Hey mamas,
I'm going through a really stressful time right now and I need some advice. My dd was born in Irving, and her father and I lived together up until 7 weeks ago. We were never married, and are not considered common law. I moved in with my mom in Florida; bc I do not have a job and had nowhere else to go. I don't know what kind of visitation to offer her father. I don't know what is mandated by Texas if the child is under a yr old. I am still breastfeeding, but I'm worried that won't be taken into consideration. I want to be able to get a job and go to school, but I can't do that in Dallas bc we have no money for child care. We have already been evicted from a house once, in his name, and I am worried he will be evicted again. I need a stable living environment for my dd and I. I'm terrified the court will make me move back to Dallas, and I will be homeless and they will take my dd away from me. Her father is a hoarder, and the house is a death trap for a baby. He has never given my daughter a bath, in the 10 mons we were together. He hardly changed a diaper. He only fed her like 3 times. Ladies please give me some insight and advice.
TIA,
J. :)
ETA:
He told me he wants me to figure out his visitation. He indicated he wanted me to pay for it. He did not give me any specifics of when he would like to see her or how often. He has not retained counsel, and has not filed any action in the courts. He does not pay any support thus far, but I have not asked for any. I think he should have visitation with his daughter. However, I can't afford to fly him out here on his whim or maybe even at all. I am worried about her safety when she is by herself with him. I am worried that being separated from me at her age would be extremely detrimental. Neither of us can afford a custody battle. I was concerned they might make me live in Texas, or give him custody since I left the state.
HTH
So-is he asking for anything? Is he in contact with you or has he filed any sort of motion to seek joint custody or anything? If he hasn't, then I wouldn't do anything, but if he has then yes, get an attorney! You don't need to "offer" him anything if he doesn't care enough to ask for it.
Get an attorney in the state you are now living in ASAP. Document what you know to be fact about your child's father and his living situation as well as any situations that may have occurred that contributed to your break-up and could be considered harmful to the baby and yourself. If he was abusive, document it with dates and be as specific as possible. If there were police reports, get copies of them.
I'm also thinking that chances are if he didn't and couldn't care for the baby while the two of you were living there then the thought of being the sole provider and carer for her now would terrify him. Any threats he's making right now are just that... threats. He can't force you to move back. He can't force you to hand over your daughter and give him full custody. A court won't allow you to be homeless in order to give him visitation.
You're thinking in terms of worst case scenarios that are so unlikely to happen that you're going to worry yourself sick. If you can't afford an attorney then contact the Department of Women and Children's Services. They can help you find a good and affordable attorney, maybe even one that will take your case pro bono.
Have you researched local legal services that offer no cost/low cost options for representation? I went through a custody battle several years ago and I cannot imagine doing it without legal counsel. Your living situation, the father's living situation and everything needs to be taken into consideration and it might be prudent to get an agreement filed with the courts to protect your (and your child's) rights. I don't know Florida or Texas law, but you and your child may be considered to have established residency in Florida. The fact that you and the father never married probably comes into play also. I don't recommend or know anything about this agency, but I found this place on Google: http://www.floridalegal.org/. Also, it appeared there were multiple agencies offering legal aid in Florida, depending on the city you live in. Wish you the best, AM123
You need to talk with an attorney to learn about what to expect in Florida. Please do this before you scare yourself even more. I agree that you're considering worst case scenerios which are unlikely to happen.
Good that you want your daughter to have time with her father. However you live far apart. In my experience the court would not tell you to move back to Texas, especially if you've established yourself in Florida. Go ahead and start your life there. Start looking for a job and explore what you need to get started in school. Perhaps start with the Financial Aid office.
I doubt that the court would require you to pay for transportation for visits. I suppose they might ask that you pay half but I doubt it. It's usually the responsibility of the non-custodial parent to provide his own transportation. Your daughter is a baby and cannot travel alone.
Because she's a baby and her father lives so far away the court would not order overnight visits in his home. It's possible that over time he could work up to overnight visits at a motel or someone's home.
Be glad that both of you are in the same financial condition. If both of you cannot afford a custody battle it's unlikely that you'll have one. Someone has to be putting money into the battle for one to take place.
Sounds like you're quite scared. Talk with an attorney so that you can be more realistic in knowing what could happen. Call Legal Aid.
There you are!!! Oh J., I've wondered and worried about you and the baby! I don't think the court can make you do anything and I agree, go get a consultation with a lawyer. He does have rights as well as you but it can all be worked out. Don't start freaking out until there is a reason that can't be fixed. Missed you!
Send for the eviction notices. Get a letter from the landlord as to the condition of the house. You are the mother. Is he even listed on the birth certificate as the father.
If he doesn't ask for your daughter don't call or contact him. If he is working you are entitled to child support. You need someone who can help you with Florida law.
Forget Texas you aren't there and he has not protested your leaving.
check the state laws but most states once you have been in a state 6 weeks you can apply for custody in that state. good luck
As others have said, you need to talk to an attorney. I will tell you from our experience, if you establish residency in FL, they likely will not force you to move back to TX. My hubby's ex took the kids and moved to FL, didn't tell him where they were and the court said they weren't going to uproot the kids and bring them back. As for cost of visitation, in his case, whichever parent is getting visited/doing the visiting pays for the costs. So we pay when my step daughter comes up to visit and mom pays when my step son (who lives with us now) goes down to visit her.
You really need an attorney and you have many many many many things to think about.
1st - is your daughters father's name on the birth certificate? If not, you will need to establish paternity.
2nd - did you get PERMISSION from him to leave the state with his child?
I don't think a court would force you to move back somewhere, but it depends on if you got permission to move, and how much dad is willing to give as far as reducing his time with his daughter.
There are ways to make it work in Dallas - you can apply for welfare / child care grants until you get on your feet. But I definitely understand needing your support system (mom) and the judge will probably factor all that in.
Typically vacation is mandated by the state of residency, you will have to consult with a lawyer in Florida, because residency and custody will vary by state - don't take our word for anything on here - we are not attorneys.
That being said - I live in a different state from my daughter's father. She was a bit older (4) when we were divorcing. I think there is a different visitation schedule for parents when the child is less than a year old, but by moving out of state you won't really be able to do anything 'standard'. You and he will HAVE to work together or this will cost you A FORTUNE.
Keep in mind that what he has done (or not done) previously unless he has actually hurt or abused his daughter will not likely affect custody. If he says he wants to care for her, then likely a judge will award him some type of custody - that will be affected by distance, him having a safe place for her to stay etc. Likely at this point his visitation will have to be where the baby is, and you guys will have to work out financial arrangements - you pay 1/2 of his travel while she's young and then 1/2 of your daughter's travel once she's older.
Good Luck.
Visitation, by law, is Every other weekend, if you live in state. Out of state I am not sure of. Most states rule that the estranged parent have a month in the summer and on birthdays, and fathers day. By law it is up to you to furnish transpertation for the child, not your estranged boyfriend. The reason I know this is I was on both sides as a child and as a estranged parent. He is obligated to pay child support, regardless and that is law in all US states as far as I know.
No one can make you live in Texas. If you left state without cousty there might be some issues.
Hope this helps.
Can you update us and tell us if he is asking for time with the baby? Is he saying he has a lawyer? Has he served you with any court papers?
Either way, I would suggest talking with a lawyer to know where you stand.
If he does not pursue a court action, you don't have to do anything. Stop worrying, he sounds like a person that will not do anything except huff and puff, and if he wants to visit, he can bring himself to FL and you can meet him at McDonalds for a supervised visit. He has no legal rights and you owe him nothing. The courts have nothing to do with the situation unless he files a court custody action-a copy of which is legally reqiured to be delivered to you by the Sheriff's office or other certified process service company. On the wild chance that he files a court custody action, you get an attorney in FL and do what you have to do at the time. Don't try to cross a bridge that does not exist. Again, STOP worrying and move on with your life.
