How to Head Off Aggressive Behavior
Children who exhibit aggressive behavior often get into trouble at school and at home. It can be hard for them to make, and keep friends, which makes them feel left out and isolated – only fueling their feelings of frustration.
Although aggressive behavior is a natural phase in a child’s development, children do need to learn at a young age that aggressive behavior cannot be tolerated, nor will it get them what they want. But, punishing them after an episode of punching, pushing, screaming or throwing things isn’t especially effective. Instead, head off aggressive behavior before it begins.
Understand that Something May Be Bothering Him
Aggressive behavior is often a symptom of something else. Your child may have sensory issues to light, sounds, or crowds. When the child becomes overwhelmed, he doesn’t know how else to react.
Emotional issues can also be to blame. An aggressive incident is just the boiling point for emotions that have been stewing under the surface for some time. Stacie Hogue, a third grade teacher in at Weikel Elementary in Colorado Springs, Colorado, says “Most of the time when kids are aggressive, there are more social emotional issues involved.”
Do your best to provide a stable, supportive and structured environment for your child at home. And, if he’s school-aged, ask for the same at school. Hogue notes, “The students may need to know exactly how much time they have to complete an assignment or know who they can ask if they need help – like a classroom buddy.”
Stability and structure goes a long way in heading off aggression. Hogue says that she’s had students who aren’t at all aggressive at school because of the structure, but can be difficult at home.
Help Your Child Find Alternatives
Your child may behave aggressively because your child doesn’t know any other option. He feels left out of a game, so he hits someone. He’s not necessarily feeling aggressive, rather he’s hurt and sad – and doesn’t know how to express that. Help him find words to explain his emotions to you and to others. Teach him that it’s OK to have feelings and express them, but through healthy ways such as crying, talking, or writing thoughts down.
Also, give him ways to cope with his emotions. Physical activity helps some kids work out pent up aggression – have him shoot hoops or run around the block. Listen to him if he wants to talk about his feelings, and be a supportive, empathic ear.
Work with people in your child’s community – church, school, neighbors, and friends – to come up with ways to avoid triggering aggression. Hogue notes that sometimes she and parents devise a plan together. She may, for example, agree to “no or modified homework” if these trigger aggression at home.
Stay Involved
If your child is unexplainably aggressive, it can be embarrassing and worrisome. You may just want it to stop and get angry when your child displays such behavior. But, this doesn’t help your child. Instead, demonstrate positive ways to deal with tough emotions.
And, if all of your efforts to imbue structure and positive change fail, it might be time to have him evaluated. Behavior and mood disorders, such as ADHD, are very real and could be the cause. He may also have an undiagnosed allergy to something in food or the environment or an underlying learning disability that makes him frustrated and scared. A health professional can guide you in diagnosis.
Andrea Cespedes is a professionally trained chef and a Certified Nutrition Therapist. With more than 20 years of experience in the fitness industry, she coaches cycling and running and teaches Pilates and yoga. She is an American Council on Exercise-certified personal trainer, RYT-200 and has degrees from Princeton and Columbia University. She’s the proud mom of two kids, who love dance, rock climbing and animals.
