I would love to approach this topic with humor, but I'm pretty upset right now and could use a lot of guidance. My son is 22 months old and just started climbing out of his crib. He tried it last February a couple of times (16 mos), but by putting the side rail down it confused him enough to hold him off until a couple of days ago. He's not confused anymore. We've put a gate up in front of his door and we practiced closing the door so he could call us when he opens the door and finds the gate. Last night was the first real test. We did our normal routine, and put him in, and about 10 minutes later he got out of bed. So, my husband and I tried the Super Nanny approach, putting him in the crib without a word when he got out. This was every 20 seconds or so for a half hour before I caved. Since it was his first night and I had no plan in place to deal with this I thought he shouldn't have to be so upset (i.e. confused about how to handle it and my feelings at the same time). I forgot to mention that he was crying, calling out mommy, and sounding desperate which still goes straight to the center of me. My husband is so much better at dealing with the sounds of his anger and desperation, but I know it gets to him, too. Anyway, finally I picked him up and rocked him, sang to him and when he seemed settled I put him in. 2 minutes later he was at the door again. We did the Super Nanny thing again until finally he pitifully cried out mommy and climbed back into his crib. I could, I guess, handle a few nights of tough love like that, but what I truly have a problem with is the middle of the night. He woke up 2 times last night with the same forcefullness and energy and determination - and anguish, desperation, etc. I always get so angry, white hot angry, when I am woken up in the middle of the night. It's not normal, but I don't have a clue how to control it or let it go. I've felt this way about everything and anything for years, but it has gotten worse since I had my son. And now I'm coming off of meds for PPD, not that they would help this situation anyway. After throwing a tantrum myself I gave in and rocked him, sang to him...begrudgingly. In the middle of the night I don't know what else to do. Should we do the Super Nanny technique with him then, too? (If the SN technique is even good at all.) How do we ignore him crying so hard he's gasping for breath? Should we leave him standing at the gate screaming for us to hold him or rock him? I know he's almost 2, but I feel like he's too young to understand a lot of this. And I'd consider a toddler bed, but what good would that do? He's still going to get out. And I still don't know how to deal with it...epecially in the middle of the night. Does anyone else get this angry? I feel like such a bad mom feeling like this and not knowing what to do. Please, please help. I can't do this every night. I just don't have the energy or patience.
Jen
Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all of the advice. We decided to keep Nick in his crib for now and see if we could "retrain" him to go to bed without crawling out umpteen times. The first nap was a nightmare - it took an hour of putting him back in and, finally, two gates (because he climbed over the unclimbable one) but he eventually settled in. The next couple of nights and naps were easier, and then finally the last 4 times we've put him in (nap and bed) he's stayed without a peep. I'm hoping this is going to hold for a while. We are moving into a new house in a little over a month and that may be a good time to transition him. He's also looking like he is getting ready to be potty trained. Lots of very big things happening all at once. I can't tell you how grateful I am for your kind words and wishes and great ideas. Thank you so much!
Jen
I have a friend who has had the same problem with her son crawling out of the bed. One suggestion is trying a crib topper from www.onestepahead.com. This would at least prevent him from getting out of the crib for awhile.
Jen,
I found that the Sleep Lady www.sleeplady.com has wonderful advice for this behavior. I bought the book that is referenced on her web site and started sleep training for my son when he was 9 months old. We've had bumps but we've gotten through them. I really don't have much advice about climbing out of the crib except you might want to move him to a toddler bed of some sorts so that he doesn't get injured as he's climbing in or out. A toddler bed may be a fun venture for him. My son, now 27 months, sleeps very well in his toddler bed and stays in there until he calls us to get him out. We're very blessed in that department. I'm not sure if we're lucky or if we've done a good job of training him. One thing the Sleep Lady explains is that children who take good naps during the day at the right time, will sleep better at night. Also, getting them in bed at a specific time everynight is also key. Routine is the foundation of it all as well. We do abide by a very strict routine and do everything from bath, brushing teeth, giving daddy hugs and kisses, reading...all in a specific order and it helps. We have a lot of trouble if we venture off of our schedule. Sometimes when daddy isn't home to give hugs and kisses it messes things up a bit. As far as night waking, we deal with that every now and then. If it's a real cry, i will go in and reassure him that I'm there and sit by his bed with one hand on him until he falls back to sleep, usually takes 1-2 minutes. That is an occassional thing. Getting frustrated is very normal, especially if you don't know what to do and you're so tired. I'm so grumpy when I'm awaken suddenly.
I hope I've helped somewhat. Much luck to you.
J.,
I feel your pain! My oldest son is almost 4 now and he was out of bed constantly at 2yrs old. The anger and frustration are normal. Give yourself credit for admitting you are experiencing it at all! Being a good mom is hard and takes ALOT of work and patience (which is the hardest part.) I am in agreement with you - the super nanny thing WILL NOT WORK unlss you give it a few weeks. My heart couldn't take that. What my husband and I tried was moving to the toddler bed. Something fun (we found a Step2 VW Bug at a 2nd hand shop for $40.) Make a big deal out of the bed. (We had a little party in his room with all of his toys to welcome the new bed home). Then the first week staying with him (in his room) until he fell asleep. Start out sitting on the bed next to him (rub his back, play with his hair, read to him (this was a great hit for us). During the first week bring a chair into the room that you can sit next to his bed (you see where I am going?) The 2nd week sit on the chair then begin moving the chair closer to the door a little each week until it isn't in the room anymore. We also got him a fisher price "fish tank" - the one that scrolls the picture across and plays music and showed him how to turn his new "TV" on and off for when he woke up and needed something.
My son Ben is ALL BOY and and I can understand your frustration. (I'd like to say it gets easier but--- ;) wait until you have the second! Good Luck!
I think it's time to get a "big boy" bed. We have 5 children, the last one just started her big girl bed two weeks ago. The first four are boys and all went to a twin bed, I feel toddler beds are a waste to just have to transition the child again in about 6-12 months when they outgrow the toddler bed. Find a bed and let your son pick out his sheets, blankets, then come home and let him help wash them and make the bed. Take the crib down and put him in the bed. The gate is a great idea, scary things can happen in the middle of the night with a free to go anywhere 2 yr old. When we first started in the bed I would do our nightly routine and put the baby in bed but sit outside the room (out of view from the bed) and when they got up remind them it is night time to lay down, let him do this on his own don't put him back in bed. Maybe the gate could go up after he is asleep so he won't feel trapped in his room. The first week is the hardest, you will probably be outside that room for an hour or so to get him asleep. Just try to stay calm and remember this is new for him too, maybe bring a magazine or book up there with you. I wish you the best and it does get easier when they get the hang of it. :)
I think you have already gotten some great advice...sometimes our big boys are just ready for a big bed. My son was just alittle over 1 when he got his toddler bed, we kept the crib in the room for a week, just in case. He would get up a few times right after we put him down, but we just had a little routine. He would come to the gate and say MOM!! I would go in say (calmly and quietly) Alright its bed time lets get into bed, I would put his music on and give him his cup of water on the side table (sometimes he wanted to hold it) and kiss him and say night night I love you, sometimes I had to do that 5 times in a row every 20 secs ....:) I learned at first not to go to far...also we started a bed time...8:30 is when I wanted him asleep, so we had bath at 7:30 we read a story while he sat in the tub and I got night time lavender lotion (Johnson and Johnson I believe) he would get a good rub down (he would help too) and then into pj's and by 8 we started the bedtime routine. It didn't take long, a couple weeks and bedtime was no problem at all. He would even pull his covers up give me a kiss and whisper I love you. Its easy to get frustrated...There were nights i wanted to watch a show and relax and for the 5th time I was hearing mom!!!! But remember body language means alot, whisper and calmly lay him back down...its funny my son whispers at bedtime now! GOOD LUCK!!! Routine Routine Routine!!!!
Hi J., I don't know if this will help or not, but when my 3 yo was 21 months she climbed out of her crib. It scared me so much that we went and bought a twin size mattress that day. (I didn't want her to continue to climb out and get hurt). We put the mattress set on the floor and lined the edges of the floor with large stuffed animals and put up a bed rail on the side away from the wall. She did get out of the bed a few times, but we made a REALLY BIG DEAL about her new "big girl bed" which really excited her. We decided against the toddler bed because we knew it wouldn't last very long. Plus the twin size gives her so much more room to move around. We also used a baby gate at the door for her safety (we didn't want her wandering the house). Good luck! I hope you both get some sleep soon.
My son used to wake up in the middle of the night and crawl out of his bed. I found that what worked best for us was for him to just to come to my room and climb into bed with us. He fell right back to sleep that way. Eventually he'd wake up later and later until he finally just started sleeping through the night. We all got the most sleep this way and it was the least traumatic to him.
My son is 22 months, as well. We've recently put his crib matress on the floor beside his crib with a bed rail on the one side so he doesn't roll under the crib. This has worked really well for us. He loves being able to get in and out of his bed by himself. When it's bedtime, we'll sit down on the bed and read a few books, then I tell him it's time to go to sleep. At first I had to keep reminding him to lay down (and stay down) at that point but now he usually is pretty good about it. I sit there by his bed and pat his back and sing to him until he goes to sleep. This week he's even getting to the point where he's telling me to get away from the bed and just sit near it. I figure that's a great opportunity to start me moving toward the door! We do this at naptime, too, which has really helped us. I'm much more patient in the middle of the day than I am at night.
dont under estimate the intelligence of children. he knows what he is doing. he is taking advantage of the fact that if i cry, mommy will come, and if that doens't work, i'll cry harder. i see my daughter doing things to get me to put her back to sleep. she is 11 months old and recently she has been wanting to be held when she has a bottle and to lay in the corner on my elbow and rocked in the rocking chair. she also wants me to rock her to sleep. those two things are things that she rarely wanted me to do. I spend all day every day with her, so its not like she is lacking in the attention department. Its like she is reverting back to being a tiny baby. Your son knows what he is doing. I had to show my daughter some tough love lastnight and let her cry (scream rather) herself to sleep. I don't want her in the routine of relying on mommy to put her to sleep any more. Your son needs to learn he is too old for mommy to be putting him to sleep, otherwise you are going to be rocking that baby to sleep and waking up in the middle of the night to rock him until he is six years old. That is just my opinion. Tough love. He'll respect you more in the end.
I have seen a psychologist for PPD, and one thing I learned through here were boundaries are the key in life. They are necessary for parenting, relationships, marriages, friendships, work place, etc. Set some boundaries with your son -- that is the fundamental point of Super Nanny. Setting boundaries and sticking to them.
Dear J.:
I know it is hard specially if you have a condiiton yourselve. You have to be brave and let him cry out. He knows what he is doing perfectly. At age of two or close to it he know better. He is actually testing you and he knows let me cry because she,ll comes....then what you have to do is NO.... i can win this game. He migth do this for a couple of nights, but if you are persistent it migth take you a couple of our the first night and you'll see that day by day it will take you less and less. If you let it go now, he will control your whole night. It is very important that you take actions now. If you think you can't handle it hide yourselve in a closet or wear ears plug and let your husban deal with it, but don't let him win. It could hard but it will help you for possibles problems in the future.
I wish you the best and just to let you know I tested it myself. I am 35 yrs old mother of a 9 1/2 and 5 1/2 boys and and almost 2 yrs old girl.
One last thing, I think that your litle one needs a new bed. Sometime it hard on us thinking that they are not ready, but thare is not an age define for changing them from a crib to the bed. Try it, it might be the answer to your prayers.
God Bless You and Your Family.
D..
I don't know what to really say about the crib, but I was writing to let you know you are definitely not alone on the anger. I have had anger problems since I was a child but learned how to control them later on. Due to stress before marriage with my husband as well as continued stress during marriage, my anger has flared considerably in the last 2 years. When my girls were first born, I was fine but over the last couple years I have exploded to the point it's my children who are the object of my anger, not because they did anything but because they were the only ones around. After I explode I get depressed because I feel guilty and ashamed because my girls don't deserve that. I have tried counseling which has helped a little, and currently I am trying an anti depressant which does seem to even me out a little better to which I am rationalize and try to calmly deal with something before exploding. But I wanted to let you know you are not alone and you are not a bad mother because of the anger. It took me along time to accept that and sometimes I still feel like "a bad mother" for screaming at my kids. I hope this helps a little.
