10 Year Old Having Trouble Sleeping

I use to have trouble falling asleep as a child. Perhaps listening to music on the radio will help her relax and fall asleep.

I suggest that you think of a positive reward so that she starts thinking about sleep as a benefit. You don't want sleep to become a battle ground. Try to think of something that is meaningful to her. A small thing for a full night's sleep like icecream or playing a board game just with Mom. Then do a bigger reward for a whole week of staying in bed like a trip to get her nails done or going ice skating with a friend.

Is she nervous about school starting? Lots of kids are this week. She's probably going into 5th grade. Is it a new school? She could be worried about changing classes or the new (or same old) school bus. Or just worried about the work in 5th grade. Does she have a history of attention or learning problems? In that case, school can be scarier each new year.
Or,she could be worried about having to be a "big girl" in some way now that she's 10.
Were there any social problems at or related to her birthday party? If she has friend issues, she could be depressed too...
Talking about it with you should help; but she might also benefit from talking with a professional.
Good luck to both of you.
-C.

Hi Marianne -

Just a suggestion reading all the other comments, as she turned 10 recently, she is going through hormone changes, possibly she has gotten her period and is upset, but embarrased to tell you?

My daughter got hers around that time and never told me. I kept waiting, asking questions and she kept saying, havent gotten it yet. I stumbled on accident that she had started when i found some undies tucked behind the dresser. We then had a talk. She is still embarrassed and dont tell me when she has it, but we now have the proper protection.

Puberty years are hard, has she developed her figure over the summer? She could be upset about those types of things with starting school soon. Going into 6th grade is a big transistion, leaving the elementary school.

Try to take her out for a girls day, shopping or ice cream and have a talk. There is a great book that was suggested here on the changing body, All American Girl I think. I found it at my local pharmacy when picking up a perscription and flipping through it, found tons of information for a girl going through a lot of changes. I told my daughter to read it and if she had any questions, she could ask me. Kept her embarrassment down, but had her informed and reasured her that every goes though this.

If this is not the case, possibly she is sleeping in the morning and not tired during the evening. More exercise and a natural sleep aid for a bit might help regulate. Add a good multi-vitamin to help her body with enough nutritian during its changes over the next year.

My daughter also only requires a few hours sleep (6) my son requires a lot more (9). It could just be her body alarm saying its enough. Help her to understand its ok, everyone is different. If she is feeling tired in the morning, then the others issues arise.

Best of Luck!

Hi Marianne, I am not a doctor but this sounds like it could be a combinantion of the onset of puberty and the start of the new school year. Is she starting Middle School this year? I understand that patience wears thin when we lose sleep every night, however I also think she is nervous and anxious about something and maybe she needs to talk through some of whats bothering her. When she wakes up, try sitting with her over a glass of milk and cookies and see if she can verbalize her anxieties. Maybe it is a simple need to vent. I hope you can work it out, I have an asthmatic son and for the first 7 years we went through anxiety at the onset of school which promoted asthma attacks at night so I fully understand the lack of sleep issue. Good Luck.

there are a few things you can do - look at her diet and bedtime routine. Anything you can change there? Did she recently see a movie or read a book that may be making her anxious? Is she getting enough physical activity and sunlight during the day? Is she nervous about school? If these things don't seem to be impacting her you can do a sleep study - a great number of kids who are poor sleepers end up having sleep apnea . . .I have a 9 year old that goes through periods of having trouble falling asleep and gets anxious about it. I find that no video games, soft classical music and sometimes some chamomile tea or a little melatonin will help. when he does wake up I let him sleep at the foot of my bed or on a sleeping bag on the floor - being near us relaxes him and helps him fall back asleep. I have heard of some parents putting a mattress on the floor of their bedroom for this purpose as well - good luck!

There are a few reasons she might not be sleeping. The most obvious is she might not be tired. Is she going to bed too early, waking up too late, getting enough exercise during the day?
Has she had a change of any kind lately that might be upsetting her? IS she anxious abot going back to school?
The most troubling reason, which I feel I have to mention, but you should be careful exploring is molestation.Its very common for a child that is being abused to have problems sleeping. If you think this could be remotely possible take her to her doctor.

Well, the previous responses have covered many good suggestions. I would make a list of suggestions and then go over it with you daughter so she can pick her favorites (and keep the list handy so she can try things if she can't sleep). I only thought of a few more ideas. One is keeping a journal. It can really help if she is anxious and not sure exactly why. Then the late night worries are written down and she can try and solve problems later when she is not so tired (or laugh at how ridiculous some of the worries are in daylight). She can also focus on something positive--a happy memory, a song, making up a story, etc.

Well this is not a answer actully i am 10 years old and every time i try to fall asleep i cant i need help school has already started and i am always tired. i play my dsi I tried just sitting there and also reading but of them worked. i think your needs daughter needs to relax give her some time before bedtime to let he stress out i am still having trouble but i guess i will have to take sleeping medication or something like that but i am shore your daughter will be fine. But you mite want to go to the drug store and pick out some stress relief medication so you can just make her relax oh and try milk i have tried it and i fell asleep at 12:00 pm best night ever. So i guess you are all set for bedtime. bye. P.s. sweat dreams

My little sister had an AWFUL time sleeping through the night...from the time she was born. The first time my mother was able to sleep through the night ALONE with my father was when my little sister learned to read! I know kids need to sleep, but trying to FORCE yourself to go to sleep just won't work! Try sending your daughter to bed with some books and just let her read, quietly, in her bed until she's sleepy again. It always worked for me, too!

I remember when I was 10 and 11 and I did the same thing. I don't know if it has anything to do with early puberty signs but that was how old I was when I couldn't sleep. I never had a problem until that age. I remember being more nervous about certain things and would spend that time (trying to fall asleep) thinking about them (what people thought of me? What if I don't do well in school?). I also realized that once I turned 12 and played sports and was very active, I was too tired at bedtime to even think of those things. So maybe increasing physical activity during the day so she's really tired at bedtime would work. I remember going to my mom and laying with her. I remember staring at my alarm clock until like 1 in the morning (and I am not a night person). I covered my alarm clock just so I wouldn't clock watch.

I don't know if this helps you at all. But I think if she thinks it's an issue, it perpetuates the issue because she'll worry she's not going to fall asleep so maybe if you make light of it until you can make a change to her daytime routine (increase activity) she won't worry so much. I have never had a problem since - especially now that I have 4 children (7,5,3 and 3 months).

Would love a nap...
M. P.

Our oldest daughter is 10 also, but we ran into this when she was in preschool - our ped told us that sometimes children's bodies reset themselves and they don't require the usual amt of sleep -

Sami went from going to bed at 9pm & sleeping til 6am to going to bed at 9pm & ready for a new day at 3am - we had to fanagle w/her sleep for a while, but I would definitely contact your ped - good luck!

PS She's still like that - goes to bed around 11pm some school nights & is up by 7am - otherwise we're pulling an all nighter!

Hi we have a 5 year old and a three year old developementaly disabled children. We have had major problems with sleep. So we asked around and a friend recomended Meletonin You can buy it over the counter at Wal-Mart. Before we used it we asked all of our Drs. And they thought it was a great idea. We started with half a tab and worked up from there. It has worked wonder for the most part and has helped us get some much needed sleep too.

Maybe try talking with her ... during the day ... in a comfortable setting ...ie. relaxing on the couch or at a park sitting in the grass etc. Rather than focusing on sleep in your conversation, ask questions about daily life and I hate to say it but please also ask about her interactions with others - even family members. I think reassuring her that she is safe telling you her feelings is very important and from what you may hear or sense I think you will know which way you need to proceed. if she seems to be struggling with being able to tell you ... I would at least keep the communication open but maybe shorter - consistent small conversations with much reassurance that you love her no mater what she shares.
Beyond this a few other things came to mind ... has she changed schools lately? caretakers? friends? (yeah I know ten years olds can change friends often :)

I think she needs to feel safe and maybe she is aware of something that has happened that has been disturbing to her ... at least subconsciously.

Other than that I think it could have a little to do with diet ... especially what she eats early in the morning ...

Maybe asking a wholistic Pediatrician or Naturopathic Pediatrician would be a good idea - ????

I hope some of this helps.

Dear Marianne,

I did have a similar problem with my son when he was around 12 years old.(he is now 23). His problem was that he was afraid that someone would come in and hurt his dad and I. I know this sounds terrible but sometimes as parents we have to tell white lies. So I took a portable intercom system we had in storage and told him that it was an alarm system. I told him that we were all safe and he had nothing to worry about. Believe it or not it worked. I guess my point is that usually something is bothering them and sometimes they do not know how to express themselves. Try to talk to her and see if perhaps someone at school is bothering or bullying her and now she is afraid to go to school. I think if you talk to her and try to get her to open up maybe you can put to rest what is bothering her. I think the more of an issue you make of it (i know its hard not to) the more anxious she will become. I would try having her read before bed. Maybe try an herbal tea like sleepy time to relax her. I am sure this is a phase and once you can get her to open up about it as fast as it came is as fast as it can go. By the way my son was also a great sleeper until that incident. The reason I say ask her about the girls at school because girls can be very unkind at that age and sometimes make life very difficult. I could be grasping at straws here but it wouldn't hurt to try it. Maybe take her out shopping and bring it up in a casual way and them maybe she will be more relaxed and open up. Good Luck!!

I am having the same problem with my daughter.

Hi Marianne, I'm not sure I have advice for you. You should ask your doctor. At 10 your daughter may be starting puberty and hormonal changes are starting. Is there anything going on in your home to upset her? Does she have a good nighttime routine? A glass of milk, a warm bath or relaxing with a book? No scary movies or even the NEWS which can be very upsetting at times. We all need that sometimes. Is she active or a couch potato? Some kids have no problem sleeping because they are pooped from the day. Have you talked to her, asked what may be bothering her? Trouble in school, studies? These are all possibilities, I hope will help. Grandma Mary

When my son was 11 just as he was starting a new school 5th grade we didnt sleep the whole month of August. He was so worried about the school once sept came and school started he was fine. hang in there.

Hi Marianne,
I think that a few things might be going on here. First as you said school begins in a week and your daughter may be feeling anxious about it. Secondly, due to vacation she is probably sleeping later in the morning and might be less active during the day. She needs to have physical activity daily, bike riding, etc.
Also at age 10 her body is beginning to change even though the outer may not show it. Hormones are kicking in and now is the time to institute a healthier diet if she is not already on one. And something that many people do not tink about and that is the caffiene that kids are getting in soft drinks.
That adds to insomnia.
Finally, I suggest that she have a warm bath or shower in the evening before bed. That will relax her some.
As for any anxiety, I wonder if she or any of her friends are going through anything major that you don't know about. Ask questions.
M. - Mom, grandma and pediatric nurse

Hi there
I haven't had a problem with a child of this age not sleeping, but have had a lot of problems of my own with insomnia over the years and I wonder if, as she is 10, then a more "adult" approach is helpful as she will be old enough to understand. Whenever I was having a problem sleeping, I used to do lots of things to TRY to get to sleep, with varying success e.g. hypnosis tapes, relaxation techniques, reading til I fell asleep, massage, sleeping pills, herbal and otherwise (not that that would be recommended for a child), but a lot of things seemed to make it worse rather than better. I developed a lot of anxiety about going to bed & worried about sleeping, much as your daughter seems to be doing.
Then I read a book called Overcoming Insomnia by Colin Espie which is based on CBT principles, and it has really changed how I think about the whole thing because now I understand that it is the TRYING to get to sleep which is the problem!
People who sleep really well don't try at all and their bodies just do it automatically. The more you put effort into getting to sleep, the more you override the body's own automatic response and the more you perpetuate the problem. Ever since I have properly understood that (the book sets it out really clearly), I have been able to sleep really well because I have stopped trying.
I wonder if you could explain to your child that everyone has a bad night's sleep sometimes - it is totally normal. Her body KNOWS how to sleep - she just has to let go and let it happen, trust herself that it will work. It may be that the various tools or techinques she is trying are actually getting in the way of her normal rhythm re-establishing itself. Get her to try thinking about something totally different, something that makes her happy or cozy and try to let go of the effort.
I am sorry to be so long winded, but I hope this is helpful. You have had lots of other great suggestions and ideas too - I hope things settle down soon

Hi Marianne,
I went through a very similar time when my son was about that age. It was tough when we were going through it but what we later realized that concerns about change (even subconscience)were what was causing it. He was concerned about starting a new school,peer concerns, and basically fear of the unknown. All these thoughts that he was able to push to the back of his mind during the day came flooding back to him in the quiet stillness of his room at night. What seemed to work for him was to first off tell him what he was going through was completely normal (and it is)and that everyone even adults experiences sleeplessness at times, then I worked with him on a relaxation technique (kind of like guided imagery)where I would have him focus on each body part at a time from top to bottom relaxing. And lastly before he went to bed each night I gave him pleasant memory or positive idea to think about.(for example a recent vacation,bowling with friends,hitting the double at his baseball game,etc.)All these did help,Also talking openly if they will about their fears and concerns during the day.I hope these might help your daughter and if it i just that it should resolve itself in a few weeks, If not I would address it with her pediatrician. Best of luck.

Hi Marrianne. I'm a stay at home mom today, but I used to be a child & family counselor. Without knowing more than what you've shared here, this is what I'd suggest your daughter try: Sometimes doing the opposite works best. The more she tried to sleep...the more anxious & therefore more alert she will be. This is making things worse as you've already seen. Instead suggest that she get ready for bed at her usual bedtime, she should lay down in her bed with the lights off, eyes closed, as comfy as possible.....then I'd like her to try to stay awake as long as possible. The whole night if she can. Eyes have to stay closed though and no looking at an alarm clock. Make it silly & fun. Make it a game and a challenge. Try & take the seriousness of it away. This is not that uncommon a problem in children. Try not to be too anxious yourself. Model a laid back attitude for your daughter. She's only 10...being sleepy in the first week of school won't ruin her life. It will most likely work itself out with in a week or too if both of you can aviod being too stressed about the difficulty. I hope this is helpful. Let us know how it works out.

Hi, this might be a long shot but after she rinses the shampoo out rinse a mixture (1 part vinegar 4 parts water) through her hair. The mixture is meant to rinse away any build up. It will literally leave her hair feeling squeeky clean. I hope this helps.

the best thing to remember is everything does pass. my son started having difficulty sleeping around 9. we created a safe, calm, & cozy little nest for him. simply adding a few pillows, a new softy blanket, and a new lites and scents plug in. i played music since my boys were born, but had stopped at their request. (too corny) so i started the music again. with that my son & i discussed a few techniques too help create a stressless sleep for all. only calm or funny shows @ night, a 5 minute chat in bed, with a back rub, of course no sodas @ night or candy, & a chant type sound. whatever he wanted it to be. this really helped, enough for him to know what to do before he gets upset & then needs to wake me.

good luck, Prima

yes,

at around the same age as your daughter my son started having the same problems,

What i did was go around his room and remove any distraction, all loose and floating things, outside noise control ect...

I woke him up at 6am, sleep or no sleep.

We kept a busy day, running around shopping, to the mall, grocery stores ect. the park, and ate a picnic lunch, swimming, and the made dinner( no caffeine and nothing sweet), showered, and washed with the baby lavender soap and lotion, got ready for bed.

At 8pm he gets in bed, i programmed his TV to turn off automaticall at 9pm, he is only allowed to watch quiet not action, comedic,shows, like the little mermaid, or enchanted.

he relaxes for 30 minutes, and at 830 I gave him a teaspoon of benadryl, he was asleep by 9pm

this help reset his internal clock.
i did this 2 days in a row,
On the 3rd day he was able to fall asleep naturally.

If your daughter doesn't have a tv, let her read a book, something romantic. not scarey. and this should help calm her brain and distract her. waking up early also helps her feel more tired at night.and obviously keeping her busy wears her down.

For the record this happens to my son almost every summer and vacation.

PS
Tylenol PM is for children 12 years of age or older.

Hi!

I don't know if this what is keeping your daughter up at this age but I can remember being around the same age and not sleeping. It was the time in my life I was very aware of death and dying, war, bullies at school and I would be fine playing with my friends all day long and at night when I would try to fall asleep these thoughts would come into my head. "What would happen if my mom died" "What happens after you die" "Will the world be at war and bomb each other" "Why is so and so mean to me at school" Pretty heavy thoughts I realize now for my age and after reading your email it reminded me how I would get up and go to my mom but not tell her what was wrong but wished she would guess it so we could talk about it, not surprisingly she would end up just yelling at me to go to bed. I don't know why I felt I could not just tell her my thoughts but I couldn't, I just always hoped she would know. My point is, maybe something is weighing pretty heavily in her mind. Good luck!

Sounds like adolescence is approaching. My daughters had similar issues. Make a rule no sugar or caffeine in the evenings. Have bananas and warm milk. Could be anxiety over socaial issues, I am talking from experience. Was maddening as we work from home and my husband can be up till 3 or 4 am. Who did they wake up at 2? Moi! Ah well Bottom line cutting out all sugar and caffeine DID help in our case. Also talking about what was going on in their lives. And also lots of reassurance. This too shall come to pass

Could it be the anxiety of going back to school? Has anything else changed in her life lately? Maybe talk to her during the day about her anxiety. Is she headed to middle school and leaving elementary school. Something that is up and coming is causing her stress, get her to talk about it. This may help.

I tend to think if you take her to the doctor, he'll want to medicate her....it seems to be what they do today and I for one don't like this path.

Maybe she is very nervous about starting school. Think what other changes are happening or about to happen for her and spend a little special time with her during the day trying to get her to talk about things. Maybe getting her to express her inner feelings will help her feel better about things with your support. When you put her to bed, remind her it's ok if she gets up from sleep..turns her light on and reads a book....let her pick one out before getting into bed. Don't react over this with stress as she'll pick up on it and will make things worse for her. Have patience....

If it is school coming up that has her worried....and if she's going to be with class mates that she knows...maybe invite them over for lunch one day before school starts so she can enjoy them and adjust to knowing she'll be in school with a few friends that she already knows....

Hi Marianne,

Have you taken her to the doctor? I'd start there. I likely wouldn't give a child presciption medication, and I think that while most doctors would do this for an adult, they wouldn't likely suggest it for a child. If it's anxiety, he may recommend therapy of some sort. There may also be supplements that might help if you ask at a healthfood store. I agree that a 10 year old shouldn't need to wake mom simply because she is awake. Let her know that if she's having trouble sleeping, that she can read or listen to music (if you have headphones or IPOD) but that she is not to disturb the rest of the family. She is old enough to play her own music without you and 10 is too old to need a back rub to fall back to sleep in the middle of the night. That's setting up a bad habit which is hard to break
I'd also look at things like what time she goes to bed (sometimes if you're overtired you don't sleep well) and I wouldn't do t.v. before bed or computer, sometimes it overstimulates us.
Good luck!

Try the Indigo Dreams CD, it's a relaxation and meditation CD for kids to fall asleep to. You can get it on Amazon.com. It's helped my dtr who just turned 11 and my 10 year old nieces. If your dtr is going into middle school she may have alot of anxiety about starting which is normal, but interferes with sleep. My dtr even had anxiety one year going into third frined because none of her girls friends were in her call. Starting school is stressful for kids.
Good Luck!

It really sounds like stress to me too! Take some time over the next couple of days to talk to her about school starting and what she thinks of it. And also be even less straightforward and discuss things with her that may open up conversation to get her to talk about her anxieties or fears. Is there someone that's been bothering her? Anything else going on, stress at home? Friends, family, etc, etc - or it may just boil back down to school starting and that change is just plain scary for all of us no matter how old we are! I loved the first day of school to get back and see my friends and HATED is b/c I was afraid I wouldn't find anyone or everyone would just decide to hate me that year! Hope your daughter feels better soon!