10-Yr-old Won't Play Alone

Don't feel guilty! You will never be able to play with your son every moment that he's home, and that's OK! It's perfectly fine to ask for quiet and privacy to work.

Your son, clearly, is a very social person, and much prefers to be with others. My husband and 2 of our kids are the same way. He might be happier in an after school program, so he can be with other kids. Most programs require kids to have their homework done before they play. Or, you could look around your neighborhood for kids close to his age. He could invite them over while you work, so he'd be occupied but you'd still know where he was and what he's doing.

Hi J.,

If there aren't other kids in your area, arrange play dates for him. These can include homework time at the beginning, if that's the schedule you want him to follow, but you might want to put off reading time until later in the evening.

BTW, what do you mean by "we" complete his homework? By 10 you should be encouraging homework independence in your child. If he has questions, he should do as much as he can on his own and then come to you with a list.

Your son is also at a good age to consider taking up a hobby. When my son was 10, he was passionately into legos and k'nex, and would build for hours on end. I think it was around this age that we first got him the programmable lego set, which he loved (he's now at college studying computer science and game development). My daughter liked to work with wood and was always outside sawing or pounding nails into one creation or another. (I never could figure out what some of them were, but it didn't matter!) Both of my kids loved to cook and do crafts, as well, and I always had plenty of supplies on hand for them to mess around with. The important thing is to introduce your son to options to let him explore his own creative interests.

Personally, I'm also a big supporter of Cub Scouts/Boy Scouts (and Girl Scouts, too). This program offers wonderful opportunities for exploration, personal growth and achievement. Even though dens typically meet only once a week, at age 10 Webelos scouts have a set of 20 activity badges they work on over the course of 2 years. Many of these have substantial requirements that your son can work on independently. This is not to say that you can't be involved, and you and his father should support him -- just from enough distance to let him grow and find his own interests. Also, if you identify with a particular religion, there are religious emblems that can be earned as part of the program. If you decide to go this route, make sure that you find an active den in an active Pack with committed leadership (especially the Cubmaster). And, if you do join and your son takes to scouting, encourage him to go all the way to earn the Eagle rank. This is usually achieved b/n the ages of 16 - 18 and is a major accomplishment that will give your son lasting rewards throughout his life (not to mention access to Eagle Scout scholarships!). 75% of the leaders in politics, business, and religion in this country are Eagle Scouts. This is not a result of "the old boy network", but because these individuals really learn out to motivate themselves and others, learn how to plan and execute, and learn how to participate and delegate through this program.

You did not say how long he is having to play alone, 1 hour 2, 3 4 there is a big difference on how long , if its only 2 hours, set a time for you to take a 10 min break on the hour, let him know if he likes swimming , baseball then you have to work to earn the money to pay for it, give him some rpojests to do MOM, maybe somebodys b-day is coming up, have him make cards, supply paint, crafts to make it. Have him paint by numbers, something creative you be surprised he will want to do this. Encourage him to clean his room for an allowence. He is bored MOM is all, at michaels craft store they have cool models for kids his age to build, he can do that for only 99 cents. all safe things to do.

Good Luck

You work from home. Is there any way you could get your son involved in helping you? Filing? (Helps with spelling!). Internet research for you? (Help research and computer skills!) Licking envelopes? Putting stamps on envelopes? (Motor skills!) While you work, could he write a shopping list for you for groceries (spelling!)? Do you have a pet? Thinking about one? Sometimes children who don't have empathy skills with other children can develop them by bonding with an animal. Help you plan meals? Learn to make healthy snacks? (Science and nutrition!). Does he have any imagination? Can he write stories? Draw? How about starting a journal? If he writes a good story with artwork you can have it laminated and bound at one of the local copy stores. The lack of computer skills and WII enthusiasm sounds like he might have motor skills issues. How is his handwriting? Has he been tested for ADD? If he has trouble focusing and with self direction, this would be one area of concern. Have you tried letting him do his homework by himself? If he can't do it by himself at age 10, then I would think about asking the school district for some testing. Does he have any friends at all? How are his social skills? Take a step back and look at your son compared to other boys his age. How does he compare? If there are sizable differences then maybe you should talk to his teacher, who would probably know more than you think. Just trying to think of as much as I could for you. Sounds like a pretty good kids to me!

I think you could readjust your schedule to where when he is doing his homework or reading for school, you could tell him you have work to do also. You could both stay in the same room and do work together silently. You could have a snack together, then do silent work and then do chores and get ready for swim and baseball. Show him how to do chores like vacuum/ washing clothes. At ten they are able to do simple chores to help you out. Maybe split the chores and cook together. Start to show him how to cook because they need that skill and it works on math and science skills. I think he just misses you during the day. Maybe have him invite baseball and swim friends over sometimes for sleep over or afternoon. Hope this helps. Good luck with everything.

Sounds to me like he wants to spend some non-planned out time with you. In a couple of years, he won't be interested in your thoughts and opinions so much. Enjoy this very special time with your son.

Hi,
It is not too much to ask him to play alone for some time. It might be good to set him down and discuss this with him. He can tell time, you let him know the amount of uninterrrupted time you need and tell him you expect him to honor that. Give him ideas of what to do, but he is old enough to be on his own a bit. This would do both of you a favor.

It will be a process to stretch those apron strings, but it will be good for both of you.

I think it may be a bit unrealistic. He's at home, you're at home, of course he wants your attention which is fantastic and a heck of a lot better than playing with a Wii or TV,, it's actually very sweet. Maybe you could set him up next to you with a book and some drawing stuff (more adult than crayons but real art supplies) and at the end of the chapter (or so many drawings, like writing/drawing out a comic) he gets to tell you about it, then back to work. Any way you could go back to work after he goes to bed instead of while he's there and seeking your attention? You may want to enjoy it now because in a couple of years he won't want your attention and will want to be playing with friends, etc.

Does he have any friends that you could invite over? it seems like at that age, he would want someone to play with. I find that when my kids have a playdate (I have 2 girls) that unless they are doing something potentially messy or dangerous, that I can sneak away and get on the computer, and just check on them every 10-15 minutes or so. It may seem like more work to have 2 kids to keep track of, but as long as you have a safe place for them to ride scooters or play catch, you can sneak away and concentrate for a few minutes and just peek in between emails.

My son does the same thing, he always want attention. The best thing to do is to set up a time chart so when he gets home he knows that he has a certain time for homework, a certain time for himself, a time slot for you two to play a game or something and then his practice time. That way he doesn't feel like he has to bug you in case you might not play with him he knows that you have to play with him because it is written down and that way he is secure in knowing he has your attention.

First of all, look at the pronouns you use. "We" do homework. Your 10 year old should be able to complete his homework independently, asking for assistance on things he doesn't understand, but the point is, he does it alone. It sounds like you've always done everything together and now expect him to be independent. Get him out of the house and tell him to play. If there aren't any kids in your neighborhood, make playdates, but have him intitiate it and you make the arrangements with the parents. You'll do you both some good if you teach him independence.

My 9 year old son absolutly loves to go in his room and play what ever new made up game based on some new made up world usually inspired by a book, movie or history- Harry Potter, Pirates, Civial War. I would encourage his imagination and possibly rearrange your after school routine. When you get in from school have snack and discuss his day, maybe something happened that could inspire some play. Then say, I need an hour to finish some work why don't you go play____ in your room and at what ever time we will get come out for homework. After he plays alone and before homework ask him what he was playing. Do home work get ready for sports. After sports do family stuff together chores, cooking. Then before bed read together do your chapter or two at the end of the day. This seems to work in our house- and we do not do TV or computers on school nights, we just spend time together. Good Luck!

Hi J.,

Remember, your son missed you during the day and he's trying to reconnect. You're a very important part of his life and he wants to have some fun with you (homework is not fun). Treasure these moments and try to get your work done while he's gone so you can give him the attention he needs when he's home. Maybe when your husband gets home, after dinner, they can bond and you can get more work done if necessary. Soon enough, your son will be more interested in playing with friends than his parents, so enjoy it while it lasts. It's a wonderful opportunity to create the bonds needed to weather the adolescent years.

V.

Does he have any friends to play with? I know when we were kids we played with our friends if we didn't want to play alone. It might be a good idea to have a friend over for an hour or two. At the age of 10 it's pretty boring to play with a toy alone and you really don't want him to be glued to the TV or video games. I live in a good neighborhood so I would send him outside to play with the kids in the neighborhood. He wants to be social so tell him to be social with the kids in the neighborhood. He just wants to have fun between school, homework, reading and sports.

I think at 10, your son should be able to play by himself. However, if you have always been his playmate, he may be struggling with a transition from you to nobody? Or is this a new thing where he's demanding playtime from you? However, he is lonely and bored, and he hasn't seen you all day. Maybe when you're done w/homework, you can let him know you'll play with him for about 15 minutes(set the timer so you give him at least that amount of time), then have him play on his own for awhile. Also, are there kids in your neighborhood he can play with? Do what you can to initiate his playing with them. Have him invite a friend home from school w/him 2-3 days a week, and get him involved in a cub scout group that hopefully holds their meetings one day a week after school. He's bored, and at 10, they're starting to outgrow their toys. Also, does he need some new Lego's to jumpstart his interest in them? Sometimes parents lose sight of how different their 10 year old's needs are with toys and playing. He may have outgrown a lot of his stuff and needs more building and hobby type things now. Can he go out and ride his bike? Do you have a basketball hoop in your yard? If not, get one and teach him to play. Go out (or have dad do it) and shoot some hoops with him. If you can get him interested in this, he can get 30 minutes out of shooting hoops by himself pretty easily. My son is 10 and he absolutely LOVES it when his dad and I both go out and play basketball with him!