In keeping with both the letter and spirit of my divorce decree I alerted my ex (with whom I am usually on relativly good terms) that my company is shutting down and I will loose my job within about a month (details aren't exact yet). He knows my parents live in TX and that I had wanted to move there previously so he assumed that I would do so now and told me "If you try to move to TX I'll fight it. My daughter can't be that far away from me."
He took a job over 400 miles away before the divorce and he only sees her once every month (sometime every other month) and even then I am the one who arranges most visitations. I remember asking my attorney about it when drawing up the papers and she said that since he allready lived over 400 miles away that he was all ready long distance and that he couldn't legally keep me from moving.
Does any one have an experience or advice with this? I think it was simply a knee jerk reaction and I don't know if he's serious. In fact I don't even know if I'm moving at all but I need information and my old attorney won't return my phone calls.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. I don't think I explained well enough in the begining that it may come down to moving to TX to live with my parents or having the bank foreclose on the house. I'm not moving out of a pure desire to relocate. My ex called me today and apologized for his comment sayng he was scared but also reiterated that he won't let me move. I am going to call a new attorney to get some information. Thank you again.
The first thing I would do is get a new lawyer! A similar situation happened to me a few years ago. I think a lot depends on the reason for moving...if it's necessary or not.
There is a Family Law Attorney in Jacksonville that is very hands on. I used her for a traffic ticket of all things and I spoke with her several times! I can only imagine how hands on she is with her larger cases! Anyway, her name is Katherine Robbie and her business number is ###-###-####. Good luck!
If I were youI'd get a new attorney/or go to the courthouse and check up what the law says. Check your divorce papers and see what the ruling is on it. Befor I did anything I'd pray and ask God for guidance. He is the only one who can help you. As long as he is so far away it cannot hurt to move. After all he didn't think of his daughter when he took the job 400 miles away. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. After all he's not the in control and sounds like he's still controlling your life. That's not good.
I am sorry that you are having to go through this and your little girl. This is a road i just went down. From what I understand since you could move out there and your family is there and they are your support system I dont see him being able to stop you. If he isnt getting her on a regular basis then I dont see the judge saying no. One thing I know that helped me.....Keep a daily log GOOD and BAD things.
It depends on what your divorce papers state. They may say you can not leave the state. With that being said you should be able to go to the courthouse and buy a modification packet, to have it heard by a judge and be able to have your custody papers modified to say you can leave under the circumstances. The packet is relatively cheap and it usually only costs like $50 to have the case reopen. My suggestion to you since you are newly divorced is to do everything through the courts and/or an attorney. He is not going to go with anything you want to do right now because he is still sour about the whole thing. But it will get better with years..
I haven't experienced this personally, but am in the legal field and witness family issues daily. I would highly recommend talking to another attorney. There is definately grounds for modification because the material circumstances are changing. I wish you the best of luck and please please please keep your child sheltered from all of this!!
The sooner you move and get sole physical and legal custody the better. Otherwise you will be stuck where you don't want to be. Now while your child is young and you need family support is the time to do it. I gave my daughters (then 2 1/2 yrs old) father joint custody and when I moved here (2003) to be close to my family I had to leave her in Va. with her father because it's hard to change in the courts what has been the status quo. She is ten now, but I wish I wouldn't have given away all my rights as a mother, even though I want my daughters father in her life as much as possible because I grew up without mine. So do it now, even if it is hard, once you have custody, then you can do what you want for the rest of her life. Don't let lawyers and others say it can't be done, just try, what do you have to loose. Actually if there isn't already a order saying you cannot move then I think once you move to texas, then you file a custody order with your new address and there isn't much they can do about it, because then your ex will have to fight the Texas courts and hey you are already there. That is what I should have done when things got bad. Just moved here to Fl. then filed for custody. Good luck, fight hard now, whatever it takes. L.
I had an experience about moving my daughter further away from her father. I'm not sure about the laws in Florida, but where I was from, Michigan, all I had to do was to file a request for change of residency. We both appeared before a referee to hear our side of the story. My attorney check the laws to ensure I was complying with them. The only thing that would prevent you from moving is if your creating a hardship for him to see your daughter. I'm sure you want the best interest for your daughter and the judge should see that. You have three things going for you. One is that your moving to where you will receive family support, two you need financial help until you find another job. Given the economy in Florida, that should be evident that finding another job will be a challenge. Third is that you have best intention to maintain the relationship between your daughter and her father. Remember, the key factor is your heart is intented to what's best for her. My prayers are with you and the journey you're taking. The good news is I was given the permission to move based on the job I had applied for and got her in Orlando. It is a better option than to stay in a state that is in depressed economy.
A.,
I don't have personal experience with this, but a friend of mine is in a similar situation. In her case, if the new job she is able to obtain is more lucrative & a better opportunity than her current, then her ex will have a hard time fighting it in court & will have to allow her to move where the job is. GL!
I've never been in your situation so I don't claim to have advice based on experience, but I can talk to you as a fellow mom....
Don't loose sight of the most important thing in all of this... your daughter. No matter what it turns out that you can or cannot do "legally", always remember that SHE has the most to loose in this situation. You can one up him very easily, and he you, but in the long run, it's not worth it.
I think if you always strive to put her needs before your own needs and wants, then you will no doubt make the right decision. You can't go wrong.
Good luck and God Bless.
~C.
Well, the judge will look within the 4 corners of the settlement agreement, specifically custody/visitation paragraphs. What does it say specifically about that issue? You can't just up and leave. Also, how old is your daughter? How often are the visits now and for how long? There's a lot of variables. The economy the way it is, a lot of people's incomes are changing and they're moving in to share expenses. But you do have to speak with your prior atty or another atty before moving. But answer me those questions first. But visitation is of utmost importance. Even if it's 2 weeks she stays with him in the summer and sees him every Christmas and every other major holiday like Thanksgiving breaks. It's a cost factor too on the travel, flights, hotels. But never make it a burden to your child. She didn't ask to be divorced. And both her parents love her. Good luck
I bet your attorney is right. Men get very controlling, just to be mean. Start a journal documenting the times he visits on his own, without your input, so that you can argue your case.
Keep records of all your interactions with your ex. If you talked on the phone, document date, time and what was discussed. Keep copies of all e-mails and court documents; plus any documents that he sends you. Document when he moved, his current address and under what circumstances he took the new job. Document his threat of custody battles. Until somebody files a suit with the court, it's just hot air. Get a new attorney. A lawyer who doesn't return telephone calls won't stay in business, when the word gets around. Make sure your new attorney knows about the type of treatment you've received from the previous attorney and that you won't tolerate any continuance of that behavior.
Above all else, maintain the moral high ground with your ex and your attorney. You don't have to scream at them, but simply state that this is how it's going to be. The more reasonable/calm/cool/collected you can appear in front of the judge, the more documentation you can provide - the more the judge will be on your side.
I just finished a custody battle myself! Thank goodness its over! My attorney told me that by law there's nothing really he can do, (my ex also lives in the Tallahassee area, close to 5.5 hrs one way) He can fight me to stay in the state but even Texas is the same distance from Tallahassee as it is to Orlando. So, besides, you make all arrengements for him to see his child and sees her once a month, if that! If you need to move for your daughters well-being, then let him pay for the courts and attorneys!
You should be able to call any attorney and get a free consultation or try calling Legal Aid.
I hope everything works out for you and your daughter!!! I have a preious lil 10 yrs who is handicap, so I know how you feel! They are our LIVES!!! Again, let him fight you!! he'll be paying for all of it!!! He doesnt see her anyhow!!
Good luck,
K.
I don't know either of you at all, so obviously it is a guess, but you might be onto something with the Knee-jerk reaction thing. I know that would be MY kneejerk reaction if it was my situation. So try not to start threatening him (my attorney says I CAN, etc ). Just talk to him, trying to remember that your daughter is the one who suffers if your relationship with your ex gets adversarial. (That doesn't mean NOT to consult with an attorney - but you don't have to TELL HIM all about it). Perhaps if you explain your situation, that you don't know what you will end up doing, but WHATEVER you do, you plan to keep on figuring out visitation b/c you know how important it is for your daughter... that will help assuage some of his fears of you "taking his daughter that far away from him". Could it be that he has family or friends where you currently reside that help him defray the cost of his visits to see your daughter? What would be his circumstance if you were to move where he doesn't know anybody?
Just try to stay focused on what is best for your daughter.. and that is having a relationship with her father that doesn't send her mom or dad into a tailspin everytime the other one's name is brought up.. (Sounds like up till now you've both been doing okay with that part). Keep it up... give him a little time, and try to sound helpful to him or at least sympathetic to his view of this...
