I Am Being Used as a Pacifier!

The book that helped me tremendously was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. It is great for helping infants but also has chapters for older children as well. My daughter is five now and she is soooooo happy and the best sleeper.

The problem that I had is that my son was picky when it came to the pacifer. I bought 5 different ones and he finally choose the last one. He alway did like to cuddle though. I would have to cuddle him close pressed against me with the pacifier and then he would fall asleep. When I put him down I had to tuck a blanket around him to make him think that he was still being held! It will get better though, just hang in there!!!

I have been in the same position. In a way it feels good to know my baby loves me so much.

My suggestion would be to slowly go from "being the pacifier" to snuggle time. Your baby would still feel that closeness that is needed the reason why your baby wants to nurse instead of taking a pacifier at bedtime.

Make bedtime a time when he is snuggling with you, then read to (first by you, then husband?) From there you get closer to bedtime with less nursing. It takes time, but it helped me.

Well as far as your son not wanting a pacifier I think that is great, one less habit to break! Mine won't take a pacifier either and I don't worry about it. I nurse my little boy to sleep and he does just great with it. He is now 9 months and sometimes after nursing he is still lazily awake. I just put him down and he goes to sleep. He might fuss for a couple minutes but he will get to sleep shortly. I don't think a baby nursing to sleep is any problem. So basically I haven't worried about it and now he is beginning to sleep on his own. I do however let him have time to fuss a bit and comfort himself if he wakes up or doesn't seem to want to go down and I rarely ever have to go into his room. Good luck to you!!

I am a mom of 3 and have breastfed 2 and am bf my youngest who is 1. I want to reassure you that it is totally Okay, normal and wonderful that he falls asleep while nursing. Just about every nursing baby who is attached to mommy, lovingly fed and held will nurse to sleep. This is Okay. He will not rot out his teeth, get ear infections or anything else that falling asleep with a bottle will do. What a great way to reconnect after a busy day. He needs you! Let him be a baby and enjoy these quiet times together. Sleeping on his own WILL happen. I promise. He is only 5 months old!
T.
I work From Home and YOU can Too!
www.workathomeunited.com/tblake

I understand how frustrating this is - been there, done that. Still doing that, actually. I find it helps to remember that this too shall pass - way too fast, in fact. Despite the sleep deprivation & stress, you'll likely look back on these times only with fondness & a desire to be able to rewind as life speeds by.

I recommend Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution, & there's a book by Dr. Jay Gordon that I've heard good things about, but try to be mentally prepared for it to take awhile. He's been at this for 5 months, it may take as long to learn new skills.

As for Cry It Out, Dr. Sears (Attachment Parenting doc) said on Dr. Phil, “When a baby screams for 10, 20 minutes, or a half-hour night after night, what actually happens to the baby's brain? The blood pressure goes up. The pressure gets so high, new blood with oxygen can't flow into the brain. So the brain can be deprived of oxygen, you guys. And that's not all. It gets worse. The brain can be flooded with stress hormones, and we know that stress hormones can damage sensitive developing nerve tissue. So, night after night, weeks and weeks of crying can actually harm a baby's brain. That's why we encourage you both to respond to your maternal intuition."

Best Wishes,
K.
Mama to Milo

It's alright. I went throught same thing. I am glad now that my baby girl refused the pacifier because in the long run they are more trouble than they are worth. The baby gets dependent on them and if you give it to them at night they wake up when it falls out of their mouth and can't find it. So the parrents or who ever have to get up and go find the paci. Anyway, way to go on nursing. It was really difficult for me to be nursing all of the time. I swear I didn't get off the couch for at least 3 months. But even so it is a beautiful, although demanding time. I started breaking the latch when I noticed she was almost asleep and no longer drinking milk. I would gently place my finger in her mouth and break the latch. Tell her I love her and lay her down. Sometimes she would cry and sometimes she wouldn't. She is over a year now and we still go through it sometimes. I guess what I am trying to say is he may just have to learn to soothe himself. I know it is hard to listen to your little cry. you could try rocking him and holding him for a while after he has stopped drinking milk and then lay him down. Just remember that this wont last forever. Try and enjoy as much of the nursing process as you can.

Yes, I had that problem with my first daughter, but I don't have any good advice. At one time she was nursing for two hours every other hour. That's an hour on, an hour off. I was a little crazy, but she finally grew out of it.

:-) I was so thankful when my son finally learned to use nursing to help him go to sleep. He just couldn't otherwise. I was so exausted. It make him feel secure... and I could get some sleep! My sister-in-law tried to get him to use a pacifier and he didn't take it, but I was happy because that was one less habit to break him of.

If you want him to sleep without the comfort of mommy, you will have to let him cry himself to sleep. It should be less and less each time. I did that with my first child because the book said so. It worked, but I couldn't do it with my son. He's three years old now and he's been going to sleep on his own for a couple of years, but the first year I had no problem with nursing him to sleep. That time doesn't last long. Before you know it, he'll be wanting daddy more as he begins to learn more about manhood.

Highly recommend this book: Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child
you can find it on half.com for only a few bucks. This is a fantastic resource and it discusses your exact situation, why it happens, and how to break it. GOod luck!

I loved nursing my kids, but I hated that feeling of being a pacifier. While your son won't take a pacifier while he is awake, what I used to do was slip it to my kids when they nursed to sleep...I would pull out my nipple and when they went hunting for it, I would pop in the pacifier. It took a few times but eventually they got it. Mine all liked the NUK pacifier that is contoured to fit their mouths. Don't worry too much about their teeth or creating a bad habit, all three of my kids were paciless at 18 months. Oh, make sure you have an age appropriate one or it may be too big to fit and feel comfortable. Good luck!

i have a bachelors degree in child development. unlike some have said a 5 month old does not know how to "manipulate" or to try "control" people. breastmilk has sleepinducing qualities so it is very natural for a baby to fall asleep that way. that was what i did with my first and had a lot of guilt because everyone said he should self soothe, etc. i nursed him to sleep at nap and bed and thru the night until he was about 14 months. i know that seems like a long time but the only alternative was for him to cry hysterically until he passed out hoarse and exhausted and i would not do that. i am doing the same with my 2nd child and embracing this bonding, easy way to put my baby to sleep knowing it will be over all too soon. bear with it if you can. only change it if you have to. being a pacifier can be annoying but in the big picture it is not so bad.

Hi L.,

unless your son is very unlucky and has bad bacteria in his mouth which could cause tooth decay when the teeth come out (from sleeping at night with rests of milk in his mouth, not having brushed his teeth after nursing or eating), there's really nothing wrong with him using you as a pacifier. In fact, it's a misleading way of putting it, because it's actually pacifiers that are used as nipples. Meaning, babies have such a strong instinct to suck for a reason, not to be easily dismissed, I think.

Going to sleep by himself without crying is not going to be very likely, (and I side with you that the cry-it-out method is really not ideal--even cruel) but I do believe it is possible to transition to going to sleep just being close to you (not nursing) eventually, without crying. (my son did) But maybe wait until he's eating solids, and keep brushing those teeth when they come. (My son was unlucky and had tooth decay--but a majority of children do not carry such virulent bacteria in their mouth).

I know it's annoying sometimes to be so attached to someone! But think of it this way: pretty soon, he'll be fighting you off (it starts around age 2 and gets worse from there). Then you'll want to be close to him and he'll push you away... So enjoy this closeness while you can!

Best,
G. Maya

lol...I am laughing because my 1st was like that! I loved it for the most part except I couldn't get as much as I wanted to done. I hate to tell you this, but the best way to get him over it is either rock him with his head at your shoulder and let him cry it out, put him straight in the bed sing and pat his bottom until he falls asleep, or what you may have to revert to is just letting him cry it out. It is VERY hard, and warn your husband that you may not want to be touched while the baby is crying in the other room. I would feel so tense when she was crying for that while I was trying to break her. It will hard, but by letting him cry it out it will cease quicker. I don't know if you are wanting to wean him of that for every time he is falling asleep or just during the day, but I think I still let her 1st thing in the morning and right before bedtime.

The funny thing is she is a little drinker!! To this day, she is always asking for a drink. She just seems to need more to keep hidrated. Good luck!

The exact same thing is happening to me!!! My son is 8 months and we a planning on getting pregnant again this summer. I need some advice also!

I see that you don't want your child to cry himself to sleep. I did what you are doing with my first child and we had the hardest time getting him to go to sleep without rocking, cuddling, crying for 2 years. He got to the point even when he went to sleep on my I couldn't go lay him down without me waking him up. When my daughter arrived he was 2 and he had to adjust and it was so hard on him. Between 4 and 5 months old, my doctor recommended letting my daughter cry it out. I rocked her, nursed her, cuddled her then went and laid her down. The 1st night she cried about 30 minutes and then slept extremely sound. The second night about 10 minutes of crying, and the 3rd night less than 2. After that she would coo and talk and sleep all night. 10 years later she is still my best sleeper and will put herself to bed. There is a short window between 4 and 6 months to get them to do this or it is much harder on them and you. I know it is tough but it was the best thing I ever did. Yes, love on them, yes cuddle them, but allow them to go to sleep on their own.

Read 'Secrets of the Baby Whisperer' by Tracy Hogg. She addresses the issue and how to fix it without leaving him in there to cry for hours. Good luck!

I did not breast feed. My daughter did not take a pacifier. As soon as he's done feeding, remove your breast, and let him wail. He's manipulating you to his control. If he's fed/clean, he's okay. Hang in there.

If you're wanting him to take a pacifier, then try bundling him up like you would a newborn. But, slightly loosen the top part of the blanket to where it just comes up to his bottom lip. Then, when you put the pacifier in and it pops out, it is there ready for him to pop back in. He may be too old for this now. But, I couldn't handle being a pacifier. It's too draining. Babies always pop the pacifier out until they get the knack of holding on to it. I would hold it there gently and they would suck it back in and then learn. The blanket idea worked for me well and the kids I have babysat before. It's worth trying to give yourself a break. A pacifier is an easier habit to break later on than a thumb. And, most babies want and need that sucking time for comfort. But beware, this late in the game, I don't know how it will work. At least remember it for the future. You may have to let him cry and teach him to calm himself down. If you don't let him learn to calm himself down, you will up in the night for many years to come. I did well with my 1st 2 and got lazy or soft with my last. I regret it now. He is miserable if he gets startled or something and cannot calm himself down. My other 2 can.

get him a blanket to get attached to. Put his thumb in his mouth. But you do want him to get out of that because you'll be nursing several times during the night if he uses you to soothe himself. I know many who disagree with me, but if you don't want this, then you will resent him and nursing if you let it continue.

My sister's baby pulls her hair when she is tired and she is now 2 and has to pull on her hair for half an hour to go to sleep! eek!

I went through this with my 3rd baby, it became a nightmare. She would not sleep unless she was attatched to me. I would cook and nurse at the same time, I would eat dinner and nurse her at the same time, bathe my other kids and nurse. We almost went crazy. The way we broke it was my mom kept her for a couple of days, it was rough on her, but I pumped out milk , sent it along with formula, and after 24 hours she finally realized there was no breast. when I got her back I pumped and fed her through a bottle, and nursed a couple of times a day. I felt like I had become a slave to nursing.
Good luck. She is now 17 mths. old, and sleeps all night in her crib. she has since she was 13 months old.
KristinI.

I had the same problem. He hated pacifiers and used me as one. Nursing was the only way who could go to sleep as well. What I did to stop it at 3 months is pump his milk and put it into bottles. That was the only way I could get him to stop thinking about pacifiering on nipples. It worked like a charm. I still nurse once in the evening but he no longer wants to pacifier. I bottle feed the breast milk all day long. At first, your son probably won't want the bottle but he will take it, when he gets hungry and then he will continue...This is what worked best for me and guess what,,now he will take a pacifier..Good luck...

Rejoice! Your child finds you a source of comfort, saftey and peace. This being said, my second was the same way. Your child requires you to fall asleep because that is what he is used to. If you know your child is fed, clean and safe, it is ok to allow him to cry himself to sleep. It will take a few weeks at the most before he has found other ways to self-calm and fall asleep without tears. It is just an issue of helping him to break the habit of using you to calm down and learning how to calm himself. Learning how to rely on himself to fall asleep is the first step to independance and self reliance. It may be a little noisy for a while, but I promise it won't take long.

L.:
Most new parents don't realize what they are doing wrong until it has become a problem. Sometimes it isn't wrong to begin with, but turns out to be a bad choice. Perhaps if you pump breast milk and alternate bottle and breast feeding, it will help. Once the baby realizes it is the same milk, maybe he will accept the bottle. Be insistant, consistant alternate feedings has worked for other mothers with the same problem. You will have to be strong. I know he is only a baby, but if you notice, he is ruling the roost. Don't under-estimate the intellengence of him, believe me, he's smarter than you think and has already learned how to control the situation. I kept over one hundred and ten children for fifteen years and I had given much advice that has worked. ONLY IF THE PARENT DOESN'T GIVE IN. You must be strong or you will never win any of the problems you encounter in the future. Good luck.