12 Year Old Boy Refuses to Wipe His Butt

Get wet wipes and a waste basket to put near the toilet. My daughter doesn't like wiping her butt with toilet paper because she says it rips off and gets stuck in her bum. So I bought wipes at Costco and taught her that they can NOT go in the toilet. They are big enough that she doesn't have to worry about it not covering her hand up when she wipes and the garbage can is RIGHT THERE so she just drops it in. Yea it's kinda gross having poo wipes in a can next to the toilet but it's better than a plumbing bill and now she takes care of her own butt. She's only five but the wipes worked for us.

And if he hates to wash his hair, good thing he's a boy. I'd get him a nice military buzz cut so he doesn't have to worry about it and neither do you.

What kind of therapy is he in? I think you might want to take him to get evaluated for some kind of sensory issue.

I may be way off base because I haven't dealt with anything like this but I know that there are long reach toilet paper holders that are used by people with limited mobility. It is basically a stick with toilet paper attached to the end of it. Perhaps your son would be comfortable using this product? That way he won't actually be touching is anal area. I know it doesn't solve the underlying issue, but maybe it could help in the short term. Best of luck.

I'd try a new therapist - even if you don't give up the old one right away. A fresh set of eyes can yield new and better solutions.

Change therapist-best suggestion ever. If he has been with this person for over 2 yrs with no results then its time to move on. I buy flushable wipes for my children because they are way eaiser to use and one usually does the trick. Now I also was thinking about the "freedom wand" which is inexpensive and would help with the fear of touching himself. Good luck

Does he use Kandoo (or the generic or adult equivalent, the ones that can be flushed in moderation) instead of toilet paper? He could pocket a few in a ziplock for occasions when he's not home and they mostly look like tissues. Do the disposable gloves help? Have you considered a different therapist or type of therapy?

Sounds like you have covered your bases medically. Have you tried other therapies? Hypnosis might help. First, it could uncover the root of his issues and second, it could help suggest to him how to handle his hygiene issues. People overcome phobias, smoking, weight issues through hypnosis. Maybe it's worth a try? How about accupunture? Yoga? I think finding alternative means that are healthy for both body and mind can't hurt the situation and might even be beneficial.

My heart goes out to you and your son. I hope you find a solution that works for you!

We had a bidet-type style toilet installed for my mother.
It is a regular toilet w/a warm seat.
Then there are 3 buttons on the side for the water (which you could
monitor if he doesn't want to do that). One button is specifically for the
rectal area. It is warm water. The seat is also heated. We just replaced
the old toilet w/this one. It was worth the $.
Also, since he is plugging up the toilet w/waste & toilet paper (this
happened in our home), have him drop the used toilet paper into a
lined trash can located right next to the latrine.
I will pray for you

You could install a bidet - extreme yes, but all he would have to do would be to sit on it, and turn on the water and all the poop would wash down the drain unseen. They are actually not that expensive, and they are nice to use. Growing up in the UK, we always had clean arses lol

Can you schedule a parent consult with the therapist to discuss this issue? Talk about concrete behavioral goals? Does she feel comfortable handling this issue? It is so important that you both feel good about his therapy. Does she feel he is making progress in other areas? There are so many types of therapy out there, perhaps the gastro has heard of this issue and has some suggestions for you about different techniques to address this issue?

There are so many wonderful theraputic techniques out there today - cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR, EFT, TAT, TFT...perhaps some short term interventions could help him with this one problem.

Are you close enough to your son that you could talk to him about this?
Calmly and from a curious perspective, rather than from an angry upset place? Can you problem solve with him ways to help him to improve?

I'm sorry I don't have any specific strategy for you, this sounds so hard for you both! Good luck!

I also agree that it is time for a new therapist. His current one is obviously not working. I am so sorry.

This does not solve his problem which seems to be something a therapist could help with (although perhaps his current therapist is not the right one?). But, what about doing something drastic like installing a european toilet...a bidet. Is that what they are called? There is a fancy day spa in Santa Fe and I have been to it once. Afterwards I changed and used the bathroom and there were multiple buttons to press. Water will squirt up to clean you...you can pick how you want it aimed and if you want it weaker or stronger (don't worry, it was not that strong). But it works great - you get really super clean and you don't touch yourself. Maybe this will make your son feel calm and happy about using the bathroom at home. Poor kid. I have no idea why your son would have this strong of an aversion but I would guess it all stems from the encopresis. Maybe for your son there has just been too much focus in his life on his rectal area and it has made him extra sensitive about things. My son (almost 8) also dislikes wiping and uses a TON of toilet paper or none at all. He either does not wipe or he fills the toilet with paper. So, I have a similar issue. He almost never flushes either. But he used to never EVER wipe and now he does most of the time, so I believe he is getting better about it. Does your son say why he does not like to wash his hair?

I found this website through a google search for easy to install bidet's http://www.peri-jett.com/

I think you may want to look into a different type of therapy, perhaps in addition to what you already have in place with him. It's nice that he enjoys it, but he needs someone he can talk to to help him deal with problems - not someone who will push hard on problems, but will encourage him to feel safe to deal.

I wish you the best.

If he also has trouble washing his hair, it's possible he has some sensory issues that are causing this behavior. Think about as a child if he avoided things like fingerpainting, playdough, play in the mud, etc. This would be an indication that he has trouble touching certain textures. Have you considered having him assessed by an Occupational Therapist? They could determine if he has mild sensory processing disorder. If that is the case, they have therapies that help resensitize the child so they will engage in the activity they typically avoid.

I have a son with encopresis so I know the struggle around it. I agree with the other moms, switching therapists may be a good idea. It's a complex area, so perhaps find somebody who specializes in encopresis issues.

Best of luck,
B.

Weird question...can you install a bidet in your bathroom? He can go potty and then hop right over to the bidet and wash his bum. I wish I had a bidet.
I have no idea what you are talking about (encopresis) . Can you expand on that a bit. What it is and why it would have anything to do with him wiping his behind?
L.