My one year old seems unable to fall asleep unless she's nursing. If I nurse her until she's completely out and manage to transfer her to her crib without waking her, she may sleep from about 6:30/7:00 through to 5:00/5:30. if, however, she isn't all the way out she can take hours to fall asleep. she'll go between playing in her crib and crying hysterically. we're at our wits end, as one of us stays all evening by her cribside trying to convince her to sleep. advice???
UPDATE: Thank you all for all your advice so far! many of you suggest we may be trying to put her to bed too early, and i think you many be right. However, regardless of bedtime, M will wake up between 5 and 5:30, so I keep feeling like she needs all that extra sleeping time. I will try moving it back a bit, working harder to establish a routine and some of the other suggestions. I'll keep you posted!
sorry this update is so late...
the main thing that happened was that i decided to just let her nurse to sleep for a time. i realized she was in a rough patch (teeth, learning to walk, string of houseguests at our place, etc) and it was just a good time to let her do that. and that has been truly fine. she nurses for about 20 minutes and then is out from usually 7:15 to about 6 (which is mercifully later than before). i know we'll eventually have to wean from this habit, but i'm okay with that.
thanks for all your advice!
You need to just let her cry it out. Otherwise it is a habit that you will never be able to break. It should take about three nights and then she will be fine.
Hello E.-
This is very common. When parents come to me with this issue, (I'm a parent coach), I recommend they use the following method.
Lay your child in bed awake.
Stay in the room and either talk calmly to her or rub her back (which ever you wish), keeping a calm voice
Stay until she's asleep (this will take a while at first)
Over the next few weeks, stay without talking then leave just before she's asleep, then leave while she's awake. Eventually, she will be able to fall asleep on her own.
Another recommendation is create bedtime routines. I also strongly recommend a music CD. It helps tell your child it's time to sleepl.
Good Luck.
R. Magby
I had a nurse give me an idea with the birth of my first child. She said to put the t-shirt I wore while nursing in the arms of the baby and under its cheek. If they wake, they "smell" mom and fall back to sleep. As you know, we tend to sweat or give off a 'scent' as we nurse. It's natural. I used this trick with all four of my kids and it worked like a dream. My second baby was sleeping all night at 8 weeks! It was also great for the weaning process. Give it a try.
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Is she tired enough at 6:30 in the evening? That sounds like maybe you could be urging her to go down well before she is ready, hence the reason for such a struggle. Have her play hard for an hour in the evening and let her get to the point where she is ready for sleep. Something tells me if you take her into the nursery at 8-9pm, nurse her (if that's still what you want to be doing) and put her down she'll be ready. If you're trying to wean and allow her to figure out how to fall asleep on her own, let her get worn out, offer a cup with milk, and a warm bath, she'll get really tired, put her in the crib and walk out! In 2-3 nights the crying will stop!
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child- this book is awesome. It'll make it pretty easy to get her down and a bit more independent for sleepy time!!
Pick it up ASAP, mamma!!! Good luck!! =D
(It worked miracles for me with my babes)
I nursed my daughter to sleep for over a year. But when I felt it was time to stop, we would lie in bed and nurse, and once she started drifting off, I would slowly and gently unlatch her. If she started to fuss, I'd let her start nursing again until she dozed, then try again. It took a lot of patience, but she eventually just let herself unlatch and fall asleep on her own. Instead of trying to find a way to stop nursing her to sleep, I'd keep doing that since it's working. I do not think that letting a one year old cry hysterically is the right message to send to your child. Eventually she will be old enough to fall asleep on her own, but apparently she's just not ready yet. Good luck!
Oh, and my daughter was around 20 months when she weaned and she would just lay next to me and fall asleep. It will happen some day, I promise!
Try keeping her up longer during the day. PErhaps skip a nap time if possible, limit sweets. I also heard a banana can be a sleep aid. Try one.
She could also be not getting enough sleep. My 2 year old sleeps from 6:30 to 6. The only time he has trouble is if he is up late because we are out. Just another possibility.
I feel your pain, this is just like my LO that is 19 mo old! we gave up and cosleep and that has helped w/ our sanity and sleep bc I can just nurse her and fall back asleep. I am not saying that it is for everyone, and it will be hard to get her out of her bed, but it worked for us and we needed it. she does nap in her own bed so that will help w/ the transition. i did read the no cry sleep solution and the sleep lady and i used some of what they said and it did help: esp the part about night nursing in the no cry sleep solution. what also has worked for me if after i pull her off when she is just about to pass out is let her lay on my breast as I rock her w/ her paci in....that way she is getting the cuddles/love yet not falling asleep nursing. then i rub her until she falls asleep...there are times where I rub her a lot and times where I hardly rub her. at this point she does not need to nurse, jsut wants to out of habit so if you can slowly break her of it, baby steps, you will get less tears/stress but it will take longer. worked for us! good luck! it is so frustrating!
I like Rebecca M's advise, but for me I have 7 children, some are mine, some are foster children Plus I also have 5 children from the hours of 6Am-7Pm, I run a home day care. Therefore I'm BUSY BUSY & don't have time to stay in the room & rub backs & talk & sing ect for hours. We have our bedtime routines of course, we try to have nap time & bed time at the same time Every day & night, & for the 2 yo's & under, we rockabye in the rocking chair while reading 1 book, say prayers, kiss them goodnight, put them in their crib lye them down & tuck them in then walk out. The 3 yo's & above get in their bed, one book, we cover & say prayers, kiss goodnight then leave. Sometimes the older ones get out of bed& come out to us but then we just lead them back to bed & tuck in & leave. Ss many times as it takes till they stay in their own bed & fall asleep.
Ya they will cry hysterically for some time, but we all have to do thing in life we don't like, & they get the point after a week if you stick to it. About every 45 Min. if there still crying we go in there lye them down tuck them in & walk out. No eye contact, no talking to them, just lye them down, put blanket over them & walk out again. But if you have time & prefer not to let her cry, I suggest what Rebecca M said..
I put my daughter down and let her cry for 5 min. Then I went in and soothed her and put her back down. I then waited 10 min. and went in and soothed her. She figured it out and has been sleeping through the night since she was 4 months old. Good luck! Remember it doesn't hurt them to cry.
I disagree with a few posters. Pashing her bedtime later will just make her more tired until she is overtired and can't sleep. I would try moving it up. My 15 month old goes to sleep at about 6:30 and sleeps until 6:15. He went through a phase at 14 months where he was getting up at 5:15. I started putting him to bed at 5:30 (I know...it's so early its still bright out:), and he would sleep until 6.
I would read the dr weisbluth book. He has some really good ideas. Good luck!
I know this is terrible but when my son did the same thing, I gave him a pacifier. It worked instantly!! Also I agree 6:30 does seem early maybe try 7:30.
How I did it was I would nurse till he was about to fall asleep and then I would put the pacifer in. After 2 days I just gave him the pacifier and he would go to sleep in his own bed. Be careful if you try this method though. Only give the pacifier for sleeping. It was hard to break him the next year but I was still able to sleep in my own bed only with one other man (my husband :)
