11 Y/o Wants to Shave Legs

I would let her shave her legs and I would take her to get her eyebrows waxed. I think it will help with self confidence. My mom had me shave my legs and arm pits prior to the 6th grade and I am glad she did. I remember this one girl that did not shave her legs and anytime I think of her I think of her hairy legs (still today). Don't let her be remembered as the girl with hairy legs.

If they were hairy you would let her and because they are not you won't. Not a good point. I don't see the big deal, 6 th grade sounds about right. After all it is only her legs. Her eyebrows are another "not a big deal" At least she is not asking for tatoos and belly rings. This is a battle you should let go. You have bigger ones on the horizon and if you are choosing the little one's to try and win, when it comes to boys, staying out late, make-up, clothes, you are in for a hard time. Let her do it, so when it comes to the really important things you can stand firm and know you are picking the right battle to fight. good luck

Hi P....

My Mom didn't let me shave until 7th grade...I never wore anything but jeans, and never tank tops...

My 6th grade pool party was mortifying...

I have never forgotten the feeling I had a the pit of my stomach when they teased me....

My 6th grader hasn't asked yet, but when she does, I will let her.

Hope this helps... :)

D.

Hi Patty -

I was in 6th grade when I started shaving (I started my period in the 5th grade if it matters) -- and I'm now 50. So, I don't think 11 is terribly young. There's so much other good stuff to fight about, lol, that I'm not sure I'd fight this one. I would 'train' her how to do it, and let it go.

With regards to the eyebrows -- gawd, don't let her do the no-eyebrow thing -- they will never grow back properly. I would take her to a good aesthetician, and have her eyebrows waxed ONCE to show her the proper shape. Then, I'd get her a tweezers, and let her at it. I wouldn't do this until she demands it, though...hopefully her legs will keep her busy for a few more months!

Best,

J.

Seems to me that you now have to address two things: the legs, and the tactics she's using. Personally, I'd cave on the leg shaving. It's hard to feel different at her age, and this isn't a important issue where you must stand your ground. So I'd give in.

But I'd also tell her that although you understand that her feelings were strong, you won't have her express them with words like, "I hate you." You could ask her to redo the conversation with, "Mom, I'm having a lot of trouble accepting your decision because I really feel self-conscious at school. Would you please reconsider?" You could explore the issues with her, without telling her what to feel. Ask her questions, see what's really going on with her, and try to accept her feelings. In a way, it might be good to explore feeling different while the issue is still something trivial, like leg shaving. It would be good to stay very open and simultaneously honest but not rigid so that you show her that she can come to you, even when she knows that you won't share her exact opinion.

Hi Patty,

I'm sure you have gotten some replies by now, but I thought I would respond anyway.

I have a 15 year old daughter. I can soo relate with you about your daughter. I went through the same thing with mine. I tried to hold her off for as long as I could and she kept bugging me. I finally realized that I really had to pick my battles with her. If I didn't let her make up her mind on this, I would run into things later where she wouldn't ask me first, because shaving your legs isn't a bad thing, it's a symbol to her of growing up. 11 is a pivotal age for a girl, I discovered. About this age, my daughter was beginning to assert herself to start making her own decisions. I remember thinking, she is asking me, not just running off and doing it without consulting me, so that's good. That is a key point. I put my arm around her and I told her I appreciated that she was willing to talk with me first, and told her that I'm sure her legs would look lovely after she shaved them. I realized afterward that it wasn't such a huge deal, and she kept talking to me about things. Of course, the next thing was make up, and we put it on together and I showed her how. Since then, she has developed her own style, and always looks gorgeous. Hope this helps.
You sound like a great mom. Good luck!

Awww. Those days.

I wonder what is going on beyond the shaving of legs. Is she getting teased? Is she the only one in her group that isn't? Does she feel left out? I think there is a conversation here.

This is not a hill I would die on. She will probably shave her legs and find out it is a pain- and put it away herself until she is older, unless this turns into a power struggle and those are never productive.

As far as eyebrows, I would use that as an opportunity to teach her grooming skills- all grooming skills from doing manicures to pedicures, etc. There are going to be so many more important struggles you will have to do. Make this a fun mommy/daughter opportunity instead of a battleground.

My mother was really strict about shaving and deodorant. I ended up waking up at the crack of dawn and sneaking her epilady to get rid of my (admittedly) minuscule leg hair. I don't even think girls were commenting about my leg hair. I doubt they could see it. It was more like...I couldn't partake in their conversations and complaints about it. Peer pressure, eh?

Same thing with armpits and deodorant. My mother grew up in Hong Kong, so things were culturally different for her. Maybe that's why I snuck around instead of confronting her head on. I just figured it was too "American" for her.

In any case, now I only bother if I think about it. :oP My hair still isn't that coarse or thick. Honestly, I think if you talk to her and are reasonable about this, she will be more willing to go to you about bigger things down the road, like drinking or smoking. Has your girl started menstruating? Maybe she is confused because she has some signs of being more grown up, and yet other things aren't happening?

Honestly, I would just let her. Is it really that big of a deal if she shaves her legs? And chances are, once she has done it a time or two, the novelty will wear off, and she won't want to do it so much. How many of us grown women like to shave our legs??? It gets old really fast. My daughter is 12, and has been shaving her legs for a couple of years, mostly because she has REALLY hairy legs...(and arms...)! There are other things I might be more strict on, but on this one, I say no biggie!!! I guess I think the saying "Pick your battles" applies here! Good luck. 11 and 12 year olds are a bit moody...take everything they say with a grain of salt!!!

Hi Patty, my mom let me shave my legs when I had hair in my arm pits, I had to shave them so I got to shave my legs too. I thought it was fair. Maybe it will help.
-R.

Hi Patty,

I started shaving my legs when I was 12 but mine were very hairy. If hers aren't hairy she probably wants to be like the other girls. It seems like the end of the world to her now, but won't later on (it will be more of a chore!) The thing that bothers me is the "I hate you" remark. She put a curve into the situation. I think I would have let her start, but because of the remark I would say that she needs to prove that she can show respect instead of have a tantrum before she can shave her legs. Shaving her legs is a step toward maturity and tantrums prove maturity is a long way off. I would give her a week or two and then if the attitude is better, I think I would allow her to do it. Hope that helps.

If she's begging you then show her how. She may be getting teased at school. I really don't remember when I started shaving but I was in middle school which was 5-8 and I moved before 8th grade...it very well may have been 6th grade. Is this a battle you really want to fight? Are you trying to keep her from growing up? Think about why you are telling her no.

hi, sounds like my 11! she just snuck and plucked her eyebrows, and tried using a sharpie on her eyelids!!! she has even shaved her "furry arms"as she calls them. All of a sudden she is consumed by her appearance, and very self conscious... i know it is the age it begins, and now vs. when we grew up, they are pressured into growing up even faster-i do see kids her age even wearing makeup to school! so sad. I have tried to shelter her from the tv,mag and music role models which she has become enthralled by suddenly and i know they play a huge role in influencing what girls think they should look like. I told mine that she will get tired of having to keep up with the extra primping(like i have)if she starts early and do hope she will give up on the idea after trying it,sometimes it is a phase, or it could be a long haul view of that to come..
Just try and convince her that inner beauty is more important really and that kids really dont know what is best for themselves-but their is such a strong pull on them from peers! HOpe things work out and maybe if you can encourage other interests to distract her and build up her self confidence- i am trying that too,mine loves to draw and sing. take care

My daughter is 10 and I taught her to shave last summer. I'm not that hairy, but she is and was getting teased about it. My position had been junior high as well, but when she shared about the teasing and showed me that the hairs were poking through her dance tights, I relented. She only shaves once a month or so and wants me in the room with her. She has not pushed any of the other "junior high" buttons yet: ear piercing, make-up, eyebrow tweezing, etc.

My daughter is 12 and started shaving in 5th grade at about 10 or 11. I took her to wax her unibrow before 6th grade started. 6th grade here is middle school so maybe that made a difference. But as soon as she felt self conscious I let her. It wasn't worth an arguement because I didn't want her to feel different or get teased. I started shaving young too so that played a part in it. Good luck with your decision. :)

I started shaving my legs when I was 11, but it was my best friend who taught me how, one day when I was at her house. I never asked my mom, and she never asked me if/when I started doing it, LOL!
When she starts wearing shorts and/or shorter skirts would be a great time for her to start. tell her this as a compromise. hopefully it'll work. :)

I remember I started shaving when I was in the 5th grade - 11 also, and my legs weren't really hairy. Actually, we didn't shave then, we started off using Nair. Maybe you can let her do that if you don't want her to actually use a razor yet. Nair's really easy to use.

In the big scheme of things, I don't think it's a big deal. It's a little thing that will make her feel more comfortable. Same with the eyebrows. I speak from a position of "looking back" on my own experience with my daughter who is now 12 1/2, but it started in 4th grade. It was actually her teacher who encouraged me to let her do it...she remembered her own experience of being teased about the same thing. She wished her parents had just let her do it which would have easily alleviated the problem and made her feel better.

I know what you're thinking...you're worried that it's the first thing of many that will make her grow up too fast. It's not, really. They just want to feel like they have a little control over their body and be as comfortable as possible in it. Take baby steps and let her know you understand how she feels and that you'll continue to take baby steps...together. Let her know that she's not alone and that you're there for her.

Good luck!

J.

Good luck!

J.

Hi Patty-

I feel for you as I was recently in the same boat. My 11 year old daughter began asking when she was 10. I told her she could in 6th grade/ middle school. For her, just having a date to look forward to was satisfying. She felt better when she could tell her friends "I get to shave when I'm in middle school". We discussed it and bought her an electric razor. She had so little leg hair and with an electric, she didn't need to be in the shower to do a quick touch-up. FYI, buy a mens razor if you go electric- much better quality.

As for the "I hate you" comment, that hits deep. Please understand she does not hate you. She hates your decision, she hates not having control over her body, she hates not being able to keep up with her friends, you get the idea. She just didn't have the maturity to express it properly. I would talk to her about how her comment made you feel and how you interpretted it versus how she meant it. Kids at that age are just beginning to comprehend the power of language (good and bad) and need help articulating their feelings.

Good luck with this!

I started shaving when I was 9 years old. My little girl (currently 8 weeks old) will allowed the summer before 6th grade. I do not like letting society deside these things for me, but kids are so mean. I was picked on and made fun of so bad for having hairy legs. If you said Jr high, maybe letting her a little early (for the sake of the summer and swim suits)? Good luck!

I was in fifth or sixth grade when I started shaving. I used an electric razor. I didn't do my eyebrows until much older.

the hair's not important but the teasing is.let her fit in with the others as long as it's not smoking or worse.

I would say ok. She's probably more intregued by the idea of shaving, and once she does it a few times, she'll be less interested. The more you hold off, the more hype there is about it. My daughter is now 17, and she only shaves her legs when absolutely necessary! And trust me, don't compare your life experiences to your child's--times have changed, and it's really not relevant to them,or their situation. I'm not saying this in a negative way...I've done the same thing. Once you say, "when I...", all they hear is "blah-blah-blah" and you've lost them. As far as eyebrows go...if she's got a "uni-brow", then take her for a brow wax BEFORE the bugging or the teasing begins. And don't stress :) it's just what we girls have to do to maintain our beauty :)

I would go ahead a let her shave her legs. My daughter was 10 going into the 5th grade when I let her shave. But my daughter had a lot of hair on her legs. Its not that big of a deal and she only shaves maybe once a week if even that sometimes she will let in go for a week and a half. I told her she can wait on her underarms though because those are not too bad yet. If your daughter is getting teased just imagine how she is feeling. You want her to love school; she might be at the point where she does not even want to go if the teasing is getting really bad. She would feel so much better if you let her shave. I hope this helps you decide on what to do.

I was a Sasquatch at that age so my mom actually told me to shave. I would try Nair before shaving - the hair will grow back softer than if she shaves and she can't cut herself - but help her do it the first few times because if she leaves it on too long it can sting. maybe when she sees what a huge pain in the neck it all is she'll wait until skirt weather.

I would ask my self why it really matters to me. Is there really any harm in it? Or is just because society says to wait? Are we ever "too young" to lose leg hair? I don't now. It seems to me, a good time would be when she feels uncomfortable about the hair. Good luck to you!

I had to wait too but it was wrong. Take this opportunity to bond with your daughter and teach her about being a young woman. Do a day of "girly stuff." Go shopping, have lunch, let her buy a litle blush, and then take her home and teach her how to shave her legs. She will be eternally grateful and you will have built a bond that is strong.

Remember what it felt like when you were not allowed to shave your legs.

Eyebrows - mine were thick like bushes and I wasn't allowed to pluck them so I shaved them and my mom had a fit. Teach her how to do this. She will love your interest in her.

Good luck -

It was mid-way through my sixth grade year that I asked and was allowed to shave my legs. I think it's time to let her start doing this. Especially now with middle schools encompassing sixth grade, she is being made more aware of how other girls take care of themselves, and probably more self concious. Additionally, while I was allowed to shave my legs, I still wasn't allowed to wear make-up till seventh grade, and even then it was only gloss and mascara. Shaving legs does not take away from her natural beauty or provide any falseness or illusion. I think this is one battle you can give in on and save it for others. Good luck.

I remember being in the sixth grade and almost all of my friends were shaving their legs, and my mom said that I shouldn't start yet because I was still young and there was barely any hair on my legs (and it was all blonde). But I really wanted to, and then one of my good friends made me feel really embarrassed one day that I was the only one of our friends who wasn't shaving yet and she couldn't believe I wasn't (and kids do get embarrassed really easily at this age). So I went home, and talked to my mom about it and she decided to let me shave, and I was so happy and relieved she did. I still remember this whole scenario, so I guess I'm basically saying, I would probably let my daughter do it if I were you. I wouldn't cave and say "yes" at a time when she's begging you and saying she hates you, but maybe pick her up from school one day and tell her you've been giving it some thought, and you think she's old enough to start shaving her legs if she wants and then bring her to the store to pick out a razor or get one for her beforehand and give it to her after you've talked to her and show her how to do it. 11 is such a vulnerable age and it really isn't fun feeling like the only one who's not being allowed to do something, but at the same time you don't want to disobey your mom. Just my thoughts on the subject... but do whatever feels right for you guys!

Hi Patty,

I was one of those 11 year old girls who begged my mom to let me shave my legs and she said NO. I ended up doing it anyway because I didn't want to be teased. Needless to say my mom didn't show me how to do it so I ended up cutting my legs so much so that I couldn't get it to stop bleeding. I hid my secret until I reopened the cut and finally had to tell my mom. She was disappointed in me but we worked through it. I am a mother of 3 21, 10, and 5 and I've learned that even though we may know what a pain in the neck it is to shave and we wish we didn't have to, she will never understand it. It won't hurt her to let her do it. She isn't doing anything harmful to her body (body piercings, tattoos, etc.) This too shall pass and she will soon discover what a pain in the neck it is. Who knows maybe she'll learn that maybe you do know what you're talking about and will listen when she asks to do something else that you would like to prolong.

Good Luck

T.

I think you should let her shave, especially if she is bothered by it. I'd recommend that you use a depillatory rather than razors. I have a 10 year old that sharted shaving last year due to underarm hair that was quite embarassing and a 14 year old who started shaving a year ago due to underarm hair. The 14 year old hasn't asked yet, but if she wanted to shave her legs (which look fairly hairless to me), I'd let her. Your daughter may also want to do it, because everyone else is doing it. Trust me, there are worse things she could be asking or wanting to do! I'd wait on the eyebrows until she comes to you. :)

Good luck!

Patty,

You are viewing this in the context of when we grew up. And in that context 6th grade seems a little early. However, kids are at a different social stage now than where we were when we were their age. You can thank the media for this (My soapbox, sorry). Peers are so important to a child at this age, and their opinions can pierce the heart. This is not a mountain worth dying on. Believe me, in the next few years there will be far greater issues.

I would allow her to shave, and use it as an opportunity to teach about grooming. I wouldn't suggest the eyebrows, but when she does ask, as she will about makeup, nails, piercings, dating, etc. you need to have some age in mind that you think is appropriate and talk about it and the responsibility that goes along with it.

As a step mom, my role was to back up my bonus daughter's mother's decision. Her decision was to allow our daughter to shave at 11. Not what I would have allowed for this particular child, but we worked with it. However, her mother didn't use it as a teachable moment and the poor girl arrive for her rotation with us and she had also shaved her arms! The moral of the story, let it be something that you do together so that she will come to you, ask for guidance instead of doing it on her own, or behind your back.

When topics like eyebrows, make-up come up, know what you are willing to allow and then make a mom-daughter date to make it special. Take her to get her eyebrows waxed(She'll then know eyebrow shaping is not all it's cracked up to be!) We decided that these privileges went with certain birthdays so going for a an eyebrow tweeze or make up consult was part of a special day. You might decide they go with certain school years. When she wants to wear makeup, take her to a department store and have a professional make her up appropriate to her age. Talk about the financial responsibility for grooming and how she is going to be able to pay for self maintenance.

These are wonderful opportunities to shape our children into responsible youth, and opportunities for you to bond with your daughter. It's all in how we approach it.

K. R.

Hi Patty,

I was shaving my legs by 11 also. You might want to consider a compromise. Maybe she can shave her legs on the weekends or only from the knee below? just a thought.

I think the eyebrows might fix themselves when she discovers how painful it is to tweeze them. I don't think we really cared about our eyebrows when I was in 6th, 7th or even 8th grade. Kids are growing up so quickly eh!

Good luck!
T

Patty,
I'm sure she does'nt hate you. It's just the raw emotions that come with adolescence. However, I do remember when I was in the 6th grade (I was 10) and I was teased because I did not shave my legs yet either. I finally convinced my mom to let me when she wanted me to wear nylons with my Christmas dress. I'm sure it is not an easy decision to allow her to do it because like you said, what is next... But, maybe you can strike a deal with her. Ok to shave now, but next time she wants to do something like pluck her eyebrows, wear makeup, etc. that you discuss from both points of view (yours and hers) and then you can make a decision. Part of the deal being that you respect her point of view, but she still needs to respect your role as Mom and the authority and wisdom that goes along with that. Good luck! We are all cheering for you!

I was friends with a girl back in 7th grade and was against their religion to remove any hair. During P.E. when we wear shorts, she got teased a lot. Those kids teasing her were the pretty/popular/MEAN kids that made her cry sometimes. She finally approached her parents and they understood how she felt, that she is more important than anything else. One day, she did shave her legs and the teasing stopped. If she's friends with those girls, she probably just wants to fit in her group, peer pressure is always a tough one especially with young-adults. Nowadays, believe it or not, 11 years old is like 16 with all the media convincing them so. If she wants to shave her legs, 11 is not so bad, getting knicks is better than getting teased upon, or hating her mom. As long as she's around the other girls, she'll always bug you about it and you won't hear the end of it. Maybe this is the time to exchange commitments such as; "You can start shaving only if you do your own laundry every week, or clean your room on the weekend, or help-out around the house since you're so grown-up to shave your legs."

I would let her. Kids are so cruel now days and there could be some teasing going on at school that you don't about. My daughter is eleven and shaves her legs. The first time I did it for her. Then I helped her for the next two times. Now she is in charge. She has her own razor and shaving cream. She does not shave every day, but about every five days.

Hi- Never thought I would give in to teen pressure, but I'm 33 years old and still remember (vividly) how cruel girls can be. Also, I've heard they are more vicious these days. Ultimately, shaving your legs and plucking your eyebrows is just maintenance on hair, it's not like she is begging you to wear make-up or short skirts. I think you should just give in to this one, especailly if she isn't lying to you about the other girls being able to do this. I wouldn't want my daughter to feel like an outsider in her peer group if there wasn't a really good reason for my "rule". Again, I'm with you for looking and dressy classy and age appropriately, but I just see shaving legs as maintenance and really not a big deal. Good luck!

I would suggest she wait until it's time to wear shorts. Right now her legs are probably covered anyway. But this summer during swimsuit/shorts season would make sense.

It doesn't seem like that big a deal, shaving her legs to fit in. Unless you have some moral objection to shaving, I'd let her go ahead and do it. It's not like she's asking to do something drastic. Besides, if she's getting teased for it, why not make her life a little easier? As far as eyebrows go, when she asks, get them waxed by a professional. She won't want to do it again, for a while, anyway. ;)

I was able to shave at 12 just because that is when I asked. I am sure if I had asked at 11, my mom would have let me. The last thing you want is for her to be the only one not shaving her legs because this is a big deal at their age. If you are worried about the razor, get her started using an electric one that won't cut her. I have noticed that when I am asked little requests such as this, if I go with it, as it is part of life and growing up, then it is less of a deal, than if I tell her to wait. It really isnt that big of a deal anymore. I bet she will rarely do it, just because you are letting her. That is what happened with my 9 year old and email! She had to have an account so I set it up for her, and now she never even asks to check it! Only my mom and her grandparents and two friends have it but still, she felt like she won, and it wasnt a big of a deal enough to fight.

If she really doesn't need to shave, this could be more about fitting in and/or peer pressure which is a whole different dicussion to have. Ask her why shaving is so important to her and let that lead the discussion.

It sounds like she's in a hurry to grow up. If I were you, I'd express my disapproval of what she wants to do, but tell her she can decide whether to do it or not. At the same time, start talking about how "some" teenagers are in a rush to grow up, and there really should be no rush, and it's funny, but once you're grown, you always wish you were a kid again. These kinds of remarks are usually resented if made directly about her, but she may hear you if you are commenting on other kids, say, for example, if you see a young girl with a baby, or a young girl who's all made up and dressed like an adult. You can talk about some of the responsibilities that grown women have, and talk about how "some girls" miss out on all the good parts of their childhood and their teen years by trying to act like grown women too soon. It sounds like you should probably start talking about peer pressure issues, and how to deal with teasing and gossip, and other similar teenage-girl issues---but these kinds of advice are always more effective if they're not directed right at her, but are couched as an observation about another child.

Hi Patty,
Well, I took it upon myself to start shaving at 12. I don't clearly remember if I had asked my mom and she had said no or what, but I remember shaving and then her finding out and being somewhat disapproving, but nothing major. I don't even remember if I had that much hair. However, my personal opinion (and that's all it is), is that 11 or 12 is okay to start shaving. I definitely have seen some girls that age, especially girls with darker colored ethnicities, with tons of hair on their legs and I feel bad for them. I remember growing up with a hispanic girl who didn't shave her legs for whatever reason, but she wore panty hose to church, and it was awful. The hair would look like it was growing up instead of down when she put her hose on, and it would poke out of her hose. Poor thing. The bigger battles will be make-up and looking age appropriate, so I would save my energy for those things to come. And just in advance, let me encourage you to hold off on the make-up as long as possible. Sadly so many mothers feel the pressure to help their girls "fit in" by wearing tons of make-up and dressing inappropriately for their age. Interestingly enough, it doesn't help them fit in, it just reaffirms their thoughts that they have to follow the status quo to be cool. It's so much better to stand your ground on those issues and say, we're waiting until I feel you're old enough, and raise our daughters to be strong, independent thinkers, instead of pack followers. I don't want my girls who are just gorgeous as they are to look like they're 17 when they're 11. That's asking for trouble with the opposite gender (God love 'em), and that skews their self-esteem and confidence in loving who they are as they are. I myself at 40 years of age only wear powder concealer and lip gloss and curl my eyelashes, and I just started plucking my eyebrows about 3 years ago when my eyelids started losing their elasticity with age and my eyebrows looked like they were on my eyelids! Yes, this is a different age than what we grew up in, but the basics are still the same. We want to raise our girls to be strong, confident, proud of who they are and to be leaders, not followers. Shaving her legs is not a battle I would choose to fight, but when the other things start to come along, I would encourage you to make the best decision you can for your child and her future. God bless.

I too let my daughter start in junior high after explaing to her that it is a lifetime committment when you start and the hair comes back thicker and darker. You arent doing your job properly if your kids dont hate you sometimes. Believe me they will repect you later. The kids will tease her more later when she has black hairs on her legs because she didnt have time to shave.

I really don't see the issue with letting her shave. To me it is a hygiene thing and honestly, I would rather have a child who wants to be clean then a child who you have to fight with to properly take care of themselves.

Shaving, deodorant and eyebrow plucking are all hygienic. Makeup, hair dying, acrylic nails, etc are bigger issues to tackle so save your energy and pick your battles.

Not knowing your daughter, I can't say if this would be appropriate for you, but here's what my mom did with me.
My hair was much like my mothers, light color and not very heavy on my legs. Mom pointed out that when you start shaving the hair tends to get thicker and darker. She suggested that if I never start shaving, I might never even need to. She was right! She went ahead and showed me how to do it, and I tried three or four times, found out that it itched when it came back in and decided if I could avoid that feeling, it was worth trying the no shave idea. I don't recall ever getting any teasing, because people really couldn't see the few hairs that were on my legs. And I have trouble finding any today... fifty plus years later. I know that during these pre-teen years kids beging talking about all the things that seem to mark them as approaching adulthood, and it can be devastating to think you're the only one not "old enough" to do a particular thing. You may just need to teach her how to do it, and let her make the decision on her own if she is going to continue or not.

Hi Patty,
I don't have a teen daughter, but I am a family therapist specializing in teens and their families, and I would recommend sticking to your guns (unless everyone else writes back and says, 'Junior high! Are you crazy!') you don't want your daughter to think that the phrases 'everyoen is....' and 'I hate you' are her magic tickets to a 'yes'. Trust me, with the exception of breathing and saying 'Everyone else is....' everyone else isn't doing anything at all uniform-- but kids like the phrase. Also, next time she tosses out 'I hate you!' you might respond (if she hasn't stormed out of the room already)_ 'I'm sorry you feel that way-- I love you, and that's why I make the rules I do.' It helps to remind kids that parents don't make up rules just to be mean.
Best of luck!

I don't think it sounds like your daughter is in a hurry to grow up. I was also teased about my hairy legs. I was extremely self-conscious. I remember avoiding shorts, etc. because my hairy legs could be seen. If I'm remembering correctly, I was about 11 when I started shaving my legs. I was so much happier and comfortable. It's a myth that the hair grows back in thicker after shaving. It just seems thicker when it grows in as stubble.

I don't think she should start shaving. But, she can use hair removal cream instead. She probably doesn't have much hair anyway, and the cream will not make the hair grow back thick. Whatever you choose, she will survive, you are the mother. ;o)

Good luck!

I started shaving my legs at 11. I was in the 6th grade. My twin daughters are 10 and I told them they will be allowed to shave once they turn 11. Next year will be 6th grade and middle school, I'm assuming the other girls will also be shaving then.

I remember a girl in 7th grade who wasn't allowed to shave until she graduated 8th grade. She was teased horribly. I always felt bad for her. Shaving legs is not that big of a deal in my book, most kids that age don't even shave every day. I remember it being so much work I rarely did it anyway. It's hard to come to grips with our kids growing up, but we have to let them.

HI there- I'm pretty sure I swiped my mom's razor when I was around 10 or 11 and went into the shower and just shaved...in the middle of doing it, my mom knocked on the door and said, "If you haven't done it yet stop now, you can never go back and it's forever!!!" Boy was she right! If she wants to shave her legs and is communicating with you, I say go for it and keep the lines of communication open so when something far more concerning comes along, she'll come and ask your permission or opinion again.
Good luck...mine turns two tomorrow :0) oh what I have to look forward too.
Take care!

Hi Patty. All I thought about when reading your question was what happened to me in 4th grade! I actually had pretty hairy legs..I'm greek and a boy kept making fun of me..I never really thought about shaving until then. Finally I grabbed a razor because I was embarrassed and shaved. My Mom was pretty upset but I told her what happened and she was then ok with it because she didn't want me to be embarrassed!! I would not focus on her age but focus on how she feels! Maybe you can let her shave and then she will move on.. maybe not but I just remember how I felt with this boy making fun of me .. it really hurts you when you're young! Good luck!

I first let my girls use an electric razor. That way they didn't get teased and there wasn't any chance of them cutting theirselves. Then when she gets into Jr. High, teach her with a real razor as you planned.