communicate with you about their mood shifts. Eventually, they’ll be able to identify the range of emotions in others and anticipate how they will react to various temperaments.
Let them Talk
Be patient with your kids when they’re voicing how they feel. Make sure they know you’re truly present and listening to what they’re saying. If they feel angry or sad, don’t try to talk them out of it; instead, listen and acknowledge what they’re feeling. The idea is to allow children to freely express themselves, regardless of the situation. Too often adults interfere too much and too soon and kids begin to question the validity of their emotions and choose to keep them bottled inside.
Express Yourself
If you’re asking your child to speak freely about emotions, make sure you do the same. Let your kids know how you’re feeling or ask them to guess the mood you’re in at the moment. For example, if you’re sad, discuss ways you could lighten up or imagine what would happen if your sadness lasted for a while. Consider together how your sadness would affect others. When your little ones see how you manage your feelings, they’ll be inclined to model your behavior.
Problem Solve
After your child has articulated how they’re feeling, sit together with this information. Try not to suggest a remedy right away and let their words settle without taking any immediate action. Explain that it’s never the best idea to make decisions in the heat of the moment when emotions are running high. Instead, encourage them to take the time to fully recognize and understand what’s going on with them. When they’re ready, tell them you’re confident that they can handle the situation, but you’re available to help them brainstorm or to discuss things. In this way, you’re encouraging them to problem solve on their own and you’re emphasizing the importance of approaching a situation (whenever possible) with a clear and level head.
Bounce Back
When kids fail at something or if their feelings are hurt, it can be tough for them to bounce back. Therefore, from a young age we need to stress that it’s OK to make mistakes and it’s OK to feel disappointment or even anger as a result. A failure is often a learning opportunity and the chance for you to ask, “Is there something you can learn from this experience?” or “How could you do better next time?” When children are confident that they can recover from bad choices or unfortunate situations, they are more likely to take risks or engage in situations that are, at first, daunting.
If we want the younger generation to grow into competent, clever, compassionate leaders, we need to encourage more than just book smarts. Current research has shown that a child’s emotional intelligence can determine whether they will be successful in forging both personal and professional relationships. So while we’re scheming about ways to secure the best educational opportunities for our kids, we need to focus just as hard on raising kids who are comfortable expressing their feelings and showing empathy to others.
Samara Kamenecka is a New York-born freelance writer and translator living in Madrid. When she’s not busy trying to mold her two kids into functional, contributing members of society, she can usually be found enjoying a glass of wine (or three), or eating ice cream straight out of the container. You can find her blogging over at Tiny Fry.
